Very interesting article from Just Four Guys courtesy of our very own /u/thedeti that I found.

What a Typical American Girl Faces

Posted on October 11, 2013 by Deti

It’s been said: “Men and women don’t grok each other’s experiences and never will.” That might be mostly true. But I think women have, wittingly or not, painted a pretty good picture of what intergender relationships are like for them. I’d like to show some empathy here as well. Perhaps some of this is tongue in cheek; but most of this is a dead serious portrayal of the typical American girl who grows to womanhood.

Let’s look at a fairly typical American girl

She’s brought up in a mainline Protestant Christian tradition. Her parents divorced when she was around 14. She has a decent but not great relationship with both of them. She has been told all her life how special she is and that she is exactly equal to any boy or man; the only difference between them being their genitalia. She’s about a 6 in attractiveness.

She is physically attractive enough for wide varieties of men to approach her but she won’t win any beauty pageants. She doesn’t have to put forth any particular effort to be respectful, intelligent, interesting, or honest about her interest or intentions. There’s a perfunctory social requirement that she be polite when rejecting a man, but it’s not really adhered to.

She will be approached

But, on the other hand, this typical American, slightly above average attractive girl will have to put up with being approached by males and men at almost any conceivable time or place. She is not attracted to most of them. Most are not smooth or confident or interesting. Some only want to use her body for sexual release, and a relationship or commitment is not on offer. She can count on being chatted up, approached and otherwise hit on whenever she goes out to the bars and clubs.

When faced with this, her task is to screen the unattractive men from the attractive; and sort the suitable men from the unsuitable. She needs to do this with almost no training or instruction at all. She must account for his looks, confidence, sincerity, “intentions,” social standing (the man a woman is with does a LOT for her standing with other women, for good or ill), emotional compatibility, physical compatibility, sense of humor, personality, “interestingness,” personality, physical safety, and suitability for LTR / ability to provide.

She must do all this within a short time window, minutes, maybe an hour or two. She also has at least an outward social expectation to be sensitive to a man’s feelings. (She can be a bitch; she just shouldn’t appear to be one where attractive guys might see it or hear of it.) This is so even if her main experience is with pickup artists (who she learns the hard way are interested only in a good time and nothing long-term) and with “males” (men she deems not attractive enough to approach her). She has limited experience with “nice guys”. These are the “males” who are too timid to talk to her, or flub up their approach due to nerves, or would be good in a relationship but just don’t give her that tingle right away, or would cost her social points.

The visible men and invisible males

In an attempt to simplify her task, she splits males into (1) attractive and possibly attractive men (around 30% of men) and (2) unattractive males (around 70%). Almost all of her sorting is done based on how she feels about the man. If she feels weird or uncomfortable or off-balance, she’s dealing with an unattractive man. If she feels good or likes his looks or his mannerisms, he’s an attractive man, or at least a possibility.

To her, most men are unattractive. They are simply male human beings. The toll-taker, the janitor at her school or office building, the clerk at the drugstore, that guy in her church choir. To her they are not really even males, they are more neuter – neither men nor women. She addresses them, deals with them, but to her they are nothing less and nothing more than human beings with whom she has to interact simply to go through her daily life.

She doesn’t realize that all male-female interaction has sexual components and dimensions. She is taken aback and thrown off guard when occasionally a male becomes forward enough to suggest that he’s a man and that she should consider him sexually or romantically. Her dealings with males go from discomfort to awkward to indignant to creeped out. She truly doesn’t want to hurt these males, she even feels a bit sorry for them. But she does not want to date them and certainly does not want to have sex with them. So she does the best she can and manages a quiet “Let’s just be friends”. Despite her putting the best face on it she can muster, she never quite gets past her discomfort with this phenomenon of males trying to act like men.

Discerning well is important

Whenever she deals with a man (not a “male”, but a man) , she has a lot of things to figure out but hasn’t really been given the tools or understanding to deal with them. She has to figure out if she’s dealing with a cad, a player, or a commitment-minded man. She believes sex is what she wants, but not yet. She has to hold the man off from sex while letting him escalate and show his interest. But, she has to avoid shutting the man down entirely because if he is high enough value he will look elsewhere. If she has to she’ll give up sex. If he’s really attractive she will have sex with him, maybe for the hell of it, maybe to preserve the off chance that she can snag this guy for a long term relationship.

For her, dealings with men are a maelstrom of vague feelings of attraction, emotion, weirdness, and occasional physical arousal. She likes these men, finds them attractive, but really has absolutely no idea why. She just likes the way these men look, speak, act, move and conduct themselves. They seem so sure of themselves and it’s just so easy to follow their leads. Introspection about what she likes or why just aren’t the name of the game. All these men are very nice to her and deferential to her – at first. This is why she says the thing she wants most is “a nice guy who will treat me right”.

The difference between a night and a lifetime

Our typical American girl quickly learns she can get very attractive 8 and 9 men to sleep with her, but that’s about all she can get. There was this one guy that pushed every single one of her buttons and sexed her exactly the way she likes. She’s never really forgotten that guy, though she never sees him and has no idea what he’s up to (except for her occasionally cyberstalking him on Facebook). She can get relationships easily with 6 and 7 men, but for whatever reason they just don’t seem to satisfy her. She always gets this nagging feeling in the back of her mind that says “You can do better.” She just doesn’t know why she can’t get those 8 and 9 guys to commit to her.

When all this is pointed out to her, our typical American girl honestly doesn’t see what the big deal is. She’s responsible and takes her birth control pills or makes the guys wear condoms. She hasn’t gotten pregnant. If there’s a slip up, she can get an abortion. No one’s going to get hurt; no one will be on the hook for anything. It’s all good. She hasn’t gotten an STD. Even if she does, she can get some antibiotics. Herpes? AIDS? That only comes from “trashdicks”. She doesn’t sleep with “those kinds of guys”. That’s not going to happen to her. She’s not “dating” (i.e. sleeping with) gutter bums or alcoholics or transients or drug dealers (as far as she knows). She’s waiting a few days or dates before she sleeps with the guys. Besides, her girlfriends all do this. It’s just the way dating and boyfriends and sex is done. Nobody else does it any other way. If she approached dating like the churchy girls do, she will never find a man. (Besides, she could tell you stories about what — and who — those prissy, prudish churchy girls do when away from home…..)

She’s not a slut. She is not like that even if her girlfriends are. But, she is told, she does the same things her girlfriends do. She responds that she doesn’t do exactly those things. Or even if she does do those things, she doesn’t do them as often, or she does them with a better caliber of guys.

She insists she wants “nice guys”, but when she is told she has turned down at least 20 good commitment minded men, she has two stock responses: (1) she honestly cannot remember the encounters because she considered them “males”. (2) there was a fatal flaw with each of the men.

She says she wants to be married, but comes up with all kinds of reasons why she cannot be married — not yet. She has to “find herself”. She has to “have something for herself before she can share it with” a man. She has to “be independent.” She wants to “have some fun.” “There will be time later for” marriage and children.

Discuss.