Q4MEN: Married men, how many of you knew you wanted to marry your wife the first time you met her?

vanBeethovenLudwig · 2018-08-25T07:05:29+00:00

I absolutely did not plan to marry my wife at all. In fact she was just a bang. One that then demonstrated to me that she was willing to make any sacrifice to make a me and her work. And she did.

The difference between her and other girls is just that. She knew that I would happily date her but not commit and she went straight for commitment immediately. When I said no she then tripled down on figuring out what she could provide my life, what she could do for me, to get me to say yes. And at every step in the commitment train she did just that.

I did not at all want to marry her at first sight and after the first week had her written off as a really great fwb. She simply refused to be my fwb. Not by freaking out or being a bitch but by crying and then asking me what more can she to, and then actually listening.

I suppose it really does all come down to communication. But I in no way knew that she would actually listen to what I said the day we met, nor did I know two hours later when I was banging her in a shitty motel room. But that was the key to my heart. She actually listened to me.

And she proved that she cared.

wekacuck · 2018-08-25T14:19:40+00:00

I never tried to ONS or plate and I wouldn't date a woman if I wasn't interested in pursuing an LTR with her. But I wouldn't say I "knew I wanted to marry her" on the first date. Maybe more "knew I wouldn't not marry her". So I never had the "ONS" or "plate" buckets to sort women into.

Having said that, when I met my wife it was supposed to be a secret setup orchestrated by our parents but I figured out what was happening and forced my mom to confess before it happened. And I fully intended to not get into a relationship with this woman for that reason alone. But... we hit it off.

wtknight · 2018-08-25T13:41:22+00:00

I've never thought that I wanted to marry somebody just after the first time I met them.

reluctantly_red · 2018-08-25T14:06:44+00:00

I fell for both my ex-wives on second dates in similar circumstances. I met wife #1 at a party at a lake after my first year of college when I was 18. We had sex several times that night but didn't have much of a chance to talk. We spent the entirety of the next weekend (Victoria Day long weekend) at the house of a friend whose parents where out of town. Not only was the sex great but she was fun and interesting to talk too.

Twenty four years later I had similar second date with wife #2. We spent the Labour Day long weekend at a local hotel. The sex was great (biggest roundest backside I'd ever seen) and she was incredibly smart and fun to talk too. I asked her to marry me halfway through the weekend.

Neither relationship lasted but about 12 out of 17 years for the first and 6 out of 8 years for second where pretty good.

passepar2t · 2018-08-25T15:54:17+00:00

People who say this are full of shit. No one knows their future wife in advance, with a few exceptions that are almost all down to a lucky guess.

Nodoxxintoxin · 2018-08-25T10:45:40+00:00

It's often said that men look at a woman and instantly see either 1) Plate, 2) ONS, 3) Future wife.

The fuck? Who says that? Women? Blue pill? Not men.

It is true that men have different preferences for sexual encounters, sexual relationships and romantic relationships (obviously). We want sex from all, obviously, but we need more from on the two latter.

Do i have to remember that most men (the 80% in the bottom) have no option, so they get what they can, no matter their preferences?

Also, this is a gradient. You have to have most characteristics of a sexual relationship plus some others to get the romantic relationship preferences.

The madonna/whore dichotomy does not apply here. Madonnas are only women we know/interact too much and become/are seen as family and thus the anti incest/pedophilia part of our brain kicks in. (Without it, we would have a serious problem as a species) but this is for relationships of years or more likely, decades.

We cannot know how we will interact with a woman in the future, by a instant look in their appearance but we can infer about how she is.

You may be confusing inference with knowledge. You, I and all humans can make instant inference in how a woman is by looking, mostly because women tend to show how they are or perceive themselves as clothing/makeup. But it is inference, not knowledge. I infer that a woman is interested in sexual encounters, sexual relationship or romantic relationship by her looks. But I need more information to know how I will interact.

Finally, who the heck knows how he will interact with a woman? I don't. I never planed a romantic relationship. Or sexual relationship. And I am always up to a sexual encounter when single. I just I think: "oh, she makes good material for a relationship, maybe I should secure this relationship, what would be the pros and cons?" If the pros are bigger than the cons I ask if she want to be my gf less than a minute latter.

Hystericalprince · 2018-08-25T15:31:57+00:00

My wife is a beautiful Macedonian woman who works a really cool job, is really nice and she shares some interests with me. When I met her the first time, I didn’t want to marry her, but I was like “I would love if she was my girlfriend”. I met her at some stupid party, and I was too shy to ask her out I guess. This might sound creepy, but whatever, but I was like thinking about her on and off for a few weeks, then I randomly ran into her again at another party and by then I was like “well I guess I have to do it now, or I may never see her again”.

We dated for a while, and I never really thought about marriage, then one day I just decided to ask, and now we’re married.

ImpenetrableHarmonis · 2018-08-25T15:55:29+00:00

Not necessarily always true but can be at times.When you know you know, and if you have to spend time thinking about it or if you can ignore certain issues, she probably isn't the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with. Thing is some people take time to open up and can become a completely different person once they feel comfortable enough to be themselves with you.

theambivalentrooster · 2018-08-25T18:06:40+00:00

I did not intend to marry my wife when I first met her. It was supposed to be casual. Then she stayed over the second night and never left.

I fell in love with her by inches and then decided yep she’s the one.

blackedoutfast · 2018-08-25T19:07:56+00:00

It's often said that men look at a woman and instantly see either 1) Plate, 2) ONS, 3) Future wife.

if anyone actually says this, they're an idiot.

the only thing a man is going to decide instantly based on a first impression is whether she is fuckable or not.

later once you get a feel for the girl's personality and attitude and all that, then you might start to think "wow this chick is cool and we really click" or "holy shit this bitch is crazy"

mrdaveb58 · 2018-08-25T07:35:28+00:00

within 10minutes of that seeing that smile she falls asleep and wskes up with that smile

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hammerhaunts · 2018-08-25T07:09:29+00:00

How many of you knew you wanted to "conquer" your wife upon the first time meeting her?

If she is "conquerable", she isn't worth it

Title	Q4MEN: Married men, how many of you knew you wanted to marry your wife the first time you met her?
Author	vanBeethovenLudwig
Upvotes	9
Comments	62
Date	August 25, 2018 6:44 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	/r/PurplePillDebate
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4men-married-men-how-many-of-you-knew-you-wanted.261043 https://theredarchive.com/post/261043
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/9a4w39/q4men_married_men_how_many_of_you_knew_you_wanted/