Sexual Attraction and “lowering standards”

MasonMan1234 · 2019-10-27T19:18:53+00:00

I think your attraction to someone can definitely change - you can meet someone, know them for a while platonically, and through getting to know them discover you are attracted to them. Conversely you can be sexually attracted to someone and then lose that attraction because of their actions or loss of NRE or because whatever causes dead bedrooms. I don’t know that it’s a conscious choice though. You are either compelled by someone or you are not. You may be compelled by that person today and then find them to be repellent later even if you WANT to be still attracted to them.

NockerJoe · 2019-10-27T19:21:02+00:00

I don't have any outrageous race or weight preferences so this is just me but there's a gap between "I MUST fuck that person" and "Not in a million years" that 99% of humans sit on.

If you're holding out for a mythical prince or princess prepare to wait for a very long time. The hottie who clicks with you perfectly basically doesn't exist.

Everyone here says to hold out until some black piller calls them stuck up 2 threads later then suddenly we've all magically both casual fucked and committed to a bunch of 3's and aren't superficial thank you very much.

Kondijote · 2019-10-27T19:29:58+00:00

I have absolutely met someone who I wasn't attracted to initially that I became attracted to as I got to know them, and I've met physically attractive people who I ended up repulsed by because of their shitty personalities. The whole "it's got to be instant fireworks or it doesn't count" mentality is so incredibly toxic.

MrHerbSherman · 2019-10-27T20:13:44+00:00

I mean maybe this is a guys perspective but if I exercise a lot and eat healthy food my sex drive goes way up

geyejoe7 · 2019-10-27T19:14:15+00:00

When it comes to "lowering your standards" for looks, it is possible, but it has to be learned.

It's hard to make yourself understand, but as long as someone has an ok face and is healthy looking (so not obese or anorexic) it's not a big issue.

Personality is what really counts. And lowering your standards for that is rarely a good idea.

DragoonXFury · 2019-10-27T19:21:18+00:00

I would say a place to start would be challenge your prejudices. I find that for a lot of people they have prejudicial opinions about certain traits people have which can (and typically does) influence what they find sexually attractive. For example, if you think short men are weak and somehow genetically fucked due to their short stature it's no wonder you would find short men repulsive and unattractive.

Personally, I find a huge range of women to be sexually attractive (from overweight to thin; very short to very tall; light skin tones to dark skin tones) so it's not a major problem for me in terms of range.

(But I'm also a massive pervert so take that as you will 😉)

Dora_Bowl · 2019-10-27T19:23:57+00:00

Human sexual malleable has limits, just as every capacity a human being has possess these same limits.

I cannot through sheer force of will decide someone is or is not attractive, no more than I can through sheer force of will decide I do not like pumpkin spice fig bars. I could perhaps brainwash myself by viewing pornography, perhaps over time it will change, but it just is not possible to decide to lower them.

Can I just out of the blue decide that I like the taste of dog feces or hate the taste of pumpkin spice figs? I do not think so, so why do people think people can just decide to lower their standards for who they find attractive or not.

UTC24 · 2019-10-27T19:25:49+00:00

If you raise standards for yourself you don't have to lower standards for others.

EsauTheRed · 2019-10-27T20:34:48+00:00

Lowered standards would be easier to come by if one restricted themselves sexually to only those whom they could have a LTR with

barbodelli · 2019-10-27T20:38:31+00:00

For men not looking and porn and masturbating goes a long way.

I'm not a "nofapper". So I'm not like suggesting its a good idea or any thing. But it's definitely effective. If you don't masturbate for a while your standards drop noticeably.

Drinking alcohol and doing other drugs lowers your standards a lot. Probably should be avoided at all costs though. Unless you plan on being drunk or high 24/7. Amongst a myriad of other problems that lifestyle creates.

Being asocial can actually raise your standards to an unhealthy level. If you're never around "normies" that you find attractive. If all you see is instagram models on TV. Then your perception of what is attractive can be skewed in an unhealthy manner. When I forced myself to socialize (I'm quite introverted) I found myself attracted to people I didn't think I could be.

I think its possible to change to a degree. But the degree is not that big. At the end of the day you're not going to will yourself to be attracted to people you have 0 interest in. At least from my experience.

Kos_-_Omak · 2019-10-27T20:57:23+00:00

Your standards and the things you're attracted to can change over time but you can't really force it to happen. One of the key things that people need to realize is that people can't control who they are attracted to (or not attracted to).

Often guys will be so horny that they fuck an ugly/fat girl that they normally wouldn't be interested in. But they're still not really attracted to her, and that realization hits as soon as they bust a not and their horniness goes away.

ontherailstoday · 2019-10-27T21:38:45+00:00

"Many argued that changing what you’re sexually attracted to is impossible. But is it?"

I think the constant presence of highly attractive individuals (either IRL or images of them) makes it difficult. Humans aren't particularly well evolved yet to have the option of a thousand people in their ongoing friendship circles and then daily exposure to thousands more daily through work and cultural and online activity. That sours anything that does not live up to those standards. Nothing like comparison to make you unhappy with what you can get.

decoy88 · 2019-10-28T02:14:21+00:00

You're a male. Your sexual attraction can work on a scale like that. Women's attraction is pretty much black and white. It's either yes I'd be down to clown or I wouldn't touch him with someone else's pocket pussy.

If anyone has any advice on how to lower standards for physical attraction, let me know. I don't even have high standards in terms of 6 feet tall 6 pack, honestly if I could be attracted to generic chad white boy, that would be an improvement.

TheReformist94 · 2019-10-27T19:15:12+00:00

I don't really experience "degrees" of attraction. I'm either into him or I'm not. And if I'm not, I can't talk myself into it.

AutoModerator · 2019-10-27T17:59:42+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Mr_Smoogs · 2019-10-27T19:51:45+00:00

I think the easiest chance someone has of “lowering their standards” is when their standards are arbitrary and unreasonably high, and/or their standards are just a coping and defense mechanism.

To the first, standards like “must be a doctor or lawyer etc..” can easily be lowered. I doubt those requirements are even necessarily true as I’m sure the women who say that are attracted to more than just men in those two professions. I think a healthy dose of self-reflection can lower such standards.

To the latter, Lots of men and women pretend to have these sky-high standards merely out of an internal justification as to why they are single. This would also require some self-reflection to overcome.

truthteller8 · 2019-10-27T20:19:06+00:00

At the end of the day, if you don't provide enough to get what you're looking for, you have three options:

Improve your smv
Lower your demands
Stay single

The romantic market is no different than the economic market. If you're consistently not getting what you want, you're simply not worth what you're asking for and the market is telling you that.

So let's run through the options:

1 - This might be a realistic option depending on what you're working with, but just note that there's only so much a person can improve on before reaching his or her biological peak. And I'm talking improvement both physically and internally.

2 - If you've improved yourself to your biological peak and the market is still rebuffing your demands, the second option is to lower your demands to what the market will yield to you. Whether or not you could see yourself happy in a romantic relationship with what the market will yield is up to you, but you should at least consider your options.

3 - If you considered your options in #2 and decide your options aren't good enough, than the only remaining option at this point is staying single. Not that this is a bad option, there's a lot of happy single people.

So yeah, it seems you're at #2 right now. Maybe give your options a chance at a date, and see if you could maybe adjust your mindset to accepting one as a romantic partner?

poppy_blu · 2019-10-27T20:23:30+00:00

This is only an issue for the majority of PPD because they lack emotional intelligence and thus have a huge blind spot for the EI side of attraction.

wtknight · 2019-10-27T21:15:51+00:00

I don't think it's impossible to lower one's standards at all, but I don't think that it happens consciously. I think that it's something that happens unconsciously over a long time period as a person who really wants either a sex or a relationship fails at finding them.

corey_trevorson · 2019-10-27T21:59:06+00:00

Women seem to argue that changing their standards are impossible, knowing full well they could do it. They just don't want to, and are justifying their decision post hoc

EDIT: Also an interesting thought that occurred to me-- Some of the music that means the most to me was an "acquired taste" i.e. had idiosyncrasies which made me want to skip the song at first. But getting over that initial reaction was key to embracing some of the songs I now love so much.

It seems that women know what would be better for them emotionally, but they choose chasing men who are highly unlikely to settle down with them, or treat them in a positive way. They pay for their inflated standards with loneliness and mostly empty relationships, and consequently mental health woes. So physical attractiveness must be more important to them than emotional intimacy, otherwise they would learn not to trust their initial judgements, or judge with criteria other than looks/aesthetics.

DXBrigade · 2019-10-27T22:50:38+00:00

Yes it's possible. If you look at someone unattractive long enough, you will probably find attractive traits about him/her. And appeareance and status plays a huge role in attractiveness.

NaturalQueer · 2019-10-27T23:08:15+00:00

I mean attraction isn't black and white. There is wide range between who I find to die for attractive and who I find repulsive.

So I may sometimes go for higher on the list and sometimes lower, but if the thought of being with someone sexually makes my lady bits dry up and due then there isn't much I could or would want to do about that. And sometimes there are exceptions to the "rules".

And some people don't find some people attractive and no amount of saying, "well you could lower your standards" would change that.

And somethings you can't just change, I like men and women, no amount of trying will change that. And I know lesbian and will never ever ever be attracted to a man, and gay men that will never be attracted to women. Some people are only attracted to chubby girls and just can't get hard for someone not. Not all of people's preferences are set in stone but some are and when your dealing with a partner and someone you may spend a good portion if not all of your life with it makes sense that some attractions may be non negotiable.

2019-10-27T23:11:41+00:00

Never settle for less.

trail22 · 2019-10-27T23:45:58+00:00

Its tough for a guy. They have to initiate, flirt , ask out women.

Attractvieness is the only reason guys put in the effort and are willing to deal with rejetion.

Xombie0991 · 2019-10-28T00:10:00+00:00

How can I be more attracted to wrinkly old women who are missing teeth and always smell like cigarettes?

PMmeYourHopes-Dreams · 2019-10-28T02:17:52+00:00

You are attracted to 10s and 6s, why is that so hard for people to understand?

Truedemocracy5 · 2019-10-28T02:17:52+00:00

Your sexual standards change as you change. If you’re a fat ass who gets ripped you WILL not be attracted to the girls you used to like

i-am-the-prize · 2019-10-28T03:08:54+00:00

OP what you describe is not malleability (nympho vs starfish) it’s that: “ there is more than meets The eye”

Meaning you’re learning something about a partner which either turns you on or turned you off.

About malleability — I think most people have some hard boundaries even if they are few in number (for example you may not be willing to date or have sex with an intravenous drug user, nor be with an abusive person, or you will only consider someone CIS, or without an eating disorder).

The other stuff is all about taking everything on balance, as a whole.

Example you may have a preference for their political views or their body grooming habits, or about their body shape or their sexual experience, etc. but long as these things don’t cross the line to be in any of your hard boundaries it’s all about the balance.

to me malleability is if you end up forsaking one of your boundaries or hard rules. Otherwise it’s not a negative compromise (malleability) rather just a pros/cons type tradeoff.

2019-10-28T03:45:31+00:00

<

Many argued that changing what you’re sexually attracted to is impossible.

But is it?

I can agree that I cant change intentionally. Some things change over time, or I realize something, but if I cant intentionally change what I find attractive any more than I can force myself to like food I dont.

You can overlookflaws if you want to, but thats not quite the same thing.

I'll borrow from dan savage here. suck a dick and like it and I'll shut up (adjust as needed depending on orientation)

Mike Pence has a thing to say on the subject as well.

Bntt89 · 2019-10-28T04:33:15+00:00

So I really dont understand this lowering you standards? Is me saying I wont have sex with any women but Instagram models but then going after normal girls me lowering my standards or coming down to reality? The way I see it these women either cant process reality or just think that they are much more attractive than they really are. If they are only looking for the top men they need to understand that they are competing with other average or lower than average women AND top women who are literally dimes. Just because they get knocked up by one of the Chad's doesn't mean they are actually at that level. If an incel said that he was only attracted and could date 10/10s women would laugh at him and say he is delusional. Yet they are basically saying the same thing when they say they want Chad's??? I dont get it are they not seeing reality?

Bleepblooping · 2019-10-28T06:46:27+00:00

Some people have low sex drives

Good looking people often have wider ranges of what they consider attractive. A big part of the reason they are attractive is because they have high sex drives. I believe they’re mostly sincere when they tell their less attractive friends they have a lot going on even tho they don’t look like cosmo girls.

Celibates like the Santa Barbra shooter think of sex as a source of validation and status. They get mad at losers for being happy with each other etc.

I can say from personal experience when I was low status I also was stuck up and wanted women out of my league for validation. As your status improves and you become more internally validated; that behavior will disgust you and make you feel sorry for people who do it. Now I see a lot of women who aren’t as conventionally attractive as exotic and usually prefer regular women.

Anything higher than a 9 is really a 9 who spends all their time trying to gain validation through looks and they are dreadful and will make you miserable.

AutoModerator · 2019-10-28T09:44:21+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

CosmicBioHazard · 2019-10-28T12:34:27+00:00

I don’t know if it counts as lowering per se, but my standards are more or less shaped by the gold standard ‘if I’m in a relationship, I have to be loved.’

At its’ core, this of course makes virginity attractive, but it also converts common highly-attractive physical traits into turn-offs. Lips too full, figure too buxom? no interest. I’d sooner see someone with a trait that they would be insecure about.

of course, there are definitely limits, a 1/10 won’t appeal to anyone. That said, if you lower your standards down to a 1 you might as well be chasing a perfect 10, because it’s at attractiveness levels that low that delusion starts to set in; the adage that every 1 thinks she’s a 10. as convinced as I am that there’s that kind of disconnect between what I find attractive and what’s conventionally attractive, I’d go so far as to rate looks on a sort of curve; 6 is the most attractive a woman can be, attractiveness decreases in the transition from 6 up through 10.

87AudreyHorne · 2019-10-27T18:58:42+00:00

How could you be with someone you thought of as "less attractive"? Imagine being that to somebody? That's so horrible.

Title	Sexual Attraction and “lowering standards”
Author	decoy88
Upvotes	10
Comments	117
Date	October 27, 2019 5:59 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/dnx1au/sexual_attraction_and_lowering_standards/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/sexual-attraction-and-lowering-standards.292982 https://theredarchive.com/post/292982