Ah yes, the most age old question men and women can never come to a consensus on...Amazingly, nobody is really able to articulate exactly WHY men and women think the way they do regarding this. Here’s my attempt at doing so without demonizing either gender...
Female perspective:
as stated in the title, at their core, women want to feel special with their partner. They want to believe that you don’t just take every girl to this spot (coffee shop, park, restaurant, etc.), you reserved this date especially for her. She wants to feel like you’re pulling out all the stops. Because in her experience, so many men say this and promise that, but so many don’t actually care that much for her. She’s not special...they just want sex. How could a man, who won’t even choose to spend a few extra dollars on another cup of coffee, and thus demonstrating that he really means business, truly care about her and be a good choice of mate?
Male perspective:
We all know by now that getting matches, and then dates is quite the arduous challenge for men. You ladies wanna talk about exhausting? There’s a TON of time, energy, and emotion that goes into trying to find and then convince a woman to agree to even a coffee date with you. When we do eventually get these dates, it’s a common experience for these girls to put in little to no effort in behaving like a good date. nonetheless, many men want to put their best foot forward, so we still pay for the date. It’s then also a common experience to get ghosted afterwards or told that they aren’t feeling the chemistry. Once this happens to you a substantial number of times, it’s understandable that men start to feel like they are being taken advantage of. If I go out on 1-2 dates per week at modestly priced locations (bar, cafe, whatever), after a short amount of time that really starts to add up pretty quickly...men start to feel like they’re paying a large fee just to get ghosted and their self esteem damaged. It makes sense they would want a little more investment from women.
Other thoughts:
We all know there are many women who go on 2,3,4,5,6,7?! Dates per week. If they had to start splitting the bill...that’s going to start getting very costly very quick. Even if it is egalitarian, why would this be an attractive choice?!
What’s most interesting to me is that the only time women seemed to care about going Dutch, was because they didn’t want the man to think that she owed him anything. Not because it was fair, just, or egalitarian. Now that it was in her own self interest does she actually give a shit.
All this being said, it doesn’t really matter. Even if women agreed that fair is fair in regards to this topic, it won’t change their instinctual discomfort with not feeling special on the date...although...isn’t it the norm in European countries to go Dutch (hence the name?) Dont women there say they don’t have a problem with it?
What do y’all think? I hope I gave accurate perspectives.
EDIT
I forgot to add what u/bumblingbeta pointed out regarding whomever does the asking out must pay...so I’ll just copy/paste what he said...
“The only logical argument I've heard from women is "If you're inviting me somewhere, I expect you to pay. If I invite you somewhere, I'm expected to pay".
But social convention basically forces men to do the asking out. Even with high value men, women will drop big hints but never actually ask the man out. They don't want that responsibility. They want the benefits of being paid for, and they know they wouldn't get that if they had to do the asking out. (in before "well I asked out my current boyfriend").
Despite feminism and equal rights, women don't want this to be extended to dating, because they benefit from traditional gender roles in this setting. They don't benefit from traditional gender roles in the workplace, which is why they push for equality there. Feminism is all a self-interest movement. It's got zero to do with equality.”
