::Before we dive in I want to define "casual" as any of the following: FWB, fling, hookups, consistent sex with a singular partner outside of an "LTR," or ONS.::

I was inspired by an exchange I had in the recent OP "Q4W: Are you less sexually inhibited in a casual sex setting?"

The top level comment mentioned this:

Being dominated in bed can be a turn on, being flipped into certain positions, having clothes virtually ripped off is hot in the context of an LTR. It is downright scary with someone you don’t know well. Any guy who was too aggressive or escalated too quickly would be lucky to get a hand job and be shown the door.

It was pretty upvoted and the OP replied with this:

Thank you for mentioning fear! I think in all the longing for casual sex among trp, they underestimate how frightening such things can be for a woman. It's very different for a partner you know and trust to ask if you'd like to try spanking or something (where you know they'll stop if you ask), and another thing entirely with a near-stranger....

As a woman I completely relate to always being unconsciously conscious of the fact that men are stronger; and that any situation, whether it's walking down the street alone or sexual encounters, could be potentially dangerous.

That said I personally can't say I relate to this:

"Being dominated in bed can be a turn on, being flipped into certain positions, having clothes virtually ripped off is hot in the context of an LTR. It is downright scary with someone you don’t know well."

I don't relate because I personally have never had sex with someone with whom I haven't already built up a rapport/comfort level -- and yes I believe rapport and comfort can be built quickly or over time. For example I've built a genuine rapport with women in the bathroom in an instant.

I haven't had a traditional "ONS" where I had intimate relations with a person and never saw them again, but I have realized throughout the day/evening me and another had a very palatable sexual energy that ended up leading to sex of this passionate/ dominant nature. That person ended up being someone I dated -- not a "one and done."

(I always have sex like that and yes within LTRS because that's just how I enjoy sex when I'm attracted to a person - inb4 some one says "TRP confirmed she had passionate sex with someone she just met!")

I say that to say, for the most part wouldn't you realize a man is "scary" or makes you "uncomfortable" before you get to the point where he's "ripping your clothes off"? Or rather wouldn't you have assessed at some point this is how the sex would be based on your interactions with that person before the sex? Or even still, do you feel you have agency in how the sex unfolds?

Or let's say he was a total meek guy non-touchy or non-playfully flirtatious guy the entire date and you've made the decision to be in close casual sexual quarters with him; and suddenly he's doing a 180 and "ripping your clothes off" in a dominant fashion -- wouldn't you be compelled to tell him to stop?

I guess I'm having a hard time imagining how anything would progress to this point? Typically by this point you're actually attracted to him and the sexual energy is there and you're both passionately into it or you're not? Especially for a casual encounter.

I personally have never had a "scary" sexual experience with a man.

So I'm posing this question for fear that my brain is defaulting to "victim blaming" when really I'm just interested in how often women experience a complete 180 from a man like this? tbh I didn't quite relate to the chick in the Aziz Ansari story either, so am I or are the women I'm around the odd ones? Is this a cultural difference?

Is it an intuition thing? I personally don't escalate or progress with any man who is giving me any inkling of discomfort or who isn't rapport building with me to that level of comfort where I feel sexy and uninhibited to truly enjoy a sexual experience. I'm either fully into what's happening or I'm ending the interaction -- this is my default for sexual encounters, LTRs or otherwise.

Thoughts?