Men who want a woman desired by others VS Men who don't want anyone to notice their woman

Bikerbats · 2022-10-03T20:47:16+00:00

As you said, it's quite a range. I don't necessarily understand the cuckoldry thing, but my wife lived in miniskirts when we first got married. She had like two outfits, miniskirt or surgical scrubs. I loved the miniskirts, and didn't care at all if someone thought my wife was hot, because she went home with me.

Flightlessbirbz · 2022-10-04T01:37:08+00:00

If a man is too obsessed with either showing off or sharing his partner, OR with hiding and controlling her, either way that implies an attitude of ownership. Some people like to flaunt their expensive possessions, while others like to hide them for fear of them getting stolen. This is no different.

I like to know if my partner likes or dislikes how something looks on me, if he thinks it’s flattering, same as I might ask another woman for her opinion. But I do not want a man telling me what I can and can’t wear or trying to push me to dress more sexy or modest than I am comfortable with.

KombuchaEnema · 2022-10-03T21:11:19+00:00

Probably the same reason some people are disgusted by feet and other people are turned on by them.

All has to do with wiring in the brain. And we understand very little of it.

I guarantee if you try to understand the “logic” behind it, you’ll just run yourself around in circles and get frustrated.

2022-10-04T01:21:30+00:00

my husband loves showing me off. He really enjoys taking me out in a racy dress because he's perfectly confident in his ability to keep me.

I had an ex who would snipe about how disrespectful it was for me to wear something above the knee when we were out together. How it sent the message that his woman's a slut and was inviting attention.

Wanting to keep male attention off your woman, especially when you're with her, is super unattractive. Signals that you don't think you're good enough to hold her attraction, or not tough enough to keep other men off her.

2022-10-03T22:26:44+00:00

Um…who cares? Women should dress how they want lol. Couples should have agreed upon boundaries. Women are not owned by their male partners.

No one should murder anyone, especially not for lack of sex. Obviously.

Steakman1 · 2022-10-03T21:45:18+00:00

In my opinion, some of the more darker fetishes are likelycaused by some sort of trauma in the past. Maybe with cuckholdry it could be something like a girl he really really loved cheating on him. It is an interesting topic though: how we develop the fetishes we do. Maybe it’s genetic. But some event activated those genes.

I can see how there’s a satisfaction of being with a woman a lot of other men want. It’s validation of being a top level guy because you got something that many other men want but wont have. I think there’s also a level of respect you get from other men because there has to be something really good about you in order to get a really attractive girlfriend.

And maybe with those who are “against sharing their woman in every sense” it could possibly be due partly to wanting to protect her in a sense. Because women are at greater risk if they’re sexualizing themselves around other men. Or maybe it’s the point you made which is that men see the woman they’re with as an extension of themselves in a sense. I mean if a man gets respect from other men for having a really attractive, modest girlfriend who isn’t a bad person, it makes sense that the opposite would happen if a man has a girlfriend who’s obnoxious and is putting her body on display for other men to enjoy.

But overall I think pretty much every guy wants a woman that other men want. I definitely don’t think every guy would be prepared for the fact that if other men want her, then other men are going to hit on her and try to get her no matter how modest she is. And that’s maybe where some mentry to control everything she does.

EugeneCezanne · 2022-10-03T22:06:11+00:00

This is one of the best questions I've seen asked here. Unfortunately, that also means the answer is probably absurdly complex. Too many factors play into an individual's romantic and sexual psychological development.

For the men who like to share their woman/bask in the desirability of their woman, do they not mate guard? Do they feel jealousy but it is overwhelmed by a feeling of pride that they have the 'claim' to said woman? Do they consider her replaceable?

I do take pride in having a desired partner. It's a bit of a guilty pleasure, not that I feel that guilt. I know she feels the same about me. In our case, the relationship itself is very secure, so jealousy doesn't have much power over us at all. Besides, she likes feeling desired. I like her being happy. So I'm happy with her happiness.

Aromatic_Shop9033 · 2022-10-03T23:39:42+00:00

I only want to show off my woman if we're going out, and she always dresses with taste and modesty. That's more about celebrating her beauty publicly for me, not making other men drool. Idfc.

Other than that, idfc if anyone's looking at her. She's mine.

I did the impossible. I found a unicorn.

NockerJoe · 2022-10-03T21:08:54+00:00

Notice how in most media the woman the dude ends up with is almost never the conventionally attractive girl, its the girl who cleans up nice but doesn't present as super hot. Obviously most of the time both are attractive because this is hollywood but unless the relationship drama id part of the core story I don't think a lot of modern men fantasize about winning a woman from other men.

Most of the time guys on the other end are dudes with fetishes. Even if competing isn't part of the fantasy the woman you're with sleeping with someone else is a huge cultural no no basically everywhere. But once something becomes tabboo people fetishize it.

noafrochamplusamurai · 2022-10-03T22:08:47+00:00

Cuckoldry is deceptive, in the end the male is still in control, and exploiting the woman for his personal pleasure. She is in the end, just an object that he's using for sexual gratification. It's a different kind of gratification, but in the end she's still just a vessel to get his rocks off. This is akin to a dom/sub relationship. If you know anything about those, then you'll know that the sub is really the one in control.

This part is gonna be a controversial hot take: cuckolds use their partners as an avatar for themselves, because they want to be fucked by the guy. NTTAWWT, they just haven't squared that circle of their sexuality yet.

howdoiw0rkthisthing · 2022-10-03T21:30:37+00:00

I think we all want to show off our partner in public. When it specifically comes to displaying or guarding your partner’s sexuality, my unpopular opinion is that a sense of ownership over her body is at the root of both ends of the spectrum.

Although I freely admit I don’t know much about cuckoldry as a fetish or culture, so I could be wrong.

TripinChikin · 2022-10-04T12:16:05+00:00

I’d argue it’s culture. Eastern men come from countries with shittier views on womens rights and are pressured into “protecting” their women either with hijab in islam or like in general just always being with her when she goes out, etc. Also eastern men are raised with more of the purity culture while western men live with women post sexual revolution. Western men know it’s fine at the end of the day if other men lust for their women because they know she goes home with him at the end of the day. This is a general overview, there are plenty of super traditional western men and plenty of progressive eastern men. Men growing up in the west have more advantage with dating western women. And traditional men have more advantage with traditional women. At the end of the day it’s all about shared values. I consider myself western minded but I grew up with many girls who are gonna be virgin til marriage. Fuck that lol I need pussy

TheGoldenChampion · 2022-10-04T12:20:27+00:00

I am very insecure so I dislike the idea of other men being interested in a theoretical SO.

In the end though, as long as she is only interested in me, I am more than happy.

gate18 · 2022-10-03T21:07:45+00:00

There are so many factors. So many that I doubt anyone can pinpoint them all.

It ranges from culture and how you are raised to ordinary fetish.

Getting turned on by seeing your partner having sex with others, getting turned on by knowing your partner is an object of desire for others I doubt are all that unique in 8 billion people

I think culture just suppresses these desires and highlights whatever behavior it wants to be seen as "natural" and hides whatever goes against that image.

We are into marriages between two people. On most of the planet, we are into marriages between a man and a woman (hence the pointless hysteria against LGBT+ - not because they are harmful but because they shatter the illusion that "love" is between a man and a woman)

And, a lot of men (and women, though you just ask for men) self-censor themselves. For example, I doubt men in the Islamic countries aren't into seeing their wives in miniskirts, I doubt none of them would be against a threesome (a third man in the mix) but culture just shapes them the way it wants them.

I read a book that spoke of one of these Islamic countries where young boys have sex with each other but refuse to call themself bisexual because "god forgives the act because he knows they have no choice since women are not available"

"Enjoying your woman having an OnlyFans" is just as ordinary for that man as another's desire to start a fight with anyone that might hit on his woman. But "men are the protectors" narrative makes some fetishes seem more normal than the other

NationalistGoy · 2022-10-03T21:50:00+00:00

There is a saying that goes something like "IT IS NOT ENOUGH TO BE, YOU ALSO HAVE TO APPEAR", which basically means, that you have to appear what you are.

You think a nun would wear a miniskirt because she knows she is a nun? No, she has to play the part and dress like a nun.

Women like to say that their clothes do not define them, but there is a reason why single women looking for men wear revealing clothes. So if a woman is in a relationship and she wears revealing clothes, it is disrespectful to her husband, because she is basically advertising herself to other men while being married.

Now I don't mind other men looking at the woman I am dating, in fact I used to date a very hot woman in the past, and whenever we were walking on the street, men would whistle at her or make kissing sounds, it doesn't bother me that other men find her attractive, it would bother me if she entertained men who flirt with her or make comments at her.

343_peaches_and_tea · 2022-10-03T20:56:19+00:00

Just as an aside. Women being desirable by other men isn't always what improves your status.

Dating a tall woman for instance can still be seen as a big positive by other men even if they wouldn't date her themselves.

Contrast that to dating an unattractive women which can be seen as a negative.

2022-10-04T00:50:47+00:00

I am someone who is jealous. I wouldn't want my wife to dress sexily when she goes out and I would want to keep her safe from the male gaze, I don't want any other filthy men's eyes feeding off from looking at my beautiful wife.

Personally, I know that I cannot control her, nor anyone else for that matter. I mean, at the end of the day, if she wants to cheat she is going to cheat, I cannot control this. Cheating most certainly would lead to divorce. There will most likely be some disgusting pervs who will probably stare at her no matter how she puts herself out.

Of course, the premise is that I have only eyes for her and don't scan the streets for other women to oggle, stare, ooze and mentally get off at.

TheSongsInYourHead · 2022-10-03T21:03:03+00:00

Cuckoldry is just a fetish, the men get off on feeling jealousy and being disrespected.

On the other end of the spectrum men don't trust their women. They don't want someone stealing them. This isn't irrational, someone is always hoping to steal your woman.

I don't believe anybody is ok with their partner having only fans, even if they say so. They just aren't secure enough in themselves to enforce that boundary.

As for how they dress in public I don't personally care, it doesn't matter how modestly she dresses men are going to approach anyway, but the men that care probably assume that the less modestly she dresses the more attention she'll get.

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sparklyyblueberryy · 2022-10-04T00:18:56+00:00

It doesn’t have to be on a spectrum some of these can coexist. Like wanting a woman to dress modestly but be admired for looks etc.

Additional_Speech164 · 2022-10-22T20:02:26+00:00

They seem to always want both which obviously isn’t doable. I want her until I’m with her, then no one ekse can look 😆

Natural_Many_9323 · 2023-01-23T16:38:01+00:00

I live in MENA where people conflate letting your wife dress whatever she wants with letting others guys actually fuck your wife. It's disturbing around here.

Title	Men who want a woman desired by others VS Men who don't want anyone to notice their woman
Author	Slipthe
Upvotes	29
Comments	67
Date	October 3, 2022 8:32 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/xuultb/men_who_want_a_woman_desired_by_others_vs_men_who/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/men-who-want-a-woman-desired-by-others-vs-men-who.1135219 https://theredarchive.com/post/1135219