Q4W: How would you react if your boyfriend lied to you about his financial situation?

findingfemininity · 2019-12-15T16:17:28+00:00

My fiance had no idea how much I made until we moved in together (~2yrs into the relationship) and the full extent of my wealth until after engagement.

That being said I was never a massive penny pincher or pretended to be broke. I've payed my fair share of everything and even treated him at times.

It's one thing to not want a new SO to know how much money you have and another to straight up lie about being broke. The latter is incredibly shitty and I would not date a man like that.

Willow-girl · 2019-12-15T15:43:09+00:00

in the event that i go retarded and A.) become blind to all of the signifiers of accumulated wealth and class and B.) ever find myself dating a man who would describe himself as "very frugal", i'd probably be like "you're a fucking weirdo dude" or maybe even "uh, okay? what made you assume i assumed anything about your finances lol"

like i'd honestly be more inclined to believe he was larping as "a man of the people" or had trust fund shame like a lot of rich dudes do, not that he was trying to "test me" and if that was the excuse he used i'd definitely be making fun of him to everyone

ontherailstoday · 2019-12-15T14:59:14+00:00

I know it means any time he doubts me or does not know whether he should doubt me or not, he will actively lie to me... big lies. I'm going to be a very sad girl and will probably take an entire weekend off just in bed by myself, no computers, no friends, no distractions, no contact, mulling over how this could go. It is possible the relationship will not survive. We'd be in better shape at this point if he'd told no active lies and had just relied upon my assumptions.

It also means any admiring I did of him because of how he handles his money problems... how brave and disciplined he's being... well that never really happened. Something admirable about him never actually existed.

WicGoingAnonymous · 2019-12-15T17:07:42+00:00

Bye bye bye

It's a dumb thing to do. Because he's doing it to get rid of the gold diggers.

And the gold diggers would stay after such a revelation and the others would leave.

So you still end up with a gold digger.

Orange_Paisley · 2019-12-15T17:43:23+00:00

If we were splitting the tab for dates, no biggy. If he was sad sacking me into paying for him I would dump him.

nosynobody · 2019-12-15T14:35:43+00:00

Depends tbh, if he vaguely said he has investments i wouldn't press and respect the ambiguity. But if he willfully lied to me it's pretty clear he doesn't respect me and no man is worth my self respect. I would leave!

Maybelowsmv · 2019-12-15T16:11:55+00:00

Stay. Why would I fumble the bag?

Willow-girl · 2019-12-15T14:26:08+00:00

This is a silly hypothetical because women always know when a man has money. We can smell it on you!

imjgaltstill · 2019-12-15T17:13:07+00:00

Any answer other than a heartfelt apology and a blowjob fails

flamingoinghome · 2019-12-15T17:24:32+00:00

Honestly, from the title I thought this was going to be the other way...

This actually happened to someone I know. She thought it was a hilarious surprise. They're married now. He still lives like a broke guy, because that's what he's like. The appropriate response in this situation is "Cool!" It's like you have a crush on a guy, and then you get together and find out he's really good at giving head--it's just a nice bonus.

CatchPhraze · 2019-12-15T19:42:38+00:00

Avoiding the topic is fine. Telling me he had boundaries about financial disclosure is fine. Lying to me over a timespan would distroy my trust and sour the realsionship to the point it would probably be over.

SunflowerBurst · 2019-12-15T18:20:47+00:00

A wealthy person playing at poverty is super tacky

reluctantly_red · 2019-12-15T14:29:20+00:00

[deleted]

goatismycopilot · 2019-12-15T14:38:37+00:00

Why would he talk about being broke though? What do you mean by frugal?

Reisiluu · 2019-12-15T17:04:09+00:00

I tell people all the time I can't afford something, don't have the money or that I'm broke. It just means I'd rather keep my money than spend it this time. I'd assume his frugal habits are the reason he is so well off. Not trusting me sounds like he's got baggage which could be a red flag but on the other hand him being debt-free and smart with money is a green flag.

SqueaksScreech · 2019-12-15T19:21:25+00:00

I wouldn't give a shit. Our money will always be separated. He pays half and I psy off of all bills.

I would be pissed if he called me a gold digger or insulted my money management. Firdt of all I couldn't care about a rats ass if he had money. The fact he has to hide it because he can't trust me then why the fuck even date me?.

Tomatoccino · 2019-12-15T19:37:19+00:00

It would make me wonder what else he was lying about. I doubt I would stay, because I wouldn’t be able to trust him again.

Animalcrossing4eva · 2019-12-15T21:30:30+00:00

I would let him know that lying is unacceptable. And that he can make it up to me...somehow. You all are so sensitive. You’ll reject every guy until you’re an old maid.

2019-12-15T22:37:29+00:00

All lies are deal breakers

grand_tiremaster · 2019-12-16T19:09:28+00:00

I’d understand his reasoning. Then ask him if we could get some chickens. That is the important question and precedes all decision making from there.

Sophiatab · 2019-12-16T21:24:21+00:00

I would be mad as hell because anyone who knows me well, knows how much I hate my job, but I have financial responsibilities that require me working at what I do because of the salary it provides. The idea that my partner could have stood by watching me suffer when they could have prevented it with no real effort on their part would be an unforgivable situation.

2019-12-15T14:31:15+00:00

I guess it depends on how long we’ve been dating for. In general though I would feel pretty shit about being lied to. Dating someone who starts out with the mindset that he doesn’t trust me is bound to fail. I also think frugality when not necessary is kind of odd. Saving money is one thing but not enjoying yourself even though you have the means to doesn’t really work with how I want to live my life.

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Title	Q4W: How would you react if your boyfriend lied to you about his financial situation?
Author	_Neon_Shadow_
Upvotes	7
Comments	168
Date	December 15, 2019 2:19 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	/r/PurplePillDebate
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4w-how-would-you-react-if-your-boyfriend-lied-to.299425 https://theredarchive.com/post/299425
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/eazfr8/q4w_how_would_you_react_if_your_boyfriend_lied_to/