What makes you fall out of love with a man and do you actually want one partner for life?

saint-jezebel · 2020-12-29T19:12:14+00:00

For the most part, a lot of this is general while the actual issue isnt general.

I have seen graphs which show that (on average) women lose sexual interest in their partner much quicker than men lose sexual interest in their partner.

Women, especially those who feed into the partnership and 50/50 mindset, lose interest because they realize they are losing and are exhausted in being with a man who only views the "partnership" in terms of money. He can get it up, but shes too turned off at this point to even want to be bothered. She will get turned on by a masculine man but, suddenly, she realizes none are around.

I have also heard statistics that women initiate something like 80% of divorces and over 50% of total marriages end in divorce.

This is not happening because women just want to. Eventually women realize if Im getting a shit deal with you, how about I just be alone? The truth that hurts to men but its easier to generalize it like this.

So it's clear that women get bored and fall out of love far easier than men do. I am curious to know the reasons why, if you can pinpoint any possible reasons. And do you really want one partner for life or do you prefer several partners over the course of your life, and why?

It is not clear at all. Women dont just get up one day and say "I am bored". Its hardly that quick. Women get tired and begin to withdraw because the shit deal stinks. By the time the woman is walking away, the man "feels" blindsided but the signs were all there. It seems like she just changed suddenly but its been happening for a while and he thought it would just be ok to ignore everything. Then, he doesnt know how to get her back, but the real issue is that he never knew how to keep her in the first place. But yes, lets say its because of sex and she wants to sleep around. Thats easier then admitting that as a man, you just dont do it for her anymore.

reluctantly_red · 2020-12-29T18:14:34+00:00

I am curious because I have seen graphs which show that (on average) women lose sexual interest in their partner much quicker than men lose sexual interest in their partner.

it's not about the partner, it's just that sometimes it's very hard for women to be receptive to sex, especially when they're under a lot of stress or due to hormonal changes, also orgasms aren't as easy to achieve as it is for men. This is something that needs to be discussed between partners. Also, this has nothing to do with love.

I feel like this is very misunderstood by men, or they see it as something manipulative because men's sex drive remains somewhat constant throughout life. It's not the same with women. Sometimes, it takes effort for us to be horny.

So it's clear that women get bored and fall out of love far easier than men do.

Bullshit, it's just that people are naive about relationships and most aren't mature enough to have honest open conversations, and overall get lazy once they get married. Marriage is a marathon, not a sprint. most people don't know the difference between love and infatuation. ( sexual attraction/ aesthetic attraction) The " butterflies in the stomach" feeling will inevitably fade as time passes, and both partners need to be actively working on the relationship. True love isn't a feeling it's a choice.

. And do you really want one partner for life or do you prefer several partners over the course of your life, and why?

I think most people when they get married they imagine this partnership will last for life, I mean if a person doesn't believe that or at least isn't somewhat optimistic about it, why would they get married?

I personally would like a LTR for life, now whether it'll happen... I don't know.

rft24 · 2020-12-29T19:04:36+00:00

i don’t think it’s boredom. i often say that a big reason for dead bedrooms and women losing attraction to their partners (and there’s no serious foul play involved, like cheating or abuse or something) has to do with their partners no longer putting in the effort to meet their emotional/relational needs. people get too comfortable and stop putting in effort after a certain point, especially after marriage. you have to keep doing the things you did to get her in order to keep her, but a lot of men get lazy in this department.

how many times have you heard of or witnessed a disgruntled wife/gf who can’t stand to be around her man and a sad husband/bf who’s been missing physical affection and sex from his woman for several months or years? i guarantee the woman is that way because the man has not fulfilled a need she needs him to in order for her to still feel attracted to him. she has most likely tried to tell him and, for whatever reason, he does not listen or he does for a moment and then goes back to his unsatisfactory behaviors.

it’s like when men complain that they don’t want to sleep with their wives/gf’s because she’s stopped putting effort into her appearance and isn’t attractive anymore; except for women, the complaint is typically that her man no longer puts in any effort towards meeting her needs.

a lot of men don’t seem to realize that when a woman has broken up with you, a lot of the time, it was premeditated and you were warned. she had contemplated it for several weeks, months, or even years. she had spoken to her therapist, her closest friends, and her family about it. whether or not you knew about it, she gave you a deadline to get it together and tried to tell you what the issue was and how you could solve it before the deadline came (whether or not she did this effectively is another conversation). you did not heed the warnings or get it together within the allotted time, so she left. that’s usually how it goes.

to address your last question, i would like a life partner. i want to be with one man for most of my life. i’d rather have a very deep and fulfilling bond with a man who knows me like the back of his hand, a man i can create a family and a legacy with, than multiple men. that’s much more fulfilling to me. i have already decided that if i’m not married with children by my mid 30s, i’ll just be the cool aunt that has an awesome job, travels, and has a million pets. it’s not ideal, but it’s an acceptable alternative.

Sage_Planter · 2020-12-29T19:28:28+00:00

When I was a teen, someone told me that you never stop loving someone, but you can lose respect for them. That line has always stuck with me. It doesn't seem to have applied to a lot of my relationships, but it does seem applicable to many breakups I've seen over the years.

I'm single and in my early thirties. Thinking back through my exes, I've never really fallen out of love with them. Right to the end, I've been extremely sexually attracted to each partner, invested in our relationship, and working towards a forever. There was no dramatic "I don't love you," and even years later, I care about them and wish them nothing but the best. When I've broken up with men, it's because I'm not happy with our life together, and it has nothing to do whether or not I love them.

Relationship examples:

Ex 1: Young dramatic love, and he wasn't a great partner to me. I loved him but broke up with him because I knew I deserved to be treated better.
Ex 2: Overall good dude, but we wanted different things in life. I loved him but broke up with him in order to live the life I wanted for me, not the one he wanted for us.
Ex 3: It was long distance to start which he didn't want, but when he moved closer, it turns out he just didn't want me.
Ex 4: Good relationship for the most part, but I was a rebound for him, so he broke up with me once he was a bit more stable.
Ex 5: Loved him with all my heart during our nearly three year relationship, but I caught him in a big bad lie and ended it. I loved him but broke up with him because I couldn't trust him anymore.

I'd love to find a partner for the rest of my life, but there's only so much I'm willing to compromise on my lifestyle and what I want out of life. I easily could have married Ex 2 listed above (he was ready) and had a fine enough life. I know I'm much happier with how things turned out than if I had stayed, though.

For sexual interest, I haven't personally experienced a dip in the past (I was always the partner with the higher sex drive), but it's really easy to see why women would be less interested when they're expected to both work and take on the lion's share of the the household management. There's nothing sexy about a man who expects you to clean up after him.

RandomUsernameSkrrrt · 2020-12-29T18:55:40+00:00

If he stops having any sort of ambition. I’m not talking failing Elon Musk status; I’m talking “unemployed-and-can’t-stop-playing-videogames-24/7.”

If he becomes an alcoholic/pothead/drug addict/glutton, or has some other vice that interferes with normal functioning. This sort of relates to the previous one.

If his core beliefs radically change to something incompatible with mine to the point we can’t relate on anything. Maybe he believes the Earth’s flat, or it’s time for the new communist world order, or AWALT.

If he comes out as gay/transgender suddenly, or discloses a criminal history, or turns out to be someone otherwise completely different than I initially thought he was.

If he falls out of love with me first; i.e., he no longer appreciates who I am, what I do, and takes everything for granted.

Disclaimer: I’m not saying I wouldn’t stay and try to work through these thing if/when they started manifesting. People aren’t perfect or static; everyone encounter ups and downs and changes in their lives, and that’s what SO’s are there for, to offer support and understanding in times of need. However, if it never got better, or he expressed an open unwillingness to improve upon anything, it would inevitably become a huge drain, and I could see myself falling out of love.

I do want one partner for life.

spacechicken1990 · 2020-12-29T19:07:06+00:00

Ppl chsnge over time.

Especially during formative years.

Yes I want a lifetime partner but I know this isn’t very realistic.

goatismycopilot · 2020-12-29T18:24:25+00:00

Do I believe in the "ideal" of one partner for life as a concept for me? As a goal others should have? As the "rule" of all partnerships?

_mwk · 2020-12-29T18:03:11+00:00

i don't know tbh, ive been in love only once and i had to basically force myself to forget about him

i lose sexual interest due to various factors though, but sexual interest is different from falling in love for me

id like one partner for life ideally bc I want my kids to have one father

_pineapplylemon · 2020-12-29T18:32:06+00:00

For me personally, I fell out of love with my ex because we grew apart. We got together at 15 and broke up at 20; you do a lot of growing between those ages.

I think 2-3 partners in life is ideal. Those few but different experiences are healthy and help round you imo

SaBahRub · 2020-12-29T18:30:00+00:00

Selfish entitlement

(Ooo, downvoting for answering the question, nice!)

I’m also not concerned about “for life”. What is this, prison?

TooBusySaltMining · 2020-12-29T18:17:05+00:00

[deleted]

hail_galaxar · 2020-12-29T18:18:45+00:00

I have fallen out of love over abuse and infidelity. Substance abuse would also make it difficult to stick around. Those are my dealbreakers. The other thing that could be a huge factor is that women’s hormones drop faster than men’s. Lower libido equals less sex which can be construed as losing attraction. When you were a teenager with raging hormones, were you more willing to sleep with less than your looks match? I also stayed in shape and my ex husband completely let himself go. While that isn’t a deal breaker on its own, him getting winded and having to stop for a break during sex was really really hard to get and stay in the mood. I didn’t fall out of love, but it definitely affected how attracted I was to him.

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misiepatysie · 2020-12-29T21:12:29+00:00

Infidelty on his part, hitting me and substance abuse. Yes I want one partner for life,but he has to be a good person and not do any dealbreaker stuff.

How_The_Turn_Tabled · 2020-12-29T21:58:08+00:00

Whenever a man crosses my boundaries, I no longer consider him as a romantic, sexual, or platonic prospect.

If I tell you I don’t like to be touched and try to turn away from you as you try to kiss me, that is not an invitation to grab my head and kiss me anyway. Consent is NON-NEGOTIABLE.

When I tell you to stop poking me because I need to focus on my schoolwork, you don’t keep poking me until class ends.

When I shut the door to my room and put a duffle bag in front of it, and it swings open because it’s broken, that is not an invitation for you to walk into my room and put your hands on my body and try to kiss me when I’m asleep. I want to sleep, not have sex.

Reisiluu · 2020-12-29T22:12:56+00:00

So it's clear that women get bored and fall out of love far easier than men do.

Divorce happens when the other person drags you down and your life would be better and easier if you were single. It's not about love or boredom.

If you could have less housework, a better home atmosphere, more freedom, more control over spending, weekends off and a less disappointing love life, why on earth would you stay with a loser who contributes nothing? The specifics vary but it always comes down to at least one person failing to bring enough to the table or actively taking things from the table.

I want to have just one partner but I also want to be happy, safe and free. A man who gets in the way of those things will be discarded.

relish5k · 2020-12-30T02:18:14+00:00

FFS the divorce thing is not about women getting bored it's about women being miserable when they work full time and do more than 50% of domestics labor and never have a fucking break.

But to answer your question In general women lose interest when their partner stops dating them and romancing them.

In my experience, I lost interest when it was clear that he was more into me than I was into him.

Mimoxs · 2020-12-29T18:34:15+00:00

As for falling out of love, I've experienced it twice. One because he stopped being nice, stopped doing nice things, became cruel and mean and hurt me in every way. The other, he would not stop whining about a problem he had with weight. I told him I didn't care, and I really didn't. It didn't bother me all that much that he was fat and I would have gladly been with him forever if he didn't act the way he did about it - constantly complaining nonstop, but not doing anything about it and snapping at me when I tried to suggest things to help.

In an ideal perfect dream world, I'd want a harem of boyfriends I could go back and forth between. But I don't need it.

As for why, I mean, why do men want the same thing? It's just natural. You get a wide variety of personality types and enjoy the attention and emotional boost of having multiple partners.

2020-12-29T18:52:17+00:00

do you actually want one partner for life?

Yes. I mean, other guys are hot sometimes, but I still like my partner and I want to grow with him and enjoy him more than I want anyone else. He has been my one and only so far. I wouldn't have it any other way.

What makes me fall out of love? I think if my husband disrespected me, refused to be a part of a team with me on my goals, or stopped putting in effort to have good times with me, the type of love I have for him would definitely change. That and there are obvious things like don't be a liar, cheater, serial killer, etc. When I'm in real love, that's it. A persona that's a mismatch for you also really kills it. For example, I like a very direct and bold but open sort of man. One of my ex boyfriends was not like that. I couldn't really ever love him in a marriage way for that reason, so I broke it off. I feel like there was even a hint of selfishness to his closed and passive aggressive behavior, and that's not loveable. Add that to the list.

Mrs_Drgree · 2020-12-29T18:02:28+00:00

[removed]

2020-12-29T20:59:28+00:00

No I don't want one partner for life - I've lived long enough to know that individuals always grow and change over time - sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worst

Friends, boyfriends, lovers - you can feel dramatically different towards them after ten years.

First partner that lasted seven years for a massive TV (when I really liked the living room without one) and started to play games four - five hours a night. He also had angry outbursts which I obviously hated. I feel out of love with him.

Second boyfriend I still have feelings for, but he overworked himself and started heavily drinking. He gets substance induced psychosis. Seeing him fall about and dribble all over the place definitely made me fall out of love with him.

octocombo · 2020-12-29T21:14:32+00:00

The only reason I have fallen out of love with a man is that I didn't really know him in the first place - I thought I knew him but had filled in a lot of blanks with my idealizations rather than the truth. So it's more fair to say that I was never in love with the man in the first place, I was just in love with who I thought he was.

My ideal arrangement is my current one: I have one primary partner who I expect to be with for life, and each of us also has long-term (but probably not lifelong) secondary partners. This is ideal because it gives me an opportunity to get to know and be known by someone very well (which IMO is the only real way to love) while also providing variety and eliminating the expectation that we have to be everything to each other and compromise every time we have differences in what we want.

I can't speak for everyone, but I have a higher libido than my primary partner does, and when with a previous partner I realized I wasn't in love, I was still sexually attracted to him. I also still feel sexual attraction to other exes, for me sexual attraction has typically grown more over time rather than faded.

FrivolousMood · 2020-12-29T22:40:57+00:00

Women are (mostly) responsive desire. A large component of that is novelty based. After being together for some time, that becomes an increasingly lower “response” because of conditioning to the same inputs from ... the same guy. But bring in a different guy and she would again respond.

Men, don’t take it personally if your partner has lost interest. Simply move right on to a new partner, and suddenly you become the exciting new guy who elicits desire.

Mrs_Drgree · 2020-12-29T23:32:17+00:00

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death_by_1000_cats · 2020-12-30T01:41:52+00:00

To make a pun on my own name (which is itself a pun), falling out of love for me was a death by a thousand cuts type situation. There was no one thing that did it, but about a year's worth of accumulated grievances ranging from emotional to sexual, from petty to fundamental. It was a gradual process and I had tried to break it off several times as the love was fading. It wasn't until the final nail was in the coffin that I could leave for good without remorse or any pangs of longing pulling me back in. (The final nail was when he did something that made me fear for my immediate physical safety.)

That was a situation where I was the one doing the breaking up. The other situation was one in which the guy fell out of love with me (or perhaps was never in love to begin with) and broke it off while I was still in love. That was considerably harder, and I basically had to change all of my old routines and purge my life of anything that would remind me of him.

I am married now and I do want to be with him for the rest of my life.

throwitaway314592654 · 2020-12-30T04:45:26+00:00

Men tend to be complete bozos when it comes to sex and making women happy. Men often think what makes them happy will make a woman happy. Men also think that their idea of happiness for the woman is also hers without wanting to understand her side of the story.

You have no idea (or maybe you do) how many women I’ve met who are utterly tired of their husbands’ lame lives and inability to be the person they sold themself as before marriage. It leaves many women bitter and looking for something better. I say this with having dated 3-4 married women in my past.

Thatshygurl · 2020-12-30T06:32:31+00:00

What makes me fall out of love with a man is when I start to feel less important and less special in their life. When it feels like they stop putting in effort for you.

Yes I want one partner for the rest of my life, but someone who will put in as much love and care as I do.

merlinscalculator · 2020-12-30T07:40:06+00:00

Every time I’ve left a relationship it has been because I’ve spent a lot of time single, I know how to be alone very well, I enjoy my alone time and it is my basis upon which I compare everything to. So, as long as I’m happier in a relationship than I am alone - I will stay. But when the cons starts outweighing the pros - I will leave and enter my cocoon of loneliness and celibacy.

I don’t think I’m equipped for one partner, I wouldn’t ever give up the memories and lessons and experiences I’ve had from my past partners. I’m very much in love now but even so, thinking about spending the rest of my life with this person makes me uncomfortable. I think serial monogamy with periods of celibacy in between is how I’d ideally be living. You learn so much about yourself through dating and my different partners have opened up completely different parts of me. And honestly I do like sexual novelty. Not as much as men, I wouldn’t want a new sex partner everyday. But every now and then... I don’t know. Comfortable LTR sex is still so great, but I can’t help but want something new occasionally. Multiple passionate romances in my life and a lot of down time between them to just dedicate to growing and learning and having fun is how I’d do it.

2020-12-30T19:06:59+00:00

finacial failure of a man makes a woman fall out of love with him...No matter how good looking he is and how much higher SMV he may have compared to her..Look at NeoShredX on Youtube for proof

moneygang4life · 2020-12-31T18:27:12+00:00

Cuz they dont get fucked by divorce court. They win if they leave cuz they get stuff

Emberily123 · 2021-01-06T20:58:35+00:00

Honestly I don’t trust men and find it hard to believe things they say. I don’t want a long term relationship with a man.

Cimorene86 · 2020-12-29T18:02:47+00:00

I'd prefer one sex partner, but will almost certainly have 2, maybe 3 at the most.

I haven't fallen out of love yet, but would if he had a drastic personality change, like what might happen from a traumatic brain injury. Or if I suddenly found out he was a rapist, a habitual liar, or a murderer of someone innocent.

As I'm sure someone will point out, I don't live with my FWB so despite our longterm relationship we only see each other 3-4x a week for a few hours at a time. Given that I'm very introverted and enjoy my own space, I don't know how I'd fare in a cohabitating arrangement. I can say that we did live together for 3 months about 5 years ago so I could help him pay bills when he was unemployed, and it was enjoyable but not sure if I'd like it for longer periods of time. Wouldn't get bored, but would start craving my space again.

Edit: Really? Downvotes after less than 2 minutes because...?

Title	What makes you fall out of love with a man and do you actually want one partner for life?
Author	OldSimpsonsisbetter
Upvotes	21
Comments	112
Date	December 29, 2020 5:45 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/kmj103/what_makes_you_fall_out_of_love_with_a_man_and_do/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-makes-you-fall-out-of-love-with-a-man-and-do.354378 https://theredarchive.com/post/354378