Q4W: How does women being able to"smell misoginy" line up with women who end up being in abusive relationships?

vivvienne · 2022-08-05T09:38:58+00:00

So, how come some women, despite apparently having the ability to "smell" misoginy and abusive men still choose to be with these men?

They can't, that's silly. No abuser would be successful if they were so recognizable. I've seen more comments dismissing men as misogynists in order to avoid discussion than engaging so not exactly showing themselves to be great listeners to begin with.

Have all these women who are in abusive relationships been forced into that relationship?

By force they usually mean they got tricked by a guy with almost no way out. Abusers isolate victims to keep them from escaping so yes it's very possible to coerce people beyond reasonable ability to leave.

Or is it rather a mixed bag and we really cannot tell accurately which relationships were forced and which were not?

Society can only do so much. If you're an adult you're responsible for yourself.

Is it really safe to say that women can "smell" misoginy and abusive behavior?

The fact this was ever claimed is rather silly to begin with. People on this website barely exhibit reading comprehension as it is, good luck getting anyone to actually read something longer than 3 lines.

I would argue that both men and women get abused plenty though.

shockedpikachu123 · 2022-08-05T11:50:10+00:00

I don’t think all misogynistic men are necessarily abusive. I’ve dated and worked with some misogynistic men. Are they idiots? Yes. but they’re not all abusive. Some of the men I’ve dated grew up in another culture and they don’t see it as misogynistic until I educated them.

It’s really hard to tell who will abusive but a few ways to vouch in the beginning is seeing how they respond to “no.” Even for minor things. An abuser does not do well to no. Also setting boundaries and sticking to them

EulenWatcher · 2022-08-05T07:20:11+00:00

First of all, both men and women get into abusive relationships. It isn't something that only women trip on and suffer from.

Secondly, women (and men) can't read minds. The idea that women can "smell misogyny" isn't correct, but a lot of people do tell on themselves especially the ones who have a lack of social skills.

Thirdly, abusers don't start abusing their victim from the beginning. They're great liars and manipulators. People around them often describe them as easygoing, kind, caring folks. The first stage of relationship with abuser is love bombing. They make you feel special, they give you everything you want. And when things slowly start getting dark a lot of people think they're at fault for it.

Lastly, I don't think that all misogynists are necessarily abusive and vice versa. One can be abusive without being biased towards women overall and there are female abusers as well. A man can be biased against women and be a shitty partner, but not an abuser. Although I guess there's come correlation, I doubt it 100% equation.

Edit: and replies I've got are somewhat telling, yep.

kokorwqac · 2022-08-05T07:35:09+00:00

Women or men can't smell shit, a lot of psychopaths are good actors and trick dumb men and women

There's also a minority of degenerates that purposefully seek evil people but this isn't a majority

Also, not all abusers are misogynistic and not all misogynists are necessarily abusive

CJs_goldfish · 2022-08-05T11:44:52+00:00

Not all women can. For me, I couldn’t smell it until I had 1) seen/ experienced it enough to be able to identify it quickly, and 2) recovered my sense of self worth enough to know I don’t have to tolerate it. Having both of these things comes at different times for different people. For me, home life was loving and stable growing up and I started dating without knowing quite what to watch out for. I knew a few girls who grew up in abusive or misogynistic situations and thought it was normal, they fell into those types of relationships and some of them never got to the second part where you realize it’s a choice and you don’t just need to accept it. So yes, we can smell it, or spidey sense or whatever, but not everyone, all the time and not from birth. Edit: grammar

2022-08-05T07:22:01+00:00

Multiple reasons for the first question. The two that most stand out without deeply thinking about it are ; Uneducated people or people without many life options may not be as picky in relationships and have less resources to leave them without becoming destitute, some people don’t start off abusive but a ltr can become toxic and then abusive either physically or mentally with or without her partner having misogynistic views.

I haven’t personally seen any woman say she can smell mysoginy, but some people do put out big bright red flags and they probably are avoiding those people (unless in a desperate situation) and are probably getting with someone with more subtly abusive tells or who become abusive as the relationship revolves

moldovan0731 · 2022-08-05T14:04:33+00:00

They can only do it if they're not attracted to the man in question. I'm not joking, I'm dead serious. They wouldn't be fooled for so long or wouldn't deny when being with an abusive chad (not all chads are abusive) otherwise. The best they can universally see is frustration (not knowing the reason) and desperation.

mydikishomofobik · 2022-08-05T13:43:25+00:00

Women's much touted intuition is trash. Men get fooled by people as well, but some people claim women have some special sense for detecting harmful men and I don't buy it.

Some men act like upfront assholes, have track records of abusing women, but women still go for them.

Women just like to denigrate men they're not attracted to or view as lower status.

neetykeeno · 2022-08-05T10:15:24+00:00

The wolf gets better at hunting until he catches a weaker member of the herd. But he probably has to chase a dozen other members of the herd who all outrun and outwit him before he catches that one.

One things for sure true...if you think it might be a wolf, don't go thinking "oh no he's just a well meaning guy who makes mistakes" RUN.

And if in general the herd runs from you...chances are they recognise you as wolf.

Visible-Doughnut-782 · 2022-08-05T15:13:52+00:00

Practically every woman with a dating history claims to have had an “abusive” partner at some stage.

Either the vast majority of Men in existence are indeed “abusive”, “toxic”, “misogynistic” and “narcissistic” or these have simply become exaggerated buzzwords that a large swathe of Women kind use these days to describe a parter that has become somewhat disagreeable.

This is not to say that genuinely abusive relationships -and Men- don’t exist. Just that they are much much rarer than posts like this would imply.

daddysgotanew · 2022-08-05T17:40:35+00:00

Because it’s all bullshit. Women go off of looks first, just like men. The better he looks, the more crap she’ll put up with. I know women that spent years and years in abusive relationships, because the men they were dating were hot.

anonymousUser1SHIFT · 2022-08-05T18:38:42+00:00

Women can't "smell" misogyny. It's just something they tell them selfs to influence their conformation and victim bias.

We know this because most women will never check it the guy they "smell" misogyny from is actually misogyny. They just go ahead and assume they are right.

This is goes beyond a woman or sex thing and is just a fundamental break down is the scientific theory.

IcarusKiki · 2022-08-05T21:39:16+00:00

Who cares what women online say

KombuchaEnema · 2022-08-05T09:33:10+00:00

I’m gonna be honest. A lot of men who think they’re suave, confident, and good at conversation are actually just cringey.

You know that kid (there’s always one) in school who tries really, really hard to be the class clown but he ends up making everyone uncomfortable?

If you consistently get rejected by every woman despite being “talkative” and “good at conversation” that’s probably you.

When women get abused by men they specifically chose to date, you’ll hear them say “I didn’t know he was abusive! He hid it well!” This means that he probably had actual social skills.

I guarantee if I could become a fly on the wall for these guys who are complaining about being confident/good conversationalists, I could probably point out every awkward/weird thing they’re saying without knowing it. They expose themselves and don’t even realize it.

I had a friend who wrote a letter to a coworker he had a crush on and he thought it was brilliant. He thought it was a work of literature. When I read it all I could think was how creepy it was. When I told him certain lines made it clear he had a poor image of women in general (and he will freely admit that he does), he was shocked.

DorianneGrey · 2022-08-05T13:30:07+00:00

Experience helps women to spot the bad apples, unfortunately experience also helps the truly bad apples to be better at hiding it in the beginning.

The men who complain here either just aren't very good at hiding it or are going for women who are very good at spotting it. The women who complain here are either very bad at spotting it or are going for men who are very good at hiding it in the beginning.

GlowingAsItDazzles · 2022-08-05T15:41:36+00:00

why do you all take every stupid utterance that falls from womens mouths when theyre "debating" incels on reddit so seriously. its just an insult/shaming tactic, its not a peer reviewed science paper caliming women can "smell misogyny", its just some cunty thing women say

JapchaeNoddle · 2022-08-05T18:47:29+00:00

Simple.It’s a way to label anyone the don’t like, or anyone who triggers them as mysognist so that the group will help them ostracize ,censor,ban,silence and humiliate that person.

AcanthocephalaNew947 · 2022-08-05T07:48:46+00:00

Sometimes I feel like y’all just want women to say some fucked up shit to you.

Some women are good at spotting assholes, some men are good at spotting assholes as well. It’s unfortunately not a gift everyone has.

Do you think abusers are walking up to women and telling them they refuse to be “AF/BBed! By a woman and about to hit the wall.”

Of course not, but most of all they often have what incel misogynists lack, good looks and people skills.

How a post like this exists in the same space as such terms as beta bux, divorce raped and MGTHOW is crazy to me.

Terrible woman: woman’s fault Terrible man: woman’s fault

GridReXX · 2022-08-05T14:11:37+00:00

You know what you know. Women in abusive relationships likely came from that so correlate it with love and consistency. Or don’t know how to vet. These things are taught/bred.

swag_Lemons · 2022-08-05T14:14:33+00:00

Just a circlejerk of what everyone else is saying.

Being able to “smell misogyny” really is just noticing the type of person someone is by the things they say.

People with poor social skills, or people who spend most of their time in spaces on the internet where bigoted behavior and thought is accepted/praised, are usually really bad at concealing their true nature.

The difference between abusive guys and these guys you can just “smell it on” is that abusive people usually have the people skills that the others don’t.

If you meet someone and they’re kind and caring and wonderful off the bat, a year later, when they’re isolating you from your friends, making you feel bad about about your interests, hobbies, the way you dress, your school/career, literally just making your life a shitshow, it’s SO EASY to think to yourself that “it’s just a rough patch” “they’ll change” “they’ll go back to normal soon!” And this is what keeps you to stay while they get the benefits of your bending backwards to keep them. And all of that goes for both men and women.

Scarypaperplates · 2022-08-05T21:50:38+00:00

But, how does this claim, that women have the ability to "smell misogynist and abusive" men work with the fact that there are countless women who ended up being in an abusive relationship? Even today, unfortunately, a lot of women are in abusive relationships with no help and no hope of escape.

A mix of men being manipulative and not all women being savvy to this kinda thing-in fact a lot of us dont pick up on this until later in life. I think there is a book by lundy bancroft that addresses this just cant remember the name right now.

Temoojin804 · 2022-08-06T01:01:15+00:00

The ones that say they can smell it are simply using that as a coping mechanism to dismiss opposing views. Instead of engaging in debate, or even just simply listening/reading and comprehending, it's much easier to dismiss them as misogynist and move on.

I've been called a pig for being concerned with the 90% of homeless being men. I've been called a misogynist for showing concern for the vast majority of suicides being men. I've been called a victim blamer for providing sources on modern studies and peer reviewed scholarly articles that indicate men and women are both abused and assaulted at similar levels in relationships (in fact, in situations where the violence is unprovoked and not mutual, women are the aggressors 70% of the time - fun fact, the most abusive relationships a human can be in, by an astronomical level, are lesbian relationships). I've also been called a rape apologist for simply suggesting that maybe automatically believing any and all women, at the cost of destroying the man's reputation, with absolutely zero due process, maybe isn't the right way to go, especially when there is no evidence, criminal charges, and the allegations are years if not decades old.

So, there's that...

ConsultJimMoriarty · 2022-08-05T11:25:32+00:00

Because women and men are not monoliths.

noodle_king_69 · 2022-08-05T07:36:18+00:00

I don't understand the point of making a whole post about these type of things. Some women can sometimes easily spot misogynist asshats. Some can't. Some men (narcissists etc.) are manipulative and can hide their assholeness well. Some women have better social skills than other and can read men more easily.

femm-fatale · 2022-08-05T07:14:51+00:00

Girls will call anything misogyny, like even when I speak the truth on their dark/selfish nature they call me a misogynist even tho I’m a girl lol

chalkandapples · 2022-08-05T12:16:44+00:00

I think this is a miscommunication problem. Women don't have some magical ability to smell misogyny, that's not what we're talking about. What we're talking about is just the natural instinct that every person has to detect deception. Both men and women have this to some extent, and each person is different in how good they are at this.

How good you are at detecting deception is also pitted against how good someone is at deceiving.

This is the same reason some people fall for scams and some don't, but even a person with very good intuition can fall for very good scams.

People that are good at deception and abusive tend to not show that at the beginning and slowly become more abusive. And isolate you from your supports so you don't have other people to recalibrate against on what is normal. If you're someone that came from a very loving environment and never had people be abusive to you, you might be very intolerant to abusive behaviors and no one can convince you this is OK, and leave asap. But if you have more tolerance for abusive situations and is not as confident in your assessment, you might stay because you doubt your own feelings.

Sunk cost fallacy also keeps people around longer than they should.

Diddy_1978 · 2022-08-05T13:24:47+00:00

It comes with experience, unfortunately. Some women will spot them because they have seen others being abused, others will need to go through the experience themselves to learn.

pearllovespink · 2022-08-05T13:53:38+00:00

This question is….nvm.

You cannot “smell” an abuser. Most people, meaning men and women, look for red flags while dating. That doesn’t mean you will catch them or even see them. Some people turn violent without any warning signs at all.

Women can also be physically and verbally abusive.

drew8311 · 2022-08-05T14:15:42+00:00

Maybe the guys are just attractive? When men here complain about stuff I assume they are unattractive so the women commenters can make other assumptions on why they wouldn't date them because their rose tinted glasses are not on.

DeJuanBallard · 2022-08-05T14:21:00+00:00

Like most social media posts on this subject, the claim that they have some 6th sense for detecting these things, is entirely bulshit, it's "feel good" rhetoric design to shed the accountability for why they are bitter and alone as being the product of how "bad men are" instead of the truth which is "I have been brainwashed to view men as physically,financially,morally inferior to me and this had lead to me being alone".

Overarching_Chaos · 2022-08-05T14:21:43+00:00

This makes no sense, women can't "smell misogyny", it's just an excuse dome of them came up with for rejecting men they find unattractive and shifting blame towards them, instead of just admitting the truth.

Everyone is entitled to their standards and if you think women's standards are unrealistic that's a different topic, however claiming that men who are unsuccessful in dating get rejected due to misogyny is horseshit given how many women end up in emotionally/physically abusive relationships.

Of course, making a public statement that is clearly misogynistic will definitely impact your dating life, but that's only a minority of cases. Most people don't go around announcing their misogynistic views openly...

RinoaRita · 2022-08-05T15:05:40+00:00

Well there are two types of potential abusers. The ones that pretty much advertise it “I’m an asshole and I tell it like it is. Take it or leave it! Sorry not sorry!!!” And some naive women still go for them.

Then there’s the more insidious type that’s super friendly, and can identify potential victims and reek them in until they get attached. And they play hot and cold to keep reeling them in. These guys are more dangerous as they often go after vulnerable women. Being insecure is like catnip to these guys

bluehorserunning · 2022-08-05T15:11:37+00:00

women who have been educated about bad men, who have grown up in feminist households, will not accept abusive and misogynistic relationships. Women who have grown up already thinking that women are 'lesser,' seeing their mothers cater to their fathers even in drunkenness and abuse, see that as 'love' and will fall into similar relationships. This is not rocket science.

Flightlessbirbz · 2022-08-05T15:33:51+00:00

Women cannot “smell” misogyny and abuse, unfortunately. But some guys don’t hide it well, and some women can tell better than others. It just depends.

ruboyuri · 2022-08-05T17:22:33+00:00

The only women who like sexism and gender roles are (religious) tradcons.

The rest is good old fashioned mental dysfunction, ego/investment, socialized passivity, economic dependence, terrorist violence, traumatic brain damage and laziness/stupidity

pussy_destroyyer · 2022-08-05T17:48:08+00:00

Those are two different kinds of men.

First off, it’s silly to say you can smell abusers, most abusers are successful at abusing someone beca they manipulate well and seem perfect at first.

However I know exactly the type of men these women talk about being able to recognise: it’s dudes that have really weird/misogynistic views on women and while they don’t openly voice them, you can still tell from how their comments. For example, when trying to flirt they’ll try to tell you that you’re “not like those other sluts nowadays” and that “it’s hard to find someone pure nowadays” or some weird shit like that. Or they’re the type where you can tell that they don’t see women as more than meat, makes sexual comments right away, talks about other girls in a degrading matter and all that.

Those guys usually aren’t the ones that end up locking women down in abusive relationships for a long time because just as women suggest, their vibe is creepy and weird and that doesn’t scream “Boyfriend material”. The guys that are most successful seem perfect at first, they’re fun to be around, everyone likes them, they’re affectionate and spoil you. Then slowly they isolate you away from friends and family. That’s when they can make you dependant and start treating you like shit. The more dependent you are and the lower your self esteem is, the less likely you are to be able to leave.

RocinanteCoffee · 2022-08-05T18:04:30+00:00

If someone cannot keep themselves from describing how much they hate women and how manipulative they think women are it's unlikely they'll be able to convincingly fake with all women that they have a modicum of civility towards them when they interact with them in the real world.

That being said there are of course the rare people (among all genders) who can fake things really well and there are also (among all genders) the occasional person who is super gullible and overly trusting.

That being said, coming from an attitude of hostility and mistrust toward women while also feeling demanding of sex and/or relationships from them is hard to mask for long (but that doesn't say that some people can't cover this part of themselves up).

As far as how people end up in abusive relationships, everyone gets insecure, some people are convinced they don't deserve better or that the person they're with is "different" than other abusers because they either can fix them or they think the abuser can fix themselves.

In the US it's also becoming more difficult all the time to afford housing. Male victims of domestic abuse might have to choose in the same way that some women victims do which would be worse, staying in the abusive situation or being homeless? Not to mention a lot of abusers financially abuse people too and won't let them have access to their entire paycheck.

Yes some women who are in abusive relationships have been forced into it (grooming them when they're young, separating them from their family and friends, and sometimes moving them to a different place, not allowing them to work or taking all their money). The abused feeling ashamed they got in this predicament.

Additionally, the landscape for prosecuting criminal abuse is rocky. It can make people's lives actively worse in the short-term. If you escape an abuser for a YEAR after the escape you are at the time in the situation where you are most likely to be killed by them. So it takes some time for that risk to lessen.

Some people have had to make the decision before, if I stay with him/her/them I will have bruises and broken plates but I'll be alive. If I leave them, they'll kill me.

Often (again due to financial abuse) they don't have an easy way to get far away from their abuser and hide and still survive. And it can even be more difficult for men who are victims of abuse as there are fewer resources for them.

Also women's shelters often work with police. If your abuser is part of the police department it's difficult to find a safe place to go to.

bigapple4am · 2022-08-05T22:43:36+00:00

This is the first time Ive seen this term tbh

sarkington · 2022-08-05T10:54:51+00:00

Some women are too desperate, damaged or dysfunctional to care, duh

BitsAndBobs304 · 2022-08-05T11:22:10+00:00

women are schrodinger's x-men according to the white knights and feminists

Impossible_You_8555 · 2022-08-05T10:33:22+00:00

It doesn't

What people do tells you who they are

poppy_blu · 2022-08-05T11:17:54+00:00

Are the women who say they can “smell misogyny” the same women who are in abusive relationships?

You understand that “women” isn’t a single person?

freerossulbrich · 2022-08-05T07:54:24+00:00

I think saying that men are chosen based on "personality" is bullshit.

Men are chosen by

Look
How much money he is paying

Paying here doesn't mean pay for sex but pay with resources. For example, some men stick around when the woman get pregnant and raise children. It's very reasonable. Some men are rich and is willing to spend money on her.

That's it. That's the only 2 factors.

Personality don't matter.

Now, in western world, we have laws that prevent men from just paying a fair price. So women end up with manipulative men.

Men that pay are called misogynist.

fakingandnotmakingit · 2022-08-05T08:37:52+00:00

Women are people

Some women are really good at seeing red flags and awful behaviour

Some women are really shit at it

Some misogynistic and abusive men are obvious and some are really good at pretending ti not be until you've invested in the relationship or gaslit.

Lots of factors here.

But you know, that might be too difficult for people who need social scripts to get through life

januaryphilosopher · 2022-08-05T09:05:19+00:00

I don't think women can smell misogyny. However, your beliefs about women usually affect how you treat them, and in many cases (not all) it can affect your behaviour in ways that negatively impact your dating life. So if a misogynist man can't find sex or a relationship, it's reasonable to assume it may be at least partially due to this effect. Misogynists aren't necessarily abusive and far from all abusers are misogynists. Women can tell obvious red flags for abuse because they're not stupid. But obviously abusers adapt so many are able to hide it (or don't even know that's what they're like themselves) until the other person is trapped.

Hrquestiob · 2022-08-06T03:03:36+00:00

This may have already been said, but the women saying that they are attuned to signs of misogyny are not necessarily the same ones dating abusers. Women aren’t a monolith

2022-08-05T08:13:16+00:00

In order to see a contradiction here you have to believe that all domestic abuse is rooted in hatred toward the opposite sex.

Can it be? Yes. But it's not that simple. Misogyny =/= "any situation where a man does harmful things to a woman." Abusive behavior can stem from a lot of character flaws not necessarily related to hatred of women just as aggressive behavior toward a minority is not necessarily rooted in racism. The "abusive piece of shit" has many forms and manifestations. Being able to spider sense all of the misogyny in the world wouldn't automatically protect a woman from abuse.

2022-08-05T09:00:36+00:00

Because it isn't that black and white. Sometimes creepy assholes wear it on their sleeve, some of them don't. Some men give out red flags early, some don't.

MissionAd399 · 2022-08-05T13:17:16+00:00

Theres always red flags early but women just love a violent abuser for some reason. That or an ain’t shit dude who makes them a single mother. They hate what’s good for them and love what brings them harm

pokemin49 · 2022-08-05T08:42:12+00:00

Women actually like it. It's one of their kinks, and it pings their antennae for a HVM for some reason.

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EricAllonde · 2022-08-05T13:41:48+00:00

Short answer: there's no correlation between misogyny and domestic violence.

Feminism has been claiming there's a link for years. Feminists have appropriated hundreds of millions of dollars of government money around the world for advertising campaigns insisting that there is a link.

In fact the research points to other causes, in particular: poverty, substance abuse and watching your parents commit DV when you were a child.

The highest rates of DV are usually found in impoverished communities of racial minorities. But that's an inconvenient fact, because it doesn't help feminists do what they want.

White, middle-class feminist women want a cudgel they can beat over the heads of their white, middle-class male peers, to shame them for being male and thereby pressure them into doing what feminists want them to do, without resistance.

That's why feminists lie about the causes of DV, and why women who say they can detect misogyny cannot detect abusers.

jalapeno_chili · 2022-08-05T14:15:47+00:00

Someone can have good intution about this but they may have been conditioned to ignore it. Women who grew up being expected to ignore that inner voice and put aside their happiness to take care of others may find it easy to overlook red flags. She knows on a rational level that he mistreats her but she never developed enough self preservation to know when to leave. If she was always expected to put herself last then perhaps it's just a continuation of a pattern.

2022-08-05T14:19:55+00:00

It’s a progression and one woman is on one end and the other is on the other end.

Mogu__ · 2022-08-05T14:39:43+00:00

Because silly! Women have full agency and awareness when it’s with unsuccessful men in dating for the sake of an argument!! Yet lose all of it the moment that benefits a different narrative ofc!!

Lmao. In all seriousness though. This idea that it’s somehow blaming women for advising them on being more aware of men with shitty qualities is ridiculous. I don’t think most people are claiming you can tell 100% of the time. But this idea that ALL men who are “abusive” are somehow these Megamind clones gifted with the skills of deception is fucking hilarious.

MOST of these guys wear that shit on their sleeve, but women ignore the red flags for one reason or another. Some common reasons being they’re very attracted to him physically, they aren’t used to the love bombing he’s giving them, they’re desperate to keep what they’ve built (if it manifest later on) and stay, etc.

BLAMING women would be telling them to fix the fucking men, which no one does. Ironically enough it’s the women in those situations themselves who will often try to fix them instead of LEAVING. There’s a reason women will post on r/relationshipadvice about something happening in their relationship currently. Then when they give details on what happened 5 years ago at the start of the relationship EVERYONE (women included) will point out obvious red flags and say she should’ve left the dude years prior.

pop442 · 2022-08-05T14:42:25+00:00

Because women dislike misogyny and sexism the most when it's being spouted by undesirable men. That's really what it boils down too.

The tall jock, bodybuilder, famous celebrity/musician, pretty boy, social butterfly, etc. will get more passes than a wide receiver from average women for whatever faults pertaining to misogyny or other traits.

However, when ugly men, incels, "nice guys", weak men, and socially awkward men spout anything that can be perceived as "misogynist", women will naturally feel more offended by it because they feel these types of men aren't worthy or desirable enough to have such strong opinions on women.

And, keeping it 100, undesirable men will be labeled "misogynistic" simply for breathing the wrong way. I've seen the mildest takes on gender roles and relations get called "misogynistic" or "incel babble" just because it got spouted from men who women didn't think highly of from the get go.

Abusive relationships, on the other hand, are very tricky because a lot of them happen from a "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde" type scenario where the man will behave one way in public or on a general level and turn into a monster when he gets triggered in the comfort of his own home. The idea of abusive men going around yelling at their women in public or throwing their hands up is more of a movie trope than a real life scenario. In reality, abusive men will act perfectly normal on a daily basis but suddenly snap in the heat of the moment or in private spaces with their partners.

So, I can't really lump the issue of sexist men and abusive men together because there's men who say bad things about women who have never abused one. And there's dudes who are abusive because they have zero self control and anger issues as opposed to believing sexist tropes. It's very complicated.

But, when it comes to women shaming sexism, they do it the most when it comes from undesirable men. That's why women label anything they perceive as sexist to be incel or nice guy babble. It disgusts them the most when undesirable men possess these strong opinions and they also want to project how men they find attractive are less likely to have toxic views.

In fact, you can do a social experiment and have a 6'2 bodybuilder with strong shoulders and a 5'6 freckled faced neckbeard looking dude go outside and approach women saying sexist pickup lines. And, if you think that both men will be held equally accountable, I have a beachfront home in Arizona to sell you....

2022-08-05T16:55:00+00:00

I don't think it's a thing, but there can be obvious red flags that say this person has problems is hateful. Those traits are also most likely to be found in abusive people too, but it doesn't mean abusive people are always displaying those traits outwardly. It's like men saying they can spot women that have slept around. There might be some obvious red flags in some women, but it doesn't mean that there aren't a lot of women that you would never suspect and yet they have very high counts for sexual history. Heeding warnings can only work if they're being displayed.

1RosaTorres · 2022-08-06T00:26:37+00:00

People can be really good at it once you fall in love u ignore the red flags keep ignoring them then it’s too late you are in abusive relationship Rosa

Jakersstone · 2022-08-07T00:29:05+00:00

Just my two cents but what if they smell misogyny after being in an abusive relationship? You know like all people: learning from their mistakes.

Title	Q4W: How does women being able to"smell misoginy" line up with women who end up being in abusive relationships?
Author	lostwanderer28
Upvotes	140
Comments	321
Date	August 5, 2022 7:02 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/wgokx6/q4w_how_does_women_being_able_tosmell_misoginy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4w-how-does-women-being-able-tosmell-misoginy.1126583 https://theredarchive.com/post/1126583