People often ask "why do men go to subs like this? It's not good for society."

We were told by various moral systems that confidence, consideration of others, assertiveness, and being a good person were all that it takes to have a fulfilling sexual relationship.

But if you look at the things that women are attracted to enough in men for them have sex with said men (refer to the footer), there are relatively few that are within a man's control. Male personality plays no role in initial romantic interest according to this study:

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19558447/

The problem is that, in our insistence on an equal society, many of us have extended this mindset to the realm of dating. But that simply sets men up for failure.

Some women in this server have said "well, you should've known this."

I think most of us were never told these things until we were adults, and many men have still not figured them out. A lot of us genuinely don't know, and for those of us who do know, we come here because on some level, many of us are disillusioned.

There are men who bypass this sub and website altogether and go to much more radical sites. I cannot support those sexist attitudes in any way.

But in hindsight, it sure would've been nice if I'd been told "you really have the deck stacked against you because you are autistic and you eat 白菜. Focus on building a great lifestyle for yourself in your early 20s and don't focus on girls because, statistically speaking, at least 90% of them will reject you. Although your family's Western roots stretch back nearly two centuries, European-Americans whose families have been here less than 50 years will generally perceive you as a weird special-ed foreigner. If you want to have a girlfriend, either pretend to be NT or try talking to autistic girls." That would've been much more instructive than the vague "be confident and the right one will come soon;" although it would've stung much more initially, I likely wouldn't have wasted my time.

The double standards, shifting of goalposts, and whataboutisms that society feeds us instead of addressing the root issues is why many men end up here. This can also be a catalyst (albeit a less-logical one) for the destructive and misogynistic radicalization of men.

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Footer:

Sure, you can work out and make money, but the ability to do those things to the extent that your attractiveness is boosted is largely out of your control.

Working out is good for your body. But having insertions and muscle mass that are widely agreed on as attractive is largely not something you can control.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4816288/

Meanwhile, if you're an average woman, there will be nary a shortage of sexual partners who will be with you simply for not being overweight. But men aren't considered to have generally attractive bodies when they're too fat or too skinny.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4892674/

Your ability to make enough money to boost your attractiveness is also not something that you can necessarily control. Only a limited number of men can make an "attractive" amount of money. If everyone could do it, no one would be considered rich. Wealth inequality in America grows by the year.

https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2020/01/09/trends-in-income-and-wealth-inequality/

Meanwhile, the amount of money that a woman makes has very little effect on whether or not she is considered attractive by men.

https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10645-022-09412-w

Then there are other factors which affect a man's attractiveness, many of which are almost completely out of one's control barring risky, painful, and expensive surgeries.

And then there are some groups of men who are considered universally less attractive in their home countries and the countries of their ancestors. Imagine paying taxes so that certain people can receive tax refunds in your home country and abroad. That is what it is like in dating for certain groups of men (I will only elaborate on this paragraph if asked).