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Q4MEN: What makes you fall in love with a woman?

vanBeethovenLudwig
August 11, 2018
9 upvotes
/r/PurplePillDebate

Please state your gender.

Men: What makes you have oneitis for a woman, BESIDES the obvious physical beauty?

Is it because she's nice to you and gives you attention?

Or are you pining away and stalking her achievements and hobbies?

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Post Information
Title Q4MEN: What makes you fall in love with a woman?
Author vanBeethovenLudwig
Upvotes 9
Comments 135
Date August 11, 2018 10:48 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit /r/PurplePillDebate
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4men-what-makes-you-fall-in-love-with-a-woman.261178
https://theredarchive.com/post/261178
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/96fpoo/q4men_what_makes_you_fall_in_love_with_a_woman/
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Comments

[–]BronzehawkattackBlack Pill13 points14 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I'm a guy.

I've got no standards, so really anything.

[–]abaxeron✴️Indian Programmer8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Q4MEN:

Please state your gender.

What?!

Men:

Yeah?

What makes you have oneitis for a woman, BESIDES the obvious physical beauty?

Nothing. Back in times when I had oneitis-es, probably the strongest predictor was how friendly and supportive she is to me when I need it, and in general, how happy and glad she is to have me around. But currently, I'm out of these hellish games.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I dont have oneits anymore. Anything I like.

[–]SilentLurker6664 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I'm a guy.

Hormones, youth naivete, and lacking of actual experience to see a person for what they are and instead putting her on a pedestal.

Everyone must have a oneitis at least once in their life as a trial to reach maturity and enlightenment, to understand the opposite gender, and to be rid of the perceived notion of relationship that was in our younger heads.

[–]reluctantly_red2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Everyone must have a oneitis at least once in their life

I agree -- just wish it had happened a bit sooner.

[–]blackedoutfastRed Pill Man5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

"falling in love" isn't the same thing as having oneitis

[–]vanBeethovenLudwigroses are red, feminists are blue0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

True, I should have made a separate question.

[–]Lewd_Crude4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Love and oneitis are two seperate things and shouldn't be conflated. The first is healthy for a man the second is a mental disease brought on by obsession born of scarcity.

[–]wekacuckLife is settling.6 points7 points  (13 children) | Copy Link

Well I've never gotten a crush over physical beauty, ever. Beauty is more of a threshold thing for me. It's always been seeing some sort of unexpected behavior or way of acting.

The multi-year disgusting orbiting oneitis I was trapped in before I met my wife was triggered by watching a girl present her solution to challenging physics homework problem on the chalkboard. I'd solved it, too but mine was just grunt power. Her solution was so out of the box and beautiful.

Someone once got me to read The Satanic Witch and a lot of things described in there would totally work on me. It was a bit concerning.

[–]vanBeethovenLudwigroses are red, feminists are blue2 points3 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

What's the satanic witch about?

[–]wekacuckLife is settling.3 points4 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

How to seduce guys and infect their minds.

[–]Mylaur1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

What does it say briefly?

[–]wekacuckLife is settling.7 points8 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

The part that stuck out to me is it basically describes situations that have led to intense crushes in my past and how to deliberately manufacture and manipulate them. There's a lot of the standard issue stuff, play dumb, pretend to be a child, fluff his ego, etc. It's been a long time since I read it and I can't remember its terminology. But it seemed pretty run of the mill stuff at first. And it's a bit cheesey and edge lordy at times.

Then it started getting into some psychology of I don't know obsessions maybe. It went further than I expected into things similar to designing well crafted panhandling routines. Things like manufacturing a believable situation where he needs to save you. Trapping guys by giving them "forbidden knowledge". Letting him to accidentally steal a peek or know something he should not know and then building his feelings of guilt. And the importance of everything not beeing seen as a routine.

I don't know. It described the psychology of some of the most intense crushes I've ever had in my past... things I felt were entirely organic. How to deliberately manufacturer them and milk them. It also described some situations I've been in where it was obvious the girl was trying to tempt and manipulate me and was a complete and total turn off. It describes that and talks about why it will fail. But there are other exttemely intense situations in my past that do match the emotional architecture of "forbidden knowledge" that it makes me wonder if I was just too dense to see through it.

[–]larrythetomato0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

What you are describing gets really messy. Much of what I would call 'High Level Persuasion' is about convincing yourself through techniques to use this to convince others.

Is it still lying if you truly believe in it yourself?

[–]wekacuckLife is settling.-1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Manipulation to me is more about disabling someone's agency and turning them into a tool. It's dehumanizing and objectifying.

Is it still lying if you truly believe in it yourself?

Is what still lying? What belief are you describing?

[–]larrythetomato0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

So if this girl put herself in a situation a rescue situation is likely does that make it manipulation.

What about if she intentionally is ignorant and gets herself into situations accidentally?

[–]wekacuckLife is settling.0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I don't understand what you are asking.

[–]reluctantly_red2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I'd solved it, too but mine was just grunt power. Her solution was so out of the box and beautiful.

Yeah -- when it comes to math an elegant solution trumps blunt force every time. Which is why I never made it as a scientist. :(

But back to the topic -- smart women are totally sexy!!!

[–]wekacuckLife is settling.0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Well there was more to it than that. We were aquaintances and in many classes together and were both in orchestra. But she was a violist and I was a violinist, so... you know. Ew. I just never really noticed her much before that. And then we both unknowingly applied to and got into the same college program/major. She's pretty much my mental twin. But funnier and lesbian.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Someone once got me to read The Satanic Witch and a lot of things described in there would totally work on me. It was a bit concerning.

You gotta read The Satanic Bible too now. One of us, one of us.

[–]wekacuckLife is settling.0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

I can't remember why I didn't read it. I think I started down a rabbit hole of reading about sex magick rituals and then somehow ended up at some psychonautics site and found some internet hacker religion that was interesting but I can't remember its name. I'll give it another look.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

ended up at some psychonautics site and found some internet hacker religion

That sounds like my kinda shit haha.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Her having an amusing personality, her being weird in some way like me, her doing/saying nice things especially if they validate me, Her looking cute enough for me to desire cuddles, Easily having a lot of amusing and or interesting conversations with her/a nice dynamic despite my social awkwardness, her giving any kind of affection and accepting me, us feeling equal and relatability (very important), a few common interests, energetic opinionated "present" girl who can take the lead, prefferably not too feminine nor too manly, the feeling of being around her and a feeling of safeness (There's certain people where I feel less socially anxious when around like a dude who's my best friend), a feeling like we've got eachother's backs, a feeling of our relation being special to eachother.

Or it's just luck of the draw when it's that butterflies in your stomach thing.

I do not give a shit about: Her social status, her intelligence as long as she's not really stupid and we still fit with eachother, her confidence, her achievements, her mental strength, how much money she makes, what her house looks like, what she owns, being genuinely funny, her education, her height though smaller is preffered, or if her behavior is feminine

[–]i_have_a_semicolonPurple Pill Woman1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

That's cute :)

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Haha how so?

(also I'm hoping you're not being sarcastic it's hard to tell on the internet)

[–]i_have_a_semicolonPurple Pill Woman1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think you articulated it really well ; what it takes for someone to fall into genuine love. Especially those intangible qualities which are insanely hard to measure. Just spot on. I hope I'm all those things and more to my man, and I know he'd value those things

[–]cxj75% Redpill Core Ideas4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Cute but not beautiful (7/10), bubbly flirtatious personality, gives me attention in any way (mommy issues confirmed), is/looks young.

I remember this cute girl started talking to me at a show almost 5 years ago because I was wearing a bands tour laminate. I wasn’t even in the band anymore they just gave me one, but that 5minute conversation lead to me crushing wayyyyy too hard. I still instagram stalk her after fucking a bunch of other girls and having an actual girlfriend. It’s a big problem, I probably need therapy or something

[–]vanBeethovenLudwigroses are red, feminists are blue1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Why would a 7/10 get you into oneitis mode instead of a 8/9? Just curious.

[–]cxj75% Redpill Core Ideas0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I really don't know tbh. It's likely some kind of inferiority complex where I have self limiting ideas and sub consciously rule out women I deem "unattainable" or something. I'm not unique in any way, tons of guys are like this, but for real these chicks get my dick rock hard and the butterflies are everywhere. I've shown some of my crusehs to people especially girls and they're like "really? thats it? she just seems really young to me." Maybe my 7/10 is actually a 9-10/10 in reality and super models with perfect aesthetics/porn stars etc are just the irrational standard of 10? Like actual market demand is greater? No idea.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

She makes my life easier and goals more attainable. A woman like that is a keeper

[–]reluctantly_red2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

She makes my life easier

A unicorn then. Women always make like more difficult -- sometimes in good ways -- other times ...

[–]Million-SunsMarriage is obsolete3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Besides physical attraction. Independence, bluntness, the tone of her voice, reverse of over feminine doll corny women, cleverness, likes to work out.

To think I have a celebrity crush who fits all the criteria. Damn that's depressing.

[–]i_have_a_semicolonPurple Pill Woman1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Whoo

[–]WestsideMoonWalkerChonks Pheel the Phonk1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Weirdness, goofiness, derpiness, a sense of adventure, and how loving they are.

Edit: I also appreciate if she has good taste, especially with food/alcohol.

Edit 2: I would say my standards are quite high outside of that, but those traits are what makes someone clear my "approved" bar. My SO is all those things + more, so I am pretty fortunate in that regard as well.

[–]i_have_a_semicolonPurple Pill Woman0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Daww.

[–]hammerhauntsbread pill1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Is it because she's nice to you and gives you attention?

mostly

[–]reluctantly_red1 point2 points  (48 children) | Copy Link

When she looks up at you with infatuation in her eyes. Its a sign that she is viscerally attracted. This really does it for me.

Sadly women seem to loose the ability to fall madly for a guy as they age. Very few women over 30 seem to be able to do it (this is the true wall IMHO).

[–]aretournerPPD = mimophant party7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Sadly women seem to loose the ability to fall madly for a guy as they age. Very few women over 30 seem to be able to do it (this is the true wall IMHO).

Heh heh, this is the the most male solippybippy way possible to express this phenomenon, but I don't think you're entirely wrong. What I do think of this (I recently had this convo with a male friend and we both came to this conclusion) is that it's not that women lose the ability over 30 (or over whatever age - I've seen it posited as 23 in a book I can't remember the title of) it's that it just gets much more difficult.

At 18, the 27 yr old dude I crushed on was so smart and worldly and grown-up and competent at life. Why? Because he was 27. That was literally it. I thought all of those things before I knew them, and then when I did get to know him and found out he wasn't all of those things, it was the first step in my learning that just because I wanted someone in my pants didn't = he was awesome in other ways.

Now I am over 30 and daaaaamn it takes way more than being older than me to get me starry-eyed, but it still happens. I'm pretty starry-eyed over my bf. It's just the percentage of the male population that can induce starry-eyed-ness has dropped significantly from when I was 18.

So it isn't 'women totally losing the ability to be 'madly in love,'' it's women losing the ability to be 'madly in love' with a significant chunk of the male population. And that could just as easily be framed as men losing the ability to inspire love in women over 23/30/whatever. And I know I'm gonna get hit with 'well who cares who wants dried up hags anyway' - and, fine. You do not have to date dried up hags, boys. But the ease with which very young women get starry-eyed is by nature very fleeting, and it's men themselves that disabuse young women of their fanciful notions about male awesomeness.

[–]reluctantly_red1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

the ease with which very young women get starry-eyed is by nature very fleeting, and it's men themselves that disabuse young women of their fanciful notions about male awesomeness.

I actually agree. Its sad nonetheless.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (20 children) | Copy Link

Sadly women seem to loose the ability to fall madly for a guy as they age. Very few women over 30 seem to be able to do it (this is the true wall IMHO).

I'm thirsty as fuck for my man. I'm 34 and he's 41.

[–]PennnyLameWhy are you booing me? I’m right.5 points6 points  (17 children) | Copy Link

Yeah I am confused by the claim that women over 30 can’t fall madly in love.

[–]goatismycopilotJohnI'monlydancing6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Maybe they cannot fall in love the way red thinks they should, infatuation is not love it is a temporary feeling driven by honeymoonish stuff.

[–]reluctantly_red1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

infatuation is not love

Infatuation is part of the package. Without infatuation there is no true love -- only friendship.

[–]goatismycopilotJohnI'monlydancing0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Disagree. Infatuation can't last 5, 10, 20 years.

[–]poppy_blublack midget wine mom 🍷2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Men here like to project their own situation as universally applying to all men. In case you hadn't noticed.

[–]reluctantly_red2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

We're not all special snowflakes -- commonalities abound.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

ya what a strange assumption

[–]aretournerPPD = mimophant party1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's the men here showing their asses again. It's the PPD-male equivalent of all those 'I'm 30 and Men Are Shit' articles.

[–]reluctantly_red0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Very few can -- or perhaps they have trouble non-verbally communicating their infatuation.

[–]figyg0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy Link

Women over thirty who have fucked tons of dudes diminish their ability to pair-bond

[–]PennnyLame 1 points [recovered]  (6 children) | Copy Link

A dream is a wish your heart makes.

Oh sorry, I thought we were repeating nonsense spouted by anti-semetic sad dudes.

[–]figyg 1 points [recovered]  (5 children) | Copy Link

As a Jewish person, I have to ask you what I anti-semitism has to do with it and it makes me assume that you're an anti-semite

Sorry to hurt your libtard feelz, but according to the National Survey of Family Growth: Women with 10 or more partners were the most likely to divorce, but this only became true in recent years;

Women with 3-9 partners were less likely to divorce than women with 2 partners; and,

Women with 0-1 partners were the least likely to divorce.

https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/nsfg/index.htm

I hope you don't find the CDC too patriarchal to understand. Government studies, amirite?!?

I would have had a more nuanced conversation with you, considering it is a nuanced topic, but you dragging Judaism into the conversation for no apparent reason leads me to believe you're not actually capable of such discourse

[–]PennnyLameWhy are you booing me? I’m right.0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Try avoiding personal attacks and I may respond to you.

[–]figyg0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

🐅

[–]DesignerDebates3 small children in a trench coat[M] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Be civil. If you can edit our the person insults, I’ll approve.

[–]figyg0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

I will, but you can plainly see she brought in anti-semitism for no reason, whatsoever

[–]DesignerDebates3 small children in a trench coat[M] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

He/she started it is not a defence. If you see comments that break the rules, please report them.

[–]reluctantly_red2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

That's great -- you're one of the few.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Not really, no.

[–]BajaBlast902 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Infatuation is NOT the same thing as love. Younger people tend to get caught up in their naivety and infatuation and are not mature enough to understand love.

It's not that women lose the ability to love as they age. Rather, they are more mature and aren't going to suffer from "puppy love" or drop out post honeymoon phase.

No one looks back at their younger relationships and think they were good, or even real for that matter.

Love is so much more than a "look in their eyes". Tbh it sounds like something s teenager would think.n

[–]reluctantly_red0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

No one looks back at their younger relationships and think they were good, or even real for that matter.

Speak for yourself. I have lots of fond memories.

[–]BajaBlast900 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I have fond memories as well but that doesn't mean that they were quality relationships. When you're young your brain is still developing, and you're not fully matured yet.

Sure, having a relationship when your young is nice and everything but few young people understand what love is especially the energy, consistency and dedication you put into it. Again, let's not confuse infatuation or lust with love.

[–]goatismycopilotJohnI'monlydancing0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

So your current GF is not capable for falling madly because she is over 30 or you have another unicorn.

[–]reluctantly_red0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Not a unicorn -- but she's far better than most her age.

[–]goatismycopilotJohnI'monlydancing0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

But not capable of being infatuated? So you are settling for one another?

[–]reluctantly_red0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Everyone settles.

[–]goatismycopilotJohnI'monlydancing0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

That part I agree with.

[–]PhucCheet 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy Link

Sadly women seem to loose the ability to fall madly for a guy as they age. Very few women over 30 seem to be able to do it (this is the true wall IMHO).

This is the most depressing thing about being a male over 30. I miss that look, when they look up at you like you're the only person in the room.

[–]reluctantly_red0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

like you're the most exciting thing since MTV and the only person in the room.

Someone gets it.

[–]MissNietzsche 1 points [recovered]  (14 children) | Copy Link

I agree with the latter paragraph. One question though: do older women who fell madly in love with a man when they were younger and still stayed with their men throughout the years stay madly in love with them?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (13 children) | Copy Link

No.

Young love is often centred around infatuation. As one ages, they usually gain a more practical and realistic idea of love that is less about obsession and more about sustainability and stability.

I might not view my very adult boyfriend in the same way I idolized and was fascinated by my first real teenage crush, but what we have is way better than that. I admire him, I respect him, I'm inspired to work together with him, and yes I still want to jump his bones at every available opportunity.

[–]reluctantly_red0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

As one ages, they usually gain a more practical and realistic idea of love ...

So very true. Practical and realistic all too often = Beta Bucks.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Showing your ass again.

A guy can be practical, realistic, and not be a whiney wimp all at the same time. In fact, most find it rather easy to do.

[–]reluctantly_red1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yeah -- I know -- guys just need to STFU and get back to work.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Most already do

[–]MissNietzsche 1 points [recovered]  (7 children) | Copy Link

First off, I didn't ask you.

Second of all, your example doesn't even follow my question.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

Lol. Are you familiar with the general workings of a debate sub?

[–]MissNietzsche 1 points [recovered]  (5 children) | Copy Link

Hence my second point

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

I'm sorry if it went over your head. I'm the future, just know that you're not having private conversations here and everyone is welcome to comment on your posts.

[–]MissNietzsche 1 points [recovered]  (3 children) | Copy Link

Which I welcome, if the point is understood by other successors, but I asked a nuanced question. The point you gave is obvious and unnecessary; all you did was repeat the point of the original commenter, and it was redundant.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I forget that some users here are teenagers

[–]MissNietzsche 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy Link

And now an ad hominem..fantastic. Any valid counterarguments to my position?

[–]YaAmar1 point2 points  (11 children) | Copy Link

Charm. Feminity. A combination of she being aware of the appeal and the power she has over men, while at the same time never being sure of how attractive she is.

That she wants me to express it, to remind her of her beauty every minute of her day, to make her feel like how truly beautiful she is, and how to be with her is more important and more valuable to me than anything else in the world.

The more feminine she is, the most in love I become.

I'm talking about extreme feminity, not just in the physical manner, but in the vulnerability of her heart, the extremism of her emotions and feelings, her endless desire to be praised and admired for her beauty. Her obsession for me.

Her need and want for me to have my every thought and waking dream to be consumed by her, by wanting her. Insecurity. Because it makes my masculinity come forth, and all of me desires to take care of her, to protect her, and to keep her safe.

[–]vanBeethovenLudwigroses are red, feminists are blue0 points1 point  (10 children) | Copy Link

Her need and want for me to have my every thought and waking dream to be consumed by her, by wanting her. Insecurity. Because it makes my masculinity come forth, and all of me desires to take care of her, to protect her, and to keep her safe.

Very interesting and deep way of putting it! Thanks for this. Men like confident women but if she's too confident, she won't really need him.

[–]YaAmar0 points1 point  (9 children) | Copy Link

What men like are women who are confident enough to actively show their interest in them. Men don't want a woman who knows that she's beautiful, because if she does know it - what is he there for?

And a charming girl always forgets that everything about her is gorgeous, and wants you to remind her of how her eyes and her lips and the trick locks of her hair are so captivating that not even Art can capture it.

If she wants you to do it, it's because she loves you, and how you see her is important to her.

[–]SkookumTreeRomantic relationships aren't necessary for happiness!2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

That is interesting. I like confident, abrasive, blunt women. Need me? She should want me, but not need me. It’s fine if she doesn’t have a traditionally feminine bone in her body.

[–]YaAmar2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

That is interesting. I like confident, abrasive, blunt women. Need me? She should want me, but not need me. It’s fine if she doesn’t have a traditionally feminine bone in her body.

That would never work for me. Aggressive, abrasive, masculiney women that are trying to prove to men that they are more men than the men they are surrounded by aka just read what the women write on this sub, the energy they give off is so masculine that I wonder if gay men don't love them and approach them.

Softness, gentleness, the desire to be weak and vulnerable so that my biology can go yo dude, you remember why do you have 4 times the upper body strength of women, yo mah brah, do you remember why for thousands of years it was men who painted and wrote and sculpted works of art and dedicated those to women and not the other way?

A woman oughta run away from the man that she wants, but not run fast enough that he can't follow.

A woman oughta play hard to get, but remember him from time to time that she wants to be caught by him.

A woman knows that he is physically stronger than her, but that she conquered his heart that she took hold of all of his life with just a smile that makes him forget about everything, and makes him want everything - because she is all that matters in life.

Nothing can compare to her, for she is the reason that I was born to be a man.

And when she glances at you, in this spell that EVERY woman in the WORLD is born with the knowledge of just how to weave her feminine magic a little strong, a little weak, a little melodic, to make the man that she wants.

Do this.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=usZ6qWbBGpY

That is what a woman is. I'm not talking about how she looks like. There's hundreds of millions of women like that everywhere. It's that, that woman in particular, makes you feel like you are hunting the prize of your life when you leave every doubt, every impossiblity, behind you and you set yourself to hunt for her heart.

[–]poppy_blublack midget wine mom 🍷0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Love songs are not real life FYI

[–]YaAmar0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

it is that soft, sweet feminity in women such as yourself that caused Lord Byron to create ''She Walks In Beauty'' and “i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)” — e.e. cummings

[–]PhucCheet 1 points [recovered]  (4 children) | Copy Link

Men don't want a woman who knows that she's beautiful, because if she does know it - what is he there for?

I prefer when she knows her worth. If she knows it and still wants you, it means that much more. Those women also enjoy getting dolled up for your attention, showing off her looks to "model" for you, and are confident enough with their bodies to do some more adventurous sex stuff.

If she's too insecure about her looks and thinks she's plain, why is she with you? Settling because she can't do better? If a hotter guy hits on her, she'll want the validation so badly she might run into his arms (and dick). If she's not confident in her body, she might want to stick to vanilla sex in bed with the lights off.

[–]YaAmar0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

I prefer when she knows her worth.

They know their worth. They seemingly fail to know how attractive they are because they want the guy to feel like he's discovering himself as he remembers her of her allure and sensuality, and he's discovering a new side of her that she keeps only for herself and for the elected of her heart to find. It's all a play, a plot that they all, every woman in the world knows by instinct.

If she's too insecure about her looks and thinks she's plain, why is she with you? Settling because she can't do better? If a hotter guy hits on her, she'll want the validation so badly she might run into his arms (and dick). If she's not confident in her body, does she stick to vanilla sex in bed under the covers with the lights off?

if she runs to another guy, that's her choice. I'm not her keeper. I'm not one to cage someone that deserves to be free, and they all deserve to be free. In the end, not even Gatsby could keep Daisy, but he had her still, even if it was just for a moment, and sometimes that's all a man gets.

[–]PhucCheet 1 points [recovered]  (2 children) | Copy Link

they want the guy to feel like he's ... discovering a new side of her that she keeps only for herself and for the elected of her heart to find.

That's about getting to know her intimately and emotionally connecting, not about getting to know her looks. She doesn't need you to discover she's good-looking (unless she's very insecure). That's superficial. It's better if she already knows she's hot and you can skip that. She craves you peeling back the layers and discovering the deeper sides.

if she runs to another guy, that's her choice. I'm not her keeper. I'm not one to cage someone

But that's the point. She chose someone else. You shouldn't need to cage her. It means more when she chooses you. Isn't it better when she doesn't immediately jump to the closest guy because she was desperate for validation? (This OP was about love, not ONS hookups)

In the end, not even Gatsby could keep Daisy,

Gatsby was a fool who thought he needed to Beta Bux Max, turning to a life of bootlegging and elaborate parties to overcompensate and prove his means. He spent years on the cowardly roundabout route, instead of being direct and trying to win her over with passion, dominance and seduction. Meanwhile Daisy married a dom jock. Gatsby was in love with the green light more than Daisy.

[–]YaAmar1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

That's about getting to know her intimately and emotionally connecting, not about getting to know her looks. She doesn't need you to discover she's good-looking (unless she's very insecure). That's superficial. She craves you peeling back the layers and discovering the deeper sides.

First he has to allure her with praise, then as she becomes accostumed to his interest and welcomes it, he begins to peel back all of the multitudes of layers that constitute her being. her fears, her desires, ambitions, dreams, and all that is of her and about her. She will grow attached to him, emotionally attached and she will care more about him and want him more than she wants the other guys who are always hitting on her.

What does it matter that this guy has this or that if he doesn't understand her? If he doesn't know who she really is? But you know. And she can finally be herself, with you. You become her safe space.

But that's the point. She chose someone else. You shouldn't need to cage her. It means more when she chooses you. Isn't it better when she doesn't immediately jump to the closest guy because she was desperate for validation? If she runs off that quickly, it devalues what you had. (This OP was about love, not ONS hookups)

Yes, when she turns down men who have more SMV, are younger, have more money, more social status than you, and wants you, she is selecting you from all of the other men who want her, and she is yours. For how long it lasts.

Gatsby was a fool who thought he needed to Beta Bux Max, turning to a life of bootlegging and elaborate parties to overcompensate and prove his means. He spent years on the cowardly roundabout route, waiting for her to come to him, instead of being direct and trying to win her over with passion and seduction. Meanwhile Daisy married a dom jock. Gatsby was in love with the green light more than Daisy.

Fair.

Gatsby wanted to be part of what she represented.

The WASP society that a lot of people on this sub are obsessed with.

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[–]Salty-Bastardjust an excitable boy5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

If her Dad owns a liquor store.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

😂😂😂😂

[–]reluctantly_red0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

My GF's grandfather owns a bar. :)

[–]meomeowmeoww 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy Link

How hot she is duh

[–]InformalCriticismProbably Red1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

The start of every biological conception.

[–]PennnyLameWhy are you booing me? I’m right.3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

My husband really likes the way I say “ham!!”

[–]aretournerPPD = mimophant party2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

One of my exes would make me say the word 'pop.' It used to reliably give him a boner. Men are fucking WEIRD.

[–]wtknightGen X Slacker0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

She looks good. She smiles when I talk to her. She has interesting things to talk about, and is interested in the things that I talk about with her. She and I are sexually compatible.

[–]CursedLemonA Bigger, Bluer Dick0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Don't know, never been in love. I have an idyllic idea of what it might be, mostly centering around the prospect that my love would organically encourage me to be the best version of myself and would epitomize the type of personality that is sorely lacking in the world, an undamaged optimism/compassion and drive for self-actualization and exploration.

[–]PhucCheet 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy Link

Male.

Fall in love with a woman or have oneitis? Your title says one, but the post says the other.

For love: combination of looks, smile, kindness, playfulness, intelligence, being articulate and well-spoken, agreeableness, openness, conscientiousness, complexity (simple women bore me), good sex

Her achievements, hobbies and goals matter - but I don't see how that's pining away or stalking.

Are you talking about women you aren't already dating? I've only fallen in love with women I was already with.

[–]vanBeethovenLudwigroses are red, feminists are blue0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

True, falling in love and oneitis is different. I guess both would be interesting to know.

[–]wub12340 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I don't think I've ever been in love with anyone.

[–]iceicle9990 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's never happened before. But what I don't like, is when they are too forward with me and act like pseudo-men. When they feel entitled to some sort of validation just because they're women. Those traits are huge turn-offs for me.

[–]LLL3peat0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Male as question asks.

Attraction gets her in the door. Biology and natural attraction keeps her more than normal. Wild crazy sex. We both explore each other physically.

Mentally it's when she HELPS and is a SUBMISSIVE human being towards being a team. Helping with bills, groceries, taking on responsibilities I normally have to make life easier for me.

She chases from time to time but loves me to spoil her when she is behaving appropriately and I love to give.

Honestly it's more towards being a slut for me, and submitting towards us building together. Aiding and helping me accomplish my d4eams, and I help her accordingly in return.

None of this who has the power in a relationship madness.

[–]Tyler_GatsbyNo mas Sancho0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Honestly there's different ways. She could have it as easy as just having the right body chemistry to naturally smell good to me for starters. I think some women smell good when they sweat, or that, "I just got up, haven't changed out of my jammies/house clothes or anything" girl smell. That can easily begin to smell like "home."

Other than that, mentally I fall for eclectic or eccentric, personality wise I have to admit women are right that it helps to have a certain degree of "bitch" to them, for a lot of men, myself included. I don't mean being rude to waiters, or picking fights, I mean more just "shit test" making fun of something we did or such.

We need to have cohabitatable (is word grammar judges?) lifestyles, and enough mutual interest in music, food, movies, etc. If all that is met, she'd easily start to feel like home- if she wanted to.

[–]Radkin0070 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Gender: Guy

Besides beauty? Someone that compliments my life instead of taking away from it. Most of (i think all?) of the women I have been infatuated or head over heels for have added to my life instead of took away from it. However when a female starts to take away my own happiness or adds unburdened stress I quickly lose the chemical attraction. That’s what love is anyways, a chemical reaction in the brain.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

How I see she interacts with other people, obviously.

I lose my boner for 90% of women I find HOT when they open their mouths.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

If I do enough drugs with a girl we will eventually fall in love that's just science.

No but seriously that's how most of my recent crushes and indeed relationships have started.

Been spending time getting high with this girl and recently we spent a lovely day doing oxy and ketamine, and this girl is usually not my type (and I imagine I'm not usually hers either) but we have great fun together. Much more fun than just doing oxy and ket alone and that's saying a lot because boshing lines of ket while you're on crushed up 80mg original formula oxys feels absolutely fucking AMAZING.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

I need a ketamine bf :(

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

If you're in London hmu.

[–]figyg0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm a guy

I think I've outgrown the concept of oneitis, but I'm open to being proven wrong

I love when a woman is selfless, in a maternal way, and I don't mean to me. Like someone that feeds stray cats and donates charity and volunteers. And if she notices if someone in the group is cold/tired/hungry and offers to help. Just like an idea of people outside of themselves and their selfies and instagram.

In my experience, it's pretty rare to find women that actually have good maternal instincts, though the same could probably be said for men with good paternal instincts.

[–]762RiflemanNeither0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Having tons of hot sex with me helps.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

Her body and femininity, child like behaviour. But mostly her body.

[–]vanBeethovenLudwigroses are red, feminists are blue0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Childlike behavior like??

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Yes, though it is redundant since I mentioned "femininity" as one of the core traits. Femininity means, partially at least, a child like behaviour. From the point of view of men, of course.

Women cry, get emotional 10 times a day, refuse to do stuff, they are stubborn then suddenly want to cuddle, they look at you with their innocent eyes while you fuck them and bite their lips, they do make-up to appear even more child like (aka young, pretty).

Oh and a cherry on top, they like when you tickle them.

[–]vanBeethovenLudwigroses are red, feminists are blue0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

That's a cute way to describe it. I think women are definitely the best when they revert to how they were when they were little girls - I don't think there's any set characteristics, just how they were during their childhood.

For instance I was very shy as a little girl and would always want to take adventures and explore but was hesitant, and would cry about it, but in the end I'd always do it and then be proud of my accomplishment. I was never a little girl that would dive into things and be brash, I would always be unsure of myself. Somehow those qualities still make men want to protect me even as a grown woman almost 30.

Depending though, some men I've dated don't prefer women like that and want more aggression and abrasiveness.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes different strokes for different folks. Good thing you mentioned men wanting to protect a woman. That's one of the basic masculine instincts in most men. Of course there are exceptions as you noticed yourself.

[–]PunPoliceChief0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Zest for life, ambition, cutesy shit, grace and composure. Classic feminine stuff.

[–]HostileErectile0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Eyes, smile, being a bit awkward but also flirty and forward.

Ofcourse long legs and a phat ass.

[–]SkookumTreeRomantic relationships aren't necessary for happiness!0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Never fallen in love. Kindness, caring, bluntness, and abrasiveness are very attractive to me. I wanna be able to tell her that yeah, she looks fat in that dress. And I want her to be that blunt with me. And to revel in it!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

in my experience, that kind of communication style grows with time. It can be off putting in the early stages. My boyfriend won't hesitate to point out that I'm acting ridiculous or doing something poorly, and I happily return the favor. Everyone needs to be told they're being a little bitch from time to time. But it goes over better with a foundation of trust.

[–]SkookumTreeRomantic relationships aren't necessary for happiness!0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

It does. To get away with that initially you need to be shameless, caring, and almost pathologically honest.

[–]reluctantly_red0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

tell her that yeah, she looks fat in that dress.

Not necessarily a bad thing. :)

[–]SlimLovinHigh Value to Own the Libs0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

When she’s kinda mean.

[–]goatismycopilotJohnI'monlydancing1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

So that is why you bug the crap out of Atlas.

[–]Nodoxxintoxin1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I thought that was just Snookum. How many blue orbiters can one woman have?

[–]goatismycopilotJohnI'monlydancing0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Oh you are right. Apologies Slim. I got the S people mixed up. Thanks Nod for catching that.

[–]the_calibre_cat0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Besides looks (I may fall for a fat girl but I'm just not willing to commit myself there, sorry not sorry), I need a personality that's somewhat interesting, good communication skills, and the ability to confuse and be vulnerable to some degree. No woman will ever allow a man to be as vulnerable as he can be, and I accept that, but there's got to be some level of tolerance for it.

[–]reluctantly_red2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I may fall for a fat girl but I'm just not willing to commit myself there, sorry not sorry

Closet chubby chasers have fucked up lots of otherwise decent fat girls -- shame.

[–]vanBeethovenLudwigroses are red, feminists are blue0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Why is it important for her to confuse you for you to fall in love with her?

[–]the_calibre_cat0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I meant to type "confide." Machines are stupid.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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