Past Sexual Partners vs. Past Romantic Relationships and how this all relates to "Pair Bonding." Share your opinions!

cxj · 2014-08-28T06:26:58+00:00

Cool post. Been busy all day, in the process of moving, wish I had more time to spend on this thread.

baby-spice · 2014-08-27T19:58:23+00:00

I've recently been thinking that attraction is a 2 way street. However, most see it as a 1-way street to the point of calling it a Bio-Truth. "Men chase women and women wait to be chased."

Pickup artists are men that prove the 1-way street Bio-Truth is a Bio-Myth. Traffic really does flow in 2 directions if you open your eyes and seize a few more moments. Men have a very difficult time with this and have a difficult time getting that piece of traffic from the opposite direction to work for them.

And it's because of this, men are unable to relate to a woman's ability to attract sexual partners, and they are unable to relate to how and why some women will seize certain opportunities. If you're looking for a bio-truth, that's a bio-truth. The problem is men have lots of negative feelings about it.

From what I've seen, the latest trend is men are trying to go through a phase of dating and having sex with several women before choosing monogamy. I see it as a good thing, and preventative maintenance toward maintaining a healthy monogamous bond. If you're a guy aiming to commit to woman who's had a lot of partners, you're going to want plenty of experience of your own.

Personally, I think it's shortsighted, inane, and cold for a well-experienced woman to attempt monogamy with a guy who's had little experience. They'll do it anyway though and they'll try and be nice about it by hiding their numbers, not volunteering their numbers, or plain lying about their numbers. Eish.

leftajar · 2014-08-27T19:09:57+00:00

[deleted]

SirNemesis · 2014-08-27T19:44:35+00:00

The statistics show divorce rate rapidly increases with number of sexual partners. Not romantic partners, but sexual partners.

adrixshadow · 2014-08-28T07:05:40+00:00

This is my personal opinion.

I prefer to compete on an emotional level with a women with a few partners but deep connection if I were to go with a LTR.

Heck I would prefer even if she had lots and lots of partners(slut tier 20+) if she had some relationships with a deep connection it would still be worthwhile.

I would not get involved(LTR) with a slut who had no deep relationships.

If she can deeply love once, she can love again.

The reason why I would not touch sluts that take sex and relationships completely casually in the past is because with multiple partners she will eventually find savage beast type that will give the best sex in her life and completely fry her reptile brain(the brain has multiple levels)

If she has fried her brain before she got involved in a deep connection she will never connect.

There is nothing more that I am against then one night stands.

nomdplume · 2014-08-28T17:23:08+00:00

My quick reply -

I'm interested in where people are going, not where they have been. We each can create our own futures independent of our past.

I am not proud of who I was 20-some years ago (hell, I'm not proud of who I was two years ago, in some ways). Honestly, I spent many years as an immature, unrealistic, myopic, self-righteous, destructive idiot.

Fortunately, I learned to break free from that way of being when I realized that I am not doomed to repeat my past over and over, being that same person, but with minor tweaks to "fix" things for the next time. Instead, I have learned how to leave the past in the past and align myself to a future divorced from past-based thinking/being.

And I am attracted to people who live similarly. Past partner count is irrelevant in that context.

As superficial as it sounds (I argue it's not), I'm often inspired by the movie Groundhog Day - that to me is an beautiful parable of what needs to happen in life for any of us to achieve any sort of fulfillment.

sh1v · 2014-08-29T07:08:52+00:00

Because I personally care more about a person's history of cheating and serious relationships, then their life on a "Pussy Parade" or "Cock Carousel."

That does not surprise me. Women are typically more concerned over emotional infidelity than physical infidelity, for men the opposite is true. Sexual jealousy is stronger in men, emotional jealousy is stronger in women. To take it to a deeper level, women place a higher value on emotions than men generally.

However, I find your perspective kind of intriguing. I think your analysis would be correct if you'd applied it to men rather than women. I think a man with a lot of emotional baggage (ie, a divorcee) is repulsive to women, but not the converse... a man could care less who a woman has fawned over in the past, so long as her pussy remained chaste, tight and unsoiled.

As to whether sexual or emotional profligacy is more likely to ruin future relationships... it's kind of a moot point. TRPs who bother to care about pair bonding are most interested in young women, ie, those whose hearts and pussies alike are less likely to have been touched by numerous men. Most young women do not have a whole train of serious past SOs, because obviously, serious relationships are time consuming, or they would not be serious. There are, however, plenty of young women who have already fucked and sucked their way through dozens of cocks.

Further complicating your analysis is the fact that an above average hookup-to-serious-relationship ratio can be, if anything, more indicative of 'baggage' than a more normal amount of LTRs.

roe_ · 2014-08-30T07:18:45+00:00

Here's how I think "pair-bonding" works -

The infatuation phase (h/t Helen Fischer for all the terminology) is the early months of a relationship - where you're basically high on love chemicals the whole time, and trying all types of kinky-sex stuff, trying to figure out what works. This part was designed to get the woman pregnant, quickly. To transition into:

The companionate bond, where the sex is probably less frequent, or exciting, but there's just a general aura of love, warmth and positive regard. This is the stage designed to keep moms and dads around and together-ish raising kids (to head off the usual objections - yes there are cultures that short circuit this with paternity confusion or whatever but it does seem to be the way things work).

(On a personal note: my wife and I more or less following this template. I can't really imagine what it would be like to be with a woman who's like "been there, done that" to all the kinky shit I wanted to try for the first time...It's like there's a weird, uncomfortable feeling to that)

We may have been designed to experience infatuation with multiple partners, but there's no way that approaches Dunbar's number. And infatuation kinda resembles a drug-addiction, so there's probably some kind of diminishing returns on multiple doses.

So, a woman who's had the experience of being infatuated with several past partners is maybe more or less going to skip that and jump straight to the companionate phase. I believe this is known as "settling."

But the infatuation phase actually (I suspect) drives a lot of secure and trusting feelings in the guy as he transitions to companionate - because being infatuated signals that she's really really into him. And if it's missing...

Not to mention all the possible weird short-circuits of having all this infatuated sex which never results in a baby...

assmunchinator · 2014-08-27T18:31:22+00:00

There a lot of men who lead with sex with hopes of "locking her down" as well.

Source?

I'm pretty skeptical of this statement and I think you're throwing it around so that it makes things "even" with what women do. Do you have any proof for this?

GridReXX · 2014-08-28T03:21:56+00:00

I personally have had two FWBs in the past. They're cool guys, but I was not emotionally invested at all. It was about good sex. That's it.

Sex is a relationship-building experience. If you're going to have sex with whoever, then that destroys that part of it, and it's not going to "help" you anywhere as much in an actual LTR. It will also devalue it to "just a thing people do" so next time your SO leaves for a two month long trip you end up picking up few guys at a bar because "why not, it's just a thing people do".

That's my take on it.

Reginleifer · 2014-08-28T02:39:37+00:00

testing.

Reginleifer · 2014-08-27T21:37:40+00:00

testing.

Title	Past Sexual Partners vs. Past Romantic Relationships and how this all relates to "Pair Bonding." Share your opinions!
Author	GridReXX
Upvotes	6
Comments	95
Date	August 27, 2014 6:05 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/2equxi/past_sexual_partners_vs_past_romantic/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/past-sexual-partners-vs-past-romantic.285004 https://theredarchive.com/post/285004