Single mothers tend to not see a problem with using their children as a tool in dating.

AquaChip · 2022-11-04T17:24:43+00:00

I grew up knowing a few single fathers who also said they had no time to date. Not every single parent has a great social system where they can just drop their kid off at their parents house and go on a date. Nor do they all have enough money to hire a baby sitter. Some single parents are just drained from working multiple jobs and even though they may be free at night they don’t have the energy to entertain a date.

I don’t see what the problem is here. If you are a person who feels like you would be incompatible with someone who has a kid and little free time then don’t date that person. There are many single women who don’t have kids. No one is putting a gun to you all’s heads and forcing you to date single moms.

Demasii · 2022-11-04T17:39:58+00:00

Info: Do you have a kid? Kids take a lot of time.

I don't see a problem with a single parent who only has 4 nights off in a month. Kids are not "tools" to use to date less. Women can do that without kids.

AstronautLoveShack · 2022-11-04T17:31:51+00:00

I took a 4 year break from dating as a mom, until she graduated from high school. (Was going to be until she finally moved out, but it was taking too long.) She wasn't a shield or a negotiation tactic - she was a teenager who deserved her mother's full attention and to be protected from possible creepers (lots of kids are abused or murdered by the mother's boyfriend). If men didn't like that, I didn't care.

gate18 · 2022-11-04T18:04:22+00:00

That video is shit, dude. The comments she got were good, but his commentary was shit.

Here is what he said

"Why did you follow through with it?... guys, more proof that women love red flags and toxicity"

Because I was hoping it would happen. And what, hoping for a date is a red flag? OK!

"She's trying in real life and DMs... all I'm saying is, she had all this intuition she knew he was going to do this and followed through with it."

She wanted a date.

Then he says "she shot outside her league"

God knows how he knows that. Does he know the guy in question?

"She probably has plenty of nice guys who she thinks are unworthy of her"

How does he know?

But bro, is logical bro, plenty of nice guys would go out with her bro, don't be a white knight bro, Chisha Zed is a legend bro.

OK

It's a crap video

Is she right to complain? As long as she's not harming anyone or herself, who cares?

Would I date her?

No. Absolutely not.

Why not?

I dislike kids.

Would she think I'm a dick?

Yes. But that's ok, plenty of fathers think I'm a dick for not thinking their kids are cute but annoying.

However, the guy on the video is talking as if he knows the woman. He doesn't.

But, most of the time, I think it's a lack of proper time-management skills and prioritization. No, I am not saying that the single mother should prioritize some random guy over her child. But, in this case, she said that she only has four free nights a month. Only four free nights...in an entire month. And, she expects to be able to build a relationship on that?

Yes. Regardless of whether she gets it or not, that's what she wants. why should she not try?

Us single non-fathers will use this - as is our right - as a decision factor on whether we want to pursue a relationship with you.

Hence no one has taken that right from you. Did she say we should take away that right from you?

NJFlowerchild · 2022-11-04T17:52:08+00:00

All custodial single parents have the same issue.

2022-11-04T18:33:41+00:00

I truly have no idea how you get the “tool” part, especially from the video you linked. It’s literally just the reality of being a parent and dating. You don’t have as much free time as someone who doesn’t have kids. It’s not a tool or an excuse, it’s just what happens when you have a whole human you’re responsible for.

As for this video, basically a woman makes a pretty harmless video feeling frustrated that her date cancelled (which would frustrate anyone) and that she’s having a hard time meeting people. No big deal, certainly nothing that deserves being trotted out as an example of what’s wrong with women.

The guy’s first critique doesn’t make sense. She had a sense that her date might cancel, but she’s in the wrong for… not cancelling first? She wanted to go on the date, and she held up her end by being prepared to keep what they’d scheduled.

2022-11-04T18:19:17+00:00

Wow! As single guy without kid who dated a single mother for a time... I don't get at all what you are talking about.

Yes parents need to take time for their kids, yes it makes dating more difficult... and it can be frustrating.

And as a supplement: 4 nights a month are pretty enough to build a relationship, especially during the first 2-5 months. Is seeing eachother more frequently better? Yes. Is it mandatory ? No.

So I really don't understand your post

MistyMaisel · 2022-11-04T18:15:11+00:00

The fact she has four nights to date is plenty (that's one date a week). The fact she prioritizes her child is also a good sign. It's the single moms who have lots of nights to date that I would find suspicious.

No one is using their kid as a negotiation tactic. They're being honest what time they have and how much time it takes to raise them. If you don't wanna deal with that, don't date people with kids.

And yes, she should be concerned more about your influence on her child's life. It's a child. The child needs the absolute best influence and care. You're an adult man. It isn't her job to protect you and make sure you have a good happy bond with a kid you barely know. She needs to make sure you aren't going to abuse or molest her kid. She needs to make sure you're open to having some sort of bond to the kid and what that would look like. You don't nearly need to be as concerned about this.

FancyCocktailOlive · 2022-11-04T19:21:31+00:00

A single mom with four nights free, meaning no childcare, a month, is about right.

The rest of the time you’d have to bring date night to her. Make her and her children dinner, watch a movie with them or shows, all go for a walk, then you can have some alone time after the kids go to bed.

If you hate that single moms have so little time to go out on the town with you, I suggest you start getting on the case of single dads to get off their lazy asses and contribute, to stop being a misogynist and/or an addict of some sort, to stop playing video games.

I don’t believe single men have any concerns about the safety for kids of single moms though, because single men aren’t remotely concerned about the safety or welfare of any children anywhere.

Kids of single moms who don’t date men are far far far safer than any child who has a non-related man or their bio dad living in the same house.

The number one risk to a child’s life and safety is an adult male relative.

I don’t date because I’m a mother. I would, but I’m holding out for a guy who wouldn’t be jealous of the attention my son gets, who wouldn’t think he gets to own me and whatever I inherit, who’d happily take me on a nice date that he plans ONCE A WEEK, and who would otherwise be content to hang out at my home, help out and be nice.

Even better if the man had his kids that he spent time with, his own hobbies and male friends, like if he rode a motorcycle and went riding around with his buddies, played hockey or soccer, went to the gym, played chess at a snooty pub, golf, hang out in a garage and fix a car while splitting a six pack of lite beer, etc., so long as it doesn’t involve getting totally inebriated and/or gambling.

As you get older, young man, and create a few single moms, you’ll learn that couples get really sick of each other if all they see is each other day in and day out.

Once you hit 40, have a wife and three kids, you’ll be on your knees begging Jesus to give you guys some healthy time apart.

bluestjuice · 2022-11-04T17:41:35+00:00

I don’t have time to watch this entire video, but I did watch a snippet. In the part I saw the woman sounded a little oblivious about how her situation would obviously make dating more difficult. But also she’s clearly frustrated to have had a planned date cancelled, which is a pretty natural reaction.

Dating as a single parent is hard because you don’t have much flexibility and your availability is pretty constrained. I don’t really follow OP’s logic chain that acknowledging those realities is using the kids as a tool or an excuse or whatever.

Some people aren’t going to be willing to date under the constraints that dating a single parent imposes, and I don’t have any shade for that.

ChadChasingB · 2022-11-04T17:43:54+00:00

I have dated 1 single parent. We had to go on dates during the day because he had 0 free nights for dating. You have to make concessions if you're dating a parent. I wouldn't do it again for many reasons, but none of them are related to the child.

Early-Christmas-4742 · 2022-11-04T17:43:42+00:00

What are you saying? Four free nights is suficcient? Is it just another "avoid singke mothers" post?

tinny36 · 2022-11-04T19:23:12+00:00

Wow. I mean, I don't think you understand single parenthood. It varies WIDELY depending on how much family support you have, available babysitters, disposable income for things like house keepers to free up your time, etc.

You're faulting single parents with having children. That's like faulting a sports car driver for only having two seats. It IS what it IS. It's not a tool, or weapon. It's fact. So accept it, or decide that you don't wish to share your time with their children. Move on.

YaKnowEstacado · 2022-11-04T19:39:58+00:00

Yes, you have concerns for the safety of your child - as does any man who would consider dating you. You would have concerns about bonding between the child and the man - and the man would have the same concerns. Those arguments are neutralized.

Are you seriously suggesting that a strange man would have the same concerns, and the same amount of concern, for a child's safety and well-being as that child's own mother? That a mother shouldn't take safety into consideration when dating because she should just assume the man wants to protect her child as much as she does?

MC-Purp · 2022-11-04T20:02:45+00:00

This whole post is dumb. Single parents (not just moms) have very little if any time, for dating or starting new relationships. This ain’t news. It’s a questionable proposition to get into a relationship with somebody who is a single parent, because a child is a lot of responsibility, time and resource investment. Especially if they aren’t yours.

Bottom line; do you single parents deserve to find love? Absolutely, but it’s really fucking hard.

Should a single person date or start a relationship with a single parent? Sure, but it’s really fucking hard, and you should know what you’re getting into.

briiiana1122 · 2022-11-04T20:52:51+00:00

Why worry about people you don’t want to date. Don’t date them. This isn’t hard.

HolyPipidastra · 2022-11-04T21:33:05+00:00

Of course a man should be concerned about all these things, whether a woman is a single mom or not. That being said I'll tell you more: most working adults only have so many free nights in a month.

Also, it's more concerning if she has a lot of free time IMO

ChibsFilipTelfordd · 2022-11-05T00:13:05+00:00

A TOOL in dating? A tool? What?

Dating single moms are the opposite of helped by their children lolol

Most men and women both refuse to date single parents. But since court awards custody over 90% of the time to the former Wife/baby momma, there's way more single moms w primary custody.

Un-dateable

toasterchild · 2022-11-04T17:31:45+00:00

People have all sorts of shitty behaviors and red flags you need to be on the lookout for when dating, I don't see why that wouldn't apply to single parents. I think it's easier to spot some red flags in parents than it is with people who don't have kids. Ok, so you think you aren't compatible, so what? Don't you just move on? Why be mad at the person you aren't compatible with?

AcanthocephalaNew947 · 2022-11-04T19:08:43+00:00

Meeting 4 times a week is a date a week…. I’ve dated childless men who could only meet that much.

I don’t get the issue. It’s a good thing if a woman puts her children first, far too many women push their children by the wayside for dick. A woman who sacrifices her social life for her responsibilities isn’t a bad thing.

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liefelijk · 2022-11-05T00:36:58+00:00

Do you have any friends whose parents divorced when they were young? I’d ask them about how it was when their mom or dad was dating (and when they finally met the new SO).

There are definitely a lot of logistical concerns that aren’t present for people without dependents.

_demidevil_ · 2022-11-05T08:04:04+00:00

My sister said something recently that really summed up something that I was finding hard to articulate in the past. “Motherhood humbles you”. It really does, once you are responsible for another person in that way and don’t just have the freedom to do what you want and take card of yourself, your priorities change.
Single motherhood is hard. Childless men have no idea. The dads that just have their kids one every other weekend have no idea. Single mums have to prioritise their kids and certain men hate that because they are not prioritising the guy, and they have to accept that they are less important in her life. I think men struggle to acknowledge how much more difficult life is for single mums, and how easy their lives are, they prefer instead to blame the mum. Classic example is this post. It’s just hating women for no reason.

2022-11-05T10:55:18+00:00

Wtf are you on about?

Having a child is a massive impact on your lifestyle. It's absolutely imperative to tell prospective men you have a child and how that would impact on your dating life.

Would you prefer single mothers to not tell you u till you had dated for three months? Lol.

thetruthishere_ · 2022-11-05T14:28:19+00:00

Go visit dating subs at 30+, single dads are the same way. They just dont have the free time.

I dont want to date single dads for the same reasons.

Also what is the rush and why cant you see each other weekly to start? Why is you think you cant build anything seeing each other 1-2 times a week? It very rarely stays that way for years, its in the beginning stages when they havent met the kids yet, etc.

TheRedPillRipper · 2022-11-04T21:12:20+00:00

The man should be concerned about ~~the single mother’s~~

The woman’s judgement in men. Period. Before you’re even introduced to the children, you’re dating the woman first. Any issues she has of prioritising you, in her life, from the jump, is a red flag. Children included. The reason is children grow up. Ideally become independent, and build their own lives. Leaving a single parent; single. For example after my first divorce, as a single father I prioritised my health(mental and physical), my child’s, and our welfare. When I re-entered the dating market, my priority was to find a partner who has already leading a fairly happy, fulfilling life. Single mother or not.

Ultimately whilst my now wife didn’t have kids, I dated numerous other single parents. Who unfortunately didn’t have their priorities, as well balanced. Which is the pivotal factor.

Godspeed and good luck!

FutureBannedAccount2 · 2022-11-05T00:47:58+00:00

I don’t think they use it as a tool so much as a crutch. They put it on the other person to accommodate their time

If you don’t have enough time to date without it effecting your time spent with your kid then don’t date. Spend time with your kid

2022-11-04T17:35:26+00:00

Single mom alone isnt a major red flag, but it can be a tip off to a big red flag if she has any other red flags.

Its multiplies any other red flag basically.

If shes in her 20s and a single mom, yeah thats a red flag lol

2022-11-06T16:16:14+00:00

I’m a single mom that doesn’t have time to date. So I just don’t. I would think though that if you’re willing to date one you’d need to be aware you can’t spend as much time with them as someone who doesn’t have kids. It’s not really an excuse, it’s just the nature of the situation.

Title	Single mothers tend to not see a problem with using their children as a tool in dating.
Author	No_Reflection_798
Upvotes	3
Comments	45
Date	November 4, 2022 5:04 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/ym4clv/single_mothers_tend_to_not_see_a_problem_with/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/single-mothers-tend-to-not-see-a-problem-with.1138117 https://theredarchive.com/post/1138117