Men, what do you think women gain from being in a relationship? Women, what do you think men gain from being in a relationship?

John_Oakman · 2021-11-07T14:16:10+00:00

Social legitimacy: because societies look down on loners and those who seemingly are incapable of being part of a group, and being able to be in a relationship is a sign of being a team player.

It's literally one of the bedrocks of how societies and communities work.

januaryphilosopher · 2021-11-07T16:07:10+00:00

It depends on the roles and dynamic of the individual relationship, but generally, both people benefit. Living with another person eases financial and household burdens, and having a good source of emotional support eases mental and emotional burdens. And I'm not sure how relationships are meant to create physical burdens for men, the only physical burden I can even think of happening in a relationship is pregnancy. (The assumption in all of these cases are that both people contribute to easing those burdens to some kind of noticeable extent, which I get that some people don't, but in most cases they're shared at least somewhat.)

You're making some weird assumptions here. Most women do put effort into their relationships, whether it's equal is another matter. And they have to put as much time into it as men for what I assume are self-explanatory reasons. There are also no guarantees of when anyone will get another opportunity to date and fear of being single keeps both men and women in bad relationships. Women might be easily able to get hookups once single but committed relationships are another story. As well as the fact that no matter whether you move onto better things or not, wasted time is wasted time and most people are going to be sad about spending it on something that wasn't worth it.

xQueen-Bx · 2021-11-07T14:43:59+00:00

Women don’t have to worry about wasted time because there is almost a 100% chance she has other people waiting for her to be single.

lol as long as youre only talkign about women between 18-26 lol women have their entire short youth and fertility window being wasted to worry about. do any of you think for one second before writing

TotalTravesty · 2021-11-07T14:40:47+00:00

Source: my GF. Women get a lot of stuff in a relationship. To name a few: stability, love, comfort and some pretty good sex with a man they’re attracted to. Throw in some of the finest cooking she’s ever had as a personal bonus from me.

By the way, as the man, I get all of that stuff and my place has never been so consistently clean before she came along.

Look, if you think of relationships as trade-offs and effort drains then you’re either in a bad relationship or not fit for relationships. Most people don’t need to make lists of what they “get out of” being with their partners. Unless they’re wasting time on this dumpster fire site.

NarniaFox · 2021-11-07T14:29:14+00:00

I think people usually get what they look for and what they can get according to things they invest. If the only thing a woman has to offer is sex, she usually ends up with fuckboys and men who use her just for sex. If man's only resource is money, he attracts gold diggers and women who want to get financial gain from dating him. If a person prioritizes looks over everything else, chances are high that they're gonna get beautiful but somewhat plain partners who either can't or don't want to give them anything besides a beautiful face.

So people who look for stable relationships and can provide things needed for them pretty often have good experience with dating overall. Sure, no one is safe from getting cheated on or left for whatever reason, but generally dating isn't that bad either.

And some personal experience in the end. I'll just list what both my husband and I get from our relationships:

Partnership. We make and work on our plans together. It's easier to concentrate on something when you know that your back is covered.
Companionship. Whether you learn a foreign language or watch a new series, doing it with your close one is more fun. Tough periods are also easier to overcome when you aren't alone.
Love. Everyone's definition is a bit different, but for me it's deep emotional bond built on shared experience, vulnerability and acceptance. Sure, you can say that it's the result of chemicals and yadadada, but having someone to hug and kiss first thing in the morning and who you can just look at and feel good is great.
Emotional support + care. It's good to know that when you come home late, you'll get a warm dinner and a person who will listen to how your day was. Or when you're going through some shitty period, you know that they're there for you.
Sex. Should I even explain this?
Financial aspect. It's cheaper to live together. We have similar income and spending, so it's not that one fully supports the other.

Willow-girl · 2021-11-07T23:08:14+00:00

What do women gain from being in a relationship?

Usually, we gain weight ...

ARGUS_99 · 2021-11-07T23:34:39+00:00

Both parties gain alot from a healthy relationship

From most ideal healthy relationships:

Men get a care taker, stable sex, someone who can bear their children, someone who can maintain the house, give them some emotional support, a companion and can also offer some inspiration. In modern relationships also take off some financial burden

Women get a protector, provider, emotional support and emotional rock, most of the times a decision maker. someone who can take care of hard labor tasks, someone who can lead whilst they can follow their direction etc etc

The issue comes in the modern relationships,

In modern relationships the roles and responsiblities of men are still the same, i.e protect, provide, emotional support, hard labor taskss etc etc.

but the roles and responsiblities for women is compeletely vague, ambiguous and almost avoided.

Modern women still want men to bare majority of the financial burden whilst having an equal share of cooking cleaning duties and all of hard labor tasks. Sex also reduces significantly on womens end once they enter most relationships so the things that men are looking for are no longer there in modern relationships

So yes, this does become an unfair deal, because men arent asking for too much but theyre not getting that, whilst women tend to have far more requireemnts and are still demanding/getting those

Tobinaor · 2021-11-07T13:58:25+00:00

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LoggerheadedDoctor · 2021-11-07T18:48:41+00:00

My husband and I are super compatible in many ways, so it basically feels like he is a best friend that I have sex with.

So, I think he gains compatible and fun companionship. A partner who can read his mood and stress levels and will inquire on how he is feeling, someone who cares and notices him. He gains support and encouragement for his career and education goals, for his hobbies and interests. I do most of the cooking and cleaning, having a more flexible work schedule than him, so that enables him to have some more free time after work. He gains a partner who also loves to learn anything about everything so we are always discussing subjects deeper than gossip or what movie we just watched.

I genuinely feel that he gains love, companionship and partnership in our marriage. But very much going to pick his brain on his perspective, to see if I am correct....

We are childfree and both professionals in lucrative careers, which may influence our answers to this questions.

XtoDoubt · 2021-11-07T14:03:03+00:00

Arousal and comfort.

Novadina · 2021-11-07T18:40:58+00:00

I dont see a lot of women complaining that they put too much effort into a relationship that ended due to something out of their control. Women don’t have to worry about wasted time

Are you kidding? Women’s time is the one that wasting has more severe consequences, because they are only fertile for a short time, and don’t usually want to have kids until she and her partner is ready. I know women who dated a man for years, thinking they were going to be starting a family, but he just wasn’t ready yet, then he dumps her when she has almost no time left. Now she has wasted all those years, and she has to find another partner and be with him long enough to determine if they can be together long term snd if he’s good for having kids with.

Are the payoffs worth the effort? It seems like men for the most part think being in a relationship is an uneven trade off. It’s a burden financially, it’s a burden mentally, and often times a burden physically.

For many people, it’s worth the effort. If it’s not for you, then just stay single, that’s fine also. A “burden financially” is not at all what I have seen with anyone I know, it’s the other way around. It’s much cheaper to have two people share a household than the cost of two separate households. By living together and pooling resources, most couples can do things they couldn’t alone, like buy a house, or raise children, or have a hobby farm. Also it shouldn’t be a “burden mentally”, if it is maybe someone is emotionally abusive or something. It is possible to find a partner who is not a burden mentally and instead makes you feel nice.

Men have to provide effort and time in all relationships to keep them going with no guarantee of another opportunity.

Women also have to provide effort and time and they have no guarantee either, especially if they wasted a bunch of time with a man and is now older. Men of all ages all fight over the same young women. Once again proving wasted time has worse consequences for women than men.

To answer your question in the title: you get to partner with someone and get the benefits of their skillset and yours combined, plus the benefits of being with a romantic partner in general, like sex, love, and comfort.

For example, my husband and I mostly get the same things out of our relationship. We pool our resources together and live a better life than we did apart, we were able to buy a house together that neither of us would have been able to get alone at the time, even when we were renting it meant we didn’t have to have other roommates. We have regular, high quality sex - regular sex is hard to find as a man and quality sex is hard to find as a woman, so this is quite valuable to both of us. We are best friends. We go on adventures together. We get comfort from each other and take care of each when ill. We cook for each other. The main different things we get is I get car maintenance and home improvements from him, and to benefit from my career making a lot of money after I worked on advancing it for many years. Neither of those are at all a required thing for us to be with each other, just a bonus.

Orange_Paisley · 2021-11-07T15:06:31+00:00

From me he gets financial support, someone to help with the housework and laundry, someone to do the cooking, someone who fills out his paperwork and does his taxes, someone to play with in the bedroom, a sense of family since his all live in Mexico, a hiking partner, and someone to coparent our pets.

I get financial support, someone to help with the housework and is actually better at it than I am, someone to handle all the car stuff, someone who teaches me all the bad Spanish words, my own personal cheerleader when I’m stressed out, someone to play with in the bedroom, a hiking partner, and someone to coparent our pets.

I’m sure there are other benefits.

Siukslinis_acc · 2021-11-07T14:35:00+00:00

Both get companionship.

Fabulous-Housing102 · 2021-11-07T14:48:15+00:00

Love, companionship, commitment, emotional support,a team mate for life

TheCounsellingGamer · 2021-11-07T18:01:13+00:00

My partner gains a lot from being in a relationship with me. They're hard things to put into words because words don't do our relationship justice, I'll try my best though. He gets: someone who will have his back, emotional support, cuddles, someone to laugh with, someone to cry with, someone to have fun with, someone who would give anything to see him smile, kisses, great sex, back rubs, someone who strokes his head when he's not feeling well, someone who he can vent to, someone who listens without judgment, and above all a loving, secure relationship.

There's so much more to a loving, healthy relationship than just sex and security. When you look at someone and know that you'd die for them, and they you, well you can't put a price on that. I gain so much from being with my partner. I feel an amazing sense of safety and love when I'm with him.

vichentez · 2021-11-07T19:06:20+00:00

I enjoy cooking, I don’t mind doing chores (although fuck dishwashing, I’ll buy a dishwashing machine), I have a well-paid job so I will cut a man’s rent/mortgage in half, and I’ll have sex with them. Sounds alright to me?

DaburuKiruDAYO · 2021-11-07T20:41:55+00:00

love and fulfillment for both genders

decoy88 · 2021-11-07T21:49:08+00:00

Love and company. For both parties. Sex too.

Really mainly that, it’s the only reason most people prefer them. A good LTR is an upgrade from being single, even if they are not necessary, they’re preferred.

bakalabalak · 2021-11-07T22:16:49+00:00

Both people benefit. The main benefits are emotional support, financial support, sex, a larger social circle, and less housework (if living together).

I can think of zero physical burdens.

Women put the same amount of effort as men into relationships. You seem to not know the difference between hooking up and an actual relationship.

iamsojellyofu · 2021-11-07T23:10:01+00:00

I am answering this from one women's perspective. I think it depends on what the man needs. I believe he will gain the benefit of having someone value him as a man and as a human.

WheelIntelligent1354 · 2021-11-07T17:34:55+00:00

Women don’t have to worry about wasted time because there is almost a 100% chance she has other people waiting for her to be single which is a good thing to fall back on

Yeah when she is 22 maybe. A 32 yo woman on the other hand doesn't have that nearly as much, and when they do it's not usually a guy you want. This should be considered.

CFinCanada · 2021-11-07T19:20:34+00:00

It depends on the relationship. If the woman is a wife and mother, the man gets everything and the woman gets nothing in comparison. Maybe 11 years of extra aging per her telomeres.

If they are just in a dating situation where both work and there are no children, they both get the same as they give.

TheBookOfSeil · 2021-11-07T14:03:45+00:00

Women gain more from being in a relationship. In my experience, that's the reason most women pursue relationships and why they approach dating/vetting the way that they do.

Mrs_Drgree · 2021-11-07T15:19:44+00:00

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Kitchen-Suspect-3370 · 2021-11-07T14:00:57+00:00

This is pretty jaded tbh. Yes, successful relationships for men require being men of value, but the same is true for women.

Women can waste time in relationships with losers, and worse, have kids with them.

Expensive-Guitar3609 · 2021-11-07T15:03:05+00:00

In a relatio ship with me?

Good sex. And some love.

Kitchen_Apartment · 2021-11-07T16:50:39+00:00

My boyfriend receives emotional support, depth, and nurturing in a way that his male friends have not provided for him. We're in an LDR so I've taken on a significant travel cost burden, too, but the LDR has meant my shipping surprise gifts. I've cooked for him and taught him new recipes. I think the biggest benefit for him is the emotional safety & trust. Our relationship has offered him encouragement in a way his close friends haven't provided because he's willing to share more details about his emotions with me. There are things I get obviously but that wasn't the question.

bananadude19 · 2021-11-07T18:55:00+00:00

Women get meals paid for. Emotional support. Security. Resources. Handyman. Planner. Driver.

Men put in the majority of the effort. Think about it. When’s the last vacation you planned with a woman where she did all the legwork and planned activities?

Komaric_ · 2021-11-07T19:31:32+00:00

Probably love?

bubblegummybear · 2021-11-07T20:06:24+00:00

I think this isn't a question that can't be answered directly Men and women all gain and give different things based on who they are...

somethingpunny2 · 2021-11-07T20:28:51+00:00

I stopped dating voluntarily over 3 years ago. I am a self sufficient woman in her early 40s. Attractive enough to know that it is most certainly my choice to not be dating.

I do not see the benefits of being in a relationship outweighing the negatives. The benefits I would feel I was missing would be:

Social stigma lifted. Most of my friends are happily married or have a significant other. It’s been years of awkward team or couple events. I’m perfectly content but others seem to more uncomfortable. I am not welcome by many. Not for anything about me personally (I’m sure there are people out there that don’t like me, but I’m talking about my friends), but some women don’t like a single woman around. More commonly, the men don’t want the women hanging out with me too much. Might make ‘em think about things a little too much, I suppose.
Safety of having a man around. It’s an unfortunate fact, but I am more vulnerable on my own.
Companionship. I miss the companionship that a healthy relationship provides. It’s the main consideration I think of when debating dating.

I’m sure there are more benefits depending on the man, but those are the top ones. There are so many negatives that I don’t want to even start that list. Know that most are not gender specific so it isn’t against men.

YogiTy1988 · 2021-11-07T22:42:32+00:00

Attractive man with money:

Tell me why I should change your bum life? What do you bring to the table besides ass and tits that any guy can check out on your IG?

DeliciousPussyNectar · 2021-11-07T23:01:01+00:00

Women gain money, security, and a family safety net, assuming they choose a HVM. Or else they gain drama, stress, and abuse.

boofthegirl · 2021-11-08T00:29:56+00:00

I get: life partner, back rubs, financial support, time-freedom, someone to work towards goals with, emotional support and hopefully soon a quality father to my children.

He gets: a life partner, back scratches, a clean house, quality meals, emotional support, someone who is always cheering for him and hopefully soon a mother to his children.

That’s a very broad perspective though. We fulfil each other and care for each other.

EviessVeralan · 2021-11-08T00:56:40+00:00

This entire list makes the assumption that men chose the right partner. This also overlaps with what women can get with the right partner.

Companionship
Kids (if wanted)
Moral support
A partner to build the rest of their lives with (for guys who get married before they are set in their career)
Someone you can trust and rely on
Someone to bounce ideas off of

vial_of_music · 2021-11-08T01:24:14+00:00

Extreme security, companionship, lots of laughs and lots of sex.

Oh and I guess having someone scoop the litter box every other day than you is a plus. And splitting the rent!!!

TheMorningJoe · 2021-11-08T11:56:49+00:00

Me: sees all the positives people experience in relationships

Damn I must have horrible luck then, I just assumed mental trauma came with the territory.

HoneyNJ2000 · 2021-11-07T16:11:11+00:00

Women gain precious little from a relationship.

Seems the minute they "win" that prize, they seem to enter a lifetime of servitude to some self-entitled lazy ass who thinks he's too damned good to do anything for himself because that's YOUR job - while still expecting you to work full time, of course.

Marriage is a trap for most women. They're better off on their own.

stasiafl · 2021-11-07T14:04:12+00:00

Women gain: money, security, babies, love. Men gain: caring, love, babies, cooking, cleaning.

Cupcakelover1985 · 2021-11-07T16:22:22+00:00

Basically they get a free personal assistant, therapist, and cook/baker, sex and emotional intimacy.

CimZim · 2021-11-07T15:30:27+00:00

In my own casual relationship, we both get friendship, sex, emotional support, and physical assistance from time to time. He also gets his meals and stuff paid for when we hang out, and I get to feel useful by providing it.

In a serious/committed relationship, men and women should get all of the things I mentioned in my first sentence, plus romantic love, help around the house, and mutual financial support.

chingness · 2021-11-07T20:21:12+00:00

Haha the hate/disdain for women is really showing in the responses here 🤣 FML some of you are miserable bitter bastards aren’t you? 😛

ToughAnswers · 2021-11-07T15:13:53+00:00

As SMBC put it:

Wife: Sex!

Husband: Money!

Caption: We decided to keep our wedding vows succinct

Puzzled9999 · 2021-11-07T15:52:35+00:00

I think one of the biggest things women gain from being in a relationship other than social validation is the comfort of avoiding the risks of navigating the world as a single women especially if she’s trying to date. Mens physical and sexual safety doesn’t really depend on his relationship status. Women aren’t harassing him, he’s not scared to live alone, or bring random women home, or go walk to his car from the bar late at night, or eventually having to be alone and intimate with someone 3x as strong as you that you hope won’t turn into a raging lunatic as soon as you lay in bed. Being in a loving relationship with a good man basically gives her a forcefield from everything single women have to deal with regarding men as long as she’s with him. There’s obviously a bunch of other stuff but the “protector” role men fulfill doesn’t just mean “if a polar bear attacks us in Chipotle I’ll protect you.”

vichentez · 2021-11-07T18:38:06+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Erwinblackthorn · 2021-11-07T17:05:49+00:00

Women can gain comfort, defense, shelter, revenue, one who can bring them a child, and emotional support.

Men can gain a headache.

SilverAndAlgorand · 2021-11-07T15:32:10+00:00

Men get children. Women get children. That's the only part that matters.

SaBahRub · 2021-11-07T21:20:28+00:00

Sex and service, obvs

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TodTheRod01 · 2021-11-07T16:16:08+00:00

Are we talking about general population or?

Ruben_the_Fish · 2021-11-07T16:42:11+00:00

back rubs on demand.

MrShakedown1 · 2021-11-07T16:49:59+00:00

They get money which give them comfy life and stability. They pay back in pussy.

Lateralanouncer · 2021-11-07T17:58:17+00:00

Lots to gain lots to loose and it all depends on the person and what goals you guys share. If you want fun, find a party girl. If you want to build a family and future find a unicorn.

figuringMylife · 2021-11-07T18:09:50+00:00

love

theosamabahama · 2021-11-07T23:12:00+00:00

Finding a partner for company and sex is a lot of work (I'm a guy). I have to spend hours on Tinder (and spending money on it) or Instagram talking to people. I have to go to parties or events to meet people. And when I do find a partner, the dates and the sex are sporadic, like once a week at max. But usually only twice a month.

And it usually fizzles out after a handful of dates and I have to find another partner again. And because of this, I'm always keeping contact with multiple girls while I'm single, because when one of them looses interest I still have one or two who are still interested.

I don't feel guilty about it because girls do it too. They will be in contact with 2, 3 or 4 guys at a time. And I think it's fair. You are single, you don't own commitment to anyone yet.

But this is a lot of work and demands a lot of my time and mental effort.

In a relationship, I don't have to do any of that crap. I already have a regular partner and I can meet them several times a week. It's a lot easier. Not to mention having someone you love and she loves you too and all that.

Sure relationships have their own set of problems and things to deal with. But that's why I only join a relationship if the trade off is worth it. I don't want to have more work than I already have while single. And it's why my standards for a girlfriend are much higher than for a casual partner.

champagneandcode · 2021-11-08T02:14:28+00:00

Female here. Benefits include a never-ending opportunity for personal growth (pushed to be vulnerable, selfless etc), double-income household, making memories with someone and support with someone you enjoy having in your life. Also, regular sex with someone you love, trust and feel safe with; that's a huge benefit.

Ohyarlysmiles · 2021-11-08T06:00:03+00:00

Women gain validation as human beings men gain validation as sexual beings which is why men tend to partner up with the hottest woman they can and women tend to partner up with the kindest man they can who can also withstand social scrutiny.

/solved

Bestusername316 · 2021-11-08T07:17:32+00:00

Both genders get social validation and consistent sex.

NoMarriageNoKids · 2021-11-08T08:22:38+00:00

A woman gets most things paid for her (meals, trips, expenses, etc). Depend on ding on age of economic status she usually has a free ride everywhere. She has a date to show off to her friends and family... specially now during cuffing season. She isn't alone on Valentines a day which is a huge mental blow, she has someone to come look at her car when it doesn't start z(ditto for home appliances if she has her own place). She has someone to change light bulbs and kill spiders. It goes on and on and on.

kelseysays26 · 2021-11-08T09:29:22+00:00

My boyfriend is my best friend and if one of us is having a tough time the other helps out, we both support each other and enjoy the time we spend together. Madness I know.

ruboyuri · 2021-11-08T15:16:21+00:00

Men tell us all the time what they want — sex and service, i.e., “belly full and balls empty”

This is not a mystery

DarkSp3ctre · 2021-11-08T17:38:05+00:00

Ideally we both gain companionship, someone who compliments the other and helps them become better, romantic love,and intimacy, both physical and emotional and someone to shoulder life’s burdens with.

xcheshirecatxx · 2021-11-08T19:17:47+00:00

I'm a woman who lost a lot of money in my relationships

Men can gain companionship, live, support, etc.

But they need to stop dating women who want them for their wallet

manfrom-nantucket · 2021-11-08T19:20:41+00:00

These days it's security, protection and a retirement plan. In large part marriage gives women the ultimate leverage over men both in terms of finances as well as in terms of sexual access. Which is why it makes no sense for a man to marry or cohabitate with a woman.

DerekMorganBAU · 2021-11-09T01:06:02+00:00

Nothing that you couldn’t get in spades in a casual situation.

Which is the crux of it all. Any man or woman that says you have to be married or in a relationship to get ANY of the benefits that they’ve named are wrong. Period. You don’t need marriage to raise good kids (because married couples raise good kids all the time right?) you don’t need to be in an LTR to get sex, comfort, or have a traveling companion fuck buddy, etc.

It’s okay to admit it. If you don’t it’s cause you weren’t capable of receiving LTR benefits while in a FWB/Fling with the opposite sex

IcarusKiki · 2021-11-09T02:17:20+00:00

Idk I see a lot of men online whos only goal is to obtain a gf but dont see the same for women. Women like the status of marriage but partnerships are usually a drain on the woman since we are naturally the “caretaker” sex wheras men are more inclined to achieve on their own. Which is why we want the highest value man in order to get a return on our gamble. Meanwhile men the get therapist + secretary + social event coordinator + homemaker + sex on tap.

Dont believe me? I had a bf who I was very attracted to and who was a good person but I had to end the relationship bc it was like having an extra job for me.

sittingstillisfun · 2021-11-09T03:54:59+00:00

Women gain status and men gain everything else. Other than regular sex and friendship women with good self esteem and a healthy social life don’t gain much (unless they are poor). I say this as a women in a happy long term relationship.

Beginning_Proof_2160 · 2021-11-09T20:49:25+00:00

women a lot,

men a little to nothing

spinsterchachkies · 2021-11-12T16:22:16+00:00

Depends on the individuals in the relationship

Important_Ad736 · 2021-11-14T02:56:50+00:00

I think men get companionship, I think they like feeling like they’ve got someone to protect, cuddles and kisses and easily accessible sex with someone they think is attractive. There’s also something about knowing another person so intimately and them knowing you so intimately that makes you feel safe and combats loneliness in a way that other relationships aren’t capable of. Do I think men are monogamous and that all these things are enough to make them monogamous? Fuck no

Zerofication · 2021-11-18T03:44:13+00:00

Sex and offspring for provision and protection. It has always been like this and it will continue to be this way because biological instincts never change.

Title	Men, what do you think women gain from being in a relationship? Women, what do you think men gain from being in a relationship?
Author	frostylungs
Upvotes	54
Comments	315
Date	November 7, 2021 1:55 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/qop04x/men_what_do_you_think_women_gain_from_being_in_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/men-what-do-you-think-women-gain-from-being-in-a.1085430 https://theredarchive.com/post/1085430