Reasons why online dating sucks for both men and women

NockerJoe · 2021-11-06T16:21:28+00:00

I think theres a general consensus apps are terrible for 99% of users. I'm not going to argue about individual bullet points when I, as a man, also quit OLD and my mental health got better. The problem is, there isn't really a widely accepted alternative. Theres been way more stigma over the last number of years about meeting via work or school, so online and bars are the only things that have really gone uo in engagement while literally every other way to meet people has gone down in frequency.

Everyone says to go to meetups but its become pretty common for women to go on TwoX complaining their hobbies are getting flooded by single guys looking, and for men who tried that to point out there aren't really a lot of single women in most hobbies that actually interest them.

rivetcitymayor · 2021-11-06T19:19:38+00:00

Women to men : get off dating apps and meet women in real life !!

Men to women : so how did you meet your boyfriend ?

Women : online

CFinCanada · 2021-11-06T21:42:30+00:00

Lmao I did not find that 99% of the men on there were just looking for sex. At all.

I wasn't even on there for a full month and I found two dudes who wanted to have a LTR with me. The latter of which I am still with to this day.

The only one that is arguably unique to OLD for women is point #2.

Nyanu · 2021-11-06T17:50:57+00:00

Most men on dating apps are just looking for casual sex.

No. It is just the men that all women want. The ones you swipe right on. Not the 95 % you swipe left on.

NephilimXXXX · 2021-11-06T16:32:38+00:00

Don't forget the other problem for men: women who put almost no effort into dating or talking. I get some number of matches, but the rate that women don't respond, or respond but expect the man to carry the conversation and entertain them, or ghost out of the conversation randomly is (as far as I can tell) much higher than the number of men who do that to women.

pertante · 2021-11-06T20:54:30+00:00

Dating, whether online or irl, is dangerous either way.

With that said, online dating can be useful for 2 scenarios.

You are new to an area and not sure just yet were to look for dates. Sure, someone could find ways to meet people irl but it's not always too easy.
Some people don't have luck with meeting someone irl for any number of reasons. Some do. Personally, I've had some luck meeting people irl and online.

Edit word

Excellent_Jelly_7095 · 2021-11-06T16:21:11+00:00

Solution to 80% of your problems for women: don't fuck randos?

hulk_hogans_nutsweat · 2021-11-06T17:46:47+00:00

The reason it sucks is because everyone complains about the bullshit games everyone else plays when dating, and then they go and play those same games themselves. This happens with or without apps.

Girl: “uggfhh why can’t I just find a sweet, great guy who’ll take care of me and stick with me long term?” proceeds to friendzone those types of guys and dates assholes or guys who charm her into bed and then disappear

Guy: “Fuck why can’t I just find a sweet, feminine, nurturing woman who’ll be loyal and won’t flirt with other men for attention?” proceeds to only match up with the skankiest women because she’s hot bro and then gets left wondering wtf happened

Nobody wants to date people they work with, even though you already know them. Women in particular are very hesitant to date guys they already know because it might make things “awkward”. People complain about flaking and ghosting and then turn around and do those exact things to the next 10 people they date. People complain about how nobody is honest and then they keep being dishonest themselves.

Be an adult. If you’re not into someone just be up front with them. If someone isn’t into you take it in stride, thank them for their time, wish them the best, and move on. It’s not that hard.

Internal_Ad242 · 2021-11-06T16:16:05+00:00

You're at risk of getting pregnant by a man who has no intention to stick around or who wouldn't help pay for an abortion.

How hard is it to not have sex with a stranger you barely know?

Circ-Le-Jerk · 2021-11-06T17:15:18+00:00

I've argued it's bad for women, because they think they can climb higher than they should, but then keep getting treated like a bicycle by these out of their league guys so no one commits to them. So they keep getting dates, but just keep getting pumped and dumped. Sucks for everyone except the top guys who LOVE it. It's adult friend finder realized.

tryingmybestatm · 2021-11-06T17:08:19+00:00

women are not pressured by society rather by other women, but i'm baffled becoz if u have self control you wouldn't give into the pressure. also u can just make up hookups if ur female friends are bothering u that much about the fact that u dont let randos fuck you, it's not like they're going pry open ur legs to see if you've been fucked or ur lying.

i feel like women having casual sex may come down since the number of single moms raising kids alone is increasing so their children will be more careful. but another sad thing is being a single mom was criticized before but now it's praised like she's such a strong woman. i understand that there are women that have been abused and are single moms because of that but the ones i am talking about are the women who let the guy who is no good for them get them pregnant.

black_snake_m0an · 2021-11-07T09:11:38+00:00

The main reason it sucks is that people will never truly value the people they meet on there, thinking there is something wrong with the other person for having to resort to online dating, even if they would have liked that person if they met irl. People make excuses for themselves, but subconsciously judge others as low value for being on OLD apps. There's also the obvious notion that people believe someone better is just one match away, so they hold out. In real life, there are limited options. But not online.

Aaaaand meeting irl creates better chemistry. I've never felt chemistry with men I met OLD, but felt it with less attractive men I met irl. There's something about that initial approach.. the excitement of it all... and online dating kills that.

Wildhouse83 · 2021-11-06T16:33:13+00:00

You say that a lot of men only want casual sex but forget to mention that is the case for a lot of women, too. Why else would a woman bother of getting pregnant or catching an STD in the first place?

It is dangerous for men the same way as for women.

The reasons why dating apps suck for both men and women do mainly apply for men, not so much for women, exept Nr. 3 and 6.

MR_Shigitoshi · 2021-11-06T17:14:14+00:00

The primary reason women dislike OLD is due to them targeting men way out of their league

BasicallyYogurt · 2021-11-06T17:36:06+00:00

Most of the problems listed for women are barely even problems lmao.

quiturbitchn · 2021-11-06T16:54:43+00:00

Points 1, 2, 4, and 5 for women apply to dating in general. They are by no means exclusive to OLD. Point 3 is a mutual problem not a solely female one

squeamish · 2021-11-06T19:19:00+00:00

The only thing worse than on-line dating apps is "all of the alternatives."

Ohyarlysmiles · 2021-11-06T22:18:52+00:00

I get a good amount of matches (so far today I've gotten 6 on a bumble acct nearly a year old) from OLD.

OLD sucks for guys because you're kind of exposed to a self selected group of women who tend to offer much less than what they're wanting or expecting. Or at least I encounter that a lot.

It's good as a supplement to hunting for a good partner and occasionally you get lucky and find a decent one on there.

Mrs_Drgree · 2021-11-06T20:01:13+00:00

[permanently deleted]

superlurkage · 2021-11-06T17:55:49+00:00

Online dating sucks because dating sucks; dating sucks because it is a selfish endeavor that unfortunately involves another person

TodTheRod01 · 2021-11-06T18:02:49+00:00

Most of the things listed for why it sucks for women...are just why dating or life suck for women...pregnancy, danger, etc these are all issues in non OLD also...so bad argument

Kanonicman · 2021-11-06T16:35:28+00:00

Women points 3-5 are responsibilities of both involved.
I would argue point 1 is viewed the same by women. It is general knowledge at this point.

The points for both genders: Those are all valid - but these are inherent for this product.

WomenHavItHarder · 2021-11-06T17:43:29+00:00

For point 3 of “Why dating apps suck for women”, you can easily prevent pregnancy by going on birth control and requiring guys to wear condoms.

For point 4 STDs are also a huge issue for men. Men more likely to be exposed to STDs than women are. For example, 20% of women have genital herpes, while only 10% of men have genital herpes. This means if a man hooks up with a woman there’s a 1 in 5 chance that he’s going to be exposed to genital herpes. For women this probability is only 1 in 10.

Danielcraigboston1 · 2021-11-06T17:12:46+00:00

Gender ratios are widely in balanced.

XtoDoubt · 2021-11-06T18:55:33+00:00

Old is great. You just have to know how to use it. Make it fun and flirty and set up a date. Stop with this conversation bullshit. Nobody wants to be your pen pal.

Christian_Kong · 2021-11-06T21:24:55+00:00

Disagree with:

Women 1:Most guys know what they are capable of. Most know they can't just get sex NSA. Most(I ain't saying 99% but certainly more than 75%) are on dating apps, even hookup apps to meet women for both dating, sex and potentially relationships.

Women 2: I am not denying that some statistically insignificant amount of men are dangerous to women, you cannot live life in that mindset. Hiking is dangerous because a tree can fall on you. Going to live hockey is dangerous because an errant puck can fly into the stands at your seat. You cannot live your life assuming the low percentage worst case scenario as if it is a worse situation than it is.

Women 3: In addition to referring to my comments on women 2; there is birth control, abortions and many other ways to prevent this. Vetting is important. Again you cannot live in the worst case scenario mindset all the time.

Women 5: See women 2 and 3.

Both 1: Women, at least the average BMI ones, have endless options. Top tier men have endless options. Obese/ugly women and average to ugly men have the illusion of those options but they quickly learn they do not.

Both 2: I have never heard of a man doing this. I have heard of but never experienced a woman that does this. Is it really as popular as you think it is?

roots_inmy_dreamland · 2021-11-06T22:24:48+00:00

Online dating sucks because people sucks, that's all. Most of the reasons you listed happen with people you know in real life too. Your post is biased.

PopularBug5 · 2021-11-07T01:22:48+00:00

A huge percentage of female users in dating apps actually treat dating apps like sugar daddy sites. That's why most men get left swiped on. They can see if a guy doesn't have a lot of money in the profiles and don't bother. They don't outright say "Cashapp me before we can talk" or "I need a man to pay my bills" or "Subscribe to my OF" because it's bannable but the intentions are there.

Most men treat OLD as hookup apps - they also know from a glance that women are the 'not looking for a hookup' types or just want to waste their time with insisting on 3-4 fully paid dinner dates and paying the bills and still no hookup sex, so they left swipe on most women.

2021-11-07T05:47:12+00:00

The last three disadvantages for Women work both ways lol.

Imagine being baby trapped and having to labour for child support for a kid you never wanted with no out for 18 years, because that’s a real disadvantage for Men too.

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SaBahRub · 2021-11-06T17:01:34+00:00

People like comfort more than they like effort, film at 11

cytPandora · 2021-11-06T22:16:05+00:00

I agree. I used them a lot and was mostly to cure boredom and by luck ended up dating actually but that doesn't usually happen.

washington_breadstix · 2021-11-06T22:56:17+00:00

None of these issues seem to be very specific to online dating apps. These problems exist in the dating world in general, and apps just amplify these problems and especially the gender-specific struggles.

The illusion of endless options, for example, seems to have a different effect on men versus women. When a guy thinks he has a lot of options, his standards will go down and he'll feel a stronger incentive to sleep around (cheerleader effect). When a girl perceives her options as greater, her standards will go up that much further, since a woman who can cast a wider net will think she has that much higher a chance of catching a Prince Charming.

The benefit of dating apps is a complete illusion, because all they do is widen the divide and intensify the "battle of the sexes", leaving both sides even more frustrated than before.

sunkized · 2021-11-06T22:57:32+00:00

It only sucks if you look like the elephant man. Other lesbians in the group I'm in get dates on a regular bases.

Prize-Thought-4205 · 2021-11-07T12:27:41+00:00

Just watched the movie love hard on Netflix and holy fuck it was so real LOL that’s 90% of women and 100% of men who spend years on tinder still with no luck on that lame app

BlackGriffin_1 · 2021-11-08T19:37:45+00:00

Dating Apps will never suck for women. They just don't know how to use them properly or they are just lazy.

Why dating apps suck for women:

Most men on dating apps are just looking for casual sex.

Then don't have sex the first time you meet them. And state that in your conversations with him, that you are not looking for hookups.

It's dangerous. Men are more likely to be a physical threat to women than the other way around. As a woman seeking a man on a dating app, if you don't know the man IRL then you have no idea who he is - only who he presents himself as.

Then facetime him for the first few weeks, or bring a male friend on the date, or to even watch from afar, so that you are protected. Take self-defense classes and buy a gun.

You're at risk of getting pregnant by a man who has no intention to stick around or who wouldn't help pay for an abortion.

Get birth control to not get pregnant. INB4: What about hormones. Copper IUDs

You're at an increased risk of getting an STD by nature of being female. Men can't be tested for HPV (women can be). This is an issue when it comes to OLD more so than IRL because one is less able to vet their sexual partner for STDs due to not having known them before seeing them on the app.

Getting an STD is extremely rare, and we already have vaccines for HPV. But if you are really that afraid don't have sex.

Male condoms are more widely used than female condoms and a woman just has to trust that a man won't take it off during sex without her knowing.

Again use your own birth control or wear a female condom, they are not that hard to find.

Note: I swear to god women have so many solutions to their problems they don't want to take. You are the gatekeeper for sex and relationships, act like it and stop being such a cuck.

IJUSTWANTTOLEARN__ · 2021-11-09T02:45:58+00:00

A personal aside: I (24F) used to use dating apps but I quit them several months ago. I can't think of one good reason to go back.

It's very simple.

Volume and statistics.

If you're hot, great photos, not too slutty you're going to attracts tons of quality guys. You can apply a basic filtering set of questions to see if the guy is too thirsty. If you can speak like a human being, tons of the great guys will actually want to date you and not just fuck you. Tons of guides for this.

For every 100 guys you match with there's at least 1 you're going to have a great time with (use filter questions)

To me it is a no brainer and I don't see why women have problems at all with it. As a guy the idea is the same, you're just not going to get anywhere near as many matches as a woman regardless of how good looking you are. I get like 150 a month and have literally modeled before lol. Average woman gets that in what. A day? lol.

IME as a male? 60% of the matches go nowhere, 30% fizzle out randomly. 5% ghost after agreeing to a date, last 5% I actually date. That leads to like anywhere from 3-6 dates a week usually 10 dates a month, My first dates go pretty well most of the time, 3rd dates are tough and usually when we discover it's not going to go anywhere but sex. Or at least I discover that lol.

HedgeRunner · 2021-11-09T07:27:32+00:00

First I'm a guy and I just found this sub reddit. I'm hoping people can actually have a logical debate here. And before I go on, YES dating apps are terrible for the human race. Below, I talk about the relative difference, not absolute. This is critical. 1 more caveat..so we don't start a gender war here - when I say I disagree, it doesn't necessarily mean the points are wrong or they don't occur, it's just that their relative importance is minor. Now onto the points....

Men:

2 and 3 are not real problems or not problems that have an outsized impact. For 2, the generic view is that both sexes will try to put their best picture online, filter or not filter, there's definitely some BS / professional photography going on on both sides thus this is a moot point. For 3..people just learn to ignore bots also bots are not directly related to women, sure the companys are shit for not dealing with them but generically bots are a low % of your matches / population.

Women:

I don't believe so. Just because women doesn't say they are looking for casual sex doesn't mean they do not. In reality, both sexes embrace hook-up culture or else hook-up culture won't exist...if a significant number of 1 sex refuses to do it.
3, 4, and 5 - this is all down to the women's choice - you can't blame apps. Women in any setting will be physically weaker than men, dating apps or not. That's human nature not the problem of dating apps. Meet at a Starbucks and don't sleep with sketchy people literally solves all those problems.

So at the end of the day women does have a relative advantage in options and having options is way better than not having options. BUT does that mean those options are good options? No, but it's still relatively better.

It is as simple as that and at the end of the day, people bitch about the apps but it is people's choices that make the apps so bad. Blame the people and the culture, not the tech, even if the tech definitely pushes us towards more fake and hook-up culture rather than LTR.

AmbitiousHornet · 2021-11-06T19:08:49+00:00

1.Men generally get few matches and little attention from women on dating apps compared to the matches and attention women get from men.
2. While men are not immune to using filters, facetune, and like like, the practice of altering one's digital image is more prevalent among women. When a dating app user's photos are very edited, they likely don't reflect how the person looks IRL.
3. There are bots.

Men outnumber women on OLD by a significant margin. While this is often remarked upon, I've never seen an answer as to why this is true. I like to hear some opinions on this.
I will concur that enhancing one's photo is primarily used by women. I have never used any enhancements and frankly would not know where to begin, and it would go against some general principles of mine, and those principles would also apply to women who use enhancements. IRL, one can never exceed what they truly are, appearance-wise.
There are lots of bots and perhaps some humans as well whose only function is to get one to renew their subscription by planting false hopes and false results.

Title	Reasons why online dating sucks for both men and women
Author	questionasker012
Upvotes	82
Comments	211
Date	November 6, 2021 4:06 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/qo3d92/reasons_why_online_dating_sucks_for_both_men_and/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/reasons-why-online-dating-sucks-for-both-men-and.1085592 https://theredarchive.com/post/1085592