The 80/20 rule and raising a son

thatguyfromrichmond · 2021-06-21T01:43:58+00:00

1) Yes, it is parent's job to try to make their children have the best life possible

2) No not at all.

Yes I would try to set him up (unless he was gay or something), because I think it's important to straight men's mental health

IcarusKiki · 2021-06-21T01:49:07+00:00

[deleted]

Chefbraidy · 2021-06-21T02:16:11+00:00

Having a mother give their son dating advice is a recipe for disaster.

reluctantly_red · 2021-06-21T04:59:06+00:00

Parents don't teach guys how to pick up chicks. The streets do.

realadvicenobs · 2021-06-21T01:47:32+00:00

Parents aren't aware of the the shift of dating to OLD's effect on men.

It's up to you not your parents to make it to the 20% (other than good genetics passed down), if you are in the top 20% physically, then:

Work on your career and build up your net worth
Work on your social status (be active on instagram, make friends, etc)
Workout, a nice body will help ascend you if you're already in the top 20%
Look and smell good (fashion, grooming, hygiene)

NockerJoe · 2021-06-21T01:53:15+00:00

My parents tried to give me advice. I didn't bother listening because I was a kid and parents are invariably going to be lame and sound out of touch with whatever the kid is actually going through or want because it's been decades since they were in that situation. Even if they're "on the market" most adults forget that being a single adult in an environment where you can freely associate with whoever on your own terms is really different from an average teenagers environment where they see the same few dozen people every day for hours on end and everyone is constantly updated on everyone else.

If I had a kid I think more important than trying to directly teach them is setting up scenarios where they have a chance to succeed. I.E. your house needs to be the cool house to hang out at and if your kid wants to have a party with his friends facilitating that is probably a good idea provided you can agree on some ground rules. But that also means you need to actually listen to what they're saying about the other kids in their life and not try to force parties to happen if they don't want them or force them to hang around kids they don't like.

darkmoon09 · 2021-06-21T02:31:37+00:00

Do you consider it parent's jobs to educate their sons on how attract women?

More and more kids are being raised in broken, dysfunctional, single parent households. Not exactly an ideal environment for boys to learn how to be balanced, effective men in the future.

If you're a dude, did your parents educate you on how to attract women and was it effective?

My dad was in prison during the most critical and formative years of my upbringing, and my mom of course didn't teach me shit about gender dynamics and what it means to be a man, how could she? she's a woman who doesn't know what it means to be a man. Can't entirely fault her for that. However, while my dad was away she eventually married the man who became my genuine stepdad (and who I love dearly)....only to cheat on him with her now current husband while my stepdad was deployed in Iraq, around '05 - '06 when things there were really bad. Now that I absolutely do fault her for that. What a prime example my mother set. I think that had a lot to do with how I developed my red pill feelings and came to view women as hypergamous whores who only use and discard men once they're done with them.

If you end up raising a son, will you play a role in setting him up for success with women? If yes, what influence will you provide to help him stand out from the bottom 80% of men?

I have no interest in being a parent, but for the sake of argument if I did have a son you damn right I'll teach him the ways of modern gender dynamics and do my best to set him up for realistic expectations and outcomes. No blue pill Disney bullshit for sure.

gumnut__ · 2021-06-21T06:28:46+00:00

Yeah my dad was definitely teaching my brother about girls and how to get them. Lol I remember him telling my brother off once for standing with his hands on his hips because "do you really want girls to think you're a fag". My brother would cringe and get embarrassed when dad would give him sleazy tips, but they must've sunk in because he always did quite well for himself.

IntoTheNightSky · 2021-06-21T02:11:17+00:00

I'm probably an interesting test case. My parents actually provided me with zero sex or relationship education, the only sex ed I received was from school and reading Dan Savage's column. My parents were otherwise pretty intelligent about parenting, instilling good values and putting me in a position to be successful in most other arenas of life. Also, very few of my friends in high school / college dated much during these years, so I had essentially zero guidance. I also developed very negative feelings about my male, hetero sexuality, reading about a lot of women's negative experiences online. So I essentially didn't have any romantic relationships until I read Mark Manson's relationship advice book in my mid-20s. I found the advice it presented, be honest about your intentions, your sexuality, and yourself, and you will be attractive to many women, to be entirely accurate. I'm still learning a lot but in the span of two years I've gone from never having kissed a woman to being more or less a completely average single person who goes out on dates somewhat regularly and has had sex a couple of times this year.

Comprehensive_Zombie · 2021-06-21T02:21:01+00:00

I think it’s a parents job to properly socialize children and make sure they successfully navigate interpersonal relationships, and I feel like attraction is part of that so yes.
N/a
My parents and other older people in my family weren’t explicitly teaching my brothers/cousins “hey this is how you get girls” but it was more like hey get the fuck out of the house and go do sports/guy things and gave them leeway in having friends over a lot and I feel like that lead to them being able to befriend girls/other guys who were good at getting girls. Presentation was also a big thing with my family so no one is allowed to leave the house looking slovenly and on top of that you’re not really allowed to be shy. Edit: numbering

pubgmisc · 2021-06-21T06:05:25+00:00

A man is only unconditionally loved by his mother (no one else unless he has something to provide), so it's nice that you care. 2. Usually sons are given bad advice in terms of dating. This is not on purpose, it just how it is. I don't know his age, but I would suggest reading Rollo Tomassi's books and the fresh and fit podcast. 3. Just in terms of mental health etc. boys need martial arts to become men. This couldn't be more true

BigCCPenis · 2021-06-21T10:52:22+00:00

my family actually tried to get me to decline sex beause they thought it would take away from my studies LOL

TheDevilPutD · 2021-06-21T05:34:31+00:00

Yes absolutely! What you are seeing today is the direct result of parents giving up responsibility to teach their children how to be men. Most parents actually actively neuter their male children because they are easier to deal with if they are nice and quiet. In the animal world that would be akin to a lioness telling her cub "Don't roar, don't bare your teeth, that's not nice. Just make sure you mane is combed and clean and one day a lioness will like you".

The problem wjth that approach is that you are taking away a boy's balls which are what makes him a man. You instill fear in him and a sense of worthlessness because you either don't know how to teach him to be a winner or it is more convenient for you as a parent to have a nice and obedient child, never mind the emotional trauma you will bring to him later in life.

No, my parents were clueless. My dad was an alcoholic self absorbed nice guy. My mom was a low self esteem anxious mess. She was a late bloomer so guys in high school didn't ask her out much. Her advice to me was to forget the hot girls and go for the simple average ones because they are nicer. It was self projection from her own teen years when she faced rejection. I understand now, but still her advice was bad.

My dad didn't even bother giving me advice on that front.

Hoopy223 · 2021-06-21T01:46:21+00:00

1) Yeah to a certain extent. Thats part of being a man. Shaving being fit wearing cologne all that stuff is “manly” adult shit that fathers should teach their sons at least partially

2) My parents were mostly useless & my father was Al Bundy except no Hai Karate cologne

Dirty_Purity · 2021-06-21T02:08:58+00:00

Do you consider it parent's jobs to educate their sons on how attract women?

They should do that. Some things change but basics are same and modern women want same things women wanted in the past.

If you're a dude, did your parents educate you on how to attract women and was it effective?

They didn't and consequences were quite unpleasant for me.

xFallacyx69 · 2021-06-21T02:54:45+00:00

Yes, but regardless men aren’t going to get laid if they don’t figure it out on their own.
My dad tried but is very blue pilled in his beliefs abd red pilled in his actions… but he did a good enough job telling me to stay away from certain types of women. My mom is utterly useless at giving dating advice because she’s gorgeous so always has a million orbiters.

kinkornkarn99 · 2021-06-21T06:04:02+00:00

It works much better if it is modeled versus taught. Men who work to keep their wives happy and continue to court them throughout their marriage or LTRs have the best relationships - if this is modeled, it sets you up for more success.

I’d never take dating advice from a miserable parent. Divorced dads may have a shot at coaching you. Never take it from mom unless you want to know how to succeed at dating if you are a Disney cartoon.

PlayfulLawyer · 2021-06-21T07:00:29+00:00

Do you consider it parent's jobs to educate their sons on how attract women?

To an extent yes, however it's on the sun to gain his own life experience, my father gave me a lot of great advice when it came to dating and game and everything like that but the man was 41 when I was born so there was a generational gap for sure, things change in society and parents just aren't always going to be able to keep up with that

If you're a dude, did your parents educate you on how to attract women and was it effective?

As mentioned before, to an extent yeah , I was an athlete in school so that had some Clout to it, but honestly talkin to waitresses was my biggest guide in terms of talking to and attracting women, it gave me a chance to feel another person's Vibe and see what works and what doesn't as far as humor and things of that nature, the art of conversation if you will, so yes my parents helped to an extent but experience is the greatest teacher

If you end up raising a son, will you play a role in setting him up for success with women? If yes, what influence will you provide to help him stand out from the bottom 80% of men?

I will teach him as best I can, I know that whenever I do have a son whenever he turns into an adolescent there's going to be things in his world as far as pop culture and technology and everything that I just can't relate to so his own experience going to have to come into play but you have to teach him to be the best that he can be, take his Fitness seriously, and to try and keep the simping to a minimum, because most of us are going to simp regardless at some point in our teens, I know I did, I'll teach him to reject whatever identity politics are polluting at the time, to never allow yourself to be put in the friend zone, and to make your goals your priority not women

AtaCome7821 · 2021-06-21T07:29:14+00:00

No, It's a parents job to make their child as physically attractive and as interesting as possible so that they get to make friends easily and develop social skills on their own.
No, that I had to learn on my own, but I found that the more confident I got, the more girls became interested.

If I'm lucky enough to become a father, I'll make sure that he gets all the nutrition to get the body of a Greek god, I'll teach him hunting, how to fight, teach him to play drums and guitar(or encourage him to play any other that he's interested in), make sure he gets the best education there is, so that he wouldn't need anyone else to begin with. I'll tell him that it's ok to be alone sometimes and that it's ok to be selfish and to care about himself first, I'll teach him to be Stoic and to master his emotions and his Ego.

BigCCPenis · 2021-06-21T09:05:23+00:00

lol women know what they want the most which is why they are so afraid of the truth

M4sterDis4ster · 2021-06-21T09:06:50+00:00

1.) Yes it is. Not so much parents job as it is fathers role to do so. Men should learn behaviour through father figures, which could be grandfather, uncle etc.

2.) I have learned through behaviour of men in my family mostly. Everything else I went through my own experience.

I will educate my son as much as I can considering women and most importantly will try to help him to be "top 20%". By top 20% I mean being successful in life and that success will be his own life goal.

MadsMkay · 2021-06-21T09:22:13+00:00

I don't think as a woman, I should be the one to educate my sons on women. I remember my father gave my brothers Beta Buxx tier advice and now they're both married to their childhood sweethearts and have them as SAHMs taking care of their kids so I guess it works for some people.

Most of the advice I got as a girl wasn't at all like my brothers: my father would warn me boys would say and do anything to get me into bed, my mother and grandmother would tell me FDS-type advice. Play hard to get, don't make the first move, men want to chase, stay feminine, don't sleep with him too soon etc.

I'd gather most sons get the advice my dad gave my brothers in that they should earn good money so they can support a family someday/ success is a pussy magnet.

Eastuss · 2021-06-21T11:10:19+00:00

Do you consider it parent's jobs to educate their sons on how attract women?

Nope, however it's the father's job to show a healthy example and the mother's to not undermine the dad or to not lead the son into advice that are in fact beneficial for women.

If you're a dude, did your parents educate you on how to attract women and was it effective?

My mom, hated my dad, hated men, hated masculinity, did everything to try and make me an egalitarian man who "accepts his feminine side", does chores, doesn't approach women or isn't sexual to women, and let women do the first move instead. But all she did was create a loser who got bullied. Then when she noticed I wasn't growing into a turbo machismo rapist she tried to reverse the process but she couldn't. I reversed it myself when libido was big enough of a motivator.

My father was cheaty but it was hidden from me, all grown up adults were acting like blue pillers in front of kids but red pillers in secret. It'd be healthier if boys are allowed to be part of grown men's circles and get to see the version of the story that benefits men and caters to male perspective and imperatives.

On another aspect, my mother was terrible at cooking and had had zero education, we were all fat. And she didn't insist I continue to do sports. I started lifting only when my mom found a new boyfriend but it was too late as most of my puberty was set up.

If you end up raising a son, will you play a role in setting him up for success with women? If yes, what influence will you provide to help him stand out from the bottom 80% of men?

Yes. You can't do much, but you can at least educate them on how to look decent, educate them on health and nutrition, on sport. Just that will make them be taller, more masculine physically and facially, and more muscular/fit.

Then, you need to teach them how to address shit test. You need to teach them to deal with adversity, not with made up principles like don't DEER or how to recognize shit tests and comfort test, but by literally showing them example and training them. There are parents out there who think they're raising their kids in neutrality but actually shelter them. And when I say shit test I also mean male to male shit tests that determine if you're a bro or a bully victim.

If they're socially non successful early, their growth will be impeded and they'll look uglier.

Then of course, have them be smart and educated as much as you can.

So all you can do is give a good environment to be a healthy male and not a healthy androgynous, and then everything else is on them.

0seagirl · 2021-06-21T11:49:58+00:00

I'd be much more concerned about ensuring I don't raise a boy who sexually abuses girls than teaching him how to attract them.

In fact, I think raising boys not to be hideous little rapists will help his chances of romantic and sexual success if he isn't going around sending dick pics and treating girls like shit on his shoe.

Ihateregistering6 · 2021-06-21T12:23:11+00:00

Do you consider it parent's jobs to educate their sons on how attract women?

Fathers yes, mothers no. I think they should help them separate bad advice from good advice, and point out that a lot of what the media depicts is BS. Of course, this is somewhat difficult to say because we have no idea what the dating landscape will look like 17 years from now.

If you're a dude, did your parents educate you on how to attract women and was it effective?

No and no, and it's one of the things I never really forgave my father for. He was a good man and provided well for us, but he was a total workaholic and never spent a ton of time with us. Looking back on it now, I had so many cringe moments with girls that I feel would have been avoided if he'd just told me what a stupid idea this was. I basically had to teach myself everything when I was in College/my 20s.

AlfredTheGreatest · 2021-06-21T13:22:57+00:00

As a parent of a young son I think it's my primary responsibility to help him get into that 20%. The "how to attract girls" thing is a lesson for much later. The first lessons you have to teach a son are to be excellent. Be excellent athletically, socially and academically. If you are in the top 5% of boys your age girls won't be an issue.

goblin_champ · 2021-06-21T14:18:39+00:00

Well 80% of men being unsuccessful is an overestimate.

That would probably be the case if women were the sole decision makers in the dating market and men were 100% passive in the process. In reality, the numbers are not that extreme.

That being said in the current market, and looking at the future, if things dont change, it would most definitely be irresponsible for parents to not teach their sons how to be attractive to women.

1.yes 2. Not directly. My father basically taught me not to be a pussy, and have self respect, and my mom often told me to be more of a leader instead of following others around. Fathers advice prevented me from becoming a supersimp, i had my simp days in the past, but even then i wouldnt go below cwrtain standards i had for myself. My mothers advice was ignored because i was more of an introvert and did not want to be a leader. It wasnt until much later, when i became RP aware, that i found the merit in it.

Honestly i think this is a good question, because i think parents helping to set their kid up is positive.

In my culture, parents actually pick candidates for their kids to marry, if they choose to. So we take it a step further than that 😅. In our case, unless you dont have a job or you have a criminal record, you will do fine.

Guapscotch · 2021-06-21T15:01:20+00:00

Well, my father was absent and my mom is an immigrant single mother, so I kind of got shafted on that end. Not having a consistent father figure growing up has severely affected me in a negative way in general, women aside. Both of my grandfathers have been dead basically since my birth and my father never provided any form of support, nor did my uncles or anyone in my family really.

My mom, as much as I love her, is honestly a clueless woman who doesn’t know much of anything. Nothing was really ever taught to me about women, which honestly I don’t really care, I wish I was provided other things. Like a sense of discipline, financial support to engage in basic activities, a masculine figure, some guidance and structure in my life. Things I wish I had when I was a kid looking back on it. Oh well. Growing up in a single mother household was not it, I will tell you that.

death_by_1000_cats · 2021-06-21T15:10:55+00:00

Do you consider it parent's jobs to educate their sons on how attract women?

I would say it's more a parent's job to make sure their kids are properly socialized with peers. I think most learning comes from observation and trial and error, and that can only happen with proper socialization. I'd also say it's a parent's job to make sure their kid is fit, groomed, social etc. If those things are taken care of then I don't think a lot of direct instruction is needed, but to the extent it is, then in the case of a son I'd say that's the job of his dad and other male relatives.

Women, did your parents educate your brothers on how to attract women and were they successful?

Not that I know of, but they may have had talks with our dad I wasn't privy to. I really, really doubt they talked to our mom about it. They were both successful to varying degrees; one of my brothers is a very outgoing, charismatic "alpha" type and the other is pretty much the opposite, so naturally the former was more successful. But they both had girlfriends young and are married now.

BioStu · 2021-06-21T15:45:17+00:00

The main reason we’re in this shit is because parents give their sons terrible dating advice

redbloodywedding · 2021-06-21T16:29:06+00:00

I've thought about this all the time.

My dad literally told me go to college, get a job, get a girl. That order.

Meanwhile the world has absolutely changed, and while my dad had no idea. He died married to my mom only knowing her as the only option. Not even in some force monogamy way but it is just culturally accepted that unless there is straight up abuse you stay together for the family, for stability for the kids.

This is what I guarantee most men period want. Give a man stability, meaning, family, and a little bit of culture I think most men and women will flourish together.

Unfortunately now we must be completely individualistic and let the chips fall where they may. We chase love and excitement and not stability these days. And that has led to more and more unstable relationships. A matter of feelings rather than the betterment of Society.

Rant aside.

In terms of how I would raise my son. I would work with him and look into the state of culture in whatever culture were in. If we were plopped in the middle of indonesia we'd be dealing with a more traditional conservative culture and thus I'd advise him on the nature of women, AS WELL AS how that plays out in the context of that society.

As we go further and further into what me and my friends have agreed is turning into a matriarchal society. Me and my friends are working on bettering ourselves to be part of the 20% of men. Both in terms of money, and physical health and then we'd have our pick of women.

Women make the ultimate selection, but if we climb up to the top we will be able to choose from the choosers.

That's how I'd frame it for my son.

For the most part most of us men are essentially on equal footing. There are a few extraneous variables like race, but that I've noticed is becoming less of an issue to a certain extent.

Me being Asian if I were to become part of the top 20% of men in terms of physique. It wouldn't be hard to catch someone's eye if I became a mini-arnold. So I'd focus on that so I ultimately become an outlier of my group.

Many Asian dudes seem to also be ok with working for the rest of their lives. Instead I'm working on retiring early and living a chill lifestyle that's focused on my many passions. Which I know will be good for dating.

Right now I'm in work mode. Scurry away money to pay off my rentals and then when I'm fully in the green. I can have the ability to fully walk away from my job and live life to the fullest.

Till then I'll keep lifting and working, then when I'm older and set both physically and financially women my age will want to settle and I can go either way I want. If I find that "special" gal I'll marry and have kids. But till then I won't settle. And I'd tell my son the same, but be aware to understand himself, I don't know what he'll be like. But I will always tell him to strive for excellence.

IcarusKiki · 2021-06-21T21:36:21+00:00

I will put him in sports and make sure he has good male role models in his life. Everything else is hands off.

M3taBuster · 2021-06-21T03:59:57+00:00

My mom's advice: "be yourself"

My dad's advice: "be manly"

I'm betting this is the same advice most people get from their parents, and it's shitty advice. It's vague and unactionable at best, and just downright inaccurate and counterproductive at worst.

Your mom's advice is wrong because it's based on her unconditional motherly love for you, and nobody else in the world is going to love you unconditionally. You have to better yourself in order to earn love.

Your dad's advice is wrong because it's severely out of touch with what women actually find attractive. 99% of women find Justin Bieber more attractive than Hulk Hogan.

Don't listen to your parents, people.

stats135 · 2021-06-21T01:53:34+00:00

If you're a dude, did your parents educate you on how to attract women and was it effective?

My father tried, but it wasn't effective. The biggest problem was that my father didn't have a way of giving me motivation. The only reason I care to attract women is because I need sex. Child me didn't have a sex drive yet, so I had zero motivation to be capable of attracting women. Only after I grew up, could I understand my father's wisdom.

yougottabedumb · 2021-06-21T02:18:07+00:00

It’s parents job. Especially the dad. But most dads today are millennials and boomers who where part of a different dating market and they will just give you the generic blue pilled dating advice.
Hell naw my parents didn’t take much part in my actual education and upbringing.. they never mentored me on most things. But It’s crazy because both were physically present in the same house. I learnt all I know from the streets
I probably won’t have any kids because « natural selection » by women has selected me out of the gene pool. But if i was attractive enough to get with a woman and have any kids. I’ll pray it’s a girl because I wouldn’t wanna conceive a boy in this era/atmosphere. But if i had a boy Ofcourse i would do anything in my power to teach him about female nature and male nature from a young age. I’d make sure he doesn’t watch does damn Disney movies

fakingandnotmakingit · 2021-06-21T07:14:38+00:00

Well I mean parents should be. But parents should also be taking care of their kids potty training and basic reading and writing.

Increasingly though that's being left up to overworked and underpaid teachers. So lol.

I have two brothers. My parents are old and Asian and would be utterly useless for modern dating. Though they're also a very good example of how a couple should work.

Of my two Bros, one of them managed just fine despite being short (around 5"6)and brown. Wouldn't say he was Chad or anything but he had a couple of flings, one or two short terms and one LTR and he's 25. In saying that he's got good fashion and is quite extroverted.

The other is a 30 year old incel who has no life outside video games and blames everything on muh females

You decide on how well that parenting turned out

Freevoulous · 2021-06-21T13:54:26+00:00

Yes, its a Dad's job.
My Dad was a natural Alpha, although clumsy and not very experienced. His basic advice on Inner Game and general attitude was spot on though.

I have two sons, 2 and 4 year old. For now I just encourage them to be:

- social and extrovert if possible

- very physically active

- encourage them to dress well and understand aesthetics, so they would at least not grow up looking like neckbeards.

IMHO, if nothing else, these 3 things are enough to be in the 20, unless you are born very ugly. If a boy grows up to be fit from sports, well groomed and dressed, and well socialized, he won't have much issue with women.

SmurfESmurferson · 2021-06-21T02:35:54+00:00

1 - not the way you mean

3 - I’ve posted before about my family’s ability to crank out Chads. But a big part of this is not about “teaching the young’uns,” it’s more about allowing the men to take the lead (or at least share it) in raising boys. Men have conversations, tell jokes, make comments about women’s nature that women don’t hear. It’s ok for boys to overhear this, especially as the men in my family respect women so it’s not shit talking hoes and sluts. It’s just matter of fact comments about women’s nature

Similar to how older women discuss men’s nature in front of younger girls

Age appropriate conversations, of course

SaBahRub · 2021-06-21T04:11:36+00:00

All men in my family and social circle who wanted to marry, married. Even the gay ones

I’m not worried

4/5 of men marry. It is not a problem

y2kjanelle · 2021-06-21T03:33:45+00:00

It’s actually really sad how parents tend to coddle their daughters and not rly parent their sons… Boys at my school on the football team had extreme anger issues. They created nude rings which was terrible for girls but ALSO COULD GET THEM IN LEGAL trouble. They had naked pictures of 13 yo at 18. They could’ve gone to jail for child porn. And they thought it was sexy and funny.

Boys are having sex way young with no knowledge of stds and are relying on just condoms with no knowledge of birth control.

Even at 21+ guys I’ve talked to about sex don’t know all the birth control methods and their accuracy and are just completely trusting their hookups when they say they’re on something! Most guys don’t want to wear condoms despite how common stds are. Maybe that would change if parents cared enough to teach about this.

It’s no wonder there’s so many guys getting girls pregnant or having stds. It’s like who is guiding these boys???

Most girls are somewhat educated because well we have the burden but also society is obsessed with our sex lives. In MOST ways that’s bad and extremely harmful, but women also tend to be better and more careful of sexual partners.

Men are out here in the dark hoping they don’t get chlamydia or a baby.

And don’t get me started on male/female gaze. Girls know exactly how to be attractive to men. Look at dating apps, girls can appeal to the male gaze WHILE also being themselves. We can attract and still be who we are and not give a crap.

Look at guys dating app profiles. It looks like they’re trying to find a best friend rather than a girl to have a relationship/hookup with. Why would we want to see you holding up dead animals with blood? Why would we want to see you in wrinkled clothes and terrible selfies from 5 years ago? Or why would we only want to see your extremely steroid buff torso and nothing else? No personality nothing that tells me you’re a good partner sexual or romantic. Nothing that tells me you are respectful of women and won’t hurt me?

It’s like this part of being a guy is ignored by society. It’s why so many women get frustrated with their options and guys are saying they don’t have any! Guys aren’t being good options for girls so girls are only choosing the best of what they see.

And parents aren’t encouraging healthy sexual relationships for boys. I heard this one guy on a podcast said he’d be happy if his kid (a boy) had sex with a teacher but would be furious if he had a girl that did that. As if they both wouldn’t be VICTIMS? And we wonder why boys don’t come forward?

I honestly hope there will be a men’s movement, a big one, focusing on this rather than more of the anti-women. People won’t get behind that. But a lot of people would be up for a men’s support movement.

superlurkage · 2021-06-21T03:10:21+00:00

Do I care that my son is having tons of casual sex? Not really.

I am more concerned about him joining the ranks of the 80% of people that do marry, which seems pretty likely — as long as he stays out of prison

flapperfemmefatale · 2021-06-21T04:28:32+00:00

No, because neither of my parents taught me anything about how to attract men. I would find it strange if they had. My dad didn't do much at all, but my mom essentially raised me to not be obsessed with sex or relationships.
I didn't grow up with my brother, so I don't know. I know he was in a toxic (on both sides) relationship a while back. I have no clue what his status is now.

I don't plan on having kids, but I'd raise any boys the same as girls regarding dating: have some self-respect and don't hinge your value on whether or not you can get laid.

Allblackallamerican · 2021-06-21T01:56:40+00:00

Why have a child that you’re not going to prepare for all important facets of life?
Not necessarily but I have an irregular face and women are shallow, so short of my family being rich — which we weren’t — it wouldn’t have mattered anyways.

LittyKitsune · 2021-06-21T03:21:05+00:00

Parents might try to here and there, in practice peers seem to play the biggest role in influencing each other's direct views on dating. Most of the kids I went to school with kept their dating life a secret from their parents as long as possible.
My parents influenced him in other areas that happened to bleed over into his success with girls. Thanks to the type of work my dad was in he was super fit when we were kids, so my brother basically had a built-in trainer/workout-buddy from a young age. My mom is extremely extroverted and just happened to join the right mommy cliques to find out what afterschool activities would benefit us the most socially at any given time. Interestingly enough shy wallflower kids almost always had shy wallflower moms.

NarniaFox · 2021-06-21T05:10:04+00:00

I don't think 80/20 "rule" is the reality to start with. Online dating platforms data don't represent all dating.

Do you consider it parent's jobs to educate their sons on how attract women?

It's parents' job to socialize them, to help them to get a healthy attitude towards dating and relationships and to give them advice. This is the only educating I can think of considering dating. It's not that you can train them up or anything.

Women, did your parents educate your brothers on how to attract women and were they successful?

I have only one close male cousin and no, his parents didn't educate him about it. He's great at it though, has never had any problems with dating. He's also pretty tall, attractive and works as a firefighter.

If you end up raising a son, will you play a role in setting him up for success with women? If yes, what influence will you provide to help him stand out from the bottom 80% of men?

If we ever end up having children whatever their gender would be, I'd want them to be happy and contented. I wouldn't put pressure on them to date or to seek dates, but I'd try to "set them up" to success in general.

To put it short, socializing, doing sport, having your own goals besides dating/having sex and having a healthy attitude towards the other gender and dating in general should help not only to actually get dates, but also to be a well-rounded person who doesn't tie their whole meaning to sex.

If you want a more elaborated answer, I can give some details about each point.

We'd work on socializing them by letting them hang out with other kids. That's simple. Kindergartens, school, extracurricular activities, summer camps etc. And if they have issues with finding friends, well, therapy can help with it as well as looking for some other activities that a kid can like and do in a group.

Doing sport helps to build both your body and character. I think we'd try to find something that a kid would enjoy and it doesn't really matter would it be karate or ice skating. I'd prefer them to stay away from professional sport though, but it would be their choice.

Having their own goals can be achieved by figuring out what they're interested in and encouraging them to pursue it. Also by not deciding everything for them, so they'd actually have at least some control over their lives. Doing chores, managing their pocket money and having some part-time jobs also can help with it.

A healthy attitude comes partially from seeing how your parents treat each other. No problems here. We'd also talk about relationships and safe sex. Whether they want to date their own sex or the opposite, they'd know we're totally okay with it. Not much of a gendered shit and non of religions stuff. Depending on the dating climate when they'll be teens, I think we might have to teach them that "women/men mostly expect this or that kind of behavior, but you should always choose for yourself whether you're comfortable with it or not".

It's also important to help them to develop healthy boundaries and way they can protect them. I guess it's mostly about the way of communication in the family. Respecting kids and their opinions generally helps with it. Teaching them to protect their interests and not letting others to walk over them whatever their gender/intentions are. Also not being pushovers themselves.

just_a_place · 2021-06-21T06:08:22+00:00

My parents to set me up to have success at life, they always taught me that success with women is just a side effect of that - they were not wrong.

This idea that a guy has to be taught by his parents how to attract girls is already a huge turn off to most girls. They will sniff you out a mile away dude.

cunningcaring · 2021-06-21T17:54:16+00:00

I helped my sons be successful with women by steering them way clear of any red pill nonsense.

SonicBackScratcher · 2021-06-21T02:34:26+00:00

Counterpoint : My son has a 130+ IQ, and is now 6'5"

I will have to teach him how to not drown in all that pussy I guess.

Do you consider it parent's jobs to educate their sons on how attract women?

What they are like, what they don't like sure, but I'm not going to go to a bar and judge his PUA style.

If you're a dude, did your parents educate you on how to attract women and was it effective?

Nope, they were worried I was not going on dates but I was a slow developer, once I did they worried I was bringing girls home and they weren't good enough.

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Smooth_Potato_4014 · 2021-06-21T05:07:28+00:00

I guess. No one else is going to do it.
No.

If you end up raising a son, will you play a role in setting him up for success with women?

Fortunately that will never happen, but if I did I would try for it to be as hands-off as possible. I.e. instead of telling him that women want tall, fit, confident guys, I would try to make him tall, fit and confident.

NICHIJOU2411 · 2021-06-21T06:14:51+00:00

Yes
Both my parents said that my career should be more important that relationship. I only was into trying to date from 8th grade to junior year then I decided to not focus on it and work towards my diploma then my degree.

W-Pirate · 2021-06-21T12:45:13+00:00

Yes, but attracting women should be only taught in case the kid wants to have a legacy down the line, which majority do.
No, I grew up fatherless (he was there, but didn't give a shit about me) and my mother never taught me how to even communicate with people on a basic level and she still thinks I'm too young (turning 22 next month) to find a partner.

riches2rags02 · 2021-06-21T16:28:05+00:00

Teaching children to believe in the 80/20 theory would be toxic to their worldview. Besides, the 80/20 theory doesn't actually translate to reality. Men and women "settle" all the time.

kmjyu · 2021-06-21T21:37:07+00:00

I think it's learned behavior. If your parents have a healthy relationship, the children will observe and expect it in their relationships. When parent are respectful, communicate and appreciate each other, the children seek that in relationships and don't expect less.

If I have a son, I'd teach him confidence and make sure he has high self esteem. There are characteristics you can teach your children that aren't directly associated with attracting women. Attractive personalities are successful in all regards, not just with relationships.

EfficientComputer5 · 2021-06-22T01:00:01+00:00

I don't believe you achieve anything by "teaching" as in espousing lecturing words. You "teach" by being functional and providing a healthy home.

Child abuse is less prevalent nowadays, so younger people really couldn't imagine how bad it has been. They can't make sense of where all this screwed up stuff in the world originated. It was unbelievably bad for most of human history and perhaps the biggest cover up ever to exist. They don't see the connection between bad homes and stagnating segments of the population.

Simple fact is most boys , even today recieve inadequate levels of love and good parenting. They grow up dysfunctional to a degree. Girls recieve better care, that's one reason why they do better in various things like education.

We still war against boys, which ironically is hiding behind the veneer of feminism. There's still this regressive chain to the past which refuses to let society climb out of the hellish pits of history into a new world. Boys now suffer another type of archaic monster disguised behind social justice.

Provided proper homes and socialised in the schools with little detriment they will naturally possess desirable traits for women.

The solution will be in the future, these current people are fucked. But so long as society continues on the upward trajectory the problem will resolve itself.

They're will still be competition and such, but a lot of the problem can be summed up with just pointing out bad child rearing practices directed primarily at boys. Girls still suffer mistreatment, but generally it's a problem that the elite don't share with the commoners.

From my own experiences, I've noticed that mothers generally mistreat their sons and it is treated as normal and loving. There is a perception issue when it comes to parents. They treat sons and daughters much differently, usually demanding that the boys live up to adult standards and being deprived of healthy forms of care and nursing. Women typically don't show adequate love because they think they need to man their boys up by never showing them love and never letting them be treated as children.

Most mums are undesirable for the existence of humanity.

Connect_Albatross843 · 2021-06-22T03:59:27+00:00

1.) No. Society changes with time and every generation tends to bring more change with them, including how to attract a partner. Teach them the basics such as how to be confident, carry themselves, and how to be respectful as well as hold themselves accountable. As long as they have a strong foundation and good guidance, they can figure the rest out as they go with the tools provided and get help as needed when those tools don’t work. I won’t know how to attract a young female by the time I have kids because I’ll be in my 40’s. I will know how to be a decent person who can teach my children how to follow in my footsteps until they’re old enough to live on their own and make their own choices.

2.) No, nor did I need the help.

3.) N/A because I’m a dude.

My role will be teaching him to be respectful and responsible, and to hold himself accountable for his own actions. I didn’t have the luxury of a good dad growing up, but I still managed to go from a chaotic young man doing things I shouldn’t to a (mostly) responsible man in his late 20’s who learned how to act in ways I should but was never taught.

PM_ME_STRIPPERS · 2021-06-22T10:13:35+00:00

The main thing i believe and what should be happening for future kids ( especially of the male gender) is to not lie to them. Every parent has done it and will probably continue to do so until they and society wake up and realise what harm they have done.

Thats it, just dont lie. Stop telling your male kids ) that when they will get older their life will be great! stop telling them that when they get older they will get a great job, they will find a partner or if they havent found one yet that the right one is just around the corner. Its bullshit, because life is not full of dandelions and sunflowers for a strong majority of the population.

Also, parents need to stop telling their kids of the female gender that they are entitled to prince charming and nothing less. They also need to stop telling them that any weight is healthy because it isnt.

MrCapricorn404 · 2021-06-22T16:49:18+00:00

1: Honestly yeah it genuinely couldn't hurt,no one told me how to do quite litteraly anything for my first date and I kind of fucked it up on a grand scale which eventually had a happy ending of goofy tendencies,but yes it's important to have the parents teach some form of "Law of Attraction" rule

2: My mother not so much because she would always go off about the dangers due to her being a h.r. employee for this constant and consistent "what if what if what if" problems that came up on the regular so I'd turn to my old man,My old man might've taught me a little too well speaking as he was the Asian Chad of his time and all his skills of being some sort of fucking "love master" amongst the regular men around him,he made sure I knew what to do from now on,I mean yeah it's pretty effective from what all he taught me speaking as I have 600+ matches (>! on tinder !<) and am constantly asked to go on dates with peeps

Ofcourse I'll give advice; Lastly: The main advice I can give that I wish I knew sooner was the three C's

Creativity: The main thing about creativity with this is your own definition of love to some other individual who may or may not share the same love language as you,at often times you should copy,steal or branch off of someone else's lines,instead be original to keep things a tad bit more interesting whether it be word play or taking them out to a new restaurant so they can see how diverse you are instead of doing the same thing over and over,this creates a dull loop and it gets rather old rather quick,it's different if you're married but Son please keep things creative and remember the law of attraction.

Consistency: All you can ever offer to someone is your time and availability to them as much as possible through thick and thin if you genuinely love them enough,it's important to keep there patience,trust and honour their value with your own to them to show that individual that you care about them so much from that point on if anything ever goes wrong you can add in your sacrifices for them to say that you did right by them, hopefully it never goes bad but keep it in mind

Communication: This son is a major one that I'd love for you to pay attention to real nice and closely, Communication is the most important one of these although yes it ties into the concept of consistentcy as well but it's slightly different,the Communication skill between you and your loved ones shows the value of how much you care,this ties into a love language known as "Words of Affirmation" when you go into detail about litteraly anything instead of keeping it dry replies all night long,you gotta go in detail whether it be good or bad,you have to be honest and upfront this also ties into telling the truth,you shouldn't ever really lie about anything in your relationship with your loved ones,if you do it creates a negative tendency to eventually give them a reason to not trust you thus dropping and ending into something bad

I hope you learned from all of this son

Flightlessbirbz · 2021-06-22T19:00:58+00:00

1) Not really. To attract a good woman, sure. Some moms talk to their daughters about how to pick good men and avoid bad ones, and dads should do this for their sons too. To get laid? lol No. Not their job!

2) Not a dude.

3) No brothers, but my cousins have both found loving wives with excellent character and I think their upbringing had a large part in that. They’re not even close to being “chad” but are the type of men good women want to date and marry. That’s the parent’s job.

If I have a son I’ll raise him to be a good man (not a “nice guy”) and teach him to spot good women (or men, whoever he’s into). I will not teach him to manipulate women to get laid like RP does. I’ll also emphasize hygiene and weight management so he can look his best.

odd_cloud · 2021-06-23T23:23:45+00:00

Of course parents should educate children on attraction.
No, they said me nothing. I would educate him on the 80/20 reule from the very beginning. I think there is little point in improving yourself if you are not a natural, some people are just not created for it. I would tell him to accept it.

timissick · 2021-06-21T15:56:18+00:00

As long as my sons dont think like you do, I am sure they will have no trouble finding a partner. If they do think like you, I will just renovate my basement and give it a seperate entry, because they will certainly be living there forever.

RandomUser8467 · 2021-06-21T22:06:29+00:00

Any guy who thinks women are people and who can functionally take care of himself will have no trouble dating women if women are the sex to which he is attracted. Those are both things parents should teach their sons, so sure...

If a guy doesn’t think women are people, no amount of dating coaching will help him. If a guy fails to self-groom and lives in squalor, no amount of dating coaching will win him a girl.

The bar is so low for you blokes and yet so many of you still can’t get over it...

Title	The 80/20 rule and raising a son
Author	SnooSprouts1580
Upvotes	7
Comments	241
Date	June 21, 2021 1:41 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/o4k5db/the_8020_rule_and_raising_a_son/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/the-8020-rule-and-raising-a-son.785525 https://theredarchive.com/post/785525