Q4MEN: Did you settle for "good enough" or would you keep searching for the love of your life?

darudeboysandstorm · 2018-08-22T20:04:25+00:00

First marriage, absolutely. I knew we were horribly incompatible, but I was so fucking desperate for a wife that any girl would do.

Second marriage, no fucking way. I had absolutely no intention of ever even getting re married because I believed all women were horrible, controlling bitches that berate their husbands and cut off sex.

But then I met my wife. She was unlike anyone I had ever dated. A unicorn, if you will. So I put a ring on it. 10 years later she's still fucking amazing!

theambivalentrooster · 2018-08-22T19:52:30+00:00

I settled for the love of my life.

reluctantly_red · 2018-08-22T19:35:47+00:00

Everyone settles for "good enough". Everyone balances traits when deciding who to marry. It shouldn't surprise anyone that people seldom marry the most attractive prospect. That doesn't mean they didn't marry the best available prospect.

In my case the most attractive women I ever dated had the intellect of a turnip. The women I married weren't quite as attractive but they more than made up for that in other ways. Overall they were far better prospects (or at least I thought they were at the time).

wtknight · 2018-08-22T20:30:09+00:00

No. My wife is the most attractive woman who has dated me. I was pretty content with being single, sexless and childless when I met her, so I really didn’t have any reason to settle at all.

concacanca · 2018-08-22T20:32:32+00:00

No. I married the best woman I've ever met.

Whodunnit88 · 2018-08-23T00:10:09+00:00

I'd keep searching for the love of my life because it would be insulting for the "good enough" woman if I stayed with her.

phycologos · 2018-08-23T07:33:23+00:00

No, but there is no such thing as the perfect person.

Mr_Smoogs · 2018-08-22T20:11:45+00:00

"Settle" is not the right word. I think you have to feel entitled to "settle." I would describe it as a feeling of loathing due to deliberately choosing a sub-optimal partner typically because you don't think you can do better.

You admired her to the heavens but for whatever reason she ends up leaving you.

If she ended up leaving you, then she was not the most optimal partner. It's like when women tell each other "it's a good thing he cheated on you because you deserve to find better anyway." There's no reason for you to look back on previous relationships with rose-colored glasses if that person ultimately did you wrong by leaving you/cheating on you. If he/she cheated on you or left you, then they were not the most optimal partner, period. Regardless of how golden her vagina is.

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LeJacquelope · 2018-08-22T19:34:09+00:00

LOLNO

Of all the mistakes I made in my life, this one I did not make.

Hystericalprince · 2018-08-22T19:54:39+00:00

I don’t think like this and most people don’t, this is a recipe for misery.

RoyalAugur92 · 2018-08-22T21:53:35+00:00

Are you sure this wasn't meant to be a Q4W? Most men nowadays are lucky if they can get anything at all.

PearsOfWrath · 2018-08-22T22:14:03+00:00

I think everyone's gonna have to settle for good enough on some degree.

But if she's too far below the best you can do, then I think your relationship will be problematic.

stats135 · 2018-08-22T22:46:34+00:00

Of course. With every woman, there is always a cost element. In most cases, the "good enough" girl is the better deal. I don't want the best, I want the best bang for my buck.

Tyler_Gatsby · 2018-08-22T23:16:14+00:00

I don't like the term "settling." I think it's usually a misnomer, and has too much negative connotations to it. I admit my ideal relationship would probably be a woman who at least considers herself less attractive than me, or thinks she's the one reaching up. My little man ego would be more satisfied getting an r/girlsmirin response on the regular, than by "Hey, everybody look at my girl" type of ego boost.

DaphneDK42 · 2018-08-23T00:10:14+00:00

Good enough. As in not perfect. And as in of course. Nobody is perfect. We're all fallen creatures.

Phoepal · 2018-08-23T01:38:54+00:00

Settling is wrong description because I am not looking for girl who is best for me or better than what I have. When I meet somebody I am interested in , as long as she is "good enough" that stops to matter as much.

Relationship to me is not about finding the right person but something you build with other person upon common ground(values/lifestyle\goals) we have. So I am looking how willing and capable she is in building it rather that looking for somebody with a half point higher atractiveness.

sketch162000 · 2018-08-23T03:33:47+00:00

Well, as a person who made the mistake of settling for "not good enough," anything more than that isn't settling from my perspective. "Good enough" sounds lovely.

CrestfallenWolf · 2018-08-23T05:03:40+00:00

Explains my situation to the letter.

Love of my life that I planned a future with. I love(ed) her with all my brain chemicals. We kept the same style of house, liked the same pets, sexualy she was everything I ever wanted. We fucked on the second date, we moved in together 2 weeks later and were inseparable for 10 years of inside jokes lazy Sunday's and road trips. Then she left me.

I doubled up my drinking got in trouble lost my job burned through time and money trying to date blah blah blah. Then, settled for good enough and quit drinking.

Something is better then nothing.

Gravel_Roads · 2018-08-23T07:22:36+00:00

I’m a weird case because my partner and I have always been an open relationship. We’ve known each other since we were 13, have know each other for 20 years and have been together for 14. We fell in love slowly, as we both dated other people, gained life experience, shared the observations we collected about ourselves and the people around us, and through it, learned about one another.

We used to fight like cats and dogs. We’re both stubborn and independent and don’t like answering to anyone. But over the years, his outlook and personal priorities became more and more meaningful to me, and mine his. At this point, he’s become my other half.

There’s no such thing as a perfect person, so everyone settles in some areas. I wish he was more spontaneous, for one. I’m sure he wishes I was more organized. The main difference between happy relationships and unhappy ones seems to be a mix of consistent support and respect of good boundaries. But I didn’t ‘settle’ for my relationship, if anything I’m still customizing it to this day.

[deleted] · 2018-08-22T21:54:34+00:00

I only really had two relationships that lasted more than 3 months. First was a blue-pilled, oneitis-fueled abusive one that lasted 2 years, in which she broke up and left me in shambles, causing me to discover TRP and become a player

Then 3 years later I fell really hard for one of my plates. I started an LTR with her. That was the happiest I've ever been, felt happier dating her exclusively than when she was just a plate. But we recently broke up because she had to move away. (She tried to convince me to have an LDR, but for obvious reasons I declined)

I guess I'm fated to stay in the game forever

[deleted] · 2018-08-22T20:58:30+00:00

Men, have you ever had your heart broken, and settled for a "good enough"?

I know it is hard to understand but the bottom 80% men have almost no alternatives. So in most of these cases he settle for what he got.

Men are always in scarcity of women. Plain and simple.

We have limited resources and we spend a lot of them in each woman we try our luck. Remembering that in the great majority of times it ends up in nothing and he has to find another woman to spend his resources on.

So the average man will settle in the great majority of times. He can love her. He can accept her. But he will probably settle for a not so good woman. As he has no other good alternative. It is her or nothing. And as you may know, we don't like our hands as our lovers.

Title	Q4MEN: Did you settle for "good enough" or would you keep searching for the love of your life?
Author	vanBeethovenLudwig
Upvotes	10
Comments	64
Date	August 22, 2018 7:26 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	/r/PurplePillDebate
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4men-did-you-settle-for-good-enough-or-would-you.261069 https://theredarchive.com/post/261069
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/99gbng/q4men_did_you_settle_for_good_enough_or_would_you/