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People in non-traditional relationship dynamics, why?

January 8, 2017
8 upvotes

This includes poly-amorous partners, open relationships, and probably a slew of others I'm not considering.

What is the appeal?

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[–]madscientistlove points points [recovered] | Copy Link

Hi! We're "monogamish". I'm engaged to an awesome man (6 year LTR) but have a standing hall pass to sleep with other women. I was formerly in poly relationships and still consider myself poly by orientation, so this is about as close to actual monogamy as I'm comfortable with. I dated a woman for about a year while we were together, and I'm kind of in the market for another girl now.

I've offered the same sort of hall pass to my fiance, along with threesomes, but he's not interested.

[–]BellaScarlettaRed Pill Wife[S] 1 point2 points  (29 children) | Copy Link

We've chatted in IRC before! I don't think I realized you had this arrangement with your fiancé.

Why do you think he's comfortable with your hall pass, but doesn't care for the same?

Thanks for answering! It's definitely not a situation I can relate to, even if given the choice.

[–]madscientistlove points points [recovered] | Copy Link

I like to joke that I'm like a cross between a golden retriever with separation anxiety and a barnacle: that's me in a relationship. So spreading that intensity over two people makes it a bit more sane, ha. My highly introverted fiance was psyched when I'd go hang out with my then-girlfriend... because her loud-ass, drunken extro self took me off his hands for a while.

Me having sex with another girl doesn't anger/upset him on the visceral level that me having sex with another man would, is how he's explained it. It honestly just doesn't bother him. After being with him for 6 years, I think he's just incredibly monogamous by nature. He really seems to not have any interest in other women (or if it does, he hides it incredibly well).

[–]DrunkGirl69Manic Pixie Drunk Girl5 points6 points  (21 children) | Copy Link

He really seems to not have any interest in other women (or if it does, he hides it incredibly well).

Do you actually believe he doesn't have interest in other women? People try and say this kind of guy is a unicorn of men, and that men who say otherwise are lying, but I think plenty of men feel this way.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

He just has morals. Its possible to have more interest in your morals than your primal desires. I'm one of those men. I'd never cheat not only because I wouldn't want to hurt my SO but also because I value my morality and reputation above all. Still love attractive women though and a girl with the right body will still make me utter some nonsensical words outloud.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

What's immoral about sex with another woman if your girlfriend doesn't mind, though?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Ah, I thought the setup was that he could fuck or have relations with other men if he wanted.

So the way you guys do it is that you can have sex with only other women and he can have hetero sex outside of your relationship?

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yep. He has no interest in men, so that would be pointless.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

Yes and no. I know that he's still attracted to other women and has fleeting sexual fantasies about them (because he's said as much). What he doesn't seem to have is any real desire to do something about it.

[–]DrunkGirl69Manic Pixie Drunk Girl2 points3 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

That makes sense. I think lots of men are like that; I don't believe all men will cheat if they can.

[–]the_calibre_cat0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy Link

I'm reminded of Richard Nixon.

[–]DrunkGirl69Manic Pixie Drunk Girl1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Why?

[–]the_calibre_cat1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

He was famously inept with women.

[–]DrunkGirl69Manic Pixie Drunk Girl0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Like he tried to cheat but no one was having it?

[–]CrazyTom54Fabulous Blueberry0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Because Richard Nixon

[–]nomdplumeFormer Alpha0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is like an APALT thing, as far as I'm concerned. I believe almost anyone will cheat given the right set of circumstances. For many, their circumstances aren't ever such that their steadfastness will be put to the test.

She said he has no real desire to do something about it. I'm guessing he is happy (enough, at least) with his current sex life such that the extraordinary amount of both physical effort and emotional energy it takes to go out and make extracurricular sex happen just isn't worth the payoff. I'm in a deadbedroom now, yet I feel the same way. I have no idea how I would react should I be presented with hot passionate sex to that required no effort or emotional expenditure on my part. Good thing that sort of sex will only ever be a hypothetical rather than a real thing.

Cheating just sounds impossibly hard...

[–]yurtyybomb points points [recovered] | Copy Link

I'm a guy. I find plenty of women attractive. As of now, I'm probably solidly attracted to about 4-5 I regularly see. However, those attractions are each very different.

At any one time, there is only one person I'm ever "head over heels for." I really do see them in exclusion to the others. I honestly think of the others as just eye/personality candy, and that one person is the overwhelming focus.

[–]DrunkGirl69Manic Pixie Drunk Girl1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

> All but one of those desires are primal, honestly.

What's the nature of the other one if not primal?

[–]damaskroseBlue Pill Woman1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

I believe it about my husband. In college when he was single he worked as a waiter and had women hitting on him regularly, but always turned them down. In HS he lost his virginity to a ONS, which made him realize he had no interest in casual sex. Some guys don't want to sleep around even when they're single.

If he were to develop an interest in anyone, I think it would have to be someone he had an emotional connection with. I think it's fine to have crushes in a relationship as long as they're not acted on... I wouldn't like it but I think it's normal, maybe even unavoidable.

[–]DrunkGirl69Manic Pixie Drunk Girl2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Yeah I had a crush on this total babe at my last job and was surprised to find out he never had any interest in casual sex. It's repeated so often here that men will lower their standards and take any opportunity they can get which must just be the total solipsism of men who have no options.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yeah I had a crush on this total babe at my last job and was surprised to find out he never had any interest in casual sex.

Ugh, same thing happened to me. This man was not at all interested in casual sex. Real sensitive poet type, fml.

[–]DrunkGirl69Manic Pixie Drunk Girl0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Of course it only made me like him more ugh frustration

[–]lollygagyoSociopathic Fake Flirter0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah, my ex-fiancee was a serial monogamist and refused to engage in casual sex -- until I forced him to open up our relationship and that just caused us both a ton of grief because it wasn't his thing.

He's reverted back to never having casual sex. Dude runs through a fair number of people, but while he's monogamous he's totally committed to that one person. And he can't have flings.

[–]ProbablyBelievesIt2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm monogamous, and I've been in poly relationships. It really is a lack of interest in anyone else.

I just wish more poly women were as open-minded about it, as you are.

[–]the_calibre_cat3 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Wouldn't bother me as much either - you can't subvert my genetic legacy by having sex with another woman.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

This isn't intended as a gotcha, I'm just thinking out loud and curious about yours and others' thoughts on this.

Suppose you already had a couple kids you knew were yours - your genetic legacy is secure. Would this change how you felt about your wife having other partners? What if your wife had had a tubal or hysterectomy so she could no longer get pregnant?

[–]the_calibre_cat2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

It would still very much bother me, no question. It's not rational, it's arguably just an evolutionary hold-over. The men of the past who fiercely protected their genetic legacies are the ones who won out, and that behavior has largely been coded for in almost every man's D.N.A.

Rationally, sure, I shouldn't give a shit, but I don't think the genetic coding is that nuanced, it's just "Raise hell and flip out if she's drifting towards another guy." Also, in my experience women are far more against letting their men sleep around than men are against their women doing so - it's men who broadly initiate the cuckold thing, there is no equivalent for women.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks for your response. That makes sense.

Also, in my experience women are far more against letting their men sleep around than men are against their women doing so - it's men who broadly initiate the cuckold thing, there is no equivalent for women.

I agree with this, and it's interesting that you say so because the narrative I see a lot here is that women are always open to sharing provided the man is "alpha" enough. IME this just isn't true; women are just as possessive and jealous, if not more so, especially if the guy is really a catch.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Bingo.

[–]sunkindonut149Blue Pill Mouse1 point2 points  (11 children) | Copy Link

How are you able to do this? 99% of guys around here would oppose "open" relationships although the vast majority of nonreligious men (i think) dirty dog their wives.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Just lucky I guess!

But really, it's that my fiance doesn't really think sex with other women "counts." For the first few years I staunchly did not take him up on that because double standard and sex with other women is totally 'real sex'. But then I said fuck it and decided to stop looking the gift horse in its mouth.

[–]lollygagyoSociopathic Fake Flirter5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I said fuck it and decided to stop looking the gift horse in its mouth.

I'm glad you got there! This sounds like a pretty sweet set-up.

(My husband, similarly, does not view sex between girls as ''real sex''. I've had sex with one of his exes and he is literally just like ''whatever'' -- but he claims he'd be upset if he found out I'd had sex with a close friend).

[–]DucksCanDanceRed-ish Man1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah I'm the same; I don't think sex with other women counts and I have zero concerns with my SO banging women

[–]PeachesNCake0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

My fiancé would see that as cheating. I'm happy that he doesn't have that double standard, but would be nice to get a pass. Oh well.

[–]DaThrowaway808<('.'<) (>'.')>7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Men are far less likely to oppose an open relationship for their woman if it's only to women and they are invited. It's not inherently threatening.

[–]BellaScarlettaRed Pill Wife[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I agree fully with this. Not every man would be okay with it, but that visceral reaction of disgust isn't going to be anywhere near the same as their woman sleeping with another man.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

No its not uncommon as you might think. You know I have some strict hardline views and my SO getting with another girl wouldn't bother me at all. It doesn't turn me on either but its also no bother

[–]sadhukarPurple Pill Man0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

although the vast majority of nonreligious men (i think) dirty dog their wives

How is this at all a healthy line of thought?

[–]sunkindonut149Blue Pill Mouse0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Is it 'healthy' to ignore what's going on around me?

[–]sadhukarPurple Pill Man0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Well, no wonder you're blue pill if you think the vast majority of men are cheaters and liars

[–]sunkindonut149Blue Pill Mouse0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Not the majority of men. The majority of men in my area.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

Yeah thats not unusual at all really. I'm cool with my SO if she ever wants to try the V. Its not something I could ever give her and its not something she'll ever desire more than my D so no biggie.

And yeah I have no interest in fucking men so I don't even need the same allowances

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Its not something I could ever give her and its not something she'll ever desire more than my D so no biggie.

Just curious, would you feel differently if her attraction to others was a 50/50 split between men and women? From what I understand, you'd be ok with your heterosexual wife experimenting. Would you feel any different if she was just as attracted to (and able to have relationships with) women as with you?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

No. I don't really believe in lesbians. All women are bi but if they barely even plan on having children and family one day they will always prefer the D to the V.

All you have to vette for in that case is if your SO is family oriented. If yes, then you will never have problems as long as you maintain frame and do your part as a man being a leader and a provider.

A true blue lesbian is more like a WHGTOW which is very rare

A woman who is 50/50 split just never had a soul awakening dick down before

[–]GridReXXit be like that4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Eh.

I disagree that there aren't lesbians.

But I agree that many fluid or bi women end up with men because they want a family or kids.

That said, you're fooling yourself if you think her reasoning is because D> V.

It's because she's family oriented. She may still actually prefer women sexually or like them immensely.

[–]PeachesNCake1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

😂

[–]lollygagyoSociopathic Fake Flirter6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

My relationship is monogamish in theory but is monogamous in practice. We have ''free passes''' -- which means, if there's something/someone I really want to do, then we can talk about it and I can do them/it. And vice versa.

The hypothetical freedom makes me feel less ''trapped'' in something and he feels similarly, but it's not really an option I'm actively looking to exercise.

I can see myself using it if a cool group sex scenario came up (he's not into that. He's hated every threesome he's ever been in and I kind of enjoy them) or if there was someone just super irresistible to me. Like if I met Sergei Polunin or straight Jon Kortagarena someway, somehow.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

The hypothetical freedom makes me feel less ''trapped'' in something and he feels similarly, but it's not really an option I'm actively looking to exercise.

I totally get this.

[–]FlapjackUniverse3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

  1. Going on 5 years of marriage to my hero of a husband.

  2. past 4 years of our marriage were negotionably open/poly.

  3. now 100% monogamous.

We are now a million times more connected and happy and in love than we were during our poly days. It was tons of fun and felt free, sexy, and special during our poly days and maybe we needed that edtended experimental time to decide which relationship form was right for us. Monogamy is a million times better than polygamy ever was - the sex is unfathomable, the love/connection is unmeasurable, and the family-strong bond we now share is unshakable. Even the freedom we experience is greater than it ever was as poly because with every new sex partner came an anxiety about if he was secretly hurting and if this would finally destroy our bond. Many times it did, we just couldn't connect on the deep level we do know because there was always the thought "am I really your best/first partner choice or am I plan B while you seek out your true ideal mate?" We constantly acted more like friends/bros than we acted like a happily married couple and the sex was surface-y (like fuck buddies) instead of deep. Still hot but I didn't know how hot and passionate sex can be until we started having mono/committed relationship/true love sex.

On the flip side, him and I might not have appreciated mono as much if we build our relationship on prudency.

(For background, I've had 2 other regularish sex partners, 1 one night stand. He's had 2 one night stands. And we've had threesomes with 3 other partners together - 1 was our mutual best friend.)

[–]BellaScarlettaRed Pill Wife[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is super interesting. It makes perfect sense to me as I definitely understand that bond, but I can't understand how it can be forged or broken by polyamory. I'm glad you guys reached your equilibrium of fulfillment and happiness (:

[–]the_calibre_cat0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

This is interesting, actually. Yours had the happy ending, though.

And we've had threesomes with 3 other partners together - 1 was our mutual best friend.

Like the Underwoods and Meacham from House of Cards!

[–]GridReXXit be like that1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I actually liked that scene. It just felt natural. And if your and your spouse are both feeling a person, why not.

[–]SpaceWhiskey🍃 Social Justice Druid 🍂4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Traditional relationships have never felt right for me, it feels fake and cheesy. I've never been into monogamy, so I was stoked when I learned that polyamory was a thing with a name and a community. It feels normal and comfortable to me, as normal and comfortable as I imagine monogamous, traditional people feel about their way of doing things.

[–]JaggedYellowPill points points [recovered] | Copy Link

Polyamorous man here.

In my opinion there are a lot of appealing reasons to adopt a non-traditional relationship.

  1. There is overwhelming evidence that humans are not a monogamous species. Even though monogamy is held as the only option under legal, cultural, religious, and social rules, infidelity is rampant, with many surveys showing upwards of 40% of individuals admitting to cheating on their spouse or long-term partner. Non-monogamous relationships provide an ethical, honest way to explore sexual and/or emotional relationships with others without imperiling the original relationship.

  2. Having more adults around means opportunities to share resources and responsibilities. I only live with one partner, but each of us has other partners who we can count on in ways you might not trust a friend, neighbor, or acquaintance. If we ever end up sharing a household with (an)other partner(s), that becomes an opportunity to share expenses, chores, etc.

  3. As relationships move through various stages, they are fulfilling in different ways. A new relationship will never have that same comfort that you have in a multi-decade established relationship, and an established relationship will never have that spark and energy you feel in the honeymoon phase. In an open relationship, you can experience that spark without having to sacrifice the comfort and security of your established relationship.

  4. This is related to #1, but the fairy tale notion that one person is going to come along who fulfills your every need for your entire life is, well, a fairy tale for 99% of the population. You're going to end up with someone whose sex drive doesn't match yours, or who isn't as well-read as you, or who doesn't share your love of Jazz. Non-monogamy lets you find someone to share those interests with without losing the relationship you have with your other partner.

I've been practicing ethical nonmonogamy for over ten years and I'm happy to answer any questions.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I strongly relate to number 4. If you're only allowed to date one person, then they have to be perfect. I think that leads to a lot of problems with trying to change people.

If you're allowed to date more than one person, you can enjoy people for exactly who they are. Appreciate their strengths and accept their weaknesses because this one person doesn't need to solve your every romantic need.

[–]ozymandias271That's not how evolution works.2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Short version: Because I'm crazy.

Longer version: So I'm so jealous that I'm not jealous at all. I'm borderline, and I'm afraid of being abandoned when my husband talks to people other than me, goes to work, has hobbies, leaves the house... Once I developed the coping techniques to deal with all of that nonsense, adding in "also my husband has sex with other people" wasn't hard at all. I'm so pathologically jealous about normal things that adding in not-normal things doesn't make any difference.

I'm also autistic. I grasped that there was this thing called "monogamy", and that I wasn't supposed to have sex with or make out with other people. But monogamy also has a bunch of other rules. Like that I'm not supposed to tell my partner excitedly about my crushes. And that I'm not supposed to be best friends with someone I've been in love with for years and readily admit that she's more important to me than my boyfriend of two months. And that I'm not supposed to have a secret sex blog. I tried asking what the rules were, but apparently asking what the rules of monogamy also violates the rules of monogamy. You are supposed to Just Know. I think most people can just guess that their partner will feel jealous about the same thing they feel jealous about, but I feel jealous about everything! It's no help! So I breathed a sigh of relief when I became monogamous because I no longer had to walk on eggshells constantly worried that I was going to hurt my partner because of something I didn't understand.

I tend to fall in love pretty easily (this isn't because of a diagnosis, I think this is just my personality). I don't really mind not getting to date people, but a lot of monogamous people don't want you to be friends with people you're in love with, which is a really unreasonable burden on me.

I also really like casual sex, and I'm glad that I get to have a lot of it while also having a committed romantic relationship.

I also have hypersexuality symptoms of borderline personality disorder (for instance, a tendency to have sex with people for validation or attention or because it seemed like a good idea at the time). Since I'm poly, this has literally 0 negative consequences on my life whatsoever, but I expect if I were monogamous it would hurt my partners a lot.

[–]Aaren_Augustine points points [recovered] | Copy Link

Interesting that RPWi is the odd one out on this. With nothing left or saved for marriage, the very definition deludes to an Institution of Nothing.

[–]BellaScarletta points points [recovered] | Copy Link

I'm not sure how that relates to the topic?

[–]LeaneGenovaBreaker of (comment) Chains[M] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It doesn't, so I've removed it.

[–]goatismycopilotPurple Pill Woman2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I am not in that kind of relationship, I like monogamy, however, I think for many people monogamy for either emotional or sexual reasons does not work for them, they tried it and something felt off.

[–]GridReXXit be like that2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

The guy I'm dating knows I also like women so I have a free pass with them if I choose to indulge it. Haven't yet. But I like that I have the option.

[–]Willow-girlSuffering from bovarian oppression2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm bi too, and my boyfriend told me I could have a girlfriend if I wanted one, as long as he didn't have to work on her car, too. LOL!

[–]LyaninaBlue Pill1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

My boyfriend and I are in a long-distance, open relationship. I'm pretty sure a lot of red-pillers, and not only red-pillers, would tell me what we have is a fuck-buddy arrangement, or an imaginary friendship, not a relationship. And I can understand why.

Why long-distance? We first met in person and had chemistry. He got "oneitis" pretty hard for me when we stayed in touch after going our separate ways, then eventually started regular visits. I'd be incapable of telling you why either of us chooses long-distance over a relationship closer to home (because yes, we would both have options), except for the fact that we've found something in each other that works for us, at least right now.

Why open? Eh, because we can. My last relationship was also open so it was never a problem for me; I'm just not a jealous person in that respect. I'm equally as comfortable in a monogamous relationship or an open one, so it's not that there's any specific "appeal" to it, it's just that this time we fell into a more open dynamic. I know he loves me and I know he would tell me if it was over, so I don't see him being with someone else as a threat. Personally, I don't want to go beyond flirting and kissing another person, and he's too lazy to regularly and actively pursue casual sex, but we both know it's okay.

[–]yurtyybomb points points [recovered] | Copy Link

Personally, I don't want to go beyond flirting and kissing another person, and he's too lazy to regularly and actively pursue casual sex, but we both know it's okay.

I said this elsewhere ITT, but I had a similar situation and the theory seemed OK. Similar to what you had. Then reality set in and what an "open" relationship really meant.

I learned that you think your relationship is open, but when feelings really get tangled up, people get jealous. Period. You don't want to go beyond flirting/kissing another person now, and he's too lazy to actively pursue casual sex now, but when either of those things become very real, don't be surprised if you start to change your mind.

I apologize for kind of scoffing at the idea of open relationships, but really, I don't think it works. And this is the place to put that out there openly, I guess.

[–]LyaninaBlue Pill0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

My previous relationship was also open, so -- while I'm young and have a lot to learn -- I'm pretty comfortable with the idea.

Don't apologize, though. I can't argue with this at all, nor do I want to:

People want to feel appreciated and special, in the end. It's what we all crave - just my opinion.

Nor will I argue that my relationship will be a happy ever after. All I can know is that we're happy now, and that's all I ask from a relationship. I have terrible future time orientation, or maybe I'm just too young to care.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Ok so I am poly in a relationship with a man who has another partner.

I have had another partner and am currently casually dating.

The appeal to me is I bunch of things 1. First off I like to meet people and I like to not have any constraints in how those relationships may form.

  1. I like a fair bit of alone time and being not the only partner to my partner/s means that I get it.

  2. I am not interested in having children or co-habiting so I don't see the need for marriage.

  3. This is the most important appeal - what it comes down to is that this kind of relationship works for me so well, it just fits me. 5 happy years and counting.

[–]BellaScarlettaRed Pill Wife[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I like a fair bit of alone time and being not the only partner to my partner/s means that I get it.

This is funny, I like your pragmatic approach to it and that's something I can relate to. I definitely wouldn't see polyamory as a solution for it, but I think all people need alone time and I would feel less guilty about some things if my SO had another person to spend time with. Again, I don't see polyamory ever fitting into our lives, but I can definitely appreciate the reduced pressure it offers.

Thanks for responding!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I don't see polyamory ever fitting into our lives

Its most definitely not for everyone.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (27 children) | Copy Link

There's no objective value in committing to one person.

[–]sublimemongrelBecky, Esq.4 points5 points  (26 children) | Copy Link

Sure there is if they want sexual faithfulness

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (25 children) | Copy Link

There's no objective value to sexual faithfulness.

[–]sublimemongrelBecky, Esq.6 points7 points  (17 children) | Copy Link

There is if you want to be with someone who wants that. Otherwise you couldn't be with that person, that's what I'm getting at.

[–]the_calibre_cat2 points3 points  (16 children) | Copy Link

Also children

[–]sublimemongrelBecky, Esq.2 points3 points  (15 children) | Copy Link

You mean because it's better for children? Because technically you can have children and not be sexually faithful.

[–]the_calibre_cat2 points3 points  (14 children) | Copy Link

Yes. I realize it's possible for the polyamorous to have children, I've just never been given a clear answer on the brass tacks of how, logistically, they'd be raised. How do a bunch of different parents agree on a set of values to teach the child? How do they decide who gets the child and when? The child still has only two sets of D.N.A, so how do their non-biological "parents" have an incentive here? Etc, etc.

I think monogamy is a great institution, and I used to be all about polygamy and shit.

[–]lollygagyoSociopathic Fake Flirter1 point2 points  (13 children) | Copy Link

How do a bunch of different parents agree on a set of values to teach the child? How do they decide who gets the child and when?

Same as how it was done before ''nuclear families'' became a thing -- by consensus, with those who are ''leaders'' in the group paving the way.

Children were raised in tribes, with groups of adults parenting, long before monogamy became a thing. It's not an inherently bad model.

Lots of cultures still have a ''multiple parent'' model (where extended family such as grandparents, aunts, uncles also have signif. input into a child's life).

[–]the_calibre_cat0 points1 point  (12 children) | Copy Link

Children were raised in tribes, with groups of adults parenting, long before monogamy became a thing. It's not an inherently bad model.

Which would require a massive cultural shift. Which is basically like saying, "Hey people who like monogamy, like polygamy instead, so that we can transition to this model that worked great on paper before industrialized, urban civilization!"

How dare some of we dinosaurs be skeptical that your model is clearly superior and utopian, I know, but blue pill hasn't really convinced me that in a polygamous system, enormous numbers of men will be left out sexually altogether - but will nonetheless be expected to input into society. Women will marry up, and the top men will have a lot of partners, the best possible scenario the middle quintiles of men will have at least one wife, and the rest of men are otherwise completely left out. Hypergamy among women is documented fact, so how many women would cluster around high-status men is anyone's guess - as is how many men would be left out of the dating pool mostly or altogether for their entire lives.

That probably happened back in the utopian days of the past, but leftist cultural anthropologists can't actually test for lifetime sexual contact among long-dead humans, so that aspect of the system you're pointing to is left out. Men can buy your snake oil, but they'd be stupid - or at the very least, pretty insensitive to. Right now, about 1.3% of men have never had sexual contact at all in the 40-44 age group. I have no reason to believe that that number wouldn't go up, probably significantly, if your cultural paradigm shift were realized.

Why should men sign onto that?

[–]lollygagyoSociopathic Fake Flirter1 point2 points  (11 children) | Copy Link

Which would require a massive cultural shift

Not really. It would just require people who are poly to raise their kids in this way. It doesn't have to be a model adopted across the board.

I think this is the same as people choosing different models of schooling for their kids. Steiner school vs normal school, for example.

eftist cultural anthropologists can't actually test for lifetime sexual contact among long-dead humans

It's good that there are societies where this is still the case! Tribes in Africa etc are still doing this.

Even the Indian side of my family engages in this kind of communal parenting -- aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, all have input that is on a similar level to that of the parents.

They think my white family are weirdos b/c of the emphasis they place on the nuclear family unit.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

There is no "objective value" to almost anything. What's your point?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Technically yes, but on a scale where 1 is eating to sustain a subjectively valuable life and 10 is sacrificing a child to please God, sexual faithfulness is about an 8.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Well that's...an opinion.

[–]BellaScarlettaRed Pill Wife[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Only in the very most technical use of the word...haha

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

With a fair amount of reason to it. If you cease to eat, you die. If you don't have monogamous relationships, you have health benefits.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

What are the objective health benefits of nonmonogamy over monogamy?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Diversity keeps your testosterone and sperm count up.

[–]DucksCanDanceRed-ish Man0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

We're mostly monogamous, we like to go out and get flirty and pick up girls, we like to chase threesomes, and occasionally if we meet the right girl, we'll date her a little more seriously, like go on trips together and stuff. It's something like "casual romance." Sometimes I use the term poly but only in the loosest sense, we are not actually poly.

It's fun , that's the appeal. I feel ALIVE during a threesome, like I am so sexually awesome. Also I love the group sex dynamic of it, use your imagination, there's a lot of roomfor really fun stuff there. Also kinda funny being out with two hot girls, you get a lot of reactions! Same with going out to bars and getting flirty and picking up girls, it's hot it's fun.

My girl LOVES seeing me pick up, it's a big turn on for her, so there's that too

[–]KalcipherBlackest Pill0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm not actually in a relationship atm, but I am very interested in open polyamory, so I can elaborate on what I find appealing anyway.

I see a lot of needless drama in exclusive relationships that can be avoided through open polyamory, and it might help solve differences in libido (if one partner is hypersexual and one is hyposexual, at least one of them will likely find their sex life unsatisfying, but if it's an open relationship, this can be addressed)

[–]jonascf0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Polyamorous guy here. Short explanation: monogamy never made sense to me.

[–]TALzFGxawb0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

monogamy is unenforceable and unrealistic. i've never cheated, but i've been cheated on, and i've slept with women who were cheating on their husband/LTR, and i've talked to guys that cheated. some of them were cheating without their partner's knowledge, while others were doing it as a catalyst to end their relationship

i tried polyamory for a while. had 2 partners (one was married), and occasionally a FWB. the non-married one was my primary after some amount of time. both relationships failed after a while, due to regular non-polyamory reasons. still friends with both, occasional benifits

now i guess solopoly or relationship anarchy are good descriptions? i don't really do formal relationships, but i keep the people i care about in my life in an active sort of way

[–]artichokessBlue Pill0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

not actually in an open relationship at the moment, but i wouldn't care if my partner slept with other people sometimes. i don't see sex as anything special.

[–]emily_charland points points [recovered] | Copy Link

insecurity, degeneracy etc.

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[–]madscientistlove points points [recovered] | Copy Link

Paging u/susandeath <3

[–]LittleknownfactsVaguely Uncivil Comment2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Hey Bella!

Today is my birthday! Whooooo!

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

HBD to you! And Elvis!

[–]LittleknownfactsVaguely Uncivil Comment0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Oh thank you!

[–]BellaScarlettaRed Pill Wife[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

We have to have a virtual birthday party!!!

Happy birthday!!!! I'm sending a picture with a celebration cake for you :D

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

This thread just once again proves that bisexual women are the sluttiest..

They get so mad when you say it tho 😸

[–]ChristianRedpill points points [recovered] | Copy Link

Jon Kortagarena

26 For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature:

Romans 1 King James Bible

[–]ozymandias271That's not how evolution works.2 points3 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

this is very true. I'm an atheist and God punished me by making me a bisexual. Thanks, God!

[–]ChristianRedpill points points [recovered] | Copy Link

Close actually. Because you had no regard for God or the things he's done for you, he stopped protecting you from evil desires.

[–]ozymandias271That's not how evolution works.2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

A bit sad for all the people I know who have been trying so hard to be bisexual and it's just not working for them. Why can't God help them be bisexual, the objectively best sexual orientation?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

Did he punish you by making you bi before or after he punished you by making you a tranny?

[–]ozymandias271That's not how evolution works.2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

IDK I think both happened at puberty, so probably he punished me with both! My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord, my spirit rejoices in God my Saviour; he has looked with favour on his lowly servant. From this day all generations will call me blessed; the Almighty has done great things for me and holy is his name.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Very clever sarcasm.

But in all seriousness.. even tho im I'm not religious. Seeing how u turned out makes me want to pick up Catholicism 😸

I've had a shitty life but atleast I'm not a tranny. I should be pretty greatful.

[–]ozymandias271That's not how evolution works.0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Bad news, I was Catholic and I'm still trans.

I've had an amazing life and one of my many blessings is that I'm not cis. I am incredibly grateful!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Whatever u say.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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