Question for everyone: What's important to you, when you rate other people as potential sexual partners?

hakosua · 2016-04-30T22:27:42+00:00

For me, it depends what we're gonna do together sexually.

For men, I like a deep voice, broad shoulders, muscular arms, and dark eyebrows. I'm especially attracted to guys who seem on the verge of getting arrested. For example, I was both aroused and disapproving when I found out that my ex was a grey-hat computer hacker. A corrupt cop is my ultimate fantasy but I'd settle for a drug-addicted doctor. I also especially like guys who get turned on by playing the submissive role but who haven't quite come to terms with their kinks. Watching an otherwise alpha guy get shy when I talk dirty is a massive turn on.

For women, I like complimentary sexual kinks, pale skin, poor social skills, a curvy ass, thick legs, and a twisted imagination. If Christina Ricci was on the autism spectrum, and if she frequented the same websites that I frequent, that'd be perfect. And by perfect I mean terrible. I'd kill my phone, quit my job, break my boyfriend's heart, and disappear into a windowless bedroom with her.

LoreSoong · 2016-04-30T18:39:06+00:00

Physically I don't care, but I'm much more picky when it comes to character and intelligence...oh, and being overly religious is a no-go. But I have to say that I only have sex with partners I have a relationship, so that may explain why character/intelligence is overly important and physiology not.

LifterofThings · 2016-05-01T15:05:18+00:00

I am not massively physically picky. My "type" tends to be lanky and not "too groomed" (the metrosexual look turns me off big time), but I've slept with dudes who were taller and shorter than myself, slimmer and heavier (although rly rly fat is a no-go), with faces ranging from boyish to masculine.

I like sex and I like men-- So long as the base "would do" is there in terms of physicality (ie: I don't find him physically repulsive), everything else comes down to the whether I think he'd be a fun and interesting time in bed, extrapolated from whether he's a fun and interesting human generally.

I attribute no mystical power to sex-- it's not something I feel the need to experience only in a committed, loving relationship, but power to those who do, too. (Should also mention that I've never held it against a dude for not wanting to date me for putting out too fast or whatever, which I'm fine with as well-- their call).

YouDislikeMyOpinion · 2016-04-30T19:08:29+00:00

I like 'em tall, burly and gentle. I like artists and I like people who are passionate about something. When I was single I always had a soft spot for guys who seemed a little lost fashion wise. Jeans, 2 sizes too big that your mom bought you from Costco and a logo tee you got in a lost and found?? Yes please. I also liked when they weren't particularly smooth. When we were first dating husband used to text me compliments even if we were at the same table because he said it was "easier." Keep in mind this was like 2005... He was using T9. He was so confident and capable normally, seeing chinks in his armor always made me melt.

alreadyredschool · 2016-04-30T18:49:22+00:00

Hot, clean/healthy, no annoying voice

Hot means "is an 8 or higher"

[deleted] · 2016-04-30T20:27:56+00:00

[permanently deleted]

questioningwoman · 2016-04-30T19:29:16+00:00

Unconventional, rebellious against society in more ways than one, mysterious, likes to go to new places, intellectual, deep. Writing dark poetry and using a lot of quotes are turn ons.

lady_baker · 2016-04-30T21:03:35+00:00

So is this kind of only for those who have casual sex? I'm floundering trying to answer.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2016-04-30T23:09:48+00:00

99% hotness

[deleted] · 2016-04-30T23:42:04+00:00

Long-term compatibility is something I consider before getting sexually involved after I found that casual sex was not my jam. To be compatible, he has to have a particular attitude toward academic work: the more passionate about his field, the better, and he must respect my field as valid, as well. I prefer fellow introverts, someone I can feel just as comfortable spending a few quite hours with reading side by side in silence as I do when we are conversing. The ability to take care of his physical health is also a must, and personal grooming is key. I also value gentleness and self-control in a man, and of course his ability to see me as an equal partner in the whole thing. Having a cute butt and dimples helps, too(:

[deleted] · 2016-05-01T15:09:38+00:00

Don't do casual, so I only use one "scale", which is to say all my sexual partners are LTR mates.

Physically attractive to me. I don't have a "number" in mind though. I don't care if objectively a woman is only a "6" if she makes my tootsie roll. Basically? "hot enough" for me pretty much means "gives me tingles" as I understand it. :P (probably a fairly high bar to set in that case, but why should I aim low?)

Once she passes that bar? Has to be intelligent enough to have conversations with me. I'm not heavy lifter in the brains dept of humanity, but I'm no slouch. She will need to keep up...

Has some form of steady employment: CAVEAT: I am 45 and am NOT having more children. Our youngest is 15, and there is NO REASON my wife should be home full-time. So, keep that in mind on this one. If I was a young man starting a family? I might be looking for a woman willing to spend 5 years or so OUT of the workforce.

Loyal and trustworthy - anyone that's read my comments knows I'm all about this, so not going into detail. The inquisition will be swift but fair. :P

If we make it this far, we've hopefully started to cover the last important thing: that I'm looking for a First Mate. By that I mean, she's going to have to want a traditional(ish) marriage if she's going to be with me. For the most part, I don't think this ever comes as a surprise. I don't hide my tendencies, and as I get to know a woman to figure out how she "ranks" above, it becomes fairly clear what I'm selling.

ppdthrowawai · 2016-04-30T18:09:07+00:00

For sex only? Is she hot and not putting my health in danger. Thats about it.

I mean, the more irritating she is the less effort I would probably put in but thats about it for something strictly casual.

betterdeadthanbeta · 2016-04-30T19:07:57+00:00

Hot. Cute face. Not fat.

TheChemist158 · 2016-04-30T21:06:31+00:00

I don't have casual sex, so no answer. When it comes to romantic partners I look at personality mostly. Do I enjoy spending time with him? Do I agree with his values and goals?

[deleted] · 2016-05-01T03:35:30+00:00

Aesthetics in men: Thin build (will accept anything from holocaust-victim skinny to ottermode... but prefer things on the "labor camp aesthetic" side), high cheekbones, strong jawline, long hair strongly preferred. Tattoos! Clean-cut is a turn-off.

Aesthetics in women: Same thin build, high cheekbones, delicate features, good eyebrows, tattoos and piercings a plus. Punk-rock or hippie aesthetic.

Personality: Must be charismatic, artistic, and kind. Abrasiveness a plus (think US East Coasters). Must like debate and discussion; intelligence is a huge plus but not a requirement, just don't be dumb as a fucking rock. Please don't be wishy-washy and indecisive, no one likes a doormat.

Dealbreakers: Rude to service workers, the elderly, or the homeless. Cruel to animals. Wasting my time.

[deleted] · 2016-05-01T11:51:40+00:00

This goes for LTRs because I don't really like ONS.

Not fat (just to get that one out the way), kinky as fuck, submissive, has tattoos and piercings, does drugs, scene kinda style, big tits, quiet and cute, dark sense of humour, about as crazy as me.

Deeper long term stuff: not religious, doesn't want kids, doesn't wanna get married, doesn't have super strong views on things, ideally only cares about people close to her not anyone else (makes it much easier for me to be open).

You'd think this is some kind of unicorn manic pixie dream girl shit but it's just a description of my girlfriend. Oh how I love her.

demerera · 2016-05-01T14:13:47+00:00

Most importnat to me is sexual attraction ( which isn't always who's the most objectively good looking, more just chemistry) and easy conversation. Physically I like tall built fat guys, beards, chest hair, dark hair. Someone who's interested in lots of different things, but doesn't lecture me. Someone with goals and drive, someone kind, sociable, confident

ozymandias271 · 2016-05-01T16:47:48+00:00

Compassionate. Good writer. Socially awkward nerd type (I myself am a socially awkward nerd, so it helps me feel comfortable around them). Intelligence (<3 physicists). Mental health issues. Hair that's dark and either long or kinky. Big nose. Butch if female; femme if male. If female, large boobs. Likes the same authors I like.

YouDislikeMyOpinion · 2016-04-30T17:57:26+00:00

What makes them more attractive

physically: dark hair, pale, slimmer, glasses (please, glasses). at least a general ability to dress well helps too. i don't need fancy, per se; he could wear solid-colored basics 24/7 and that would be fine. but, take a look at a color wheel or clothing catalog for ideas if you need to.

personality (outside of possessing basic manners and kindness/courtesy): i think someone who's eager to learn new things in general is exciting. someone always pushing themselves to new goals, and trying new things. i like people who are always excited about the world and things around them. i tend to prefer men that have a non-aggressive, quiet kind of confidence as well (if that makes sense).

what makes them less

physically (outside of the obvious): i don't particularly find myself attracted to blond guys, or guys with lighter hair. dressing in a really gaudy way is a turn-off, and guys who carry themselves in an aggressive or cocky way are an absolute no. i can already tell i don't want to deal with this guy in any capacity.

personality: kind of similar to the above; aggression, arrogance, and poor manners are all really unfavorable. extreme differences in personal values and beliefs are a problem, and depending on the religion and how it is practiced, i'd probably turn down/avoid religious guys. putting himself and his needs either always above or always below me, i wouldn't like that either.

what are you willing to compromise on - how far will you compromise?

physically: this is probably where the greatest room for compromise is. there's a lot of things about physical appearance that aren't chosen by us or within our control, and many things that are within our control can cost a lot of money to change. i don't really expect anyone to go to such lengths for me and first impressions based on appearance are often incorrect, so appearance holds less weight than their personality.

personality: if they can explain their reasons well, i could potentially object less to religion or a difference in beliefs/values. some of mine vary pretty greatly from the norm, so understanding that, there's room for compromise here. i still don't really have any tolerance for aggression, arrogance, poor manners, or disregard for me (like being way too rough, especially if i've expressed that it's a problem).

i've never been the type to have sex on impulse or outside of a relationship, so a guy that i'm both attracted to and like as a person is required.

[deleted] · 2016-05-01T08:29:31+00:00

Good values, handsome face, fit body, inteligent and has a good job

Preferably plays some kind of sport.

Should be able to hold a conversation with me on things I find interesting - philosophy, psychology, literature etc.

Should be fun to be around.

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ProbablyBelievesIt · 2016-04-30T18:31:53+00:00

To be clear, OP, you're asking only about sexual attraction? I'll answer but I want to make sure you're just getting at that single factor or if you're asking for a more comprehensive answer...

jesuisunrenard · 2016-04-30T19:28:59+00:00

this list of nonsexual things that are sexual is pretty spot on, tbh

Example: Is casually good at naps

prodigy2throw · 2016-04-30T19:30:08+00:00

Not fat. Pretty face

shoup88 · 2016-04-30T20:27:24+00:00

Like for a ONS? If I were having those, the guy would have to be attractive, which for me usually means tall, slimmer build, brunette, good arms, facial hair. These aren't essential though - I've been attracted to guys with only one or two of these qualities.

Id also have to know him through my circle of friends somehow. It's not foolproof, but it acts as a vetting system. If they're friends with people I know and enjoy, they're probably good people. Like I said, not foolproof, but I'd feel safer knowing I can easily track them down later if needed.

If they're socially awkward, say weird things, or make juvenile jokes, that's a turn off and probably a deal breaker.

Anything more than a ONS, and the criteria goes way up.

[deleted] · 2016-04-30T20:27:29+00:00

Does she weigh less than me? Is she at least passably interested in me? I can make it work...

[deleted] · 2016-04-30T21:08:57+00:00

Brains, passion and assuming consequences.

scrantonic1ty · 2016-04-30T21:34:22+00:00

Sexual partners? Don't be ugly or fat (a little overweight is okay, but there are limits on an individual basis as some carry weight better than others). Be pleasant company. You don't have to be particularly funny or intelligent, just nice and non-judgmental, a relaxing presence.

[deleted] · 2016-04-30T22:27:05+00:00

Must be white or Asian.
Must lift heavy weights.
Must have no kids and not want them.
Libertarian or slightly conservative.
Atheist.
Independent and confident; not clingy.
Not controlling or domineering.

[deleted] · 2016-05-02T19:49:18+00:00

What's important to me is her looks and her personality. So say, she's a lithe little thing(or she can be tall) with very pale skin, tattoos, a whole assortment of mental health problems, tattoos and piercings a past of promiscuous behavior, and who makes me feel like a golden god by banging me 7 ways into kingdom come. Yes, I'm shallow.

sattorie · 2016-05-04T17:45:16+00:00

Blue pill chick here. I don't like hooking up at all so I will describe what I like when it comes to a potential LTR partner.

I'm not really picky about appearances. The guys I've dated have varied a lot appearance wise because personality and compatibility is just a lot more important to me than anything.

So in terms of physical appearances, I do kind of have a thing for guys who are a bit chubby - not really fat, but definitely not average or thin. A little bit overweight with some muscle definition is my ideal. I want to feel like his chest is a safe, warm and soft place for me to rest my head. I'm also a tall girl and have a strong preferences for guys who are at least my height. I do like guys who have dark hair, but that's less important to me. My partner is blonde and blue-eyed and I still think he's the hottest shit ever.

In terms of personality, he must be gentle and kind and empathetic but also emotionally grounded and logically-minded. I tend to fall for the type of guys who are very technical and nerdy, who are into computers and sciences. Often times this means they are mildly autistic. They must be able to hold thoughtful, intellectual conversations on a wide range of topics and are open-minded and enjoy learning new things. It's also important to me that they have values similar to mine; that they believe in equality, treating others with kindness and respect, love animals and are generally reliable, honest, and straight-forward people. Sexually, it's a huge plus if they have a high sex drive like me and are into some nasty kinky shit, but usually the sex is great anyway if your compatible in other areas.

I think SMV ranking is a total BS oversimplification of human relationships. When it comes down to things, people end up in relationships with those they are most compatible with, who compliment them, their lifestyle, and their values. Human beings and the relationships they have can't be reduced to a fucking numerical system. People are a lot more complicated than that, and thank god, because if they weren't that would be super boring.

HigHog · 2016-04-30T17:41:45+00:00

Must be kind. Must make me laugh and I must also make them laugh. Don't care about formal schooling but must be relatively engaged with the world. Must have a similar moral system.

Edit: missed that it was for a sexual partner, but probably wouldn't have sex with someone unless I had feelings for them so I guess it still counts.

Unicorn986 · 2016-04-30T23:57:11+00:00

That they are married to me.

energyvolley · 2016-05-01T12:37:38+00:00

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Title	Question for everyone: What's important to you, when you rate other people as potential sexual partners?
Author	ProbablyBelievesIt
Upvotes	5
Comments	65
Date	April 30, 2016 5:21 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/4h5axb/question_for_everyone_whats_important_to_you_when/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/question-for-everyone-whats-important-to-you-when.274864 https://theredarchive.com/post/274864