What’s the truth about personality in dating/in general? Are some better than others?

TheBookOfSeil · 2020-10-12T00:28:20+00:00

It really depends on what you want/what you're looking for. Who would be the most compatible with you and also compliment each other's lives? This is what you should be asking. However, in general, yes "some are better than others."

It's better to be extroverted as a man, for example. Women gravitate toward boisterous and gregarious men. Introverts who tend to be less social and more reclusive are the opposite and don't draw much attention to themselves so they get noticed less by women and by their male peers, which is typically bad for social proof.

I don't think it's possible for an introvert to become an extrovert. You can appear more extroverted but you'd also be more tired/drained and unbalanced as a result. Introverts need their solitude to reflect and recharge.

The difference between introverts and extroverts is that introverts feel overstimulated after spending so much time around people while extroverts feel alive and vibrant while around others, and too much time alone for them might be bad for their mental health while introverts would be fine with longer periods of being alone. There were plenty of memes about introverts being happy during the quarantine while extroverts were going crazy. It's essentially like that.

MasterTeacher123 · 2020-10-12T02:46:34+00:00

If you have female friends but you get no ass your “personality” is probably fine. Women clearly have no problem hanging out with you. The problem is either

1.)You don’t try

2.)The women you do try holla at think you’re ugly/weird

3.)You have no game

I’ve seen dudes who had chances blow it because they couldn’t close the deal or initiate. From my personal observations, 80% of the time we say a guy has no or “bad” personality, he just doesn’t have game.

jax006 · 2020-10-12T01:23:59+00:00

If you're a man extrovert >>> introvert

Most situations are too dynamic to make studying "personality types" useful tho

PM_Happy_Puppy_Pics · 2020-10-12T00:22:11+00:00

Is this true?

Extroverts are more fun- they are always seeking new opportunities and want to meet new people and talk to them

is it possible for an introvert to become an extrovert?

No. You are introverted and so your experience with strangers is a drain on you. That doesn't mean you can't have a good time and meet new fun people. But it isn't your primary motivation.

Is there a difference between introverts and extroverts other than how they “recharge”?

Absolutely, introverts recharge with alone time, listening to a podcast, reading a book, gardening, even folding/ironing laundry. Extroverts feel drained doing anything along and need people around them and the chaotic noise of a busy environment to feel alive.

I am 100% an introvert, but I can chill at parties, speak in public, and make friends anywhere. But it requires me to spend a bit of time alone after that. Extroverts can't be alone for very long and they go crazy if they are alone.

2020-10-11T22:50:39+00:00

No way reserved sounds way more attractive to me than “extroverted”. It’s probably just harder to meet/initially get comfy w a reserved person.

mannyso · 2020-10-12T00:31:47+00:00

If you're quiet and reserved you had better be either good looking, high status, intelligence or can command a room.

If you're introverted but just a regular dude you're pretty much invisible to normal female unless you fit some niche.

Extroverted just always for more opportunities..besides the fact that they can be very attractive to some women.

poopiehands93 · 2020-10-11T22:39:22+00:00

Take a Myer Briggs personality test and then read on your compatibility with every other personality type and what you're supposed to do to make compromises there.

Edit: Also pay attention to your stress loop/negative characteristics.

2020-10-11T23:15:53+00:00

Personally, I dislike seeing those categories as static and essential personality traits. Kind of a catch-all for outgoing behaviours and being open towards others.

Mimoxs · 2020-10-11T22:50:42+00:00

I mean, to a degree and the definition is subjective.

If you're a guy who never leaves your room and is super introverted yes it will be difficult, but the issue there is it will be difficult to meet people at all, friends, acquaintances, potential romantic partners etc.

At the same time, forcing yourself to be extremely extroverted will make you miserable. There are plenty of more introverted/homebody women out there that you can find a balance with.

I've dated an extroverted dude who always wanted to go out and do stuff while I just wanted to stay at home and order takeout, and it doesn't mesh well.

If this is true, is it possible for an introvert to become an extrovert?

You can never truly change your natural predisposition, no.

Is there a difference between introverts and extroverts other than how they “recharge”?

Yes and there lies your biggest obstacle. Force yourself to be super extroverted and you will be exhausted.

Try being in the middle. A good way of doing this - go to nerdy circles. There's a good balance there of being extroverted enough to go play d&d or video games or something, but with a small group of people in someone's home. This way you can meet people without bleeding yourself dry in terms of energy.

nemporisso · 2020-10-12T01:21:13+00:00

1) I think using intro/extroversion as a top-down rule for this kind of thing is misguided, particularly because most people you encounter don't fall into either extreme. A confident reserved man is far more attractive than an extroverted loudmouth, all else being equal.

2) I don't think it's genuinely possible, to be honest, because it'll exhaust you. What can always be learned is social competence.

3) No. There might be an argument for some personality traits being more or less common in each.

passepar2t · 2020-10-12T08:54:45+00:00

Why do you people keep equating introversion with being boring or incapable of socializing?

I'm a rampaging introvert, who knows how to keep up a fun conversation and has interesting stories to tell.

Cimorene86 · 2020-10-11T22:46:11+00:00

Not necessarily. It depends on whether you are also an extrovert or can handle being around that kind of energy. I'm an introvert, my FWB is an extrovert. Although it's good that he helps me break out of my shell and socialize more than I naturally would, within a few hours I'm happier sitting back and letting him have the entire spotlight. It's exhausting otherwise.
Anything can happen, I suppose. I am certainly able to pretend to be extroverted in order to do my job and make sales/do presentations, but it's not really me. And again, very tiring to keep up the facade for many hours.
I'd say the biggest difference is how we handle validation. Introverts spend more time alone so we don't really give as many shits about what other people think. Most extroverts, however are more likely to care about being liked and paid attention to, so in general they get their sense of validation from external sources.

Atlas__B__Shruggin · 2020-10-12T00:28:28+00:00

Men dont become approachable, men approach

How did you all become women

St31nway · 2020-10-11T23:50:09+00:00

[deleted]

SherbertBacon · 2020-10-11T23:56:57+00:00

The response will depend heavily on what your idea of "better" is, based on your desired outcomes.

For example, if your desired outcome is to be the most "universally appealing" and have lots of sex, then yes absolutely, there are better personalities. Outgoing types who aren't total dickheads and have some modicum of self-respect and drive will perform considerably better in the casual sex space than an insecure shy guy with no notable traits.

But if your idea of "better" is something more holistic, like a real connection, then some of the traits that worked for casual sex won't work as well, and could be detrimental. Being arrogant and narcissistic, for instance, will fuck you over in the long-run, because it's needy and destructive.

With respect to being outgoing/extroveted, more people will be drawn to that than not, so in a sense it's "better" because you'll potentially have a wider dating pool. However, on the flip side you could say that an introvert/reserved person meeting someone who appreciates them for that quality will likely have a stronger/more significant bond, because it's rarer.

jdobrila · 2020-10-12T04:53:07+00:00

As Atlas said, men don't "become approachable", men approach. If in the end all you're going to do is "wait to be approached" then your personality doesn't matter since you'll die alone either way.

Yes.
Try psilocybin.
What kind of stupid question is that?

BerkyMc · 2020-10-12T10:43:16+00:00

Why do people seem to assume “introvert” means “total sperg”, or confuse extraversion with being self confident and well socially calibrated?

I’m pretty introverted, but I love socialising and meeting new people. I just run out of steam fairly quickly, particularly in unfamiliar settings. That’s fine - at least I never outstay my welcome that way.

Cimorene86 · 2020-10-11T22:45:16+00:00

If this is true, is it possible for an introvert to become an extrovert?

Have you tried drinking

Eastuss · 2020-10-12T08:28:43+00:00

Clarification: Extroverts get energy from socializing, introverts lose energy from socializing.

Social anxiety isn't introversion.

Introverts will socialize a lot less and for a lot shorter times than extroverts. They're likely to be worse at it, they're likely to have smaller social networks, and to have fewer social opportunities.

That is a net disadvantage, but that doesn't mean you can't be fun.

People with social anxiety however are another problem and are having major issues most of the time.

I’m a reserved dude looking to “become more approachable.”

You don't have to, you have to approach and make things happen.

SnowSlider3050 · 2020-10-12T00:18:07+00:00

M43

Not true. Women appreciate a quiet guy. How’s your basic conversation skills? Take interest. If you don’t know about something they’re talking about, ASK. Be a life long learner. If it’s not a fit, at least you KNOW. Plus, she might talk about you to her friends. Connect with new social networks!!

Twinseo09 · 2020-10-11T23:16:32+00:00

It matters how fast you get drained in social situations and how judgmental you are towards what other people are talking about. If you can stay attentive, outgoing, and sociable for a social situation your introversion isn't pushing you back.

Someone being fun is based on the perception of other people. Since extroverted people are oriented towards taking action in the objective world perception plays in their favor. So I can see a chance of extroverted men being seen as more fun.

Yes, other things set both apart. Introverts prefer to direct most of their energy inward towards their subjective experiences of the world. Extraverts prefer to direct most of their energy outward towards the external environment. Extraverts are not necessarily social, they are simply oriented towards taking action in the objective world. Introverts are not necessarily shy (which implies fear or insecurity), they are simply attentive to their inner experience, but they can extravert as circumstances demand.

NoGoogleAMPBot · 2020-10-12T00:20:17+00:00

[deleted]

Willow-girl · 2020-10-12T01:21:38+00:00

Aim for becoming "the strong, silent type."

JameisBong · 2020-10-12T01:43:05+00:00

It's true... But don't change your personality just so you can attract women, it will lead to resentment.

There are plenty of women who like reserved men, try meeting and dating them rather than go outside your comfort zone.

cateml · 2020-10-12T04:30:07+00:00

1) Extroverted people in general tend to be more up for more social suff, and are therefore often seen as 'more fun'. But you can be introverted and fun, introverted and more socially capable than extroverted people.

For 2 and 3 - for all the people here who read a chapter about the statistics around personality traits and think they're now an expert on the human condition, the actual answer to these is clearly "There is no universal agreement on this".
"Introvert" and "extrovert" mean different things in day to day language and academic psychology, and within the latter they mean slightly different things again depending on what approach you're taking.
There are 'introverts' in the recharge sense who still crave quite a lot of social interaction and get lonely easily, and there are anti-social extroverts.

Basically though, extroverted =/= approachable, so if the latter is what you're worried about... don't be.

misiepatysie · 2020-10-12T07:09:12+00:00

The only universally good think is to be able to have a recent conversation and not be a creep. As to the test well I personally don't like extroverted men as partners, as I have a different definition of fun than them (don't like parties, going to pubs, concerts or partaking on grup activities), other women on the other hand may like extroverted partners do it all depends.

feistykalorina · 2020-10-12T08:22:30+00:00

As a woman I can tell you that personally I have always found those extra extroverted party men a turn off. and found the introverted poised calm and shy men attractive.

The guys who could approach me with ease and extra confidence turned me off because it gives the vibe that they are used to be with lots of women that’s why they are super confortable around attractive women and this gives a “whore like vibe to their persona” to me . Before I settle with my man I was approached a lot every time I went out and courted and was always on High demand and I always pushed away the extroverted confident guys that seemed somewhat shallow just approach and have an interesting conversation with a shy but intelligent man. Sorry English is not my first language

the-red_woman · 2020-10-11T22:41:38+00:00

I wouldn’t say that extroverts are always more fun - sometimes yes but I know some very interesting introverts. It’s more about whether you are an interesting person or a boring person.

Barneysparky · 2020-10-11T23:19:05+00:00

Extroverts never wind up on the red pill, even if they are short. They like people and in turn people like them.

The guys that end up on the red pill are guys who want a woman for a purpose but don't see the need for a constant companion. How many threads do we have to read here about guys wondering what value a wife brings into their lives before introverts get that extroverts want a person around them, so they have a person around them.

Extroverted guys may mess around in their college days but they end up with a wife and kids because being around family feels good to them. Introverted guys make deals where they put up with another person in their space because they get something.

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Mr-X1 · 2020-10-11T22:48:39+00:00

Is this true?

Depends on your target groups.

If this is true, is it possible for an introvert to become an extrovert?

You can shift around a bit, and especially build up your capacity for interacting with others. More important though are your general social skills, and your degree of "social freedom".

Is there a difference between introverts and extroverts other than how they “recharge”?

Pretty sure there is tons of information on this online, with various competing models.

Here is a potentially interesting link:

https://positivepsychology.com/introversion-extroversion-spectrum/

_mwk · 2020-10-11T23:23:23+00:00

Is this true?

yes, but I'm kind of an extro myself

If this is true, is it possible for an introvert to become an extrovert?

idk ? I'd say no but introverted doesn't exclusively quiet and reserved. you can act like a social extro but be an introvert

is there a difference between introverts and extroverts other than how they “recharge”?

completely depend on my sample size but I've observed less judgement, less holding back, more risk taking and spontaneity in extro people. i find that attractive, it balances my extremely risk averse personality

Laytheblameonluck · 2020-10-12T02:05:36+00:00

Empathy can be sexy: https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/romance-redux/201212/is-empathy-sexy

To be honest, don't swing from being too reserved to being too pushy, women pick up queues. It's more important to dress appropriately and put yourself out there a little.

It's much better to give them your number and ask them to call you then try get their number.

2020-10-12T03:08:18+00:00

Usually to get actually approached by women you have to first be attractive. No amount of personality is going to make her approach you if you don’t got the looks. So if being approached is your goal, then start there.

But I’ll humor you.

Yes, extroverted people in general are more fun to be around as most people are extroverted so they love being around people like them. However introverted people won’t like an extroverted person, because they’ll consider them “too much”. So really you’ll just be fun to other extroverted people, you won’t be fun to everyone.
Sure it’s possible, as long as you’re actually introverted and not what all of Reddit and Instagram/Twitter believes introverted to be. A lot of people confuse introversion from social anxiety, probably because it sounds more like a quirk than a mental illness.
No, pretty much they’re the same except how they get their energy.

OddButton6 · 2020-10-12T04:03:43+00:00

I can attest to 2. Growing up I was way more reserved. After going to college and trying different things I gradually became extroverted. It takes time. Keep pushing yourself.

Mr-X1 · 2020-10-12T04:22:03+00:00

[deleted]

mae1995111 · 2020-10-12T05:17:10+00:00

For a guy, you have to be low in neuroticism.

KazROFL · 2020-10-12T06:39:50+00:00

For men:

Anything that involves leaving less up to women picking up the initiative will end up in more success.

So that generally lines up favoring extroverted dudes.

In aggregate women just aren't going to take the initiative..

Even if you're introverted, this shouldn't be a problem if you know this, just direct your energy with this in mind.

michael1962-01 · 2020-10-12T06:53:28+00:00

Depending.

Very depending.

Situation awareness is the key.

The most alpha in a group setting is the one all ones try to and talk to. He speaks the minimum.

The most alpha in a date has her do the talk and just supplies the keywords.

Those are the ones women ache to get.

They are 1:10 or 1:50 in group settings.

The natural leaders.

But they are extroverts too.

If the have to talk to an audience about their mission or product they can fascinate and bind the peoples attention for a long time.

They can interact with groups and throw in jokes - if appropriate.

So - concentrate on communication skills - not on being extrovert.

Noone needs another clown.

Skycat9 · 2020-10-12T07:21:45+00:00

If you just want to get laid you’ll be better off tapping into your extrovert side. If you want to increase your chances of finding your perfect long term match than better to just be yourself

mehvfp · 2020-10-12T07:30:50+00:00

Have you ever checked out the Myers-Briggs test? You can take it for free online and it’s pretty short opinion based questions and breaks you off into one of 16 personalities. It’s based off of Carl Jung’s theory and is used in a lot of job applications or learning to better communicate with others based off the strength of your specific personality. Jung is actually the founder of the concepts introversion and extraversion so that may be of interest to you!

Edit: Info about Jung.

Gravel_Roads · 2020-10-12T10:46:30+00:00

Is this true?

It can be. Though this answer comes with the premise of assuming the extrovert is good at being an extrovert (ie friendly, flexible, quick to connect, open minded, socially intelligent ect.) A high-functioning extrovert will probably be more fun than a high-functioning introvert. But a low-functioning extrovert would probably be worse than a low-functioning introvert, as the extrovert would have more of a stink of desperation, while the introvert would be more likely to allow awkward interactions to end more readily.

If this is true, is it possible for an introvert to become an extrovert?

Not internally. I'm intro, my partner is extro, and we respond to the same stimuli in completely different ways (ie I love peace and solitude while they feel like they can't even start relaxing if they're alone.) However, I'm a gregarious introvert, in that I can make engaging conversation, be approachable and fun, and when I do this, I can be indistinguishable from an extro person to the people around me. But I don't enjoy doing it as much as an extro person does. It wears me out and I don't like having to do it for long periods of time.

and 3. Is there a difference between introverts and extroverts other than how they “recharge”?

It's less about recharging and more about how the individual processes information. Humans have different ways of learning, and some process their experiences better by being alone, while others process better by being able to talk out loud to another person.

...this does mean that my partner likes to talk to me when they're in the middle of a project, while I prefer to isolate and work on it alone. I don't tend to want to talk about what I'm dealing with until I've already resolved it. Stopping to inform other people what I'm doing would take longer, for me, than just doing it alone.

slavicslothe · 2020-10-12T13:21:12+00:00

Personality is orders of magnitude more complicated than introverts and extraverts. There are in fact more than two humans and most humans act differently in various situations.

Obviously some people are more engaging to be around than others. But much if this is subjective. The easiest way to attract people besides being attractive to them is personality and a mixture of good humor and apparent confidence. Also participating and having knowledge about things people are interested in can make your personality seem preferable to others. Most people are not confident and it makes things easier when you can rely on people to make decisions for you sometimes.

Ultimately, many people who consider themselves introverts will actually prefer someone else who considers themselves an introvert. People tend to like people like them when it comes to personality, beliefs, and hobbies, because it seems to translate to higher compatibility which is what you really want. If you’re pulling teeth to appeal or entertain someone, then the relationship will never be very good. This performative mindset is exhausting and is why you hear people say “be yourself”. Not because it always works, but because it’s really tiring to pretend to be something other than yourself. As for being more approachable, nobody is approachable. This is why research shows that proximity is one of the best predictors of relationships that do not start online. Many relationships come from convenience of access.

signedt · 2020-10-12T13:55:18+00:00

Woah woah woah there 😂so far from the truth. As cliche as it sounds, opposites attract, a lotttttt. Your partner will probably be extroverted and love the fact that you’re introverted. Don’t fake the funk, it never ends well

MonxtahDramux · 2020-10-12T13:57:50+00:00

Why are you looking for a box to fit yourself into? "Oh, women like this flavor better than that!" Stop giving a shit and just do shit.

Don't go out because you want to meet women. Go out because YOU want to have fun then find a female of high attractiveness to invite. While out, be as real as possible. It doesn't matter whether that means being laid back or a goofball (which gets you the immaturity tag).

Enjoy yourself. Respect yourself. Don't supplicate yourself to her or anyone. Stand a ground and understand your boundaries. If she doesn't like any of that, continue to have fun and look for someone else (abundance mindset).

Remember how you were at age 3-5 yrs. On that playground, you didn't give a shit if a gal played with you or not. You just enjoyed yourself and shared that experience with her.

It's more or less the same thing. Stop giving a fuck!

learn2earn89 · 2020-10-12T00:48:14+00:00

Women are very unintelligent creatures. Women actually think that a more attractive man has a better personality.

distraff · 2020-10-11T22:58:19+00:00

It isn't possible for an introvert to become an extrovert, but you can become an ambivert. That is where you have some introverted tendencies and some extroverted tendencies. Extroverted people just enjoy being around people and feel lonely by themselves. They have this urge to go out and hang out with people. As a result, they get a lot of social skill and experience.

Title	What’s the truth about personality in dating/in general? Are some better than others?
Author	St31nway
Upvotes	41
Comments	153
Date	October 11, 2020 10:38 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/j9f3pw/whats_the_truth_about_personality_in_datingin/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/whats-the-truth-about-personality-in-datingin.318611 https://theredarchive.com/post/318611