Question for Bluepills, Purplepills, and the RedpillWomen: How can we escape a conflict oriented mindset?

ProbablyBelievesIt · 2016-04-09T22:12:42+00:00

You, like every single human being on the planet, have your own demons you have to deal with. Some people are better than others at hiding this, but it's true for everyone. Even someone who comes from the most privileged background in the world will have problems (have you seen the movie Richie Rich? kid couldn't make any friends) even though those will be dismissed by many people.

I think we live in a society that makes people in the first world, especially if they're financially comfortable (not even rich, just not poor) feel bad for having problems. "You don't know what suffering is, there's kids starving in Africa!" I dunno about you but I heard that last bit ever since I was a kid just because I didn't eat my veggies.

On PPD you constantly see "lol you don't understand X, you're a privileged male/female" depending on what side is speaking.

If we all learn to understand that we all have our own struggles in life we are learning to cope with, we would be much more empathetic and we'd get along much better.

Sadly that's a fantasy land. People are just assholes. You cannot change human nature.

And that's something else you gotta deal with. The way I see it, I cannot change how others act, I can only change how I act. This is not just a central pillar of TRP but also the first thing you learn in any therapy.

The sooner you learn to accept that you can't change others or the world, but you can change yourself, the sooner you can make steps towards happiness.

awrestorant1 · 2016-04-09T22:08:47+00:00

Close your browser. Shut off your computer. Go outside and take a walk.

You're spending way too much time here. Experience the real world, forget about all this "pill" bullshit. Stop avoiding your friends and loved ones.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2016-04-09T22:45:36+00:00

why not come say hi in the IRC?

[deleted] · 2016-04-09T23:44:32+00:00

Everyone is trying to make their way in this world-- even the women who reject you, and the people on the internet who are assholes to you because they disagree. We all have our demons to fight and those ongoing battles are reflected in our behavior.

People who have been hurt tend to put up armor and try to reduce human interaction to its most mechanical means. People who have been on the receiving end of kindness tend to give others the benefit of the doubt even when they don't seem to deserve it.

Empathy is key to quashing a conflict-based worldview. Most people are good at their core, and mean well, even if their behavior goes off the rails and seems counterproductive sometimes.

coratoad · 2016-04-10T01:40:27+00:00

I think I've gone through much of the same thing, although I am not entirely sure I understand you. Let me see if this helps though.

First, I would figure out exactly what it is that is threatening to you. Which ideas elicit the strongest emotional reaction in your head? You are fighting against some perceived threat. Figure out what this is.

Next, rationalize this threat until it no longer seems threatening even if it is true or becomes true. You can help do this by using what psychologists call coping statements. Some examples of coping statements are "I've survived worse in the past" or "In ten years none of this will matter" or "It's not going to kill me". You have to truly change the way you think about the threat. Another way you can do this is make a red (or blue) pill account and argue the other side intelligently until you can actually identify with them.

Lastly, keep exposing yourself to the threat in small doses. You can do this by just imagining something that causes a jump in anxiety, or even physically putting yourself in threatening (not dangerous) situations. Stay in the exposed state as long as possible either mentally or physically until your anxiety or emotion returns to normal. You can use coping statements to help. Do this 3 times a day for 3 days, and by the end of the third day, you will no longer feel threatened and you will have lost the conflict mindset. Keep repeating for other threats you've identified.

This is essentially what a cognitive behavioral psychologist would have you do. It works pretty well I think.

Apexk9 · 2016-04-10T01:20:17+00:00

Stop being a pessimist become a realist.

You control you nothing else no matter what happens that's outside of your control don't sweat it just adapt and evolve as a person.

Always improve never accept who you are you can always be better and you have to be the best to be successful in life.

YaBoiTibzz · 2016-04-10T05:57:40+00:00

Not sure what the topic is about. If you have an SO quit wasting time on reddit and spend time with them. Be grateful while you have something to be grateful about. If you don't trust me you'll be kicking yourself down the road.

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Sepean · 2016-04-10T06:09:00+00:00

The man can swallow the red pill and exert his dominance. After a period of fighting it she settles into a more natural role and there is more love and respect.

If you want to go beyond that, she will also have to go RPW.

[deleted] · 2016-04-10T12:51:08+00:00

Read the rawness' post on world creation http://therawness.com/raw-concepts-world-creation/

It's one of my favourite pieces on trust vs pessimism.

Nazrath2112 · 2016-04-10T15:04:20+00:00

First change: Embrace your conflict. Remember there are 5 conflict styles. Some are more assertive and some more cooperative but conflict exists around you all the time. You need to embrace that its there but maybe choose another way to deal with it.

Styles: Competitive, Compromising, Collaborating, Avoiding, Accommodating.

If you are trying to out compete a competer, while your strength is not in competing, then you are in for a rough day indeed.

[deleted] · 2016-04-10T16:58:40+00:00

I'd like to think I'm one of those people acting decently towards you, I hope you got my PM. I do honestly think you're one of the best posters on this fucked up sub and really appreciate all of your contributions.

I just don't know how to stop fighting. It's not a matter of just letting go of toxic mindsets, when you don't have the instincts to replace them. You can be good in any crisis, and completely fall apart at parties.

I struggle with this too. One thing that I found over the last few years that has really helped is the vanishing act of the sincere compliment. I see people doing something impressive, looking impressive, there's that little push inside to tell them. Then the fears kick in and I usually just sit quietly in admiration. Instead of chickening out, lately I have been pushing myself to speak up and tell them I think they are awesome (for whatever reason) and it feels amazing.

The key is sincerity, no ulterior motives. If it's a woman, I'm not trying to hit on her, I'm in the moment just telling someone that they rock, their response is not necessary, it's not what I'm looking for. That kind of pure positivity is good for the soul.

You seem like you focus on the confrontation, just try modifying it slightly. Instead of going into a confrontation with negative emotion, try approaching a stranger with sincere positive energy. I guarantee it will be like a sun coming out from behind a cloud on your day.

Last thing. Have you read The Art of War? Really sublime look at all things conflict related.

RareBlur · 2016-04-10T18:33:37+00:00

Can i offer a suggestion? Start with books like this if not that one then find one that speaks more to your situation. There are ways to change your mindset that have many of the lessons of TRP but not the toxicity.

DivinePrince2 · 2016-04-12T11:22:13+00:00

You can't change anyone.

despisedlove2 · 2016-04-09T22:48:58+00:00

The good news is that you haven't let TRP destroy your humanity.

Let me put it in a way that might make some sense to you.

I am a purple pill. I spent most of my life as a blue pill until the day my ex wife tore my heart out of my chest and left me picking up the pieces. I should have seen it coming, but that is what I say now. I almost became a red pill. But there was something about its nihilistic view of humanity that grated on my sense of honor. Yep, the same sense of honor that had led me astray and led to the destruction of my psyche.

You see, and I say this solely because you appear to be a person who might understand this without scoffing at it.

Despite all the evidence to the contrary, I still believe that life isn't life without love. Love makes all things possible. Without love, nothing holds much meaning.

I see women using and discarding men like used up condoms every day. Such is female nature, previously held in check purely by tradition. As the poison of modern feminism seeks out and destroys the last remaining healthy cells of the society's body like a malignant cancer, TRP must appear like the only logical choice.

But you see, we men are human beings at the end of the day. Our inherent constancy and honor is ill served by what remains of humanity's proud tradition, constructed out of whole cloth perhaps, of a how a lady might conduct herself. But it is vital for us preserve those values because without them, a man isn't a man. To believe in love, knowing all we do, is an act of faith.

It is the faith of a grieving husband, such as the co-worker of mine who lost his wife to cancer three months ago, refusing to believe anything but good things of her. It is the faith of a mariner standing upon rending timber as the sea heaves in a yet another attempt on his unbroken mast. It is the faith, even, of a war veteran returning home, holding his family close, his soul seeking the repose even as his inner demons seek mastery over his sanity.

It is inherently impractical. But it is essential, to go on. To rejoice in being a human being, as you lock your car, and walk to a silent and cold house, with the sound of neighbors' children ringing in your ears, knowing that you will never know the privilege of having your own, and yet mustering the male courage of a smile for them.

What is real is your work, and your devotion to its virtues. There will come a time far off in your future when your heart will cease to beat, and you will have the privilege to question your Maker about the purpose of it all. The grand purpose is shrouded in mystery for all of us, even those that pretend to know it. But know this much. The purpose involves love, even one as one sided as a man's love. It awaits the ingredient of time as it merges with the Infinite and finds requiem.

Until then, shape your professional destiny with honest toil and seek to leave this world richer than you found it.

That is sufficient.

Shaenon · 2016-04-10T05:16:26+00:00

I don't get this whole "conflict-oriented mindset" at all, so... I dunno, just ditch it? Assume that other people, male and female, are people more or less like yourself, with their own issues and problems and dreams? Stop thinking of social interactions as battles you have to win, and maybe even have fun interacting with people instead? That's all I can advise.

Title	Question for Bluepills, Purplepills, and the RedpillWomen: How can we escape a conflict oriented mindset?
Author	ProbablyBelievesIt
Upvotes	10
Comments	63
Date	April 9, 2016 9:51 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/4e37eb/question_for_bluepills_purplepills_and_the/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/question-for-bluepills-purplepills-and-the.275226 https://theredarchive.com/post/275226