What are some things that are hard to find in guys these days?

pubgmisc · 2021-12-06T09:51:18+00:00

Not a woman but I'm guessing: Men don't really chase excellence, form networks etc, some don't work out, some arent masculine, and some 'just don't get it' when dealing with women

NarniaFox · 2021-12-06T03:35:20+00:00

I'm from Russia, so dating market is a bit different here. It's hard to find a man who :

is egalitarian. People here are more into traditional family structure, although most women work. Men are supposed to be the heads of their families, but practically it happens very rarely and women are left to solve most family issues. But I guess even finding a truly traditional man is easier than an egalitarian one, who will treat you as an equal partner and share responsibility evenly.
isn't a homophobe, sexist, religious, pro-lifer, racist. Most people here are somewhat homophobic and sexist, so it narrows the pool even further.
is emotionally mature, can be open, share his worried and feelings and be vulnerable with you. As a lot of men are I to traditional masculinity, these traits are very rare.
doesn't smoke or drink to the state when he doesn't recent what he was doing. Drinking issues are very common among men here.
is self-aware. The ability to self-reflect and admit one's mistakes aren't very common among both men and women.
has plans on the future he works on. Again, it isn't very common among people of both genders.

JazziestCabbage · 2021-12-06T08:22:53+00:00

Men willing to let their partners be SAHMs and put the effort in to make this possible

Men willing to pair bond

Men who don’t pay for porn or onlyfans.

Men who are charming - but with low n counts

Men who are willing to change their habits for the health of the family

Men who don’t smoke or drink regularly

Men who aren’t intimidated by women who enjoy masculine clothing/activities

I think chivalry is dead mostly because men now see it as coins to exchange for sex, and women see it as misogyny. My fiancé fits all of the above listed qualities and I saved myself for him

Miserable_Yam4778 · 2021-12-06T04:51:41+00:00

There are oodles of men who WANT to lead and very, very few who are actually capable of it. You don't get to be the "head of household" by demanding it, and respect is earned, not commanded.

throwawaylessons103 · 2021-12-05T23:04:21+00:00

Self-awareness.

People often attract people on their level. Men who want a submissive, feminine, highly attractive and fit wife but are overweight and can't afford to be breadwinners are just as delusional as the "666" standard for women.

The truth is there's quality people of both genders, but those people are going to have their standards too.

Decent_Ad3564 · 2021-12-05T22:46:03+00:00

Both genders are low value. I’d argue both genders have high Standards but offer little to no value.

quiturbitchn · 2021-12-05T22:45:37+00:00

Men who are self aware enough to seek therapy if needed, solid communication skills, and men who don’t value casual sex

BlackPorcelainDoll · 2021-12-05T23:10:29+00:00

Can't think of anything. I get what I want and take what I need. 😂

GoWest7 · 2021-12-06T05:22:16+00:00

Men who want to "pair bond" with one woman for a long, long, long lifetime.

Men who want a church wedding.

Men who want to date without having casual sex, to get to know someone very well. Fools rush in.

Men who aren't addicted to sex, drugs, alcohol, or pornography.

Men who don't blame women for everything that's wrong in the world.

Men who seek therapy.

Men with emotional intelligence.

Men who take care of their health, not just their looks.

Men who accept responsibility for fault and failure.

Men who sacrifice for or give their time to the less fortunate or to greater causes.

There's more, but this is good enough.

flapperfemmefatale · 2021-12-05T23:12:47+00:00

I'd probably notice other things if I was still single, but: genuine respect for women, emotional maturity, kindness.

januaryphilosopher · 2021-12-05T23:58:18+00:00

Not seeing sex as the basis for love or the most important thing in a relationship, valuing partners as friends and equals, kindness, honesty, and genuine respect. Although those don't necessarily apply only to men.

sottera777 · 2021-12-06T01:21:49+00:00

Honestly... Men who dont watch porn.

Virtual-Jackfruit243 · 2021-12-06T00:12:10+00:00

For me personally, its not hard to find things in men if you only only deal with certain types of men ( NOT CHADS). Well-rounded, respectful, good-looking men exist.

This is why I laugh when men say it's hards to find xyz type of women because all it's telling us is you continue to deal with certain women and are just like them.

Kay_Lore · 2021-12-06T01:17:39+00:00

Intelligence and someone who likes to read and talk about abstract topics as much as I do.

DiamondLilyD · 2021-12-06T22:10:07+00:00

- Responsibility

- Kindness

- Men who can cook

- Men who don't watch porn

- Men who want marriage/children

CatoftheBanals · 2021-12-06T00:00:22+00:00

I'm not dating, but young men (at least in the US) seem to lack hope. This is understandable, given the huge wealth disparity, lack of upward mobility, and other factors that have created a social nightmare. I think some of this anger about the unfairness of the world gets directed at women, like we see here.

boomcheese44 · 2021-12-06T06:55:18+00:00

When I was dating, it was really hard finding handsome men. So many men today are fat, have weird shaped heads and faces, are skinny fat, and on top of that poorly groomed.

Socially and emotionally competent men. So many people in general are like children in adult bodies. Uggh

Men that could lead their own lives. I use to think it would be easy to find a men with great leadership abilities. The reality is that few men can really lead well, most men are followers and maybe you can find a man that at least runs his own life well.

IcarusKiki · 2021-12-05T23:15:50+00:00

Emotional maturity

ididntwanttoexist · 2021-12-06T04:06:07+00:00

Guys who actually have standards and requirements of their own, and actually stick to these regardless of the available pool of women, or how long they've gone without sex. It's a green flag if a guy seems willing to explicitly exclude people on an OLD profile, for instance, and isn't playing the same mindless numbers game out of either desperation or not wanting to put off short-term casual sex options by stating relationship standards. Low n-counts by choice are rare in men. If they can, and it's not too much effort, they usually will. The man who would turn it down when offered out of any kind of principle, or because he's only interested in a specific kind of person with an emotional connection (aside from lack of physical attraction) is very rare.
Guys whose idea of taking care of themselves has advanced beyond "go to gym". But they eat garbage, often admit they only workout to get away with eating the garbage, think because they're legit strong no one notices the extra two inch layer of fat they still have, and their skin looks like old leather already at 30 because they still drink like a fish and never wear sunscreen. Scruffy beard or shitty tattoo multiplier bonus. Is there some kind of cloning facility producing these chubby-muscle men who have short/no hair paired with enormous beard and always has a picture straining mid-deadlift? That red-faced constipated double chin look is sure to get the ladies going. I have seen this guy a thousand times.
A lot of men dress in an awful (as in doesn't even fit them well or look clean regardless of my personal taste) or extremely boring way, but men's socially acceptable mainstream fashion has been boring for decades and I've always liked more alternative looks.
"Durrrr i dunno haven't really thought about it" mentality is too great. I can't even get past the point of whether people are in alignment with me or not because they literally haven't even given the topic any thought or give some cop-out le enlightened centrist answer. This is more of a people in general problem, though.
Guys who don't get drunk or do drugs.
Guys who don't want kids. Despite stereotypes, it's not easy to find men who have given it serious thought and are genuinely against ever having children and not just ambivalent/secretly thinking you'll change your mind eventually.
Libertarian femboys. I cannot find any. It's awful. Seriously though, socially liberal non-conforming/nontraditionally masculine guys who aren't also some crazy woke commie loons are like, nonexistent. Or not into women :/

bannmee · 2021-12-05T22:48:23+00:00

Honesty

Diamond-Breath · 2021-12-06T14:40:17+00:00

Generous men with leadership qualities that know how to style themselves and put effort into their body and mind. These men are very rare these days.

FabulousFuchsbau · 2021-12-06T12:44:25+00:00

Men with common sense

Men who actually have morals

Men who aren’t insufferable assholes or sexist

Men who are traditional without being assholes

Men who can actually communicate

Men who are genuinely kind

I don’t envy single people at all right now

Zerofication · 2021-12-05T22:53:21+00:00

It'll always come down to men who are physically AND economically AND mentally attractive AND willing to commit to them only. Such men don't exist, except in a woman's imagination ofc.

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TomorrowsWar · 2021-12-06T14:19:04+00:00

Sincerity

Desert_butterfries · 2021-12-06T20:48:10+00:00

A man with manners. Simple, yet so many people (not just men) lack manners.

Going to someone's house for the first time to meet their parents? BRING something!! You want to make a good impression.. flowers are like $10 and simple. Got invited to a dinner or potluck? Bring something, don't go empty handed. This rule is not just for men, it's for everyone, so if I'm going to meet a man's parents you know damn well I am bringing something. For nice dinners and get togethers, it's normal to bring over a bottle of wine, champagne, or liquor.

This must be an old school way of thinking.. because I've met so many people with no manners. So I guess I'd say it's hard to find a man with old school ideals and values.

ledatherockband · 2021-12-06T21:17:04+00:00

RP man here.

Men are severely deficient in ways either cultivate value or express their value and desirability.

I’ve been going out to local bars recently because I need something to do with my Friday nights.

Man.

I’m seeing tall, handsome, strong men come in alone and leave alone.

If you have sons, please keep this in mind when you’re raising them. Help them cultivate value and express their value however you can.

ApollosArrow11 · 2021-12-08T21:55:44+00:00

Emotional intelligence and relational intelligence are both hard to find in men, plus the whole issue where a lot of them aren't purpose-driven enough/can't seem to get educated.

Also.. good character is hard to find too. Men who won't watch porn, who do good things for the sake of it, who want to better people's lives, who truly care.

chilumibrainrot · 2021-12-08T23:56:40+00:00

its hard to find guys who respect me as a person and not just a sex object, and who respect my boundaries. im sorry, but its true. im sure there are amazing guys out there, but every guy ive been with has pushed my boundaries to the extent of making me uncomfortable, or just used me for my body. i just want someone who wont pressure me to have sex if i dont want to. or just someone who likes me for my personality.

Cauligoblin · 2021-12-07T15:19:36+00:00

Men who don’t have mental health issues, because after the past few years very few humans aren’t suffering mentally. Also that’s not a standard I have for dating, I think having depression and anxiety is basically unavoidable if you pay attention to anything happening right now, and as someone with adhd and a pretty bad genetic disposition to mental illness I’m not interested in giving birth anyway (not to mention the whole idea of what’s happening to the world)

Title	What are some things that are hard to find in guys these days?
Author	OldSimpsonsisbetter
Upvotes	27
Comments	321
Date	December 5, 2021 10:40 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/r9rinr/what_are_some_things_that_are_hard_to_find_in/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-are-some-things-that-are-hard-to-find-in-guys.1088498 https://theredarchive.com/post/1088498