Assumptions:

  • That you had a guy interested in you between the ages of 15 and 26 who was hell bent on being with you or marrying you, but you weren't attracted to them sexually and/or not attracted to the idea of them as a long term partner.
  • That you believe in "regrets." If you're more "things happen for a reason" please do respond!

This post is inspired by a comment in another post:

In my opinion most people settle because they wait too long. Most people are at their peak physical attractiveness in their late teens and early 20s although if someone stays in shape they can keep it going for another decade or two. I just know that when I look up people I used to know from high school both men and women have gotten fat and lost a lot of their youthful attractiveness and they are barely into their 30s now.

I don't necessarily disagree with them that "physical peak" for what a lot of men find attractive in a lot of women may be a finite 16-23 age range.

That said I don't know if I even subscribe to the idea of "settling" or especially how I think they're using it.

I commented on their comment:

I don’t relate to this argument.

Perhaps this is true for men who had the woman he thought was perfect at 22 but he wanted to have more sex with more people and placed her on hold so now he has to settle.

But I honestly can’t think of a single woman I personally know who did that. Every attractive woman I know who didn’t get married to the guy who wanted to marry her at 22-25, didn’t do so because she didn’t find him attractive for marriage or for whatever reason.

Maybe he was sexually repulsive to her. Maybe he had zero husband qualities.

Maybe all he wanted to do was place her on hold and have lots of sex first.

But the truth is most of those women didn’t have the option to marry who they wanted “in their prime.” Many women “in their prime” would have felt as though she were 'settling' for what she didn’t want had she married the guy who wanted her at 23.

Anyway it makes sense why I mostly only hear men make this argument. Most women aren’t looking back at the guy who she didn’t like at 23 and thinking, they missed out on him at 23.

Maybe and I mean maybe she’s thinking, “I guess I could have forced myself to like him. Idk. Maybe. Eh.” or “Maybe I could have helped him care about things like keeping a stable job and not drinking every night and paying rent on time so his credit score isnt abysmal. Eh.”

But that doesn’t sound all that great and we see the women who did that and and for most it backfired trying to either deny her lack of attraction or “change him.” And those ladies and their men are miserable which is why she didn’t.