Q4MEN: How long would you draw out a relationship if you didn't know you wanted to marry her?

reluctantly_red · 2018-09-04T07:43:44+00:00

If you don't know within this time frame you're never going to know. After more than two years what new information do you think is going to come your way?

petrichordium · 2018-09-04T15:07:15+00:00

I personally want to wait until the honeymoon period is very clearly over. I want to see what her baseline partnered libido is and how sexually generous she is in a relationship. I want to see how she keeps her physique in that context too. That’s quite important. Way too many people are fascinating and fit when single and just immediately turn into slugs in a relationship.

Basically I want to see how well she takes the natural decline in the butterflies period and what kind of PARTNER she is. All of that can take YEARS. For me, it is not a light decision and i would rather not get married than marry poorly.

wtknight · 2018-09-04T11:10:59+00:00

If I'm not feeling completely in love with someone, then I'll end it. I'm not afraid of being alone like other people are, and sex is not so important to me that I'll fake a relationship just to have it.

GayLubeOil · 2018-09-04T08:50:13+00:00

Sounds like your gunna find out how long he draws it out for, the hard way.

Aaren_Augustine · 2018-09-04T07:05:15+00:00

I'd take it as a sign I'm just not that into her and or marriage. And so should she. At that point you break up.

[deleted] · 2018-09-04T09:16:58+00:00

I dunno, it depends on what's happening at the time and where we both are. If she didn't bring it up, I'd be happy to keep going as is. I think if she really wants to get married then she needs to put her cards on the table and then I would start to think about it . I wouldn't be too keen on stringing along someone who for sure wants marriage, when I wasn't sure as I wouldnt wanna waste their time. On the other hand, if she didn't ask then she wouldn't get .

EchoZeroEleven · 2018-09-04T14:54:36+00:00

You’re dating a girl, at least 2-3 years

Lol if I don’t see it between 6 months - 1 year, I’m not marrying that person.

[deleted] · 2018-09-04T17:12:08+00:00

I know A LOT of men who get stuck in these relationships and are too scared to break it off so end up in awful marriages.

Gravel_Roads · 2018-09-04T07:14:20+00:00

I was with a girl for 8 years before we decided we weren't gonna get married. The break-up was pretty amicable once it was figured out for sure.

AlanHalworth · 2018-09-04T12:02:20+00:00

When I was dating, I decided I would limit it to 2 years. If we couldn't get engaged by then, it meant we were wasting each other's time. I told a girl about this limit, and as the 2 year mark came closer, she became somewhat distressed about it. I told her okay, forget about that limit. But we ended up breaking up before 2 years. And it was probably a good thing, because the relationship wasn't working out. I think 2 years is actually a decent limit (at least for me). I always knew well before then.

OppenheimersGuilt · 2018-09-04T12:24:15+00:00

So I'm a bit weird, but I guess part of that can be attributed to growing up in Europe from a traditional south american family.

DISCLAIMER: THIS IS ONLY ACCORDING TO MY OWN PERSONAL VALUE SYSTEM.

SECOND DISCLAIMER: Everyone is free to do what they want - this is simply my own take on this.

For me the end-goal of an LTR is to marry, have a family, the whole shebang. I tend to know right away as well if the person click on a level that could let that be a possibility. If so, I'll approach us in terms of an LTR, I won't be casual with that person as the way I am, I will catch feelings.

On the other hand, if I don't feel that way I will from the very start be clear, this is not serious and we are just having fun. I don't like leading people on.

For context, I've had about 20 sexual partners, but I've only ever had 2 girlfriends. One lasted 5 years, long-distance Europe/USA. The other lasted 2 years.

I never got the whole "oh we've been fucking for a while and I somewhat like you - girlfriend?". It kind of takes value away from that when you throw the label at anyone.

To finish, since I have had the "Fuck yes" feeling about a person, I know if I'm not feeling that way, I probably never will.

Faulkner89 · 2018-09-04T15:59:27+00:00

After two-three years you would know if you wanted to marry that person.

Whodunnit88 · 2018-09-04T07:50:47+00:00

For the rest of my life. Because I don't want to marry.

YaAmar · 2018-09-04T08:39:14+00:00

Marriage is oppressive for women, it kills off their options with men, it forces them to deal with one man at the same time, the man that has grown complacent and boring, overweight and annoying, and women end up being maids and they're expected to be always ready and eager for sex, while the husband can't be bothered to romance or to flirt with his wife.

First, confounding the view of marriage as the female heaven and haven is the fact that marriage actually appears to benefit men more than it does women. Research has shown that the "marriage benefits"—the increases in health, wealth, and happiness that are often associated with the status—go disproportionately to men. Married men are better off than single men. Married women, on the other hand, are not better off than unmarried women.

Second, in contrast to the myth that marriage is a woman’s ultimate and sacred fulfillment is the reality that roughly two-thirds of divorces are initiated by women. This is true not only for the young and hip: A recent AARP survey of 1147 men and women ages 40-79 who experienced a divorce in their 40s, 50s, or 60s, found that 66% of women said they initiated the split.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/insight-therapy/201510/is-marriage-worth-the-trouble-women

It's part of what has been called the "paradox of declining female happiness."

Women have more rights and opportunities than they have had in decades and yet they are less happy than ever in both absolute terms and relative to men.

Marriage is part of why.

Heterosexual marriage is an unequal institution. Women on average do more of the unpaid and undervalued work of households, they work more each day, and they are more aware of this inequality than their husbands. They are more likely to sacrifice their individual leisure and career goals for marriage.

https://www.businessinsider.com/society-should-stop-pretending-marriage-makes-women-so-happy-2017-1

Marriage is only good for gold-diggers. For the rest of the women, they'll be far happier being single, not living with a man, and not having a committed relationship, but sadly women are still socialized and raised by the still-too-much-patrhiachal society of the western world to believe that they themselves want to get married and have children, when all of that is nothing more than social constructs built by men to make sure they all get some pussy, and gain access to reproduction.

Considering that I'm dating someone, is because I care about that girl - No, I know I wouldn't want to get married because marriage is very much anti-female happiness, and I want women to be free and to enjoy their lives, and they can't get that if they're shackled to one guy.

gasparddelanuit · 2018-09-04T11:17:57+00:00

I would be clear the moment it came up that I was not interested in marriage. I wouldn't see it in terms of trying to draw anything out. She would know where I stood, so if she stayed it would be her responsibility.

Naebany · 2018-09-04T11:45:18+00:00

If I told her upfront that I don't want to marry and I'd be happy in ltr then I wouldn't draw out a relationship. I'd just be in it indefinitely. If she's not ok with it she can break it up.

CrestfallenWolf · 2018-09-04T12:36:30+00:00

All marriage is a no

BadgerwithaPickaxe · 2018-09-04T12:48:08+00:00

Talked to her about it and then come up with an ending date if she’s not cool with being lazy about breaking up. It’s the hardest thing to do but from experience it just gets harder the more you wait.

thoth5431 · 2018-09-04T13:01:50+00:00

If I were looking for marriage, I wouldn't reach two years of dating someone if I was unsure. I firmly believe that "happy" love is the most minor of considerations for long-term relationships. I want to see quality of character, how she handles hard times, what her worldview is, how honest she is with me. And it's never taken me that long to figure out.

In my mind, it's the same thing as consent. If it's not an emphatic yes, then it's a no, because you're looking for someone to enter into a lifelong contract with. I need to be certain she can uphold her end of the deal.

And yes, I would break up with her soon after I figured out the answer was no. There's no sense in wasting either of our time.

Though, I don't ever intend to get married, anyway.

[deleted] · 2018-09-04T13:32:30+00:00

I dont want to marry anyone, so forever I guess

Gf wants to marry me, I suppose we will see what happens

hammerhaunts · 2018-09-04T20:00:19+00:00

0 days, some hours

PhotosyntheticChad · 2018-09-06T03:02:26+00:00

I never want to get married, so indefinitely is my answer.

[deleted] · 2018-09-04T09:41:43+00:00

How long would you give the relationship before you knew the answer?

There's no hard set answer to this really. As for me I would let the relationship run its course.

What would it take for you to come to a final decision?

Besides seeing that the woman I am dating isn't worth marrying?

Or would you just draw out the relationship simply for convenience?

I would "draw" it out as dating someone doesn't mean you are looking to get married. Lots of people cohabitate now relationship wise and I see nothing wrong with that.

MMDT · 2018-09-04T08:51:08+00:00

I'll just chill and ride the wave until I get bored. If she wants to break up with me find someone else to marry her she can do. If I want to see others I will do.

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[deleted] · 2018-09-04T15:04:20+00:00

As long as I was getting what I wanted.

blackedoutfast · 2018-09-04T16:44:51+00:00

if everything is going well and she isn't being weird about wanting to get married, then it could last indefinitely.

RedPill-BlackLotus · 2018-09-04T16:27:41+00:00

Why on earth would you get married if you are red pill aware?

What do men get from marriage that they can't get in abundance being single.

What's the upside for men?

Title	Q4MEN: How long would you draw out a relationship if you didn't know you wanted to marry her?
Author	vanBeethovenLudwig
Upvotes	4
Comments	65
Date	September 4, 2018 6:39 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	/r/PurplePillDebate
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4men-how-long-would-you-draw-out-a-relationship.260938 https://theredarchive.com/post/260938
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/9ct58m/q4men_how_long_would_you_draw_out_a_relationship/