Sex isn't a need (or is it?)...

CimZim · 2022-11-16T03:13:06+00:00

I think sex is a need in the same way touch from another person is a need.

Can you live a long life without it? Yes.

Are there some people who don't want it? Yes.

Are there even some people who go out of their way to avoid it? Yes.

But for the overwhelming majority, our lives are made significantly better by having it and we will suffer in various ways when we can't have it.

Holden_Frame · 2022-11-16T06:16:38+00:00

First, it is always incredible to read women chiming in on this subject without immediately acknowledging the following and indisputable facts:

Males have a far stronger and more frequent sex drive that permeates almost everything they do
Males have a far more difficult time obtaining sex and intimacy

Just those 2 line items alone, should cause a woman to include a HUGE caveat with their opinion on the matter.

This is not an area of life where you can just say "people are just people!" or "everybody's different!". No. Barring very rare outliers, this is a fundamental difference between the sexes.

This is, in my opinion, a huge part of the where the lack of empathy comes from. Women do not and cannot have a fundamental and holistic understanding of the impact that much much higher T levels have unless they have gone on T themselves for some reason.

It would be like men trying to tell women what having PMS, Menopause or Postpartum Depression feels like. Nobody would stand for that, and rightly so.

Therefore, they see every complaint and frustration expressed by men on the subject through the lense of "meh, I can go months without thinking about it!" and "What's the big deal! It's just sex, you can get it whenever!" etc (see recent thread about how women think just about all men can find casual sex).

The bigger issue with this discussion is that with an issue like this many fail to see this question of "need" and "want" holistically (though a few have touched on it)

You always have a group trying to contrast sexual desire with air, water and food. As if that's where the term "need" begins and ends.

What do you want to bet these same people will argue that people "need" to live with shelter, clothing sunlight and dignity?

I mean, by many of the arguments in this thread, In WWII, Russian and German political prisoners had all their "needs" met up until they didn't.

The point is that a lack of sex and intimacy can take an enormous mental and even physical toll on men in a way that it may not for women.

Nobody would argue that isolating a newborn from any human contact for weeks while technically providing that newborn with the "needs" of air, food, water and shelter isn't an extremely cruel / unhealthy thing to do.

Or think of a woman suddenly losing her kids through death, kidnapping or whatever won't undergo some extremely painful and profound psychological and even physical consequences. Again, are the "needs" taken away from that woman?

Of course, I'm not comparing the severity and significance of a lack of sex with losing one's children, but I am using an extreme example to show that you can't simply dismiss somebody else's experience because it is foreign to your own.

Yet, with men, people tend to only think of "Entitled man no get dick wet". It runs so much deeper than that for men. For men, sex is a connection to so many things other than sex, and that is built in to their software somewhat like a maternal instinct might be strong for a mother. It's not just biological, it's spiritual and holistic. It is almost their essence.

Basically, asking this question will always get low T men and women chiming in from a position of utter blindness on the experience of men.

WilliamWyattD · 2022-11-16T05:14:09+00:00

Framing sex as a need or not is just a bad idea.

Rather, it is more about looking at the impact of sexlessness on individual lives and society as a whole. Also, 'sexlessness' is horrible marketing. The term is chosen because that is the quantifiable metric being used to measure a certain phenomenon. But it is understood by all that sex is often acting as a proxy for intimate relationships with the opposite sex.

alphasupremacy5555 · 2022-11-16T03:24:48+00:00

Sex isn’t a need in the biological sense of the word like we need food and water, but it’s very high on the list of instinctual wants. It’s natural for organisms to try and procreate. Sex is the biological mechanism for that and what our lizard brain wants once our basic needs are met.

_revelationary · 2022-11-16T04:09:05+00:00

I agree that sex is a psychological need in that it can be harder to have a fulfilling life without it. But if multiple months without sex makes you have a “breakdown,” I think that is a sign of other issues.

For example - I’m pregnant. I’ve been having bleeding this entire pregnancy and sex makes it worse. If I get a scan in December and I’m told I have placenta previa, I may need to be on pelvic rest for the remainder of my pregnancy and at least 6 weeks after. No sex or orgasms. Six weeks is the standard amount of postpartum pelvic rest that is required. In other words my husband and I will have to do without from possibly December through June. Of course there are other things we can do, but I wouldn’t be allowed to even have an orgasm.

This is just a very specific example, but I think it’s relevant. All sorts of life circumstances can cut off our supply to sex, and it’s good to have balance in life so that you can cope without it.

techr0nin · 2022-11-16T03:21:13+00:00

It’s undeniable that sex is something most people want, maybe even intensely want in the case of men. Whether or not it crosses over to a need depends on how you define the goal. It’s definitely not a need in terms of individual survival. It might be a need in terms of a satisfactory and fulfilling life, but then many things would become needs subject to a huge amount of individual variability, and it isn’t even clear that most people can achieve that end state in its totality. In fact I’d go as far to say that a satisfactory and fulfilling life is inherently a moving target, and satisfying one condition oftentimes just means you expand that condition — you think you need sex, you get sex, now you want more sex, sex with hotter women, so on and so forth. It’s a non-stop slippery slope.

Otherwise_Zebra120 · 2022-11-16T03:30:11+00:00

It’s not a need like food and water it’s a want. But I agree, psychologically humans are wired to want it.

Jacked5parrow · 2022-11-16T04:08:58+00:00

Any couple will fail if their money and sex isn’t in check.

januaryphilosopher · 2022-11-16T10:31:59+00:00

It's a want. I've had years of sexlessness before my current relationship, and months when I've gone long-distance during. I masturbated and was fine. Yes, I would've preferred to have done this activity I enjoy, but it wasn't like it ruined my life. You can't call anything you want, even strongly, a need.

obj7777 · 2022-11-16T12:55:49+00:00

I would say sexual release is a need. If you don't think it is, quit fapping.

_EndlessWinter_ · 2022-11-16T03:16:21+00:00

It depends on who is making the claim.

If a man who cannot get any woman to have sex with him unless he directly pays for it says sex is a need, he is called an incel misogynist and is shamed, made fun of, insulted, and not taken seriously.

If a woman who cannot a man from the small pool of men she deems good enough for her to have sex with her says sex is a need, she is flooded with support from other women and from simps/white knights and everyone is suddenly a strong proponent for change in societal attitudes toward sex

BigZaddyZ3 · 2022-11-16T05:38:59+00:00

Smh… Stop trying to frame a want as a need, when your only justification for this belief is that you want it really, really bad. A need is something you’ll die without fairly quickly. The fact that humans can go multiple decades without sex just fine shows it’ll never be a need. Stop with the copium.

Also you do realize that it’s called “sexual selection” for reason right? Not everyone will be selected. And it has to be like that in order for the gene pool to stay healthy and continue evolving. There’s no species on earth where every member gets sex. You only want to frame sex in this way to justify your entitled attitude towards it. You’re trying to convince yourself that you “deserve” sex just for… merely existing (lol). Get real bruh.

Lord_Thanos · 2022-11-16T05:41:57+00:00

The average person doesn’t have much going on. So they indulge in hedonism which is their main form of “staying away” from boredom/dread.

JoeRMD77 · 2022-11-16T11:12:31+00:00

So, when I was about 16 I came across this cute girl in high school and she was already dating some dude who was kind of like me. He was my height and kind of stubby, but for some reason I thought I could take her from this guy and I did. So, I start dating this girl and before and after school we're going to my place to have sex. We're basically having sex everyday for months and months while schools in session for almost a year.

I would say after this girl and I separated, I felt pretty satiated with sex. I had gotten to have it for the last 6 months for as much as I wanted and it was fun every time.

After High school, I met another girl who was just as sexually active with me and we also had sex for a similar amount of time that I did with my first girlfriend.

After her, I met some women at work through various jobs and lucked into sex with a few of them.

After I got it inheritance and became reclusive for a while, I started finding sex workers to have fun with and also because I've never had sex with a woman as hot as them.

So, I guess for this 5'8 fat boy I had plenty of sex and it's not that important to me. If anything, I want to find someone I can emotionally connect with for my final relationship in life. Listening to guys complaining about not getting sex and not being able to find a girlfriend is so foreign to me because I feel like whenever I poke my head out into the world, I'll find someone, but for most of my life I've just been reclusive.

So yeah, I guess sex isn't that important to men who had enough of it. I just pray you guys are more attractive than me because it sure as hell wasn't easy for me, I had to put in a lot of work for everything I got. But if you guys are hotter than me then it's all a mental thing at this point and I have a feeling that it is a mental thing for a lot of you because I would assume many of you are also in shape and I'm not.

subhumanlonelyscum · 2022-11-16T11:37:31+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/virgin/comments/vl7rtd/sex\_isnt\_all\_that\_important/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3

waffleznstuff30 · 2022-11-16T16:53:22+00:00

Sex is a need.

Having a good sex life in a relationship is important and having matching desire/kinks is kind of important. You can be compatible with someone but be sexually incompatible which is a relationship killer. Because one party may become resentful or feel put upon. Sex is important in a relationship it helps with bonding it helps navigate your desires together.

It makes it complicated because it does take two for it and your partner has to be willing and able. And yes sometimes they can be tired sometimes they may not be in the mood and that's okay. But continuing neglect of your sexual needs can be a discussion or something to work on. If your partner isnt willing to or then move on you got your sign. If there are other issues in the relationship that are affecting desire for your partner address them work through them.

TempoIndigo · 2022-11-16T17:50:41+00:00

A need is something that is required or else you die. Air, food and water and shelter (for humans specifically) are the only needs our species has

ziriani · 2022-11-16T22:16:52+00:00

I think it’s something most people need to be happy with their lives, but clearly not a survival need. So a less pertinent need

MotleyCrew1989 · 2022-11-16T22:35:57+00:00

My sex life is nothing to brag about, Ive been in years long dry spells mostly for not putting myself out (I consider dating and courting a chore, and I dont like proffesionals). Your body gets used to the lack of sex, wich reinforces not putting yourself out because you dont feel the need to. But what you certainly get affected by is lack of touch and loneliness.

Think_History_5682 · 2022-11-16T23:26:05+00:00

It is a top 10 human need if you doubt me check the mental health of adults who've never had it or have gone years without it.

gymbro718nyc2 · 2022-11-16T03:22:47+00:00

When you convince yourself that you need something, you become a slave to it. You are enslaved by the Pussy Monster. That monster controls you completely and all it needs to say is "jump" and you will ask "how high".

A curious fact about the Pussy Monster. A man who is enslaved by it is also a man who become unappealing to women. Why? Because to feel sexual arousal towards a man, a woman must respect said man. And no woman can have respect for a guy who is a slave to the Pussy Monster.

hungrychick404 · 2022-11-16T03:03:42+00:00

Lmao I’ve been through multiple months of sexlessness voluntarily and didn’t even realize it was that long. Are single people having that much sex?

GlumManufacturer1557 · 2022-11-16T10:09:37+00:00

I'm a virgin, I'm not assexual, and sex definitlty is not a need. Ive spent years without it, and I could never spend even weeks without good or water.

warramite · 2022-11-16T03:18:15+00:00

Its dumb to say it isn't a need.. Its like saying you don't "need" friends, so why complain if you don't have them?

Such a dumb argument especially if presented by an asexual/asocial person to a normal person

dumbbitchcas · 2022-11-16T03:14:11+00:00

I have 0 need for it. I’m very happy with my vibrator

amyg36819 · 2022-11-16T07:16:37+00:00

when i was in uni i learnt that one of the reasons why humans live is because their purpose is to survive and procreate. biologically, it is one of humanity’s reasons to be living. i think that is why middle aged single women feel the need to get cats or dogs. i think the way your partner emotionally supports you is far greater that a domestic animal.

im not sure how to word it but i know that it is one of the reasons why humans are alive.

MistyMaisel · 2022-11-16T17:27:36+00:00

Nah, dude. I've met many virgin guys or guys without sex lives that were satisfying or intense that are doing just fine.

It isn't a need. It doesn't cause you damage not to have sex. Those mental breakdowns or "worse things" aren't caused by not having sex. It is a primal desire, certainly. But it's not a need. Your quality of life would be greatly compromised if you had none of the things you mention. But not having hobbies won't compromise your quality of life that badly. Neither would not having sex provided you had the other things. The problem is that most of the people claiming sex is a need without which the only end is madness is that these people either don't have the other things or have hyper-focused in an unhealthy way on sex (in such a way that shows they were mentally unwell before the lack of sex thing). The reason 2020 was so bad was the isolation from everything and the destruction of normalcy.

And for the people talking about infants needing touch, you're telling on yourself. You think a grown man has the same make-up and needs of an infant? You're saying you are an infant? Come on, this one is too easy.

Infants actually literally die without touch. Not some spiritual symbolic death, an actual dead dead flatline no signs of life here death. Grown men need to stop comparing themselves to infants because it shows how deep down the crazy you are. And I feel bad you're that insane, but sexlessness didn't make you insane. You already were.

alltrapbrah · 2022-11-16T11:44:20+00:00

If sex was a need in it’s truest sense, far more single men, especially FA and Incel type dudes, would go out of their way to see hookers. But if anything the opposite happens, which is that it’s commonplace for FAs/Incels to REFUSE to see hookers.

I think this hints at the issue with the discussion at hand, which is that everyone is viewing sex through their own subjective lens and what it “means” to them and so forth, and when discussing it it’s almost impossible to neatly parse it out from everything that’s attached to it (intimacy, love, touch, attraction, etc).

So yea, my opinion is that - strictly speaking - it is not a need. But it’s wrapped up with human intimacy, which I do think is a need for healthy functioning, but I think intimate needs can be met without sex.

Radiant_Specific6542 · 2022-11-16T04:45:44+00:00

Sex is a need. You as an individual won't die without having sex but if we're going to continue the species, it's a must unless you want to.get technical by adding artificial insemination to the mix.

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2022-11-16T03:06:13+00:00

It is the primal energy of life, libido inhabits everything, it is the vital spark.

To know ones desire is to straddle the middle road.

alphasupremacy5555 · 2022-11-16T04:51:43+00:00

I know that's some sweet sugar walls with drastically improved a man's life especially mines. After enough time goes by for most people they're going to need sex. We're human beings and at some point we're going to feel desire for sex and a need for it. As a 28 yr old guy dealing with prolonged virginity, it ain't fun and I really do need some sex but that's my problem.

Apprehensive_Cut_146 · 2022-11-16T05:23:06+00:00

Sx is a purpose, not a fundamental need. IMHO

John_Oakman · 2022-11-16T06:55:02+00:00

It's an urge that can be overcome through self discipline.

The follow on question is of course why bother (barring internal sourced motivation)? Becuase in the modern secular liberal materialistic society and culture that has reframed selfishness as a virtue and selflessness as a tool of systematic oppression and simultaneous bare minimum expectation. Therefore those who have overcome their urge would be expected to keep to themselves and not make a fuss of the matter.

deznue · 2022-11-16T11:06:26+00:00

It’s part of the human experience but the need to exploit it is merely because humans have awareness and realized they can exploit it and then become addicted… so it’s more of an addiction that humans lose control of if they can’t live without it once they try it… like cocaine or something. We all can accomplish orgasms on our own but the need to procreate is what humans need in order to not go extinct…. So in that aspect it’s necessary but only for that.

Stunning-Potato-1984 · 2022-11-16T15:36:29+00:00

Problem with classifying sex as a need is it requires direct consensual access to another person's body.

_demidevil_ · 2022-11-16T16:11:00+00:00

Honestly - as someone who has overcome a lot of challenges in my life and had more than my fair share of shit to deal with - seeing this kind of shit just makes me aghast at how a lot of you Red Pill guys have had it so incredibly easy in life. Go through some real life challenges and have genuine needs unmet and trust me, you’ll lose your sex drive pretty quickly! It’s pathetic.

My opinion will be considered invalid as I’m not male, so what I want to know is this: if it’s a “need” what’s the solution? Should women be forced to have sex with men they aren’t attracted to? Who pays the women? Government? (Obviously not in USA you don’t even pay your citizen’s healthcare). Would it be a job women apply for? Or should men get a hooker allowance? What’s the solution?

EnteFetz · 2022-11-16T16:26:10+00:00

Fully agree. When I had no access to sex I could not immagine ever passing on the opportunity to have sex with a woman, but now that I have regular access to sex it definitely went further down on my list of priorities.

If I know that I can easily get sex in the next days, then it suddenly is not that important any more if I get laid tonight or not.

Vulture051 · 2022-11-19T14:53:54+00:00

Asexual here. Lost all interest in dealing with women when I realized I didn't want to have sex with them.

So, yeah it kind of is a need. Without it we have no reason to hang around you rather than a close male friend.

Title	Sex isn't a need (or is it?)...
Author	Purple-Heiss
Upvotes	21
Comments	258
Date	November 16, 2022 3:00 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/ywhsnh/sex_isnt_a_need_or_is_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/sex-isnt-a-need-or-is-it.1140151 https://theredarchive.com/post/1140151