What's your opinion of giving women praise and compliments? Do you believe it works?

Aaren_Augustine · 2020-06-25T23:41:52+00:00

You have to be able to see which ones are looking for it.

I had a coworker at my last job that just ran herself ragged. She was a real bitch, but you could tell she was just defensive and upset no one noticed how hard she worked.

She was heated over a few decisions upper management made, ran her mouth and got in trouble. In private I said I'd rather work with someone that actually cared about her job than someone who didn't give a fuck at all.

She just wanted to be noticed, that someone saw what she did. And you'd think she adopted me after that point.

I think you give praise when it counts, when you've given some effort in knowing that woman. Not just because you think it will get you something.

ivy176 · 2020-06-26T00:29:40+00:00

Getting a GENUINE compliment from a guy you like? Absolutely.

INGENUINE compliments from weirdos who would fuck every 3rd woman they see? No.

Status/money aren't things my girl friends and I discuss in regards to love interests. We expect that a guy is employed, independent and has savings.. just like us. It doesn't need to be discussed because it's such a basic requirement, like being a decent person or having good hygiene.

kwalden2 · 2020-06-25T23:43:13+00:00

Funny how most comments here are about being genuine. I believe those comments are correct, but most of TRP is about exactly the opposite if being genuine. IMO that's the problem.

Nodoxxintoxin · 2020-06-26T01:58:42+00:00

I dunno, context is everything. My dad taught me well that guys will use flattery to get in your pants. When in doubt...doubt their sincerity. Drunk guys in bars told me I was beautiful all the time. Sorry dude you’re drunk and don’t have a shot at banging the bartender. Actually for me a complete turn off. Most of them would have told a shih tzu she was beautiful.

The guy I broke a huge dry spell with....already had me naked and in his bed....cupped my face in his hands and said “god you’re beautiful“. Made me want to believe in love again. Thank you ....wherever you are.

cloudydays84 · 2020-06-25T23:58:21+00:00

I'm a guy so take all of this with a grain of salt. tl;dr: you should compliment people but try to be more aware about how and why you're complimenting them.

But the question is, do you believe giving women praise and compliments (either online or in real life) is actually a viable strategy that works?

I don't give compliments because I want someone to like me, I like giving people (genuine) compliments in general. It's a free and easy thing to do.

Or do your words make zero difference and it comes down to looks/status/money?

Whether you know it or not it can really make someone's day. And I think that means a lot to people, it won't neccesarily make them attracted to you but it does feel nice.

These days, there are large numbers of men online who give women praise, compliments and adoration for simply existing. "You're so beautiful" "your boyfriend is so lucky to have you" "you're gorgeous, I want to marry you princess". Go to pretty much any female Instagram page or any female's online dating inbox and it will be full of these comments. The term I believe that's used is "simping".

Just from walking around and talking to my girl friends it's not like they're getting 50+ compliments a day. I feel like people assume the girls online that are legit "insta-famous" or "influencers" are the same as the girls you see at the grocery store. Male thirst is definitely abundant online but it's not something that transfers in real life.

"You're so beautiful" "your boyfriend is so lucky to have you" "you're gorgeous, I want to marry you princess".

I'm not saying to use this a strategy or that it works. But girls are constantly getting told how beautiful and pretty they are and how guys want to date or marry them. It may sound nice but:

1. If they hear it a lot it just feels repetitive and redundant.

2. It's kinda superficial, it makes it seem like the only thing they have to be complimented for is their looks (which is something a lot of girls have to deal with). It also kinda sounds disingenuous because it's vague.

3. Sometimes it can put you on the spot and make it hard to respond to, especially if it comes from a stranger.

A good alternative to avoid all this would be to compliment a girl (or any person really) on something that has more depth.

Like instead of saying "you look pretty", you could say "wow, I love your outfit" or "Your hair looks amazing".

Maybe something about their outfit. Like "Hey, you're shirts really cool" or "I like that hat". Not only is it a nice thing to say it's also a good conversation starter.

Or maybe compliment them on their personality or a skill. For instance my friend is an artist and I'm never afraid to tell her how amazing her artwork is (because it is) and that means a lot more than me just complimenting her appearance.

Guys online say they never get complimented but in my experience that's not true. Guys compliment each other all the time but it's usually about things like our work or a skill. Like I get complimented all the time when I go to the gym and finish a set. Or when I'm playing online and I get a quadruple kill in Overwatch. (but for some reason guys don't count those)

Sorry to prone on for so long. To close it off go out there (at a respectable social distance because were still under a pandemic) and Compliment people more!

SherbertBacon · 2020-06-26T00:59:46+00:00

But the question is, do you believe giving women praise and compliments (either online or in real life) is actually a viable strategy that works?

People like compliments—sincere compliments—and they like them especially from people who give them out rarely. If your compliments are insincere (flattery), lazy, generic, simplistic, or just plain stupid, the person will still appreciate it, but it's probably going to hurt your own impression more than saying nothing at all.

A sincere, genuine compliment specific to that person would be a positive, but I don't think it really works for online flirting because the stakes and risk is so low it displays almost no extra value.

Or do your words make zero difference and it comes down to looks/status/money?

This is not the opposite of "compliments may not help you." Words absolutely matter, and sometimes can make or break you. Actually to be more precise, communication absolutely matters—most of which is done with body language, tone, and presence more than the words being said, which is why compliments in and of themselves—the words I mean—aren't really the communication.

LeJacquelope · 2020-06-26T01:52:44+00:00

No. That is all.

atreethatkeepsgrowin · 2020-06-25T23:57:48+00:00

[deleted]

TheBookOfSeil · 2020-06-26T01:24:33+00:00

For what? If you're giving women genuine compliments without any ulterior motives, then that's fine, but if you're giving women compliments because you think it'll increase your chances with them, you're a simp.

Million-Suns · 2020-06-26T02:30:02+00:00

You can give compliments, as long as it not about her physical attributes, or how "beautiful " she is. Those are overused , do not make you stand out from the rest and even backfire.

Compliments must be about her fashion sense, the way she expresses herself verbally, etc. More about what she's doing instead of what she's being. Reverse projection from what men want.

goneaway2thewind · 2020-06-26T00:37:10+00:00

My rule is for every three compliments I get one tease. Remind them they are a princess but also that their shit stinks. Compliments absolutely work but not until the woman respects you enough for them to mean anything to her.

RedPill_is_a_cult · 2020-06-26T01:17:59+00:00

I don't do empty flattery. That said, I do compliment my wife, because part of her love language is verbal affirmation, and as long as they're genuine feelings, then there's no issue. Sometimes people want to know they're loved and appreciated, and if complimenting them is how they best receive those feelings, then do it, as long as you're not just blowing smoke up their ass.

atreethatkeepsgrowin · 2020-06-26T01:59:45+00:00

Lmao men who compliment me often get in my pants 🤷‍♀️

ontherailstoday · 2020-06-26T02:28:45+00:00

I think if you are so devoid of perceptiveness that you are having to ask how/where/when/why etc to give complements rather than finding it easy enough to learn on the job, then you've got bigger problems than just deciding whether to give complements.

JimmyKimmelBlackFace · 2020-06-26T05:14:19+00:00

Once you give women compliments you have already lost. While men actively seek out sex, women actively seek out attention and validation. By you simply giving her a compliment that's all she really needs from you in that moment and she would be perfectly fine ending the encounter there. If a woman wants you she would be pursuing you in obviously less subtle ways like showing overt interest in your hobbies and life in general (most women don't overtly compliment potential mates its too needy looking). So if she is asking about your life unprompted by you its fairly certain shes interested in you and then pair that situation with alcohol and the encounter might go sexual from her inebriated decision making.

slavicgypsygirl · 2020-06-27T20:17:58+00:00

People only ever talk to me about the way I look, including other girls, which is totally boring & predictable

It doesn't work on me bc I have to be sexually attracted to men I date & have sex with

Kentucky_Supreme · 2020-06-25T23:32:32+00:00

I don't think they have any affect. Women probably hear them so much that it just doesn't even register. They probably view them as background noise.

Unless it's someone you've personally known for a while.

rosephase · 2020-06-25T23:45:10+00:00

I think it’s strange to go out of your way to compliment a strangers appearance on the internet. It’s pointless.

In person? I think people like to be see for who they are. Complimenting their actions, gratitude for how they impact your world.

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theguytheguy1000 · 2020-06-26T00:49:30+00:00

if you're charming .... then yes compliments work very very well. In my experience giving even very pretty girls complements actually makes them all giddy and stuff.

At the end of the day girls love getting complements whether it's for their hair, eyes, lips, smile, the way they walk, way they talk etc. etc.when i'm with a girl, frankly even girls that i'm not tryna fuck, i tend to shower them in complements like giving complements is gonna be outlawed tomorrow. i just like giving girls complements and making them feel good about themselves, for all my misogyny, i do love that shit ngl. i give em out like i'm tryna get rid of em.

To be honest with you i've found you can even complement them on their body, you just have to be light hearted about it. I frequently complement women on their bodys and cos i do it in a charming confident way it they love it cos they can sense it's coming from a place of appreciation and good fun as opposed to some sort of creepy agenda.

I mean frankly i could probably say "god damn you're hot as fuck" and if i say it confidently and with a smile, it works.

it's all about the place it's coming from, if it's light hearted, confident and fun... it works.

if it's approval seeking, not confident or just very 'horny guy who's slobbering all over himself' vibes..... it certainly does not work lol.

it's very much a case of be attractive, don't be unnattractive HOWEVER the caveat is that it's more about be attractive in terms of BEHAVIOUR cos even handsome guys can have complements not land well if they are approval seeking when they say it.

also lol, to answer your question, complements will only make a girl attracted to you if you're attractive. i.e. you could of basically said anything and it would be attractive if you're confident and charming.

Pontifex_Lucious-II · 2020-06-26T00:50:53+00:00

It’s fine but the examples you describe are doing it poorly. There has to be social understanding in the way it’s delivered.

wtknight · 2020-06-26T02:49:01+00:00

Will it sway a woman from being on the fence about you, to finding you attractive?

Yeah, if she is neutral about you then she'll have a better opinion about you because you're putting her in a good mood. I've done this online before myself and had it work. But if she's not attracted to you at all then she's it's not going to make her attracted to you. The guy already has to at least be somewhat attractive to her already.

dylang92 · 2020-06-26T03:02:45+00:00

I mean if she ain’t attracted to you then it won’t work. But there’s nothing wrong with complimenting someone when it’s warranted and the complimented isn’t repeated. That being said I don’t just tell women I know “you’re beautiful”, but if they lose weight, or whatever then I’ll make a comment on that.

cast-away-ramadi06 · 2020-06-26T04:40:58+00:00

Handing out compliments is like using profanity or having sex with a lot of different people - over use cheapens. I say that as a reforming man-slut who curses like a sailer.

rosmaskinen · 2020-06-26T05:54:49+00:00

I'd recommend not being so quick to shower a woman with compliments if she is a romantic/sexual interest. It comes off as insincere and throws the power balance out of the window, everytime I see it being done.

Or do your words make zero difference and it comes down to looks/status/money?

Words matter a lot. Compliments can matter as well, but if you shower someone with compliments early on without knowing them – you're more or less devaluing your words to not mean anything.

TechnicalMight0 · 2020-06-26T06:49:12+00:00

Tell the hot ones they're smart, tell the smart ones they're beautiful

But to be serious, telling random women they're beautiful only works when they don't hear it often (meaning they're ugly, or at least very frumpy), or when you're so incredibly hot yourself that anything you could have said would have worked.

apply_truth · 2020-06-26T10:01:50+00:00

I find giving compliments in a joking manner seems to be acceptable.

If its a direct compliment it’s not usually accepted.

like when people tell me I’m handsome, Ive heard it so much I don’t even believe it anymore.

Jimmy-Turnchapel · 2020-06-26T14:04:49+00:00

It’s completely subjective, relative to the SMVs of both involved.

Interestingly, for many, particularly young women, with relatively high opinions of themselves... if a bloke who said woman is on the fence about (given your terminology), gives her a compliment it will almost always cement his position as hypergamically inferior hence unfuckable.

That said, if you are approaching a nicer girl, and one who maybe sees you as a bit out of her league, then a well executed compliment can bowl her over and let her know you “see” her. But don’t keep them coming or you’ll soon be seen as inferior too. It’s crap but it’s why we call it game.

So for any young blokes - only ever compliment nice girls. Don’t ever compliment girls with big egos.

Jimmy-Turnchapel · 2020-06-26T14:22:11+00:00

Also I’d add it’s got nothing whatsoever to do with sincerity.

Those awkward teenagers genuinely thought you’re hot.

And that chiselled player definitely doesn’t think you stand out from the crowd, despite the few nice things he’s muttered.

secretpenisociety · 2020-06-26T15:12:29+00:00

I can't speak for women, but praise only matters if the person praising me has perceived value. If an attractive woman praises me, I feel good. If a woman who I deem to be unattractive praises me, it feels good, but nowhere near as good as the attractive woman.

Zippo-Cat · 2020-06-26T18:12:02+00:00

Whether or not it works depends entirely on the quality of the man saying them.

Gackt · 2020-06-26T20:02:21+00:00

it does not

ChristianGirl93 · 2020-06-26T20:38:10+00:00

It’s not so much a ‘strategy’ unless A: you are using it to get something- which never does unless you are genuine and show action not just words. If on the other hand you B: demonstrated this behavior all the time, just out of your way to compliment people then yeah it’s cool. But, like some of the people said, we’ll ignore you if you give disingenuous compliments to every woman. I personally love it when men compliment both sexes it shows he’s a nice person.

basedcoomer420 · 2020-06-26T20:44:20+00:00

If you are Chad, yes giving compliments will work 300% of the time. It's a scientific fact. If you are a PSL 4 or below, enjoy the prison food if you try this.

cvslengthbucketlist · 2020-06-26T21:09:22+00:00

Depends on who's giving the compliment and whether they come across as genuine or sycophantic. Although if she's already interested in you on some level, then it certainly doesn't hurt, because believing the things we want to hear from people we want to hear them from is a kind of wishful thinking bias.

Tardisand · 2020-06-27T13:55:11+00:00

depends on your relative value. if she perceives that you have higher value then the compliment is taken well. sometimes a compliment gains value in itself because it's unexpected. sincerity adds value to the person but it's not the entirety.

when you compliment you're put in the spotlight to prove your worth. negging gets more of an emotional reaction. if you're low value but good at verbal judo, it's a better short term tactic in general.

PlainISeeYou · 2020-06-28T05:06:52+00:00

I think you’re deluded to think this is an experience universal to being on social media as a female and not the fairly exclusive domain of women who are young and thin.

Nacruno96 · 2020-07-06T19:03:25+00:00

Not really. Just be normal.

pooppeebuttmcnuggets · 2020-06-25T23:33:48+00:00

Woman get enough compliments online on social media, random men, and even their female friends. Even the fat land hogs get showered with positivity so no I dont engage in it.

Markvan_throaway · 2020-06-25T23:32:32+00:00

As a guy that gets complimented on all the wrong shit, I think compliments as a form of flattering the other party into liking you don't work. Geniune ones are better; if she's pretty, call her that. But keep the compliment to yourself if you're only doing it out of obligation which by default makes it disingenuous.

BerkyMc · 2020-06-25T23:43:10+00:00

Most women have a pretty good radar for ass-kissing, but a genuine compliment or even a little light flattery never hurts.

thetruthishere_ · 2020-06-26T00:17:11+00:00

[deleted]

saladfingers4141 · 2020-06-25T23:47:02+00:00

IMO its all about how you give it, sad dudes online pining over a girl on the internet who doesn’t even know you is just a bit pathetic.

Complimenting women in a fun, confident, relaxed non creepy way and complimenting women you’re not trying to sleep with as well as the ones that you are helps you appear more confident self assured and helps give off a good vibe in general which will make you more attractive to women. Don’t just go up to the hottest girl at your office and tell her how good she smells, maybe complement her on something she’s wearing or her hair if she’s had it done but do it in a casual half joking manner so it’s not creepy and awkward.

LowCreddit · 2020-06-26T00:21:37+00:00

There is an art to it. If you learn how to give compliments, you will do very well socially. People are constantly chasing comfort and good feelings. If you can give that to them, they will come back for more. That social proof is powerful.

However, in a romantic setting you have to alternate between teasing and praise. This cycle generates a feeling of playfulness in women. The teasing is necessary. The praise is not. A woman can be verbally whipped all the way to the bedroom. She cannot be praised into it.

Title	What's your opinion of giving women praise and compliments? Do you believe it works?
Author	BumblingBeta
Upvotes	9
Comments	83
Date	June 25, 2020 11:27 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/hfwm2s/whats_your_opinion_of_giving_women_praise_and/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/whats-your-opinion-of-giving-women-praise-and.699108 https://theredarchive.com/post/699108