What common takes from women do you disagree with?

Eyesofmalice · 2022-07-27T08:56:46+00:00

I can't take them seriously when they claim that looks aren't that important.

fakingandnotmakingit · 2022-07-27T03:03:33+00:00

Offer to do 50/50 on the first couple dates unless you're actively doing trad.

Women and men have different libidos. Men tend to have a more active and spontaneous libido in general. Yes some women have very active high libidos. On average though we know that men want sex more. This shouldn't be controversial

I wear make up and dress nicely for me. Supposedly most women are the same. But also we get angry because we spent more on cosmetics and stuff than men and now have to be recompensed by men who take us out on dates? Girl what? Make up your damn mind. Either do it for you and stop whinging or don't. Figure it out

Body positivity is great! Getting pissy because you don't fotnpeoples preferences is not so great. Be happy as you are, but at the end of the day you can't negotiate attraction

Stop doing the thing where youre okay when the patriarchy benefits you but not when it doesn't. You can't have it both ways.

Toxic femininity exists. These are the women that cry and whinge instead of talking it out like adults. The women who expect to be paid for and coddled. The women who make everything about themselves and how hurt they are, even if it was their own fault. You are not a child. Woman up. These are the women who get upset when their partner breaks down because their grandma died and they complain about how their man's grief is affecting them

Stop enabling men and complaining about them at the same time. "men can't clean, men can't cook, why can't men do this or men do that" either make them change or leave them. Stop your whinging.

Orgasm gap is a thing. So learn your body and communicate. If you're expecting a guy to mind read, you're kind of also at fault for your lack of sexual pleasure. If he doesn't listen to you drop him, he aint worth it. But if you aren't communicating then what is he supposed to do?

EulenWatcher · 2022-07-27T04:44:38+00:00

Here's a mix of what I hear in real life (and I live in a more traditional-ish region) and what I see here from time to time:

"Men should always be the initiators."
"Men should always pay for dates."
"Men should be leaders/captains/wall for you."
"Sex work of any kind is empowering". Imv it isn't and it still caters to misogyny and sexual objectification whether you celebrate it or not. It's also an extremely bad choice considering safety and future prospects.
Height as a deal-breaker. Everyone is entitled to their preferences, I wouldn't argue with it, but I can't just relate to it at all.

I'm sure there's more, but these are the first things I've thought of.

gofigure62 · 2022-07-27T14:24:42+00:00

I get highly annoyed by the infantilization of women who make their own choices. There's always excuses as to why it makes sense that a woman was easily manipulated and taken advantage of. Irrespective if other people attempted to warn and or guide her away from said decision.

Everything is ALWAYS "victim blaming" if you point out that a woman made a dumb decision and could have or should have done things differently.

The thing that pisses me off, is that this infantilization is usually regarding how women engage with other men. Yet, women rarely display the same pacificity and stupidity when it comes to other women. They are magically critical, calculating, and cautious when it comes to other women especially "friendships" with other women. But seem to have zero logic when it comes to males at all.

TheSnowyPlover · 2022-07-27T02:24:46+00:00

Most things regarding sexuality honestly.

"She's owning her sexuality"

"She's exploring her sexuality"

"So empowering"

I am 100% a proponent of free will and trying not to judge people.

But sometimes the logic behind the actions in question are...head scratchers to me.

The9thElement · 2022-07-27T17:22:08+00:00

That doing p*rn sex work and onlyfans is empowering. It’s not.

pinktuliplover · 2022-07-27T04:47:04+00:00

The “I don’t cater to men” mentality.

Ma’am, that’s your husband. You can make him a sandwich. Grow up.

bluemooncookiedough · 2022-07-27T03:44:21+00:00

Prostitution is not empowering or good for women, neither is porn. It's bad for men too really.. sex should not be a commodity to be sold. This goes for just in general ads and websites as well. Selling people is damaging to relationships as a whole.

I feel a little bit like so much sex being sold in the media has just put more distance between people. It has told us to expect certain things, even if those things don't work for us personally. In my opinion it would benefit a lot of people to try and see the importance and happiness of just connecting with others and seeing how vastly different people can be.

A1Dilettante · 2022-07-27T02:19:18+00:00

"Friends first". Nah if I want a guy, we date. Plain and simple.

cruciod · 2022-07-27T02:25:19+00:00

I think dates should be 50/50

If you don't like the guy don't go out with him then. If you like him then there's no need for him to buy your time. I think men paying is one of those hangovers from when men worked more and thus earned more but it's unnecessary today imo.

But I also understand as a uni student my dating market is a little different. I can usually tell which guys are decent because I'm frequently in contact with them before getting asked out, so I don't need to use them paying on dates as a way to weed out men who aren't serious.

kalashhhhhhhh · 2022-07-27T07:25:37+00:00

Witholding sex from guys you actually like and want for long term, while having sex with guys you don't care about. I never understood this concept and I get why guys would be pissed about it.

I'm not sure how common this is, but lying about the N-count/ "it's nobody's business". I think everybody (m or f) deserves an honest general idea about their partner's count, without names or details of course.

Except for the first date, almost every date should be paid for 50-50. Or one person pays for the full date, and the other pays for the next one.

"Body positivity" and fat acceptance are such bullshit. Some people should hear the cold hard truth. Everybody can improve and put in work and should strive to be the best looking, healthiest version of themselves.

throwawaylessons103 · 2022-07-27T03:26:45+00:00

A common thing I see on the regular dating subs, is women thinking it's okay to gain a significant amount of weight in a relationship... Like 50-100 pounds.

I understand there's circumstances where weight fluctuates, and rare uncontrollable health issues... But a partner simply getting lazy and gaining that (with no intention of losing it) isn't okay with me.

I like looking "hot" and I want a partner who feels the same. We can't be 25 forever, but we can continue to be our best 35, 45, 55+ and that to me means being fit.

MajorMeVibes · 2022-07-27T09:48:47+00:00

"Hook-up culture" and/or "hot girl/guy summer" is crazy to me. Especially because it happens at such a young age now I believe wholeheartedly That people just want to do what they want and that's OK but it also kind of makes no sense to me. I also believe that some people don't want to settle down and that's all right but also the full blown being with a lot of people in the same about a time just for me doesn't sit right because I believe me to have an emotional connection before you make that step.

plumtastic · 2022-07-27T03:58:19+00:00

Casual sex/ sex without love is degrading and NOT empowering. I'm not liberating myself by opening my legs to some stranger. I have been approached by jacked 'Chads' and each time I can't help but be offended and be a bitch, it's so clear what they're after and it's disgusting lol

Mrs_Drgree · 2022-07-27T04:04:11+00:00

That women can have high libido but low n count.

It might happen, like, if she marries the first guy she ever fucks, but it's highly unlikely.

Academic_Snow_7680 · 2022-07-27T11:16:35+00:00

I do not like being sexy.

I don't like it when a man says he wants to fuck me as if he thinks that makes me feel special. It doesn't, it makes me feel like an object and my safety is threatened.

DerekMorganBAU · 2022-07-27T02:27:17+00:00

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Ok_Razzmatazz_1751 · 2022-07-27T04:51:35+00:00

The term DTF . I remember working with this woman who was quoting this acronym. I actually had to ask her what it met.
She was asking why , and how I was able to date such good looking men ,and they'd send flowers , chocolates etc to the nursing desk at work. Come to my place of employment wanting to be seen , take me out for lunch . Her exact words were damn gurl I'm DTF, and I can't find a good man to save my life, what the hell am I doing wrong? Just remember shaking my head. Dear gaud she's lost lol.. I just laughed at her , didn't know what to stay without being extremely rude.

Edit : DTF = Down to fuck.

rurunoa · 2022-07-27T07:27:34+00:00

when they say sex work is empowering

LiftSushiDallas · 2022-07-27T03:31:35+00:00

"It's harder for women to stay in shape / be lean / lose weight / be fit / have abs."

This is just bullshit. These women just don't want to lift or stick to their calorie allotment.

"Women are more insecure than men / have body insecurities."

This is true if you aren't high self-esteem and into fitness.

spiritdancer_ · 2022-07-27T16:04:47+00:00

Any take that implies that they are better than another woman because you don't do such and such behavior. There is nothing that makes you implicitly better than anyone else, to say otherwise is arrogance.

Any take that says that any choice a woman takes is a feminist action so long as she does it "for herself". Feminism is a social theory, thus not every act you take will be a feminist act no matter the reasons behind it. This isn't bad, nor something to be ashamed about; humans often to do not always act nor want things that are in line with their ideological beliefs because most beliefs are founded on moral and philosophical ideals. The real world is very rarely, if ever, ideal.

"Every woman should be a feminist." That label comes with a lot of baggage and yet again feminism is a social theory; there are many reasons why a woman wouldn't describe themselves as feminist and not all of them mean she has some form of internalized misogyny.

Any proponent of body positivity. I do not think it is useful to try and get everyone to feel sexy and to like everything about their body, rather, I'm a much better fan of body neutrality. First and foremost, your body is there to keep you alive. Whether or not it looks pretty is inconsequential, even if looking pretty might make you feel better.

The following are less common takes IRL and more common takes online but still:

The assumption that getting rid of porn or sex work will lead to a better society. Pornography and sex work as concepts are not inherently damaging, rather they are damaging because we live in a society that stigmatizes and ostracizes women who engage in these acts, which simultaneously leads them vulnerable to abuse because they live in a system that will not help them when they most need it.

This isn't to say that I believe there aren't issues with the porn/sex work industries. There are, but these issues stem from the factors I mentioned above + general misogyny. It is naive to think they will go away by simply getting rid of these industries, rather they'll just take on a new form.

Any take that implies promiscuity is inherently damaging, often supported by citing some study showing those who have more sex partners have a higher risk of divorce. Correlation =/= causation, and I also have another post showing that these studies are a lot less clear cut than people like to make them out to be. Also statistics are bullshit, everyone who's studied stats knows this. There's a reason why that phrase gets repeated so often.

Rather than the way this is often presented as relationships being hard for them to maintain because they're promiscuous and they've "damaged their ability to pair bond" (lmao), I find it much more likely that the people who have more sex partners often are more likely to have some other factor (trauma, personality disorders, etc.) that makes relationships hard for them to maintain, thus resulting is promiscuity.

Also it's likely that a small fraction of these people are just not monogamous by nature but are trying to force themselves into a monogamous social framework because that's what we're conditioned into from day one. Some people are probably just better off having multiple partners, and I do not see this as a bad or damaging thing. Just from spending time on this sub I think there are some people that genuinely just feel less jealousy than others and are more inclined to feel compersion. This isn't to say that they're superior to those that are jealous, but it is a difference that should be accepted for the benefit of everyone.

AkimboMajestic · 2022-07-27T17:22:39+00:00

I really hate the “men are trash” saying. Obviously i know they don’t mean all men and there is a real very male issue, but I’m yet to hear a girl say it who didn’t seem immediately disposed to assume every man is an absolute trashfire

NationalistGoy · 2022-07-27T18:31:37+00:00

That men and women can/should remain friends after their romantic relationship ended, because apparently that's the healthy/mature thing to do.

No it isn't, the mature thing to do would be cutting contact with that person so that your future relationships can flourish in a healthy way, and the other person don't have to wonder if that guy is your backup plan. The situation changes when there are children involved.

Most men won't tell you this because it is an unpopular opinion among women, but if you keep your ex around, we won't take you serious, we won't consider you for a LTR.

Glad-Discount-4761 · 2022-07-28T15:15:20+00:00

-Looks doesn't matter.Your feminity do.

Biggest lie I ever heard.Looks matters and with it,feminity will be total prize for man.

Beauty is 80%controllable .No it is not

mackenzie013_02 · 2022-07-27T05:29:07+00:00

Most FDS “vetting strategies” and guidelines.

Funnily the overly proud and loud 50/50 crowd is equally obnoxious.

mcove97 · 2022-07-27T05:50:10+00:00

The patriarchy is to blame for all the issues women face. I call BS.

ReferenceImpossible2 · 2022-07-27T12:00:41+00:00

“Men should pay for the first date as a sign of respect.”

“Women are more at risk when going outside of their own home”

“Wanting sex once a week is a perfectly healthy libido and not low at all”

“If you trust me completely, why would we need a paternity test?”

“Men and women can just be friends with someone they find attractive”

“Can we move next door to my parents? It’ll help having someone to watch the baby”

feedmepizzaplease99 · 2022-07-27T20:55:21+00:00

That going 50/50 on a date, especially a first date is fine. No it is not. I will see him as cheap and low effort. Couldn’t be me.

Otherwise I agree with lots of the women here. They seem way more normal than the men lol

jiminverse · 2022-07-27T09:08:57+00:00

i think dates should be split and paid for equally. if i dated guys i wouldn't expect them to pay for a whole meal just bc they're men. it would make me uncomfortable personally

ProseccoIsLife · 2022-07-27T08:43:49+00:00

"If he wanted he would" - there are plenty of men who have mental conditions or past trauma holding them back from acting.

"My man can't watch porn, cause that's cheating" - seems so fckin insecure, especially when they add that the guy may watch porn but under no circumstances can pay of it. It basically says my guy can use other women's sexual images, but can't let the women who create them earn profit cause that's "dirty".

2022-07-27T16:44:44+00:00

That men should pay for dates. There is no logical reason for this unless the woman is super traditional.

januaryphilosopher · 2022-07-27T08:15:05+00:00

Casual sex is good and doesn't affect the parties involved. The number of people that someone has slept with doesn't matter in a relationship.

Makeup isn't worn for men. It's worn to look good - for yourself.

Men should pay on dates (as opposed to merely being able to if they want), for whatever reason.

Anything about a particular characteristic being universally undesirable outside of ones that make you an objectively bad person, especially physical characteristics.

Bisexuals are promiscuous or secretly gay or likely to cheat or give you a disease.

Prostitution and porn in themselves are good for women or neutral for women. It's inappropriate to care about whether your partner has watched porn.

Women shouldn't initiate (as opposed to merely not having to if they don't want), anything, for whatever reason. That it's anyone's job to do anything in a relationship because of their gender.

sarkington · 2022-07-27T07:02:48+00:00

“I want to feel secure and protected”

🤮

IcarusKiki · 2022-07-27T16:40:57+00:00

That youll have a better relationship by being “egalitarian”. Men and women arent the same and trying to gain favor by paying for dates, asking the guy out and taking the male role just has you playing both roles and burning out in the end

Friedidli · 2022-07-27T07:59:20+00:00

That body count doesn't matter.

It does.

If the shoe was on the other foot she wouldn't want to be with a manwhore too. And most of the time it is insecurity.

freerossulbrich · 2022-07-27T16:01:36+00:00

Many women complain that they want money or that they fear that guys will run away after they have children.

I sympathize with that.

I have no sympathy with women that want legitimacy, wanting to be the only one, or fuck without considering money, AND end up getting knocked up by poor people.

If their children starve, all I care is my tax shouldn't support such women, or such things should be illegal.

The law is the opposite.

Considering money for sex is illegal. People can't make child support agreement before conception.

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2022-07-27T02:46:46+00:00

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wtknight · 2022-07-27T12:10:41+00:00

[permanently deleted]

2022-07-27T19:41:18+00:00

Well it's predominantly women who use the term 'fatphobic" - and I think the way it's framed is complete bullshit.

Should people be lampooned for being fat? Absolutely not. Is saying being fat unattractive and unhealthy fatphobic? Absolutely not.

Peacesquad · 2022-07-27T19:58:50+00:00

That women want sex as much as men. They have no idea lol

Also the personality bullshit

LowerPatience207 · 2022-07-28T00:57:45+00:00

The assertion that men as a whole don't put in effort into relationships. The right person will put effort into a relationship if they want to. This isn't a gender thing.

When women complain that men are basically children and that they shouldn't have to raise them - I've met plenty of women who don't actually want a partner. They want a father figure.

That a woman is a "pick-me" if she advocates for issues that men specifically face.

dottywine · 2022-07-28T01:27:56+00:00

I don’t get the need for someone excessively taller than you. It means nothing to me.

Title	What common takes from women do you disagree with?
Author	tired_hillbilly
Upvotes	69
Comments	352
Date	July 27, 2022 2:10 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/w925gf/what_common_takes_from_women_do_you_disagree_with/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-common-takes-from-women-do-you-disagree-with.1125572 https://theredarchive.com/post/1125572