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Q4W: If you found the perfect guy for you, but he didn't want to get married, would you stay with him?

_Neon_Shadow_
December 20, 2018
9 upvotes
/r/PurplePillDebate

He's everything you want in a man, as if he was conjured from your dreams. But he doesn't believe in marriage. Would this be a dealbreaker? He's perfectly fine with spending eternity with you and being monogamous, he just doesn't want to put it on paper.

Edit: Well, this was fun. What did we learn here? TRP is right, to an extent, women need commitment/marriage like men need sex. There seems to be two camps of women: one desperately needs a marriage and the other couldnt care less.

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Post Information
Title Q4W: If you found the perfect guy for you, but he didn't want to get married, would you stay with him?
Author _Neon_Shadow_
Upvotes 9
Comments 276
Date December 20, 2018 10:37 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit /r/PurplePillDebate
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4w-if-you-found-the-perfect-guy-for-you-but-he.258439
https://theredarchive.com/post/258439
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/a83f16/q4w_if_you_found_the_perfect_guy_for_you_but_he/
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monogamythe red pill
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Comments

[–]Texastentialismshe's got a tattoo and two pet snakes17 points18 points  (10 children) | Copy Link

No. Marriage is non-negotiable. If he doesn't want to get married then he's not the perfect guy for me and we're both better off finding someone we're more compatible with.

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] -1 points0 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

What if there is no one more compatible?

[–]Texastentialismshe's got a tattoo and two pet snakes13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

There are two things that are completely non-negotiable for me: marriage and kids. A man who doesn't want those things is not compatible with me, at all, period.

There's no such thing as a soulmate or one ultimate "most compatible" person. Statistically there are thousands of men I could have a good relationship with, and some of them want marriage. Those are the ones who are compatible with me.

[–]PurpleBanner5 points6 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

What if, what if, what if... what if he is an alien from planet x?

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] 0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy Link

That's the idea, yeah.

[–]PurpleBanner1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

yeah, great. so, its just more reddit discussion run-through for your amusement?

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] 2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Man, I just asked a simple hypothetical question. Apparently that's too difficult for people to imagine.

If someone asked me, "What would you do if your wife's vag printed money." I'd ignore the outlandish nature of it and roll with it. But I guess that's asking too much here.

amusement

Also this.

[–]PurpleBanner5 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Apparently that's too difficult for people to imagine.

You have a trend of assuming the best about yourself and the assuming the worst about other people.

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I mean, you can literally look at the comments and see for yourself. Not really assuming.

[–]PurpleBanner4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

the comments are often indicative of the voracity of the question(s) being asked and of a participant's perception about the person who asked the question in the first place.

hint: people seem to think you're an ass.

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

hint: people seem to think you're an ass.

They'd probably be right too.

[–]DebatePonyLet's ride!14 points15 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Not perfect if he doesn't wasn't marriage.

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Why?

[–]DebatePonyLet's ride!13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Because my perfect man would want to marry me.

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

I'd prefer to get married. I have a severe chronic illness and if I wind up dead I wouldn't want my partner to be doubly fucked over by the legal system's lack of respect for unmarried partnership. I think that's a pretty good reason to get married - I would want him, and my children, to have full access to my resources, my bedside in the hospital, and anything else they can get.

I dunno, my partners have always been the marriagey type, I'm not sure how well I'd get on with someone vehemently anti marriage. Maybe it'd be great. I don't know. A lot would depend on how/when he brought it up, I think, and his reasoning. There's 'fine' ways to say 'I'm not a big fan of marriage' and there's 'eeeuugh okay' ways to say it too. If he's my soulmate I guess he'd probably have a normal human reason.

I'd stress a little bit about how to keep my family safe, but if he's perfect for me he'd be very supportive and would help me research legal ways to ensure our partnership is recognized beyond marriage and would be very nice and understanding about it.

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] 5 points6 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

This is the first reasonable, considerate, and well thought out response here. Instead of just: [No] or [Shame]. I can respect that. Thank you for contributing.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Any time. I respect that other people here have dealbreakers, but I can also sympathize with plenty of reasons someone might be super opposed to marriage. It really depends. I'd want to talk about it - obviously it never feels great when someone's like 'I don't want to do [thing you want to do] with you, ever' - but people make compromises all the time because they love someone. Might as well assume best intentions in my soulmate and least talk it over with an open mind.

[–]exit_sandmanstill not the MGTOW sandman FFS1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I feel same. It's interesting - the same people who are shaming and blaming us when we say that we don't want to date even their hypothetical super perfect 100% loyal woman who happens to have an ultra-slutty past aren't willing to entertain the idea of a hypothetical super perfect 100% loyal guy who has an aversion to marriage.

And that despite the fact that the perfect guy who hates marriage is a lot more probable than the perfect reformed slut, not to mention the evopsych factor (it's not as if the institution of marriage was wired into our genetic code).

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah, its hilarious how hypocritical some of them are.

[–]Freethetreees0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

The desire for true commitment is wired into women’s genetic codes.

[–]sublimemongrelBecky, Esq.19 points20 points  (33 children) | Copy Link

No not if we are having kids. Not going to be an unwed mom sorry.

[–]Million-SunsMarriage is obsolete0 points1 point  (16 children) | Copy Link

Why is that? Out of fear of losing his financial support if he bails out? Or something else?

[–]sublimemongrelBecky, Esq.10 points11 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

I’m early 30s and pregnant with our first. However I make more than my husband (not that much more currently although I have the potential in the future) and we also live in a state where alimony is very hard to get. I’m a practicing attorney with years under my belt in any event and I’m not planning on quitting or being a SAHM or anything. So no, at this point it’s not really about any financial insecurity related to what would happen if we weren’t married.

But we’ve been married for over 5 years now, had you asked me this question before we got married I might have said yes. I’m a firm believer in what’s mine is his and vice versa, despite being the one who contributes (a little bit) more currently. He’s also such a believer.

Marriage to me is the ultimate commitment. I’m not here to tell anyone their non-marriage relationship is less than my own but that is my belief. It’s better for kids too. I want our family to be a family and that to me means marriage. There are certainly legal benefits that go along with this, for us and our future child(dren).

Beyond that who knows what may happen in the future. If one of us gets sick, if one of us loses our job or somehow takes a big hit in that department. Marriage provides both of us a level of security.

[–]azngirl76894 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Aww congrats!!! If you don’t mind me asking how many weeks are you?

[–]sublimemongrelBecky, Esq.3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I’m right around 13 weeks. Due in July!

[–]azngirl76892 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Aww yay!! :)

[–]LeaneGenovaBreaker of (comment) Chains2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Congrats!!!! I'm super excited for you!

[–]sublimemongrelBecky, Esq.1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks!

[–]PennnyLameMY VAGINA IS A SOVEREIGN NATION!! ✊🏼1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Omg congrats!!!

[–]LittleknownfactsAutomod is my husband1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Congratulations!

[–]LifterofThingsDelicate Feminine Flower1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Congratulations!! Hope you're having a smooth ride so far!

[–]Young_Oryx 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy Link

Having a child out of wedlock is still heavily stigmatized in many circles. It's seen as low class and trashy.

[–]Million-SunsMarriage is obsolete0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

That's quite a very antiquated view from said circles. Still, I don't think people should give in to peer pressure like that and shouldn't give a damn about such retarded views to begin with.

[–]neuk_mijn_oogkasVulva-and-tit-hating non-monogamous lesbian loner0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

You can just do that in a contract.

Where I live marriage is becoming less and less popular and seen as something religious people do; the secular people tend to use what is called a cohabitational contract which is far more flexible as it's just a contract and has no special sanction in the law; it's a contract like any other about finances, possession, inheritance.

Cohabitational contracts between three or more persons have already been executed and upheld in court so there's also that.

[–]couldbemage0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

What country?

[–]neuk_mijn_oogkasVulva-and-tit-hating non-monogamous lesbian loner0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Netherlands

[–]couldbemage0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Awesome.

[–]Million-SunsMarriage is obsolete-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That makes sense, and rightly so. Marriage is an obsolete contract, since it is based on ancient ways of life. Glad to see it loses popularity.

[–]beachredwhineCongratulations!0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

But would you marry a man if he's not going to put a baby in you? 🤔

[–]_Neon_Shadow_ 1 points [recovered]  (14 children) | Copy Link

Why does it even matter if he's monogamous, you both love each other, and you're happy?

[–]sublimemongrelBecky, Esq.12 points13 points  (13 children) | Copy Link

Why does it matter to be married then? She’s Monogamous, you both love each other and you’re happy so why not? You’re acting like a man with such a dealbreaker (no marriage) is somehow better or more valid than a woman with the opposite dealbreaker (marriage is a must).

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] 0 points1 point  (12 children) | Copy Link

He absolutely is more valid, because he goes into with more risk.

[–]sublimemongrelBecky, Esq.15 points16 points  (11 children) | Copy Link

Only if you ignore a woman’s/mother’s perspective completely. Statistically, she will do the heavy duty lifting domestically while her career takes a back seat. And that won’t be true for him. And that’s even ignoring the fact that most women these days work full time and the gap between husbands and wives earnings is getting smaller, like 29% of wives are breadwinners these days. So no, I disagree with you.

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] 0 points1 point  (10 children) | Copy Link

Even with all that, she comes out of the divorce ahead, so it doesn't matter.

[–]sublimemongrelBecky, Esq.6 points7 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

You can’t possibly know that. Career sacrifice is hard to measure for one. But if she’s still contributing a significant portion to the marital assets even if it’s not exactly 50% then no, he’s not necessarily losing all that much in terms of pure financial contributions either.

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] 0 points1 point  (8 children) | Copy Link

I think paying alimony and child support for years will level the playing field. So yeah, she'll be fine.

[–]sublimemongrelBecky, Esq.9 points10 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

Well I don’t, considering alimony is very rare and certainly not a given when she’s been working and contributing herself which again is most marriages these days and CS is not supposed to and doesn’t cover the entirety of the costs of raising the kid. She’s most likely paying more in totality than his monthly allotted amount.

[–]azngirl76899 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Please this joker thinks kids are cheap. He really thinks that child support covers everything. As if the custodial parent doesn’t pay in time too.

[–]PaulaJMM7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Men don’t get it. They truly believe that married women don’t own anything - that all assets belong to the husband - and that the division of said asserts are her getting half of “his” stuff.

Then, they believe that they are being financially raped by having to support their children! Mind boggling. What is it about feeding, clothing, and generally providing for children that particularly outrages them? Do they believe that if they get custody, there will be no expenses involved with raising the kids? Do they honestly believe that the amount paid in child support is the ONLY money going towards the child/children? They rage over having to pay a percentage of their income while the custodial parent/mom is likely paying the entirety of hers.

I truly believe that if child support weren’t enforced, the overwhelming majority of men wouldn’t care about custody at all. They’d leave the marriage and not give a single thought to custody of the children, shared or otherwise.

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Then we will have to agree to disagree.

[–]Freethetreees9 points10 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

No. I won’t be a single mom or forever girlfriend. I want kids, and they’re going to be raised in a household where mom and dad are married.

[–]alby3330 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

I have 2 kids with my so we own a house together we aren't married. Not because we are against marriage in any way it just never really seemed necessary. I'm not sure what difference being married would make we talk about it every now and then but it's money better spent elsewhere usually on holidays. I'm shocked how many of the ppd ladies insist on marriage I'm pretty sure when you've Co habitated for long enough here in the UK you have much the same rights and responsibilities legally as a married couple especially if you have kids

[–]azngirl76898 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That’s in the UK. Girlfriends and baby mommas get fuck all in the US.

[–]aznphenix7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Common law isn't everywhere in the US. Also why would you have to spend all that much money by getting paper married? Most people would be saving money when they do that.

[–]alby3330 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I don't think there's much financial benefit to being married here in the UK. Inheritance would be easier I guess if one of us died but our life insurances benefit each other.

[–]philomexaSUNFUCKER23 points24 points  (23 children) | Copy Link

He's not the perfect guy for me if he doesn't want marriage. So no, I'm not going to stick around and be some glorified (disposable) girlfriend when there are plenty of other desirable (to me) men who want wife/kids/the whole shebang.

Despite the revenge fantasies of the manosphere, well kept women always have options.

(inb4: buh-buh-buh what about those Cosmo/Guardian/Huffington Post/NY Times feminist writing articles about where have all the good menz gone? hmmm?!?! CHECK MATE, POST WALL HAGS.)

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] 3 points4 points  (16 children) | Copy Link

He's not the perfect guy for me if he doesn't want marriage.

Perfect in every other way. Looks, income, personality, compatibility, humor, etc.

So no, I'm not going to stick around and be some glorified (disposable) girlfriend when there are plenty of other desirable men who want wife/kids/the whole shebang.

He will be 100% monogamous, have kids, whatever, even a fake wedding. Just no paper.

Despite the revenge fantasies of the manosphere, well kept women always have options.

Oh we know. But for this thought experiment, assume you cant do better and your legion of beta orbiters are worse than him.

[–]philomexaSUNFUCKER11 points12 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

No. N.O. this is a deal breaker. Why are these topics always treated against increasingly silly hypotheticals?

There is no assuming I can't do better, I know I can be happy elsewhere.

Whether that's with a man or by myself doesn't matter.

I have standards, I don't find it necessary to negotiate on them.

[–]sublimemongrelBecky, Esq.2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

How red pill of you...

[–]philomexaSUNFUCKER10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Some might say I'm holding frame.

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I laughed.

[–]dottywineA Normal Person0 points1 point  (10 children) | Copy Link

Hell to the fuck no. Having kids with a man with no marriage is a horrible idea. Marriage is the commitment a woman needs to feel like he won’t leave her and the family on a whim. Even if he is perfect in every other way, no. I’ve met that guy before and I dumped him and moved on.

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] 1 point2 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

What guarantee do men have that women won't leave them? None. Even with marriage.

[–]dottywineA Normal Person0 points1 point  (8 children) | Copy Link

That’s something he has to work out. I’m not a man so I don’t think about that.

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] -1 points0 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

Lol that's so pathetic and sociopathic its amazing.

[–]dottywineA Normal Person0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy Link

Okay? Do you think about “how would a woman feel about this?” Every time you think about what you want in a woman? If you do, that’s cool. I don’t find mental masturbation necessary. It’s not unreasonable to want a man who wants marriage. I don’t need to philosophize on why he wants it, I just need to meet that guy and ask THAT SPECIFIC guy why he wants it which is exactly what I did. Have fun thinking women who want to get married are sociopaths. Good luck with that shit lol

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] -1 points0 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

The point is, you want marriage as a guarantee the guy won't leave you. But when a man wants the same thing, assurance that he won't be left, it's not your problem. How hypocritical is that? Amazing. This is why marriage is a waste of time, you could be the perfect husband and there's no guarantee she will value and respect the marriage. It's a waste of time.

If she's not invested. Why should he be? This is why following RP is the best thing to do in today's world. Fuck her, string her along, and find someone else when she becomes defective.

[–]dottywineA Normal Person0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

I am invested in whom I marry. I’m just not invested in answering your question for you. It’s not my job. A man can also leave a marriage so it’s not a gender exclusive issue. You have plenty of other people who responded to you who are as interested in philosophizing as you are. I’m not. I want to get married and I would discuss the terms and why with that specific person. Not you, sorry. Unless... you’re proposing ??

The point is I want marriage for assurance and I assume my man wants the same thing so I discuss with my man what we want out of marriage... so if you are trying to be my man, we can discuss our personal thoughts and desires...

Am I crazy here? I don’t see how one logically takes “I’m not a man so I don’t know how to answer that as I don’t think about it since I’m not a man” and turns it into “women are not even invested in their marriages!”... the fuck?

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

I am invested in whom I marry.

Doubt.jpeg

I’m just not invested in answering your question for you.

Because you have no answer and men finding commitment doesn't benefit you?

You have plenty of other people who responded to you who are as interested in philosophizing as you are. I’m not.

Then stop responding.

so if you are trying to be my man, we can discuss our personal thoughts and desires...

Yes. Will you marry me? Now answer the question.

Am I crazy here? I don’t see how one logically takes “I’m not a man so I don’t know how to answer that as I don’t think about it since I’m not a man” and turns it into “women are not even invested in their marriages!”... the fuck?

Because that's not what you said.

[–]KeyAssumption0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

He will be 100% monogamous, have kids, whatever, even a fake wedding. Just no paper

Lol dude, even men know this is bullshit. No commitment = he's fucking on the side and will leave you when children come to picture

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I hear you sister! Men on this sub have tried so hard to tell me it's just the way the world works and I'll never find an alpha man to provide for me. They refuse to believe if I wanted to get married tomorrow, there would be a wedding. I basically look like Kim Kardashian in the body pre surgery and Kylie Jenner and Bella Hadid hybrid in the face. I will NEVER have problems with men lmfao. But terpers on here always want to type long revenge fantasies to me about how I'll be a single cat lady. It's projection at it's finest. Those beta males will never be in a committed healthy relationship.

[–]Million-SunsMarriage is obsolete0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

there are plenty of other desirable (to me) men who want wife/kids/the whole shebang

There we go. Men are interchangeable, disposable. Man A or man B or man C, it does not matter, as long one of them kneels and offer me a ring.

Despite the revenge fantasies of the manosphere, well kept women always have options

And none of them take in account "love to one man in particular, if as you demonstrated, they are interchangeable".

[–]philomexaSUNFUCKER10 points11 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Breaking news, humans are replaceable and interchangeable. A local man just signed a marriage license for his 4th wife, and a local woman quickly moves on to a new boyfriend after a shitty breakup. How will internet cry babies react? Stayed tuned, we're going examine mock their toothless moral outrage, impotent hypocrisy, and nonsensical whataboutism after a message from our sponsors.

[–]Million-SunsMarriage is obsolete-1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

What's your point exactly. You're confirming that you don't give a damn about the man who will propose to you. Please just don't marry and ruin some poor man's life. Or marry a woman and leave men alone. Thanks.

[–]philomexaSUNFUCKER4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I don't have much of point besides mockery of your shrill reactionary perspective.

I do find it amusing that a woman openly acknowledging that she has options triggers so much REEEEEing from y'all.

But I'll be sure to let my husband know that for the past 13 years I've considered him nothing more than interchangeable cock (I'd say wallet but he doesn't have any money) and that shrill people on the internet are very concerned for his welfare.

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I don't have much of point besides mockery of your shrill reactionary perspective.

Ironic.

[–]insultin_crayon6 points7 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

I wouldn’t really care if he doesn’t want to get married, because marriage is for those who want kids and I have no interest in children. He would really miss out by not marrying me though. If I died he would be able to live reeeally comfortably off of what I leave behind. If we weren’t married, it just goes to my NOK which would probably be my sister or half-brother.

[–]sublimemongrelBecky, Esq.4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

If you die intestate it typically goes surviving spouse, surviving kids, then surviving parents THEN siblings. You’ll probably get a will though if you’re well off!

If he’s not in the will though or you don’t even have one and you’re not married then yeah he gets zip.

[–]neuk_mijn_oogkasVulva-and-tit-hating non-monogamous lesbian loner2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Well tht's one of the reasons I'm opposed to marriage.

How marriage works is that it's financially to the advantage of whoever of both has less assets and to the disadvantage of whoever has more.

And there is no right outcome here: if I have fewer assets I feel like a parasite; if I have more assets I feel loved for my assets alone.

Hence I prefer strictly separated finances. When I lived together it was clear who owned what. Rent was joint but every single object in the house had a clear owner; every time we went out to dinner we had separate cheques and we made sure to remain financially independent of one another.

I am in general just opposed to the idea of one adult being dependent—financially or otherwise—on another. Dependence should be on the collective in the form o services provided by the goverment; I am a socialist at heart and believe there should be a safety net but that should be legal, and not social; it should be available to all who need it, not just to people who have the right friends.

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

If I died he would be able to live reeeally comfortably off of what I leave behind.

You know Crayon, you were always my favorite PPD poster. What do you say we get out of here for some drinks?

[–]exit_sandmanstill not the MGTOW sandman FFS1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You know Crayon, you were always my favorite PPD poster.

Fuck, I barely registered her.

[–]insultin_crayon0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

I like that confidence. I’m smitten.

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks. Now let's get hitched and afterwards drink this poiso-- I mean pina colada martini.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

no, he's not perfect then.

plenty of fish in the sea, he'd be nexted pretty quick

not worth my time.

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] 0 points1 point  (8 children) | Copy Link

NEXT!

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

exactly!

if we don't have a shared value system then he's faaaaaaaaar from perfect. can't have a shared life without shared values. that's a recipe for disaster.

probably wouldn't even get to the first date stage we'd be so incompatible. why lower standards?

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] 1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

But every other belief and value you share. 1 out of a million is a dealbreaker? Really? That hardly seems fair.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

it's not 1 in a million.

rejecting marriage means that he doesn't share numerous values that I have.

yeah, we wouldn't get to the first date. this guy is far far far from perfect. not worth my time.

the whole relationship would fail. why start?

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

Do you typically talk about marriage with strangers on the first date? In my head it plays out like this, you have been together for a few years. You both are madly in love with each other, and 100% compatible so far. Then, the topic of marriage comes up and he says, "Babe, I don't believe in getting married. But I would love to spend the rest of my life with you."

Is that not good enough?

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

wow. who waits that long to talk about marriage?

that's short sighted. really stupid.

sounds like the guy would not only be far from perfect but a complete and utter idiot. intelligence is one of the personality traits that's a must. that moron would be nexted just by holding a conversation with him.

no, i don't ask on the first date, but if we're talking internet profiles and someone says they are not dating for eventual marriage then i next them. not worth the first date

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Well ... ok.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

yup.

lack of shared values and low IQ are deal breakers.

not everyone is so desperate to be with someone that they'll lower their standards that far for fear of not being with someone.

who wants to be with someone they are incompatible with?

waste of time. there's better things to do.

like shampooing my hair and watching paint dry.

[–]Rackreprackson21F0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I have talked about marriage with dates on the 1st date. It comes up if you talk about your family. I'm not the one that initiates it, most of the time. There is no second date in my eyes if the guy seems like he is jaded from his parents getting divorced or if we have different family values.

I don't want to waste my own time. Disagreeing on marriage is a fundamental fault in our connection.

[–]athleisureadvocate 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy Link

If a man doesn't want marriage, then he's not the perfect man for me. That means we have a fundamental incompatibility because we both want or value very different things that simply cannot be negotiated or compromised on. After all, you can't half-marry someone.

I have an ex-boyfriend who I was with for about a year and a half before he told me that he just didn't see the point of marriage. His logic behind it was reasonable, but... I couldn't personally change how I felt about it. He is truly a good person, but we both agreed that long-term, one of us would have to sacrifice what we wanted for the other and it would breed resentment.

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That's fair. Nothing you can do if you're incompatible. At least you parted ways amicably (I hope) before it was too late.

[–]LittleknownfactsAutomod is my husband12 points13 points  (19 children) | Copy Link

No, there's millions of people on this planet I could be happy with, I wouldn't want someone who didn't want me fully.

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] 2 points3 points  (10 children) | Copy Link

who didn't want me fully.

How does not liking marriage mean he doesn't want you? He's perfectly fine and content with you as a person.

[–]LittleknownfactsAutomod is my husband13 points14 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

How does not liking marriage mean he doesn't want you? He's perfectly fine and content with you as a person.

It means he's fine not claiming ownership of me. "I like it enough to rent but not to buy."

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] 2 points3 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

It means he's fine not claiming ownership of me. "I like it enough to rent but not to buy."

Isn't viewing women as objects sexist? Shouldn't you celebrate him for his progressive feminist ideas?

[–]sublimemongrelBecky, Esq.9 points10 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Lol she’s RP

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

So?

[–]sublimemongrelBecky, Esq.9 points10 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Do you see a lot of RPers celebrating “progressive feminism” or whatever?

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I thought RP was a giant celebration of feminism, judging by how much they talk about it.

[–]sublimemongrelBecky, Esq.4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Well here you are making me laugh again

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Kek :^ )

[–]LittleknownfactsAutomod is my husband4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Isn't viewing women as objects sexist? Shouldn't you celebrate him for his progressive feminist ideas?

I am sexist and no I wouldn't celebrate anyone for their progressive feminist ideas.

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Well shit. RIP.

[–]Million-SunsMarriage is obsolete2 points3 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

No, there's millions of people on this planet I could be happy with

Precisely why you should never get married. If men are so interchangeable, tying the knot with one of them, and signing a paper officialising things, won't do much if you want to ditch him, because again, men seem interchangeable and disposable to you.

[–]LittleknownfactsAutomod is my husband6 points7 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

Precisely why you should never get married. If men are so interchangeable, tying the knot with one of them, and signing a paper officialising things, won't do much if you want to ditch him, because again, men seem interchangeable and disposable to you.

I don't doubt for a second that if I wasn't with my SO he would happily be with someone else too. If your holding out for a soulmate you'll never be satisfied.

[–]Million-SunsMarriage is obsolete1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

But the point is to seek happiness with one's soulmate. Not picking some random replacement and seek happiness for the sake of it.

If your holding out for a soulmate you'll never be satisfied.

Conversely, if you pair with one person that is not your soulmate, then deeply, you won't be satisfied either. It's better to hold out or not pair at all.

I understand why with that way of thinking, women initiate more than 70% of divorces, despite being the ones demanding commitment.

[–]LittleknownfactsAutomod is my husband5 points6 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

But the point is to seek happiness with one's soulmate. Not picking some random replacement and seek happiness for the sake of it.

No, the point is to build happiness with someone who shares your values and compatibilities. There is no such thing as a soulmate.

Conversely, if you pair with one person that is not your soulmate, then deeply, you won't be satisfied either. It's better to hold out or not pair at all.

There's no such thing as a soulmate. It's possibly this belief that leaves people unsatisfied. What's the saying? No expectations, no disappointment?

I understand why with that way of thinking, women initiate more than 70% of divorces, despite being the ones demanding commitment.

I think the problem is that not enough women think like me. I would never get divorced.

[–]Million-SunsMarriage is obsolete0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

No, the point is to build happiness with someone who shares your values and compatibilities. There is no such thing as a soulmate.

So the point is having happiness, at the expense of the other, despite the other, since it becomes more important than the identity of the other. If the only check list he has is that he shares your values and incompatibilities, then like I said that can be anywho and nobody in particular.

There's no such thing as a soulmate.

Alright so whoever you end up with, is chosen for traits that do not even belong to someone you think is close from being "the one". There is nothing special with him and can be replaced at any moment then. Like I said interchangeable random dudes.

I think the problem is that not enough women think like me. I would never get divorced.

With that way thinking I highly doubt that. Your partners seem to be interchangeable, easily replaceable, so how can you convince that you won't eject him if conditions are favorable? Why sticking with a random interchangeable dude that is not even special to you? Does not make any sense.

[–]LittleknownfactsAutomod is my husband1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

So the point is having happiness, at the expense of the other, despite the other, since it becomes more important than the identity of the other. If the only check list he has is that he shares your values and incompatibilities, then like I said that can be anywho and nobody in particular.

No. The point is having happiness with the other, for the other. Two people working in tandem can accomplish much more than either on their own. They could also destroy a lot more that way too so choose wisely.

The fact that it can be anywho or nobody in particular is irrelevant information. We are two people with a common goal. If we were not with each other we would be pursuing the same goals with different people.

Alright so whoever you end up with, is chosen for traits that do not even belong to someone you think is close from being "the one". There is nothing special with him and can be replaced at any moment then. Like I said interchangeable random dudes.

As an individual no, he is not "the one" and is completely interchangeable. The thing that is special and not interchangeable is our shared history and memories and everything we have been through together. Any other relationship would have a different history, memories, and dynamic even though it would still have a history, memories and unique dynamic.

With that way thinking I highly doubt that. Your partners seem to be interchangeable, easily replaceable, so how can you convince that you won't eject him if conditions are favorable? Why sticking with a random interchangeable dude that is not even special to you? Does not make any sense.

Again, the individual is replaceable, but not the shared history. He is no longer an easily replaceable person because he has made himself a fixture in my life (through marriage). Just because I could be happy with someone else doesn't mean I'd be willing to throw all of it away to start from scratch with someone else who may or may not work for me.

[–]Million-SunsMarriage is obsolete0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

No. The point is having happiness with the other, for the other

That does not make sense at all. How can you want happiness with and for someone who does not really matter to begin with and is only there because he was the one who said "ok why not".

Two people working in tandem can accomplish much more than either on their own

Don't need marriage for that. Regular contracts do the job fine. Argument is moot.

The fact that it can be anywho or nobody in particular is irrelevant information

No it is the most sensible information that you provided. It shows that the fact of being married is more important than the person you actually end up getting married with, who is just an accessory to said marriage. He's just there because you need him to play that role, can't marry with yourself or fictional characters who do not bring money or sperm.

As an individual no, he is not "the one" and is completely interchangeable

Alright, you admitted it.

The thing that is special and not interchangeable is our shared history and memories and everything we have been through together. Any other relationship would have a different history, memories, and dynamic even though it would still have a history, memories and unique dynamic.

Don't need marriage at all of that. Argument is moot.

He is no longer an easily replaceable person because he has made himself a fixture in my life (through marriage)

So you got used to is presence, does not mean you ever loved him or he was important to your marriage to begin with Or you grew to hate him even more because the flaws you ignored at the beginning just for the sake of showing your married status to society and sisterhood ,are no longer able to be ignored. He was just an accessory to your marriage after all. He served his course. Can ditch him now.

Just because I could be happy with someone else doesn't mean I'd be willing to throw all of it away to start from scratch with someone else who may or may not work for me.

Huh? Why not? He was just an accessory to your marriage to begin with. Since the man is replaceable, you can easily start over with another random dude, and create other memories.

[–]LittleknownfactsAutomod is my husband1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That does not make sense at all. How can you want happiness with and for someone who does not really matter to begin with and is only there because he was the one who said "ok why not".

Because his happiness makes me happy and my happiness makes him happy. It's not that he said "okay why not", he chose me to fulfill this goal the same as I chose him.

Don't need marriage for that. Regular contracts do the job fine. Argument is moot.

What's the difference then? If your going to be doing paperwork anyway why not just get married?

No it is the most sensible information that you provided. It shows that the fact of being married is more important than the person you actually end up getting married with, who is just an accessory to said marriageae. He's just there because you need him to play that role, can't marry with yourself or fictional characters who do not bring money or sperm.

I'm not following your logic here. If someone is more hung up on who the person is, then as soon as the person doesn't live up to some imaginary soulmate standard, the partner loses faith in the relationship and leaves no? You want a partner to favor the relationship over the individual. That way when the person inevitably fails, as all humans do from time to time, the relationship doesn't necessarily suffer for it.

Don't need marriage at all of that. Argument is moot.

Marriage is part of the experience that isn't interchange. I've had loads of boyfriend's before. But only one man was ever my husband.

So you got used to is presence, does not mean you ever loved him or he was important to your marriage to begin with Or you grew to hate him even more because the flaws you ignored at the beginning just for the sake of showing your married status to society and sisterhood ,are no longer able to be ignored. He was just an accessory to your marriage after all. He served his course. Can ditch him now.

No it doesn't mean any of those things. But it also doesn't mean the contrary either.

Huh? Why not? He was just an accessory to your marriage to begin with. Since the man is replaceable, you can easily start over with another random dude, and create other memories.

Because it is my goal to live this life with him.

[–][deleted] 19 points20 points  (23 children) | Copy Link

So he's granting all his feels, inconstant, changeable feels, the weight of manly integrity to go the distance of "eternity." Yet that same integrity shrivels at the "paper" part of marriage. "We can have kids! A fake wedding! ANYTHING BUT A PAPER THAT SAYS WE'RE MARRIED DEAR GOD NOT THAT!"

Huh. Well, a guy like that sounds bitch-made and afraid of getting what he thinks he wants. Not my dream, next!

[–]Texastentialismshe's got a tattoo and two pet snakes12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

💯

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] 5 points6 points  (21 children) | Copy Link

This comment in a nutshell: If a man doesn't do what I want ... shame, shame, shame. It'd be hilarious if this wasn't so common.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (20 children) | Copy Link

The premise is totally predicated on this guy being the woman's dream. Hand wringing chickenshits only capable of acting in partial measures (but like he really means it!!) aren't my dream. Sorry not sorry.

Edit: More specifically since there's saltiness. It's not about shaming your partner into doing what you want or what the "gynocentric masses" demand. It's basic bitch 101 even: someone who isn't brazenly fearless and acting with conviction on planning a future together isn't going to be compelled to act on making that future a reality for long. In my original comment I brought up manly integrity, it wasn't a joke. Men are amazing catalysts to change when given meaning or purpose. That is manly, that is hot, that is admirable. I want a lifetime front row seat to that, not the half ass show.

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points  (16 children) | Copy Link

Prior to me, my husband had been with the same woman for a decade but kept dodging marriage.

Once we met we were engaged within 12 months, and married 6 months after that. It was so so good seeing that he knew exactly what he wanted and made it happen asap without any reservations. He signed all his properties into our joint names, no prenup, nothing. I did the same - put everything I owned into joint property, took his name, etc.

The neurotic TRP guys will be squealing about divorce rape, but his boldness and ability to make shit happen is what drew me to him.

Marriage is giving all of yourself to your partner without stumbling. Marriage is a must for me because it makes us both vulnerable. If it's not like that, I don't want it. If he's neurotic and risk averse and paranoid and scared about joining our lives entirely, I definitely don't want it.

/u/_neon_shadow_

[–]ThrowFaderEnlightened8 points9 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

deleted What is this?

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

That's marriage. If you're going to do it, go all in on both sides. Otherwise it's just a bf gf game.

[–]ThrowFaderEnlightened3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

deleted What is this?

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

The neurotic, risk averse, and paranoid men would do well to note that men who are all in aren't under some evil wymyn spell making them do stuff to prove it. It's real or it isn't, and half measures are not a sign of real. Cosplaying commitment with a fake wedding reception certainly isn't real rofl! That part cracked me up hardest. Begging for legitimacy not earned in front of all your family and friends, lol. Oh wait that's harsh. Celebrating your non-vow of "I'll love you forever, but just in case we'll see how it goes!" mediocrity in front of everyone who actually matters in your lives. Shit. I can't seem to strike the joyous tone such an event demands!

[–]exit_sandmanstill not the MGTOW sandman FFS3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Prior to me, my husband had been with the same woman for a decade but kept dodging marriage. Once we met we were engaged within 12 months, and married 6 months after that.

So, in other words, you have the belief that a guy who wouldn't marry you is (consciously or not) just waiting for a better woman to come along.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah basically

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] 1 point2 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

Ok then. What about this. What if instead of no marriage, your husband asked you to sign a prenup that waived your ability to receive alimony and a child support if you divorced?

[–]azngirl76899 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

That kind of prenup isn’t legal. Just FYI.

[–]aznphenix6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah that's exactly the kind of shit that gets them thrown out entirely lol.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

I wouldn't have married him

[–]_Neon_Shadow_ 1 points [recovered]  (5 children) | Copy Link

So you'll only commit to someone you can fuck over.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yep

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

:(

[–]LittleknownfactsAutomod is my husband[M] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Please participate in good faith.

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Is that not a valid response?

[–]LittleknownfactsAutomod is my husband[M] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

No your projecting your own ideas onto another user. It's a form of invalidating.

[–]_Neon_Shadow_ 1 points [recovered]  (2 children) | Copy Link

This comment in a nutshell: If a man doesn't do what I want ... shame, shame, shame. It'd be hilarious if this wasn't so common.

[–]Exile_In_Redditville 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy Link

Omg you're having a c/p Reddit tantrum at the thought of a man doing and taking what he wants being attractive to a woman. Did I break you? I'll leave you alone now to get the last c/p in. Just to be on the safe side.

[–]red__aaron4 points5 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

I’d really like marriage eventually (I think!), but I’m only 21 so who knows. It probably depends why he didn’t want marriage though. If he didn’t want to get married because of all the symbolism involved in the ceremony and stuff, maybe I’d understand that. If he doesn’t want to get married because only he’s afraid of the financial consequences of divorce, then I would be kind of offended tbh

Edit: got my own age wrong lol

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Why would that be offensive to you?

[–]i_have_a_semicolonPurple Pill Woman12 points13 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

How would you feel if your partner told you she expects you to some day fuck her over and leave her ?

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

But he never said that.

[–]sublimemongrelBecky, Esq.5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I’d be fine with a prenup. But I’m a lawyer. And I’m practical. Marriage to me means more than what could potentially happen upon divorce though.

[–]i_have_a_semicolonPurple Pill Woman3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's inplied by being worried about the financial implications

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Nope, I'd find someone else.

If he's not going all in then I'm not interested.

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] 4 points5 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

How is that not all in? He's willing to spend the eternity of his life with you, monogamously. A little peice of paper is nothing compared to devotion like that, right?

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's not all in cause it's not marriage

[–]meomeowmeoww 1 points [recovered]  (2 children) | Copy Link

He's willing to spend the eternity of his life with you, monogamously

....you literally cannot confirm this. just like how you can't confirm the woman will stay with you after marriage.

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Bro, it's a hypothetical situation. Don't think too hard. Assume he will.

[–][deleted] 23 points24 points  (17 children) | Copy Link

If he doesn't want to get married, he's not perfect.

Q4M: If you found the absolute perfect woman, as if she was conjured from your dreams, but she was actually a giant squid, would it be a dealbreaker?

[–]passepar2t33 points34 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

The fetish I dared not admit.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I believe that these days, you have plenty of company.

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

😂😂😂 Whoa, I thought I was the only one with this fetish.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Terrible example. It would never be a dealbreaker xD. If it is convincing enough as a woman from my dreams. it is good enough as a woman.

We men love psychos, irritating and brain dead women. What makes you think a squishier animal would make us change?

What kind of people would discriminate by race? Are you racist?

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

This is actually the response which I knew was correct - men fuck tailpipes, for Christ's sake, and stay married to women who try to burn their houses down - but which I did not think that anyone would dare give. I salute you, sir.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Men have a simple mind. One which considers having something as a victory. Because scarcity is our default mindset.

Thus men grow attached to things and people with time. Like, any male certainly have a lot of things which they hold dear, even after years, which sometimes are bad or with better options but still love to have around. Just because they made us happy for many years.

Like those men with the same bad car for decades even if they have money. Or that beaten up shirt which has holes all over. Or that friend from 5th grade which comes every Sunday drink with him on the same spot at the same time for the last 20 years.

Scarcity is our default. Anything we add to our rotine is a plus. And will only trade when they are not "working" anymore. Like the car which breaks without possible repair, a shirt with a hole too big to patch or a wife which refuses to have sex no matter what. We become sad when this happens but we have no choice we need to go on.

Women do not have this mentality by default. They try to get better and better. Always trading away what has a possible better substitute. Shoes for example. I know both men and women which are not like that but those are rare (and usually homosexual). This is what TRP call hypergamy. This is what is the default of men and women.

Ps. Before you ask. Yes. We men would love to have more women. But the thing is. We like more. We hate having to breakup with one women to have a relationship with the next. We would love to have many wives at the same time. We just can't and do not try having multiple relationships, until the first one do not work that is. This is polyginy. The equivalent of hypergamy to men.

[–]NalkaNalkayou call it virtue, I call it cowardice5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You picked the wrong example and are about to find why.

[–]TedescheMRA7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Not a very good analogy. Opposition to marriage is a philosophical position, not a biological difference that makes a sexual/romantic relationship impossible.

What is it about marriage that is so necessary? I can understand if it’s the legal benefits, but most of those can be obtained via civil unions. If the guy was okay with that, would you be okay staying with him?

[–]exit_sandmanstill not the MGTOW sandman FFS2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This exactly.

The guy above can appear to be absolutely perfect up until the moment she finds out she doesn't want marriage, and even then he doesn't suddenly go from "aaaaw dreamboat <3" to "yuck a spawn of cthulhu", but merely to "aaaaw drats he was perfect </3".

The squid on the other hand starts as "yuck a spawn of cthulhu" regardless of what she says or does.

[–]exit_sandmanstill not the MGTOW sandman FFS1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Q4M: If you found the absolute perfect woman, as if she was conjured from your dreams, but she was actually a giant squid, would it be a dealbreaker?

That's arguing in bad faith.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

And also fucking stupid.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

No, it is not. I have seen this kind of OP at least four times in the past two years.

Q4W: If you found the 'perfect' guy for you except for one glaring flaw that would make him not perfect, would you still want him?

If my reply is bad faith, then so is the entire premise of this OP.

[–]exit_sandmanstill not the MGTOW sandman FFS0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

No, it is not.

Yes it is

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Wow, that is quite a rejoinder!

[–]SkookumTreeRomantic relationships aren't necessary for happiness!0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes. I'd go to the end of the dock, though, or the edge of the sea, and have long conversations with Squid Woman. She'd have a damn interesting perspective on life, that's for sure.

[–]MellifluousMaple|||3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

He wouldn't be perfect for me then

[–]meomeowmeoww 1 points [recovered]  (43 children) | Copy Link

Hes not perfect then, only 10/10 chads for me

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] -1 points0 points  (41 children) | Copy Link

So marriage is so important that you would throw away a perfect relationship with a person that loves you and you love them? That seems a bit childish.

[–]sublimemongrelBecky, Esq.16 points17 points  (39 children) | Copy Link

He would throw away a perfectly good relationship just because he refuses marriage? Even if he’s 100% dedicated to the woman “for eternity”?

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] -1 points0 points  (38 children) | Copy Link

Not a good point. His neck is on the line, so its reasonable to be risk averse.

[–]sublimemongrelBecky, Esq.12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

So is hers if she’s a wife/mother doing the things commonly expected of wives/mothers without being an actual wife.

[–]emailpassword12 1 points [recovered]  (17 children) | Copy Link

good point. His neck is on the line, so its reasonable to be risk averse

No neck is on the line for a woman like me. I earn 6 figures and come from a no alimony country. I have more to lose than my current partner.

​

If a man cant make it official, he 'aint perfect.

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] 1 point2 points  (16 children) | Copy Link

Your dream man makes less than you?

[–]emailpassword12 1 points [recovered]  (2 children) | Copy Link

Actually he does yes.

he is super hot though, and amazing in bed, and cool to be around. Bank balance means very little to me.

[–]philomexaSUNFUCKER4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Get out of here you outlier, there can only be 3 of us per PPD topic. 😏

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

My husband has always made less than me, yes. Why do you guys find this so difficult to believe? Clinging to beta buxx with all of your arms.

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] -1 points0 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

Why do you guys find this so difficult to believe?

Because typically women want someone that makes more than them, so that they can provide a nice lifestyle for them.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yeah, God forbid that dudes try to be masculine enough that they appeal to women regardless of how much money they make.

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm sure a lot of guys would love to do that but the amount of women who would accept a man that makes less than them is minuscule.

[–]azngirl76891 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

I make more than my man. It’s really not that rare.

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

Judging by the way you treat your husband, I don't think you being the breadwinner is a good thing.

[–]SpaceWhiskey🍃 Social Justice Druid 🍂0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

How many times will the women in this sub have to say this until it sticks? lol

[–]LeaneGenovaBreaker of (comment) Chains0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Forever and ever and ever and ever.

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Forever. But the women here aren't most women.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (16 children) | Copy Link

"risk averse" is not all in

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] 1 point2 points  (15 children) | Copy Link

He's not risk averse to you, but marriage. I think there's a difference.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (14 children) | Copy Link

There's not a difference

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] 2 points3 points  (13 children) | Copy Link

How isn't it? Are you a literal romantic tradition and contract or a person?

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (12 children) | Copy Link

If he trusts me then what has he to lose?

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] 0 points1 point  (11 children) | Copy Link

Cant he trust you and not like marriage at the same time?

[–]azngirl76891 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Women risk too, stop being so tunnel vision about this.

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm not saying she doesnt. Just not as much as a guy typically.

[–]azngirl76895 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

No, marriage is a dealbreaker. I won’t be a forever girlfriend. That’s just crap. He can go find some other lady who doesn’t want marriage, they are rare but they exist.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

not all people want to be married.

[–]muabirdie2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's kinda hard... I don't think marriage is the be all end all of a relationship but it does fix up everything nice and tidy. If we don't get married we need to put eachother into eachothers will, he needs to declare he is the father when we have a child, we both need a life testament. It's just so much easier to get married then to get all these things in order without marriage and basically be married anyway but it wouldn't be a deal breaker, I guess.

[–]wtffellification2 points3 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

If your partner doesn't want to commit but is otherwise perfect....

then their unwillingness to commit to you comes in package with perfection. In other words, your partner is not perfect despite not willing to commit, but because of it. In other words you love the thrill of the hunt more than the actual person. In other words you want what you can't have, because when you get what you wanted, you don't want it anymore. In other words you have issues

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy Link

Wat

[–]wtffellification0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

issues. daddy, mommy.. ever heard of it?

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

I'm not sure I follow.

[–]wtffellification0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

come on.

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Sorry bud.

[–]wtffellification0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

we want what we can't have. that's got to sound familiar

[–]esiemualBBlue Pill Woman2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

If my bf said he didn't want to get married, I would want to know his reasons. I think there are many good reasons to be opposed to marriage, for example if you don't believe in lifetime monogamy and the preferential treatment thereof, or you don't like the religious parts of it. However, I think with the current legal situation in my country, it is better to get married if you plan on staying together forever anyway. If my bf didn't want to get married because he has a general dislike for getting the government/church involved, I'd understand and I'd probably stay with him. If he didn't want to get married because he doesn't believe in lifetime monogamy or because he is afraid that I will screw him over, I would not stay.

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Excellent response. I appreciate you.

[–]Sophiatab2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Marriage is a non-negotiable with me. In my faith no physical relationship is possible between a man and woman without marriage.

[–]GradualDecomp1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yep, because I feel the same way.

[–]neuk_mijn_oogkasVulva-and-tit-hating non-monogamous lesbian loner1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Fuck marriage, my view on marriage is very wel outlined here.

Marriage is people getting into an absolutely ridiculous legal construct that should never exist (beng responsible for each other's gambling debts and traffic fines? what nonsense is that?) simply because they care about the label and like to call themselves "married".

I don't care about labels; I don't care about whether someone calls me "wife" or not or "girlfriend" or not and anyone who does care about such labels or what they "present as" to the outside world is not perfect for me; in fact—such a person isn't een worth my time.

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[–]kandyapplezincel larping as a thot7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

didnt know so many of the men here were actually 8 year old girls who believe in "soulmates"

[–]goatismycopilotJohnI'monlydancing10 points11 points  (14 children) | Copy Link

So the piont of this post was to ask women a question that most were bound to answer a certain way and then bitch at them for giving an answer that the OP did not like. Do I have that right?

[–]azngirl76896 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yup. They hate it when laydee people have desires and dealbreakers.

[–]goatismycopilotJohnI'monlydancing7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Followed by laydee peoples won't tell us troofies. Laydees be lying except when they tell troofies bad, bad, laydee peoples.

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] 2 points3 points  (11 children) | Copy Link

Not really bitching. Just wanted to know why it's a dealbreaker and if there was a possibility of overlooking it. So far the answers have been: Yes. Or no, you're a woman hater if you won't marry me.

[–]goatismycopilotJohnI'monlydancing4 points5 points  (10 children) | Copy Link

I did not see anybody say a man was a woman hater if they do not want to get married.

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] 2 points3 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

Check azngirls comment history.

[–]goatismycopilotJohnI'monlydancing9 points10 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

What I saw in this thread was many women saying a man who did not want to get married was a dealbreaker which made the man not perfect for them and you being annoyed. Did you really expect most of the women were going to say they were cool with being the forever GF?

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

I didn't expect anything.

[–]goatismycopilotJohnI'monlydancing2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

You had a pretty incredulous tone as if you were surprised so either you expected more compliant answers or you do not know much about laydee people or you were trolling.

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

I dont know about laydees.

[–]goatismycopilotJohnI'monlydancing4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Well then you learned something.

[–]azngirl76895 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Sweaty hun, my comment was saying to STFU and let people live. If you don’t like marriage don’t marry. But don’t circle jerk about how awful it is and how laydee people who want to marry are silly. OK?

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I never said it was awful tho. You're assuming a lot.

[–]Freethetreees0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I would definitely suspect it, unless he’s rich

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Q: if you find a guy but you cant bleed him dry is that good enough

A: no

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Pretty much.

[–]bitter_samsara 1 points [recovered]  (18 children) | Copy Link

bet you there will be variations of "well he wouldn't be my perfect man if he's [shaming language about men who don't want to marry]"

[–]sublimemongrelBecky, Esq.5 points6 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

And if marriage was a dealbreaker for the men’s perfect ideal woman here? Do you think they’d say yeah that’ll change my mind I’ll get married now? No they’d probably say some variation of “it it’s a dealbreaker for her she’s probably some gold digger”.

[–]ifeelfuckingterrible2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

If she were the ideal woman for me in every way then she'd be rich as fuck and so I would have no problem with marriage in that case haha. I would never get married to a woman that didn't earn significantly more than me.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

No they’d probably say some variation of “it it’s a dealbreaker for her she’s probably some gold digger”.

Looks like the whole sub is men who regret getting married, men who wont get married, and gold diggers

[–]sublimemongrelBecky, Esq.2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I never said they’d be correct dummy

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

mhm

[–]bitter_samsara 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy Link

The thing is, the question itself poses the scenario where they're the "perfect whatever" except with one caveat. What ends up happening is that people end up treating it as a person who is of zero value to them, whereas in real life it wouldn't be so easy -- their looks would turn you on so much, their personality would be irresistible, the way they make you feel would be amazing, every day with them would be inredible.

If you're really going to tell me a man (or a woman) would make some major sacrifices trying to make it work, then sure, whatever.

[–]sublimemongrelBecky, Esq.3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You’re right but that goes both ways is my point.

Edit: I actually do find your comment to be really astute.

[–]exit_sandmanstill not the MGTOW sandman FFS-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

And if marriage was a dealbreaker for the men’s perfect ideal woman here? Do you think they’d say yeah that’ll change my mind I’ll get married now?

Honestly? A hypothetical perfect ideal woman who is guaranteed to be 100% loyal (i.e. like the guy in the OP) wanting to marry wouldn't be a dealbreaker1 . I don't believe in perfection, but I am willing to entertain the idea for the sake of the argument, and also because I don't think that this setup is completely unrealistic: a woman who is extremely compatible and has a good personality (kind, loyal, reasonable, loving, whatever) but insists on marriage isn't something I consider completely outlandish.

However, I wouldn't be willing to entertain the idea of committing to a hypothetical perfect ideal woman who is guaranteed to be 100% loyal except that she was a huge slut, which is an extremely popular question from the BP camp (I think BD was particularly fond of these questions). For starters because I simply don't want to, and also because I consider that setup to be even remotely realistic in the first place.

1 though I have to add that in my country there's a bachelor tax of sorts, so there are also other incentives to get married anyway.

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

What prize do you want for predicting the future m8?

[–]jax006Wants to bang ~20% of PPD chicks1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Haha u win

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That's the entire thread

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

It literally only took 2 minutes!

https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/a83f16/q4w_if_you_found_the_perfect_guy_for_you_but_he/ec7nqip

[–]CatchPhrazeRed is For Rudolph2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

How is saying she'd feel disposable shaming HIM?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Jesus yes it's not identical, only the first part matched.

Still funny.

[–]bitter_samsara 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy Link

lmao she went full retard on that one

[–]LittleknownfactsAutomod is my husband[M] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Be civil.

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

EZ

[–]azngirl76896 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Fuck these gotcha threads. Don’t like marriage? DON’T FUCKING MARRY!

But stop fucking whining about “divorce rape”. Stop with the “piece of paper” crap. Just......stop! Just admit you don’t want to marry and move on.

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I have literally not said divorce rape once this entire thread. Jesus. What is your problem?

[–]azngirl76893 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

What is my problem? That you don’t see that maybe some people do value marriage! Maybe you don’t but good for you, leave everyone else alone! Go be in your anti marriage corner with your anti marriage girlfriend.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Itt. Women would rather settle with a poor choice for them and get Marriage, than live happily without it. Yeah. You are stupid.

[–]Texastentialismshe's got a tattoo and two pet snakes10 points11 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

These are not the only two options.

[–]aznphenix4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah wtf the extremities.

[–]exit_sandmanstill not the MGTOW sandman FFS1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

He should have said "suboptimal choice", but other than that he's right.

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yup.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

no

[–]bonersNlaughs1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Oxymoron

[–]Million-SunsMarriage is obsolete1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Man, if the refusal of "screwing yourself assets wise and let the government meddle in your romantic stuff" a dealbreaker for her, then clearly she was not the perfect woman for you.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Civil_Seaworthiness' comment is a nugget of gold in an ocean of shit.

[–]i_have_a_semicolonPurple Pill Woman0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think so. Luckily I don't have to worry about that.

[–]OHG10 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

The answer is yes

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah I don't care about marriage at all. In fact I'd rather not get married.

[–]yaseedog will hunt0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

yep

[–]Willow-girlProud 2 B an American farmer0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy Link

Not a problem for me. At our age (50+), marriage is more risky than beneficial.

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] 1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

Damn. Haven't seen you around here lately. Where you been hiding?

[–]Willow-girlProud 2 B an American farmer2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Busy as a one-legged man in a butt-kicking contest!

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

I feel you. Finals almost killed me. Why is marriage so risky at your age?

[–]Willow-girlProud 2 B an American farmer2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Someone is gonna get sick! I have been in the position where my disabled husband needed care for a life-threatening medical condition but my income made him ineligible for assistance, while at the same time not providing enough money to pay for his treatment out-of-pocket. (I had to put it on a credit card and pay it off.) Don't want to be in that situation again, especially with the possibility of eventual nursing home care looming on the horizon all too soon.

Men seem to worry about being divorce-raped, but the bigger threat at our age is that one spouse will have a heart attack or something and the medical bills will wipe out their joint retirement savings. If you're not married, the hospital will drain one person's life savings, sure, but the other person's will be untouched and the couple can at least live off THAT money!

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Oh, wow, excellent point. I didn't even realize stuff like this happened. I hope all is well with your hubby.

[–]Willow-girlProud 2 B an American farmer0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

He's my ex-husband now, but yes he's fine (or was the last I heard from him). And the bill is paid off, lol.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is a very helpful comment, thank you.

[–]KikiYuyuPurple Pill Woman0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

As long as we get to have a celebration with friends and family, sure.

[–]LifterofThingsDelicate Feminine Flower0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

My SO and I are kind of in this situation. We've lived together 6 years and have 2 kids. We're both kind of meh about marriage. I'd like to get married but it's not the hill I'm prepared to die on. He's not really averse to marriage, but obviously isn't in any rush to put a ring on it either, so to speak.

We live in a place that recognizes common-law unions so we file our taxes as married and stuff, anyway. ETA: and we're named as each others' beneficiaries in our wills and junk. So we're basically married without the actual certificate.

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Sounds nice. Hope its smooth sailing for you guys.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

No. Marriage is a deal breaker. I'm always going to be thinking in the back of my mind if he breaks up with me tomorrow and marries another girl. Just as I imagine men who discover their wives used to do anal porn but won't let them put his thumb in her ass. Imagine being 50 and having to say "my boyfriend".

[–]Superfluous_ToastSex is only bad when she's not having it with you0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Eh, I don't give a shit. As long as there's still monogamy going on. Who needs a paper?

[–]KeyAssumption0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

women need commitment/marriage like men need sex

There seems to be two camps of women: one desperately needs a marriage and the other couldnt care less.

Did you realize you're contradicting yourself? Women don't need commitment like men need sex. Women need commitment from men they're with so they don't get used, if they don't get it, they're fine being alone. It's more of a self-defense mechanism than need.

[–]_Neon_Shadow_[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Nah. You guys seem plenty desperate.

[–]KeyAssumption0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Ayy, I'm a man. You said yourself there're women who couldn't care less, there are way more than you think.

[–]MusicalMarceline 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yikes, no wonder why dudes are tapping out of the dating game. A piece of paper and a different word to refer to your SO is really that important? I

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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