More or less for the Red Pill Men: How long is too long without sex in a relationship and will you seek it elsewhere?

passepar2t · 2021-11-06T12:50:56+00:00

I'm not gonna "seek it elsewhere," I'm gonna tell her how sex is integral to my understanding of a relationship and while I respect her reasons for not wanting sex, it's best we go our separate ways as amicably as possible.

Obviously if she's my girlfriend, I know whether she's sick or something's bothering her because she would have told me or I'd have asked. Childbirth is not relevant to me since I would never LTR someone who wants kids.

I don't think it's fair to try to convince her to have sex when she doesn't want to. But it's also not fair to force me to be in a sexless relationship. I want what's best for both people.

manfrom-nantucket · 2021-11-06T12:36:06+00:00

The first time she uses sex as a weapon, I am out. Done, finito....the door is over to the left use it and fuck right off.

Uglinessisreal · 2021-11-06T12:03:08+00:00

There's no hard rule and what a guy considers a satisfying sex life is going to differ.

In general, I don't think it's unfair to break up over sexual incompatibility.

Early on in a relationship it's a big deal-breaker, I'm not going to invest energy into a relationship that I don't think I'm going to feel sexually fulfilled in.

For something long term, it really depends on the circumstances. The longer and more serious the relationship is, the more patient I think a guy should be. A healthy sex life isn't going to just happen forever for most couples, it's something both people have to be ready to work on. Fundamentally though, if there's a permanent change in a couples sex life and there's no prospect of improvement I think it's fair to break up over it. I also think it's fair for someone to say "I'm not sexually satisfied anymore, but I'm too invested in this person/relationship to leave over it", there's no right or wrong as long as everyone is honest and respectful.

The problem of aging usually sorts itself naturally, most people find sex is a lower priority for them as they grow older anyway.

jbo99 · 2021-11-06T12:10:58+00:00

If after a couple of weeks we aren’t having sex after consistent dating I’d start to wonder if she’s actually attracted and isn’t just using me as a backup plan. At that point would probably ease off the gas and start considering her not a serious partner and pursue other options.

This wouldn’t apply to a girl who is culturally different though like religious etc. I’ve got this middle eastern girl I really like who seems so much better than 99.99% of white women to where if she wants to wait a while I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt.

jbo99 · 2021-11-06T12:41:01+00:00

Quick point of clarity to your post:

Intent is what matters. If we have sex once and she tells me about pain and that we need to go less frequently it’s WAY different than if we didn’t have sex at all.

This is because of signaling; she’s shown her commitment with having sex in the first place

RDelbson · 2021-11-06T11:53:44+00:00

It depends on the girl.

If she's someone who historically waits until the 3rd date to have sex, then if we aren't having sex on the 3rd date, I'm going to question why.

If she drops her panties with 15 minutes and does anal in a bathroom stall, but then makes me wait 2 months, then she's classified me as BB and it's time to bail.

If she's a virgin and waiting for marriage, well then waiting for marriage isn't too long.

It depends on her history and what she's after.

chilikettlechips · 2021-11-06T14:11:23+00:00

The only winning move is not to play. I only gf girls that have satisfying enthusiastic sex often

Circ-Le-Jerk · 2021-11-06T14:15:58+00:00

Huh? I mean, I guess I'll seek it elsewhere once the relationship is over. I'm not going to start having affairs just because I can't get laid. If it's a relationship, and I'm still sticking in it, there is likely a good reason for her not wanting to have sex, and I'm not some sex addict who absolutely needs else I lose my mind. Men shouldn't let sex control their identity and mission in life - and especially not so controlling of me that it poisons my role as being a faithful partner. If there is good reason, there is good reason. If the reason is just waning interest in sex, then that means the relationship is over

asdf333aza · 2021-11-06T14:42:24+00:00

More or less for the Red Pill Men: How long is too long without sex in a relationship and will you seek it elsewhere?

Had this experience before. I gave a girl a month. Dating 3 months total. Sex was plentiful at first. Like every 2 or 3 days and multiple times during those days. Weekly dates. Lunch and dinners out. Talking about family. Planning our future. Typical lovely dovey stuff.

Her bday came around and she went out with her female friends. Drinking and stuff like that. Her entire bday MONTH was just her partying with her girls, working and complaining she's tired.

We still hung out, but everytime I tried something she rejected it. After 2 weeks I gave her a warning. I told her to fix whatever it is that she got going on with her side if the table. We are still in our twenties and it's way to early for a sexless relationship. Nip that shit in the butt right away. She tells me she's just stressed from work, and bills and blah blah blah. I offered to help with that, she declined. So I respected her space and let her solve her own problems and make her own mistakes. Despite all that stress, she wasn't too stressed to go out drinking and every weekend though.

She says she will fix the bedroom issue. She doesn't. So a month goes by and on the last time I tried to do something she rejected it. And I was getting tired of having a cute girl sleeping in my bed, cuddling and grinding on me all night and not putting out. I dumped her the next morning. Told her it wasn't working.

She continued clubbing and partying. Started missing days at work. Got fired. Kicked out by her roommates for not paying rent and moved back home to live her family who she constantly complained about. And I currently got a stable fwb for the past 6 months who is into bdsm and we been exploring that lately.

I did check her phone and saw someone in her contacts saved with a bunch of hearts emojis and no name. This person was also her top friend on snapchat. And I asked who it was and who she was cheating on me with? She smirked and showed me the text msgs between her and the person with all the hearts saved for their name.... it was me. 🤦‍♂️ So I don't think she was cheating. Doesn't matter if she was at that point. I still wasn't getting any despite seeing her 2 or 3 times a week.

Long story short, I'll give a girl a month before she is returned to the streets. I never understand how I read these stories about guys in dead bedrooms for years. I'm not one to cheat, I'll just dump you and keep it moving. They are replaceable and they will need you before you need them. (Assuming you're someone who has your life together and not a bum).

AggroWeasel · 2021-11-06T12:59:29+00:00

I don’t tolerate a lack of sex at all.

Yeah, if she’s horribly ill, of course that’s a valid excuse.

But barring some extreme circumstances, we’re going to be fucking a bare minimum 3-5 times per week, and usually more.

I won’t seek it elsewhere. I’ll just dump her with no hesitation if the sex isn’t frequent, varied, and what I like.

bottomLobster · 2021-11-06T16:52:50+00:00

Are you in a relationship if you don't have sex though?

LightGlows · 2021-11-06T22:44:56+00:00

I've been with my gf for years and could see myself spending the rest of my life with her. I want to say i'm strong enough to dump her and move on, maintain boundaries and all that shit but realistically i'd probably limp along for a year or 2. I'd be very unhappy about it and i could see myself going to a whore or something after a few months

Dukhaville · 2021-11-07T11:37:34+00:00

I don't cheat on women. I just leave them if we're not compatible in that way.

There's no excuse for cheating and dishonesty.

Ok_Room1213 · 2021-11-06T12:44:41+00:00

There might be medical/logistical reasons why we can't have sex for a handful of weeks. But if it's been ~2 months without any reason (headaches, tired, bs excuses) I'm assuming she's getting it elsewhere and am already looking for new options + preparing for breakup.

alialahmad1997 · 2021-11-06T14:33:54+00:00

Depending on her pattern and the pattern of my environment

Where i live i can wait a Couple of years without bringing it up and wait till marriage if thats what she wants as long as she is a vergin (i don't see a point for waiting till marriage if she is not but i will wit till i see she wants it)

I most likely will travel abroad so it would depends on the cultur of the place i am traveling to I don't care about the sex as much as her desire for me and wanting me

I can use my hands just fine what i want is to feel desired

Educational-Hand-610 · 2021-11-06T12:09:24+00:00

0 sympathy. the minute i think you're pulling more bullshit. Im not trying to maintain things. that's a suckers game for a man today.

>Do other factors matter to you or just the lack of sex part?

what matters is that women think they can get away with literally everything. there's no leash short enough.

PlayfulLawyer · 2021-11-06T12:42:14+00:00

Well our relationship isn't monogamous my wife and I can both fuck other girls with some rules of course but basically fucking somebody else is on the table for me. To answer your question from that perspective I'll say this at the beginning of a relationship I can be patient if a girl is a virgin, or she has a body count of like one or two both in the confines of serious relationships I can be a little more patient, but if that's not the case and she's had casual hookups and enjoys getting her freak on, if she doesn't have Lust For Me, then there's just nothing too talk about and if we haven't fucked by like the third or fourth date, somewhere in that vicinity I think it's time for me to move on elsewhere.

In the context of a long-term relationship, it just depends if I think she's pulling some kind of bullshit we'll sit down and have a talk about it but if it continues I'm out I don't think I ask for too much from a woman I'm with but keeping me sexually satisfied it is a must

If it's illness I guess it just depends on the severity of the illness putting a timetable on something like that is hard to quantify with all the ways people can get injured or sick

h1shman · 2021-11-06T12:42:18+00:00

In a committed relationship maybe 2 weeks if she's ok. If something is going on health wise just depends.

I would just dump her if it was consistently over a week or two. Cheating is lame

Late_Cranberry4318 · 2021-11-06T14:45:03+00:00

1 MONTH max

EstablishmentKooky50 · 2021-11-06T15:06:52+00:00

It depends on the reason. If sex is withheld for manipulative purposes, then it's not worth waiting for at all. Unfortunately, in an established relationship that is the reason, more often then not. If there's no sex because of fighting or disagreement but desire is otherwise present, then surely it's worth working the issues out. I wouldn't seek it elsewhere, unless separation is not an option for some reason. We are not owed sex, also we do not obliged to be "loyal" for an extended period of time.

Murphysmongoose · 2021-11-06T15:42:59+00:00

A couple weeks maybe? If she's not wanting it at least once a week, (on average) this is probably not going to work.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2021-11-06T14:00:12+00:00

If you are managing your relationships correctly, this should never be a problem. The last time I got turned down for sex in a relationship was 23 years ago. Part of that is appropriate girlfriend selection and part of it is being able to "read the room."

I tend to date young (20s) women with sunny personalities, because being around negative people is a drag and young, and happy women are much more likely to be Ready to Rock in general, IME.

If a young, healthy woman who is attracted to you doesn't want to bang, then smth is wrong.

Also, I also think a lot of guys just don't know how to fuck, and, well, I do - as I've detailed elsewhere, I get into a girl's head, find out what makes her tick, what her fantasies are, etc., so often women I date are getting to do things they've always wanted to do but were afraid to ask a bf for. Ex. One of my girls is, when we are together, my slave girl, in a TPE scenario, and serves me sexually and domestically. Not another living soul on the planet knows her secret desires to be a collared sex slave - not her sisters, not her BFF, not any of her past boyfriends, etc. Luckily for her, the one person she ever confessed to knew what was up and how to do what she wanted done.

I'm a "helper." I help people. /heh

If there's something going on that is the cause, e.g some physical problem that puts a girl on the DL, or something else going on, that's one thing. If our libidos are mismatched or smth else, then I'd have a convo about it, and would detail what needs to change and by when. If it's an "attraction" problem, then better just to part ways sooner rather than later, because you can't negotiate attraction.

Barely-moral · 2021-11-06T12:41:21+00:00

What do you personally consider too long to go without sex in a relationship?

When the relationship is just beginning I am willing to wait for as long as her previous partners got to wait. No more.

After the relationship has already entered into LTR territory then an agreement is made and we both have to stick with it.

In the case of miss moral a week without sex is a breach to our agreement from part of any of us. Usually she is the one with the high libido and I am the one that tries to keep up with her because doing what I can to make your partner happy is just what is right to do.

Do other factors matter to you or just the lack of sex part?

If the lack of sex comes because of an external/internal reason she has no control over then everything is forgiven. She is not responsible for things she can't control so she will not suffer negative consequences for those kind of things.

What is your approach to this situation?

Stick to the agreement. If she is the one breaching the agreement she has a previously agreed and determined amount time to start doing her part again. She can ask for any kind of asistance she neeeds/feels she needs to start doing her part again, I will do as I can to provide said help.

Would you try to figure out why there’s a lack of sex especially if it’s sudden?

She is the one failing to do her part of the agreement, it is her responsibility to figure out why and do something about it. All I can do is help if she wants me to help.

Or would you immediately start looking for ways out of the relationship, start to wander/cheat or simply not care?

I stick to the agreement. I am not going to look for ways out of the relationship. We both already know there is a time limit before the relationship ends in the case any of us is not doing their part. No need to cheat. Just do what can be done to solve the issue. If the time runs out the relationship is over and then there is no way to cheat.

What’s your take?

Talk about everything early on and set rules about how to face every single eventuality. Then stick to the agreement.

M_LaSalle · 2021-11-06T14:53:03+00:00

If we're already in a relationship, then the second time she says no we're going to talk about it. And I don't mean than it's time to dump her, because there may in fact be something wrong. If she's depressed, ill, stressed out, having doubts about the relationship, then we need to address that, and not just because I want to get back to having sex.

If we're dating, then I likely don't know how long she normally makes guys wait. Any answer that says "If she makes me wait longer than everybody else" is bullshit on the face of it. You don't know her relationship history, and anything she told you could easily be a lie. I won't wait very long. Third date. I absolutely positively will not be anyone's celibate boyfriend.

FabulousFuchsbau · 2021-11-06T17:16:03+00:00

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Mrs_Drgree · 2021-11-06T13:12:35+00:00

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TwoFirmFeet · 2021-11-07T00:15:30+00:00

Unless my heart and soul are touched by the woman, if we are not having sex by the first date, im gonna start feeling used and will seek sex elsewhere.

TheJim66 · 2021-11-06T11:51:08+00:00

If there is no extenuating reason that is making her unable to have sex, a week. If some health issue is preventing her, I guess several months. After that I would start demanding sex and we would be having sex

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M3taBuster · 2021-11-06T17:22:37+00:00

It depends, firstly on whether or not we were already sexually active as a couple. Granted my partner was virgin, and a good, modest, traditional woman, I could wait up to 5 years of dating before initially having sex the first time.

However, once we have already been sexually active as a couple, if the sex were to suddenly stop, my reaction would depend on the reason for it. If it has anything to do with me or how she feels about me, then that's just the end of the relationship.

If it doesn't have anything to do with me, and rather it's caused by one of the examples you gave like health issues, depression, childbirth, etc, i.e. a legitimate reason, then it would depend on whether there was a definitive "end date" where we would start having sex again, and/or what actions she was taking to solve the issue.

If she keeps rejecting me for sex because she's depressed, but she's not doing anything to solve it (like diet, exercise, therapy, medication), and for all I know, it will continue to be an issue indefinitely, all our lives, then I'd leave. But if it's something more like, due to childbirth, the doctor says we have to wait 6 months for her to heal, and then we can have sex again, then that's no problem at all.

But to answer the other part of the question, I don't think there is any situation where I would seek sex elsewhere. Either the lack of sex is a definitively temporary thing, in which case I would wait it out, or the lack of sex seems to be indefinite, in which case I just break up with her. Either way, I wouldn't cheat.

SgllsTaklnDux · 2021-11-06T18:52:40+00:00

r/DeadBedrooms

FabulousFuchsbau · 2021-11-06T23:52:00+00:00

[permanently deleted]

trail22 · 2021-11-07T01:53:44+00:00

There was a story on the internet of a guy who went to see an escort. He spent the entire time crying about how his wife and best friend was dying from cancer. His wife was the one who hired the escort and insisted he go because they used to have a very active sex life. At the end of the day does your man know you really care about him. Do you provide enough benefit to your guy without sex. Thewre was another story of a therapist who was talking to a guy who used to escorts He said at the end of the day he didnt want to leave her because she did so much for him and his kids and asking for sex from her was asking too much from her. Or at least that was his logic, but either way he still didnt want to leave her.

Pastelitomaracucho · 2021-11-07T06:40:45+00:00

I'd say 3-6months

OwnerAndMaster · 2021-11-06T15:42:47+00:00

In a relationship: getting told no without good cause. "I'm not in the mood" isn't good cause. And there's only so many headaches before you need to see a doctor about it. Sex is a primary duty. More important to me than anything else happening in your life besides raising my seed

Tired from work? Not more important than sex. That's kinda why career women have such a tough time with men, we really don't care about your money or achievements, and you complaining about how stressed and tired work has you to do less having sex, staying in shape, acting feminine... some men are understanding but yall don't really want those men. The men you want, we look at all that as a secondary issue if the sex life isn't good and the body is getting sloppy

Fortunately have never once had that issue pop up. If anything, my libido fell off faster than my longest relationship partner's. I guess I'm so direct to the point, before accepting any type of commitment I'll let her know she's responsible for keeping me satisfied whenever I feel like it. That's why I'd even come sit at this bargaining table called a relationship really

M_LaSalle · 2021-11-06T17:47:33+00:00

Sex as a weapon. This seems to come up quite a bit

For some Red Pill the guys, a woman is using sex as a weapon if she asks to be treated as more than a set of wet holes. I expect a woman to use sex as a bargaining chip as it were. Surely she expects something, however small Perhaps she wants me to be her escort in the world of coupledom, or maybe she would like the occasional odd hug or a meagre bit of emotional support, or maybe just humane treatment. Despite my good looks, rapier like wit, and superb skills in the bedroom, surely she must have some small expectations of me. I am open to reasonable discussion.

Seriously, the no cohabitation rule seems a bit extreme. (And smacks of the kind of BS posts over on the Red Pill sub written by noted poon expert Crunch Hardtack) If you want her to disappear when you're done, then escorts are less trouble.

bakalabalak · 2021-11-06T16:10:15+00:00

I'm a woman, but max 1 month. Obviously, it depends on many factors.

Ohyarlysmiles · 2021-11-06T22:44:05+00:00

Idk it depends.

Like women who need some time to get comfortable for whatever reason are fine, as long as the chemistry and spark in the interaction is there.

Generally 3 or 4 meetings is my limit.

Taipanshimshon · 2021-11-07T03:31:49+00:00

In relationships I have found that very little can stop the sexual attention of a partner that loves you and is attracted to you.

Obviously outside of illness or injury lack of sexual attention from either partner is not acceptable.
. In my experience I don't seek it elsewhere. I'm not a woman. I don't need to set up a " branch swing".

Title	More or less for the Red Pill Men: How long is too long without sex in a relationship and will you seek it elsewhere?
Author	FabulousFuchsbau
Upvotes	38
Comments	306
Date	November 6, 2021 11:30 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/qnydt8/more_or_less_for_the_red_pill_men_how_long_is_too/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/more-or-less-for-the-red-pill-men-how-long-is-too.1085622 https://theredarchive.com/post/1085622