Let's get a few things out of the way first and foremost:

  • Men crave a good woman who will be "bad" for only them.
    • Aka: the virgin "good-girl" that knows how to ride, but is a tease.
  • Women crave a "bad" man who will be good for only them.
    • Aka: the ruthless business man who will buy them flowers, but is elusive.
  • Additionally, both respond positively to three things:
    • Aesthetics (symmetry, definition, and development of primary and secondary sexual characteristics)
    • Novelty (new input, sensations, and experiences)
    • Variable reward (interactions that sometimes end in high endorphin, dopamine, epinephrine, and oxytocin release, as well as activation of the endocannabinoid system, while others end in little to no release of such chemicals).

There's no secrets here, these are just facts about human psychology, you can Google these with ease.

Now, onto the reason you were lied to.

The reason that you were lied to about being a "good person" and "playing by the rules" is because it gives sociopaths, narcissists, assholes, and their progeny more room to maneuver.

The more fairly you play, the easier it is for them to leverage the above facts to gain an unfair advantage over you that they will always exploit for their benefit.

With these factors is in mind, the response becomes relatively simple: play dirty when necessary.

If you find a person you're courting, and you know for a fact that there are other people after them, the fastest and easiest way to make them want to be around you, and crave your presence, is to hit them with the most novel stimuli possible.

You want the best music they're into within the genre, but NOT all of the songs they like. Their favorite foods, but slightly different. Their most cherished places, but with something new.

You want the most stimulating smells, flavors, sensations, visuals, everything you can to entrain in them an expectation of novelty, which the brain rewards handsomely with a shitload of endorphins.

From there, back off, and watch what happens.

At this point, all other potential mates will feel lukewarm, even if they have a plethora of other options, because their other mates don't bother to deal in the neuroscience, and are mostly just trying to get straight to the point of their own ends. No one can or will make them feel like you can.

Some may succeed short-term in some instances, but with a strategy like this one, you succeed long-term, and the best part is that as long as you're open with your mates (we're dating but not exclusive) and keep hitting them with heavy novelty every so often, you'll always have options and plenty of room to maneuver yourself.

This works for men, this works for women, gay people, trans people, and anyone dealing with other people.

Be judicious with its application, and use this information however you will.