Q4W: Women who use Tinder and other dating sites, what is a typical first date like for you?

ColorMePoorly · 2019-07-13T21:42:26+00:00

I'm a 23 y.o. woman, and had about 10 first dates I guess.

The best first date I had was with a guy that I ended up falling in love with, and we had an amazing relationship for a while. Sadly, we are not together anymore, but the first date consisted of buying iced coffee and chatting in a park during a hot spring day. It was the best because it leaded to an awesome relationship and because we hit it off immediately.

I guess the worst date I had was with a guy that I had met in a club one night. I gave him my number when he asked, just for the heck of it, and also agreed to a date afterwards just for the heck of it. We went to the amusement park and it was the worst date because the conversation was really hard to maintain (ie it was uber boring) and I had no interest in the guy. The long waiting lines before the attractions were torture for me. I never saw him again.

As of now, my first dates are usually going out for a beer or some coffee. I like the simplicity of it, and it allows us to talk. When I know the person a bit more, and if we see each other again, it's for the future dates that I get a bit more creative.

kandyapplez · 2019-07-13T23:06:29+00:00

i'm 28. including tinder i've been on at least 100 first dates. i was on tinder off and on for the majority of my 20s. first date = we meet at a bar, period. i'm not interested in having you show me the world Aladdin style or whatever when i've never met you. that's for the second date.

were going to a bar and were going to drink until we decide if we like each other or not and that's that!

i've been on a lot of fun and creative dates that have involved amazing food, travel, art openings, festivals, etc, but when its a first date i only want to do that if we met IRL. save it for the second date. thats when the actual courting begins.

passwordgoeshere · 2019-07-14T00:03:06+00:00

I'm really confused by the hiking and biking answers here... Isn't Tinder for hookups? I've only gone out with a few matches but it was always something sexual on the first date.

planejane · 2019-07-14T00:46:25+00:00

30yo. I've been with my SO for almost 2y now but before that I did OLD after my college relationship ended. I was on mostly Tinder and OKC for about 4-5y in between various STRs that didn't really go anywhere.

Probably went on 50ish+ 1st dates in that time. It was an odd split; the vast majority were either Chad's looking for an easy way to get sex or guys who very obviously struggled a lot with social interaction with a few normies in the mix.

One guy early on was very obviously an autist at some level. He was skinny, very perky and chatty but awkward AF. He also lived with his mom and had no intention of ever moving out (his words) and spent the majority of our 45 minute date going through photos of his 4 cats on his phone. I don't know how many he had in total but one album named "funny cat moments" had over 400 photos. When the date was over I walked around the block and right back into the bar and proceeded to get drunk and chat up the bartender who blessedly shared in my humor and mortification from my date he'd overhead. Nice guys, both the date and the barback, but the date was less than zero chemistry and the barman was happily married.

My favorite horror story is the ex-Marine who was working on his BS in CompSci. Three inches shorter than me, ripped as hell with a very Instagram-influencer look, we shared a lot of military stories over drinks but I swear to God this guy was gay and didn't know it yet. His jarringly high voice and mannerisms, his too-polished look, and the fact that he was checking himself out and other guys more than my boobs in my good-old-first-date-blouse (dear shirt has since retired gracefully). Again, super great guy and we talked for an hour or two, but within 5 minutes it was really apparent he was not REALLY into women, even if he didn't know it.

Two guys I'm convinced were sociopaths.

The first was "might have a sex dungeon, likes BDSM a little too much" sociopath. One was a family law attorney who was more than happy to tell me a lot of folks burned out in that particular field but he had no problem with it, it was all about getting his clients the best deal. He was very impressed with himself and even on the first date tried to subtly gaslight and neg me. If I was less world-wise I probably would've fallen for it.

The second was more like the "I kill small animals for fun" kinda guy. He sounded like a really fun guy online; very active, a bit cheeky, kinda had Jason Momoa as Aquaman vibes except blonde, smart but in a blue-collar kinda way. Except most of our date he spent talking about himself, his risk-taking behaviors, his "crazy" ex girlfriends and what he did to them when they broke up. A lot of it was spiteful, arrogant, and varying levels of illegal. I texted my sister from the bathroom to give me an escape call; he knew exactly what was going on and as I grabbed my purse he actually had a moment of bare innocence and asked very sweetly, "I'm sorry you didn't have a good time, but what did I do wrong?" At that point I was already too creeped to give him an answer, unfortunately.

Best one was beers that turned into coffee that turned into cigars that turned into dancing in a 6h date neither of us wanted to end. It became a short summer relationship that once upon a time I could've seen myself marrying him and truly being happy forever. Single dad, a bit on the skinnyfat side, VERY sweet, caring and attentive guy when we were together, worked at a non-profit and dabbled in political campaigning, keeping his head above water just barely. Unfortunately his job and politics and kid REALLY cut into our time together and as the summer went on we saw less and less of each other. After a 6 week stretch only able to communicate over text and phone, wasn't sure if he was just overcommitted or if I'd totally been duped and was secretly the other woman or something. I would've been very surprised if I was, he was just that kind and caring of a person and so genuinely warm. In any case, I sadly broke it off and told him to let me know if he was more free. We chatted on and off for months but eventually fell away; I found him on FB a few years back and he eventually got married to another very lovely chick in non-profit and they've since had another kid. I honestly wish nothing but the best for him, he was really a great soul.

There's plenty of other memorable stories; the well-traveled cranky law student, the geologist, the cheater #1, the cheater #2, the sex God (a title he gave himself), and more. Many of the normies don't stick out as much from the first date because they weren't especially abrasive or awkward, even though I might have dated them a bit longer cause we matched better in sociability. I did a lot of first dates over beer or coffee; I'm a low-key person and it's a nice way to get to know someone without too much pressure. If I was suddenly single again I'd probably do the same.

pngmafia97 · 2019-07-13T21:48:35+00:00

??? Maybe 10?
22
best - biking around summertime Chi then going to a local street festival in a hip neighborhood (Logan Square). funnily enough, it was my idea and i didn't even realize he had perceived it as a date until a few weeks later. at the time, i just wanted someone to come with me because i was getting kind of lonely doing fun things like this without an accomplice. worst - does getting high with the boys, watching netflix, and hooking up after even count as a date?
ideal date is some kind of interesting exploratory activity that showcases one or (ideally) more of the following: athleticism, creativity, intellectualism, dexterity, adventurousness, etc. anything that simultaneously provides material for conversation and banter and is also an opportunity for both to show off our competence and zest for life

I have only met up irl with 2 people on tinder: my current boyfriend of 2 years and some random dude I wanted to buy coke off of at a rave when I was 17. but I have swiped on thousands and chatted with hundreds. the few dates I think I've been on have been with existing friends or acquaintances who simply wanted to do x activity or grab a meal.

The line between doing something fun 1:1 with a friend of the opposite sex (or same sex!) and a ~Date~ is very unclear to me, seeing as my peers would offer up those very same x activities or grabbing a meal to girls they were "taking on a date." Especially in college, it is ubiquitously common to just do fun shit with your friends 1:1. Very often one or the other might loop in another person to join in, hence redacting its status as a date.

oracle32 · 2019-07-13T21:44:06+00:00

I always insist on a hike for my first date with someone. It’s free and it gets straight to the point of what I want in a relationship. Plus I get to bring my dogs.

Ideal first date would just be a really super cool hike in a new place and would be like a whole day thing involving lots of exploration & spontaneous detours.

Im 24 and have maybe been on 5 first dates, give or take.

ayeayefitlike · 2019-07-13T21:51:11+00:00

Haven’t used it now in four years, but did a lot before then and met my now long term partner on it. I went on a decent number of dates, but I wasn’t using it to hook up - never had casual sex from any of of Tinder dates.

God. I dunno. Actual date-dates? More than 10, less than 20. Would have to have a good think.
Just turned 28. Actively used Tinder from 20 or so to 24.
Best was with my now long term partner. We just went for drinks, but it just felt really comfortable and easy from the start, and I’d honestly never felt that comfortable with someone I was that attracted to. It ended with him asking me for a second date, so there wasn’t even any worrying about whether he felt the same. I’ve never had any god-awful dates - the worst of them were just a bit awkward, with zero attraction and nothing in common.
Talking total dreams? Getting whisked away to Paris, a day of sights followed by the theatre or something. Realistically? Probably the right person over any specific activity.

Maybelowsmv · 2019-07-13T22:19:04+00:00

I've only ever had one "date" off tinder and it was one of the worst nights of my life. I've had a few "dates" here and there but my ex bf was the only one that actually took me out on a real first date.
18 im a baby :)
Best date- my last fwb and i would have movie nights. It was in essence "netflix and chill" lol but for some reason I was really comfortable around him. He would bring me milkshakes and food and shit it was fun and we'd actually end up fully watching a movie before fucking. Worst date was recently. I gave a guy from my grade that I've known for years a chance, because I figured since I've known him for so long he wouldn't try to pull any bullshit. We got frozen yogurt, and then he was like "my house is around the corner, we could watch TV and chill for a bit" and I was SO uncomfortable. I sat on the edge of his bed holding my purse for like 30 minutes and he kept trying to make a move on me, and I repeatedly told him no. Every five seconds, I had to pry his hands off me. His fucking MOM came home, and I had to hide in his closet. Whole time he was driving me home I was thinking "I am never speaking to this dude again in my life". He had the nerve to text me last week like "Daddy wants to see you" and I was like, how are you calling yourself Daddy when your mom won't even let you have girls over LMAO.
Ideal date- something like going to a cute cafe and getting sweets. I have the lowest appetite except for sweet stuff, and it's awkward trying to finish a whole meal in front of a guy. If it's a guy I'm comfortable with, we could get high and do random hoodrat shit, but I don't smoke around guys I don't know.

HedgefundsRus · 2019-07-13T22:44:45+00:00

[22F] I'm a foodie so I really like trying new cafes and restaurants but right now on tinder it's not so common to find someone that actually wants to date per say, I don't know if it's because it's summer time but people try to keep it casual and I find it a bit off-putting, I personally don't feel very comfortable coming over to a stranger's house for "dinner" lol don't feel like getting murdered

PaintingOfJoan · 2019-07-13T22:16:42+00:00

Idk I can’t count the amount of first dates I’ve been on. Usually we’ll just go eat or walk around park and fuck after if it’s late enough.

we-are-men-with-ven · 2019-07-14T12:04:37+00:00

Not gonna lie, I always meet them in the pub and we get drunk. If he's fun and there's chemistry then we'll bang on the same night. If he's not, then I thank him for a nice evening and go home by myself. I've been on five online dates and three of them ended with us banging.

I got to a point in my life where I didn't want my relationship to be from someone I met online, and instead wanted something that flourushed organically (for lack of a better word).

Current partner was DJing at a party in the woods and I really liked his set. He was actually quite shy and we met several times without even making out, which to me was really unusual. Turns out he wanted to take things slow which was actually a really pleasent change.

For dates we went for an Indian, he came round and cooked once and we went to a rave together (which was where we had our first kiss).

MinuteBenefit · 2019-07-13T20:58:56+00:00

What is a "real" date?

somenthingprother · 2019-07-14T00:15:54+00:00

Ive been on.... 9 dates. As in “this is definitely romantic,not merely hanging out with the opposite sex” dates.
I am 19.
Best Date: We met around 1:30pm and went for a walk on the Embarcadero downtown, explored a Museum a little bit. When we left, there was a street performance and we danced a little together. We kept walking and saw a Greek eatery - it was cheap but cozy inside, and the food was SO GOOD. I still go there sometimes.

Afterwards we took a ferry to the other side of the bay, and in short order it started raining, my heel broke, and both our phones died. Despite everything going wrong, it was so much fun. I walked barefoot, he held my shoes. We laughed at how silly/stupid we were, sang rather out of key songs, and fell over ourselves when we finally got to the coffee shop. We were soaked, my cappuccino was delicious, and the lady in the back kindly charged our phones. The day ended with us calling an uber, where we cuddled, a cozy-yet-damp ferry ride back, where we kissed, and a parting wave at the trolly station where we went our separate ways.

The most important part of the date was how he treated me, that we got to talk. He was attentive to me, listened to what I had to say, and I listened to him, we talked about ideas, the future and each other.

Worst Date: Clingy guy, we met at a Mexican taco shop. He insisted on paying, but came up short on cash. Normally i dont care, and always offer to split the bill because we are both students and broke af. But he insisted in a reeeeaally pushy way, bordering on rude. So things were a little awkward after that.

The guy then proceeded to sweatily hold my hand and not let go as we walked through the 109 degree parking lot to get ice cream. We barely spoke and he stared into my eyes the whole time... awkward as fuck. He went in for a bear hug that i had to extricate myself from.

A date can be anything. The most important thing is getting to know the other person, talking, seeing if you are compatible. They don’t have to be immediately sexy imo, nor are they bound to be PG. My thinking is that my partner should also be my friend, and we must be able to have fun together.

goatismycopilot · 2019-07-14T04:06:52+00:00

Boring.

Goat: I am goat.

Man: MEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEME. Have we talked about me? Let me talk some more. MEMEMEMEME.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2019-07-13T20:48:05+00:00

i never knew a woman in my life who went on a "real date" when we were all single in our 20s and that was decades ago

i had only ever seen that in movies and tv

Notlikeotherguys · 2019-07-13T21:50:09+00:00

From what I've seen using the guy for a free dinner.

fevertree · 2019-07-13T21:20:52+00:00

Just as a negative data point...I won't use tindr because I consider it an app for getting herpes. I have used more traditional sites like eHarmony...but those populations skew older. There are also way more women on eHarm and match so it can be difficult.

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Ofourkind · 2019-07-13T22:03:38+00:00

If you had to guess, how many first dates have you been on in your life?

200?

How old are you?

40

Describe the best and worst date you've ever been on.

Best was with my ex. Was supposed to just be coffee and a walk around the lake, but we were having such a blast we ended up hanging out for almost 12 hours and drove all over the city. We bought bathing suits and picnic supplies at target and drove to the coast to go swimming.

Worst date was with a guy who had pursued me for awhile before I was finally available for a date. i had only met him a few times, but he seemed nice enough. He rolled up 20 minutes late with no explanation or apology, didn't even offer to buy me a drink even though he invited me out, and then immediately launched into a rant about how much he hates homeless people. I walked out about 15 minutes in.

What would your ideal date consist of?

Coffee and a walk or a hike.

"Real" dates usually arent appropriate for a first meeting. First meetings should be unelaborate and easy to cut short if it's going badly. Movies are the absolute worst choice for a first date. You cant even talk to each other. Just go for a casual beer or light meal.

strangelovesglasses · 2019-07-14T01:44:40+00:00

i don’t use online dating, it’s bad.

flamingoinghome · 2019-07-14T10:55:59+00:00

A typical first date is probably a pint or two at a pub after work on a weekday; you know it went well if you kiss goodnight; poorly if you awkwardly hug/shake hands.

1.Yeesh, I dunno.

Mid/late 20s.
Assuming you mean FIRST dates, because the best dates I've been on were well into a relationship: Best: my first boyfriend in college, for our first date we went to a Japanese restaurant and then to see some of his friends in a play, and then to a party my friends were throwing. He had suggested the restaurant and his friends' play because he knew I liked theater and Japanese food, which made me feel really special. Worst: he told me a story about how he and his friends pretended to be disabled to get into a museum for free and didn't understand why I was disgusted.
It's not about the activity, it's about if I enjoy being with them, so it's hard to say.

waxedmintfloss · 2019-07-14T11:26:17+00:00

Late 20s.

If you define date as spending time one on one gettimg to know each other and at least one person has sexual interest then probably hundreds, however I define a date as someone unambiguously using that word or otherwise declaring interest alongside an invitation to a time and place to eat drink and/or do activities on one person's tab. I've used tinder and although you need to bring your personality with you, if a man asked me for an official date and followed through with the details I would never decline.

My best first date was with my boyfriend, it wasn't through tinder, so we already liked the looks of each other but he planned a nice evening and the chemistry kept building.

Ideal first date is a museum, zoo, aquarium etc it's low pressure and cheap but shows that you're serious about spending time getting to know the person, and it provides conversation topics.

non8m · 2019-07-17T01:41:47+00:00

I think 12, 8 of which were from dating apps.
I’m 24
Most of my first dates have been fairly average coffee/dinner/bubble tea dates. I’m pretty good at sussing out what a guy is like through his profile/over text so I’ve only really had pleasant experiences with good conversation.

Probably the best was with a guy I dated for a while who I met through a summer course, we sat by a very picturesque creek running through campus and ate lunch there every day for a couple of weeks.

I guess the worst would be the time I started getting a migraine on a date and the guy was convinced I was super not into him even though I told him it was a migraine. But that wasn’t a tinder date either, and it was only unpleasant because I was in pain.

Ideal dates are best for later on after you’ve developed more of a connection imo. If I end up on tinder again I’ll be sticking to coffee dates - they’re the perfect low-commitment cheap first meetup to move things from online to irl. However, I would not turn down any sort of painting/art/craft experience.

confusedspade97 · 2019-07-13T21:23:45+00:00

Follow up question: how many matches have you gotten?

confusedspade97 · 2019-07-13T21:28:46+00:00

~15
22
Haven't been on any horrible dates. Been on lots of fun first dates.
Getting drinks and then doing something fun.

For a typical first date I meet up for drinks or dinner. Usually the guy pays.

Title	Q4W: Women who use Tinder and other dating sites, what is a typical first date like for you?
Author	_Neon_Shadow_
Upvotes	20
Comments	122
Date	July 13, 2019 8:44 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	/r/PurplePillDebate
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4w-women-who-use-tinder-and-other-dating-sites.254939 https://theredarchive.com/post/254939
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/ccu8ux/q4w_women_who_use_tinder_and_other_dating_sites/