"The problem is that when we love in adulthood, we are not necessarily drawn to people who will make us happy, we are drawn to people who will feel familiar."

There's a rhetoric that due to evo-psyche or whatever, that dark triad traits, or "assholeishness" is required causes attraction or 'tingles' for women.

However, Alain de Botton from School of Life explains that behind this a lot of the time those 'tingles' are from familiarity.

From his video (watch 1 minute from 7:01)

"the problem is that when we love in adulthood, we are not necessarily drawn to people who will make us happy, we are drawn to people who will feel familiar. Very often happiness and familiarity have drifted apart, because the love we knew as children is not a love that was pure of certain rather unhealthy or troublesome dynamics; maybe loving someone who was rather distant or whose mood we couldn't control of who we were slightly afraid of etc"

He then goes on to explain an example of a friend being set up with an apparently great match but finding "they were nice but a little bit boring" because they didn't fit her pattern of madness, not satisfying her requirement for suffering

I really believe that this is always the case for women who consistently pick abusive or ain't shit partners more than anything else.

EDIT: I believe this is also the case with men who constantly pick shitty partners.

CMV.