When it comes to men's fortunes in dating.....the few, CONSTANTLY ruin it for the many......

InfamousBake1859 · 2022-10-05T16:40:08+00:00

If all men where safe and respectful, i would have accepted much more date invites and gone to more night time dates and way less last minute cancellations. I’ve been on like 40-50 ish first dates. If i didn’t find people creepy and worried about my safety, i would have given other guys who didn’t meet my superficial standards more chances.

gofigure62 · 2022-10-04T22:37:50+00:00

It's not a "few", it's a significant amount of men behaving poorly, and most of the time "normal" men simply ignore them and/or try to police women's reactions and responses to the terrible men. Your example of these type of men not being thrown off of dating apps is a perfect example.

I'm a woman that goes out by my self most of the time. I go everywhere from sketchy dive bars, to yatch parties.

If there is a man harassing me, other men don't help. They pretend not to see what's happening. If I begin to raise my voice or get assertive other men will chime in that I'm "overreacting" or they'll try to "deescalate" by defending the man and downplay his behavior. Yet those same men will literally fight or call security on a man if he behaves the same exact way with them.

"Normal" men often encourage shitty male behavior and or they simply turn a blind eye to it.

Whereas women are more likely to intervene, assist, call out the mans behavior publicly, denounce his behavior, and have the male nuisance removed from the venue.

Most women have a story regarding male predators and male harassers, yet "normal" men claim en massse that they've never seen, heard, or know any man that has ever harmed or harassed a woman.

Men also lack the capability to understand that someone being a "good guy" to them specifically, doesn't then also mean that they're a good person when it comes to their romantic partners. Men have a tendency to think that if a man is nice to him specifically, then that man will also be nice to women. They're incapable of believing that a man can like and respect men, but not like and respect women.

The internet has allowed women to share their personal experiences with other women regarding their interactions with men. Many women are finding that their experiences over lap and it isn't just a "Few" shitty men. It's a significant amount of shitty men, that other men make excuses for. It's not just a few bad apples, all of the bad apples aren't rotten, but they're not edible either.

moresleepy1 · 2022-10-05T07:23:08+00:00

I hear you but your though process is wrong. women in general are just not that into men. and mostly use negative experiences as a way to show their superiority (moral, attractiveness)

"Here's a thought a experiment......how would interactions between men and women differ, if no woman EVER had to be worry about these things? How much more prevalent, would women be in various social places, both in real life venues, and online, if none of this, was EVER a concern....if it didn't even cross their minds?"

I don't think it would change that much honestly your not competing with her negative experiences your competing with her hobbies for the cure for boredom.

Redditcritic6666 · 2022-10-04T23:54:10+00:00

The problem here is that you are assuming men act as a collective. In fact not even women here acting as a collective either. Men can't and don't held other men accountable, and neither does women.

Here's a thought a experiment......how would interactions between men and women differ, if no woman EVER had to be worry about these things? How much more prevalent, would women be in various social places, both in real life venues, and online, if none of this, was EVER a concern....if it didn't even cross their minds?

Every time you approach a woman, every time you date one, you're picking up a tab....a tab for OTHER men, for the things OTHER men, have said and done. Doesn't that piss you off sometimes?

Imagine saying that with the gender reverse.

When a woman walks into a room with 10 guys, and gets harassed by one guy, she doesn't walk out of the room thinking, "9 out of 10 men respected my boundaries". Instead, she walks out thinking "Men are jerks!". Then, she gets on the phone, and tells 3 of her BFF's about her experience. The experience becomes communalized....before long, it's not just HER experience.....it becomes THEIR experience.....something THEY have to watch out for, in the future.

Men telling other men their bad experience is literally the manosphere. Somehow women are against this lol.

CentralAdmin · 2022-10-05T03:49:35+00:00

Women love to remind men they are not a monolith but men are always held accountable for the poor behaviour of other men.

I am not my brother's keeper.

If he is a dick and she cannot figure out who the dicks are versus the nice ones then that is on them. It is not my responsibility to step in and stop another man like the Gillette ad. We never see women stepping in to spare men from abusive or manipulative women.

Women go so far as to hold the men of today accountable for the terrible actions of those in the past. They are, however, never grateful for the men who have gone above and beyond to the point that they attribute those good points to all men.

How many stories have we heard of women falling for assholes, getting used and abused? Yet when a nice guy comes along and tries to establish a relationship by being respectful and courteous he is friendzoned and then ridiculed when he tries to take things further. That same woman probably used the guy as an emotional tampon whenever she was pumped and dumped.

So if you are going to claim some men spoil the bunch then AWALT is not inaccurate. It just takes a few shitty people to ruin things. You should then pose the question to women why they manipulate men with sex, use them for money or treat them poorly, and how all women should accept accountability for the behaviour of a few.

And on the subject of dick pics, there are loads of OnlyFans women sending unsolicited nudes to accounts on Reddit, including to minors. Can we please hold all women accountable for this?

NockerJoe · 2022-10-04T21:55:58+00:00

Lmao its this same crock of bullshit every time. I have no idea why so many people are insistant on the idea that mens problems are only going to be solved when 100% of men modify their behavior when none of them have anything to gain individually for it. Except, obviously, that this creates an impossible scenario where they aren't responsible for anyones solutions, even their own, because they're waiting on something literally impossible.

EasternToe3824 · 2022-10-05T12:48:56+00:00

Women would find something else to worry about and blame it on men. Pandering to their flawed narrative does not change anything.

warramite · 2022-10-05T00:24:33+00:00

I disagree... women just dont have much interest in men. OLD is full of Gold diggers, prostitutes and only fans but that doesn't stop men from signing up in droves

OLD is the same as real life, there's fewer women on OLD for the same reason bars have ladies night.. its because men are just much more likely to go somewhere with the goal of meeting someone they could date..

Women are very passive in romance/sex.. Men have to find those women and seduce them if they want relationships, women are more likely to just date whoever the best option in her vicinity is, even if that means they have to share him

2022-10-05T05:30:47+00:00

The problem here is that you believe anything women ever say and they don't make shit up and exaggerate problems for sympathy.

xzpw · 2022-10-05T07:01:02+00:00

Blaming this on men is a bit silly. You could just as well blame women for all the guys being wary of marriage or settling down because women divorce so often.

Many women like to make themselves seem like a victim with any issue. “Woe is me” is a very trendy thing for women today. So, yeah, they turn every single situation into one where they’re a victim. Is there a single situation you can name where women are profusely claiming that they have the upper hand and aren’t victims? Try one. I bet you can’t find one in the mainstream media but we know plenty…

icefire54 · 2022-10-05T09:53:02+00:00

Men are more likely to face domestic violence from their partners, but that doesn't seem to stop them from trying to date women.

https://stevemoxon.co.uk/how-and-why-partner-violence-is-normal-female-behaviour-but-aberrational-male-behaviour/

So this is all just a BS excuse.

https://incels.is/threads/the-reason-women-are-more-selective-than-men-is-not-because-of-pregnancy-worries-safety-etc-the-real-reason-is-because-men-pursue-women.392419/

hungrychick404 · 2022-10-04T22:02:47+00:00

I think most men (and most people) hold misogynistic views, whether they are aware of it or not. While most guys don’t go as far as to do illegal things like sexually assault someone or committing domestic violence, everyday sexist comments and such can pile up from men who don’t even realize they are being sexist.

Even though they aren’t trying to be malicious, sometimes it’s nice to step out of the dating pool if the sexism is getting to you.

nCRedditor-21 · 2022-10-05T03:16:37+00:00

The saying “a few ruin it for the many” only adversely affects men. When Amber Heard was found guilty, how badly were women affected? Hardly much. Their social standing wasn’t knocked back and women’s rights movements weren’t set back centuries. Men on the other hand, following MeToo and covid, have had dire consequences on the dating scene.

If women are bad behaved, society’s perception of women is untainted at best. Most men are unjustifiably and negatively impacted by even the smallest frequency of criminal actions committed by a few people.

Few_Ratio5835 · 2022-10-05T11:25:54+00:00

so women are bigots? and bigotry is okay when women do it? because I could write the same thing about alot of people and I don't think many here would like it

urukshai3 · 2022-10-05T11:47:45+00:00

The recent decline of women on online dating apps, can be explained to a large extent, on the behavior of the men on those apps. Harassment, unsolicited dick picks, scammers, married men, plate spinners, inability to take even a polite rejection, etc.

Maybe if they did not pick the same like 2% men, you know, they may find actually decent men even if they are not the best of the best on attraction.

So I have no empathy for them (not that they had any for 90% of men either).

mlo9109 · 2022-10-05T13:11:28+00:00

As a woman, it does. I know not all men are bad, but the few that are make you question everyone's motives. Even those who appear "good" on the outside can be anything but. My own rapist was a "good, Christian man" and a "pillar of the community."

comodifylove · 2022-10-05T15:48:34+00:00

All men are paying for the sins of a few who have turned so many into alpha widows.

Inevitable_Brain9852 · 2022-10-05T21:01:22+00:00

There’s also a large decline in men using dating apps as well. There’s lots of reasons for it.

Such as all the women on dating apps who are just in it for sex or to sell their only fans.

Along with a lot of the other reasons you mentioned such as married women, harassment, the inability to take rejection. These are not exclusive to toxic men. You’ll find toxic women on dating apps doing the same thing.

As for women projecting their past experiences with bad men onto good men. That isn’t the majority of men’s faults and women need to get over it. There are just as many toxic women out there as there are toxic men. And you never hear men complain the way women do, you never hear men say “I hate all women” despite also dealing with all the toxic women out there.

Men don’t project their past experiences onto their current partner. And the fact that women do and think it’s okay is a problem. You need to get over it and understand that most men aren’t bad.

Miss_erable-97 · 2022-10-05T22:03:15+00:00

I did not read all of that " few men" bro we wouldn't be so upset if it weren't thr majority, I know I as a women see few good men n generally speaking most r scumbags you wanna avoid,especially the ones who treat you nice cause they like you,or you are a friend or family but treat other women like shit,huge manipulation tactic

Laytheblameonluck · 2022-10-04T23:41:24+00:00

When a woman walks into a room with 10 guys, and gets harassed by one guy, she doesn't walk out of the room thinking, "9 out of 10 men respected my boundaries".

This is why groups of men used to regulate this stuff, but feminists railed against the "patriarchy" so, it's their fault, put simply.

InfoVariety-8842 · 2022-10-04T22:58:13+00:00

I disagree that men’s attitudes and behavior keep women off of OLD. If they wanted to be there, they would. Women use social media in general more than men. Social media influencers are overwhelmingly women. And for a lot of influencers that means using sex and their bodies in very public forums, to attract the biggest following possible. You think there aren’t weirdos stalkers and psychos on that platform? There are a-holes on every platform yet women still voluntarily choose to be on some more than others.

caption291 · 2022-10-05T14:40:30+00:00

It's not the few men ruining it for the many. The many women ruin it for the many men by attributing the behavior of the few men to the many men.

how would interactions between men and women differ, if no woman EVER had to be worry about these things?

The more safe society has gotten the more women have been worrying about their safety it seems. So I think that even if no woman ever had to be worried about these things, most would still worry about them anyways so it wouldn't make much of a difference.

I'd argue something crazy like a 50% reduction in the total number of murders in the states would have a significantly smaller impact on how women feel about their safety than the removal of true crime shows would.

BigOleGreenTrees · 2022-10-04T22:47:41+00:00

It's what humans do, notice patterns and extrapolate from them. You can cry your whole life away about people over generalizing or stereotyping or just making assumptions. Or you can prove them wrong and just remember that most peoples behavior is based on THEM and not you.

NegotiationNo717 · 2022-10-05T04:24:24+00:00

I’ve never used OLD, but from what I understand, women don’t have anything to gain from being on it. They either get the treatment like OP described or…. What? Men like the men on ppd? Entitled, unattractive, demanding, sex obsessed and whiny who want women to believe ugly=good? Why exactly would a woman want to use OLD. Sounds like a huge waste of time.

Urbantexasguy · 2022-10-04T22:19:12+00:00

Yeah this does upset me that women go through these hardships that are caused by other man. I am no feminist but really we need to make the world better for women. It's going take collective effort to achieve this

Flightlessbirbz · 2022-10-05T02:06:38+00:00

Nah it’s a lot more than “a few.” Most men are okay most of the time, but a significant minority habitually behave this way, and a majority excuse or ignore the behavior. Few men regularly call other men out on their shit. Like with this post, they are way more focused on minimizing the problem and shouting “not all men!” We know it’s not ALL men, but the tough truth is it is ENOUGH men, and the rest don’t care about anything except excusing themselves and their buddies. Women would be less apt to take out their frustration on “the good ones” if the “good ones” actually showed some empathy. But when you’re more concerned about saving men’s image and policing women’s reactions, it doesn’t help your cause.

Like this post is calling men out to some degree, yes, but it comes off more angry at women for making all men pay for the behavior of “a few,” than actually angry at these men for ruining dating apps.

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cloudydays84 · 2022-10-04T22:35:08+00:00

Every time you approach a woman, every time you date one, you're picking up a tab....a tab for OTHER men, for the things OTHER men, have said and done. Doesn't that piss you off sometimes?

Not really. If anything it's more of a problem for the women, so it's not really going to have a direct effect on me.

And most of the effects that do pertain to me are pretty circumstantial, so they aren't really that pressing either. Some women think men aren't shit, just means that they're women I should avoid interacting with. Which they make easier by announcing it.

This isn't to say I don't care about issues like this with regards to dating, it sucks ass that women have to deal with shit like that on the regular, and it would be better overall if it stopped. I call out shit behavior when I see it, but I don't really see that fixing the issue all too much overall.

wingsofaphoenix · 2022-10-05T01:04:55+00:00

Female here. I was taking time off from OLD. Was touched without consent by a man less than 7 days ago who at first just came up to make some conversation. Can confirm I'm terrified of going back on dating apps.

Pilling_it · 2022-10-05T00:54:36+00:00

Every time you approach a woman, every time you date one, you're picking up a tab....a tab for OTHER men, for the things OTHER men, have said and done. Doesn't that piss you off sometimes?

My conclusion is that I ask to women that say that stuff why I should be responsible for stuff I didn't do ?

Lots of people can't even bring themselves to care about their neighbors, why would they give a shit about random strangers ?

NegotiationNo717 · 2022-10-05T00:29:04+00:00

You’re just going to get a bunch of men claiming it’s Chad doing it and if women lowered their standards and fucked the repulsive ones, this wouldn’t be happening. More of the good looking =bad, but horrifyingly ugly=good with a heart of gold.

Esterwinde · 2022-10-05T03:47:23+00:00

Woah oh careful with that hot take there buddy, I got my ass plastered on whiteknighting subs for saying the same shit here.

Anyways you just described loss aversion and prospect theory. Nobody remembers 9 boundary respecting men because it’s the bare minimum, returns diminish. But everybody remembers the one cunt who oversteps because we look at minor negativity more seriously, which is why news fearmongoring exists.

Anyways this is how racism and sexism works, you generalise and create prejudice from bad traits you see in some people of that identity group. When people say “men are trash” and “women belong to the streets” they usually refer to a specific group, which can be unfair to 50% of the population but it is what it is.

gabatme · 2022-10-05T12:04:16+00:00

When a woman walks into a room with 10 guys, and gets harassed by one guy, she doesn't walk out of the room thinking, "9 out of 10 men respected my boundaries". Instead, she walks out thinking "Men are jerks!".

And what if she walked into that room, got harassed by one guy, and then the other nine immediately started yelling at him and telling him that that wasn't acceptable, and that he shouldn't treat people that way?

She'd probably walk out thinking "Wow, humanity isn't so bad after all. There are people out there who might help me if something scary/dangerous happens." And maybe even with some new friends.

Ohmaygahh · 2022-10-05T14:22:03+00:00

Or, just a thought... what if the majority of women throughout history kept rewarding maladaptive behavior of the few... over eons. What kind of effect would that have in mating behavior?

studentsensei · 2022-10-04T23:49:36+00:00

But the men that do some deplorable stuff never seem to rub out of women to sleep with and do deplorable stuff to? 🤷🏾

Can anyone please explain to men that aren’t successful (not me btw because I am) with women why they should care? Honest question or I can make my own topic about this.

Inquiring minds want to know.

RocinanteCoffee · 2022-10-05T01:56:05+00:00

I don't know, most of the deadliest serial killers are white males, from a lower-to-middle-class background, usually in their late 20s to early 30s, but that doesn't make me think differently or suspect a guy when I run into someone of that demographic.

If being harassed turned most women off men permanently, you'd see a lot fewer babies being born and people going on dates or getting married.

Most of the dudes on the dating apps are non-abusive but the ones who are can scare people off the apps forever. I've had to handle some pretty nasty stuff but it hasn't diminished my desire for men or my knowledge that most men aren't like that.

That being said, there is nothing wrong with a woman who decides to swear off dating forever (most ultimately do not, however).

MassageGymnist · 2022-10-05T02:46:24+00:00

Plate spinners?!? Thats Peacocking right?!? Just attempting to learn something new that’s all

2022-10-05T02:51:43+00:00

The takes in this sub are honestly worse than r/nba sometimes. Mostly because of the navel gazing.

GripofDoom · 2022-10-05T05:10:27+00:00

What is a plate spinner?

darkvalleys · 2022-10-05T06:54:37+00:00

And yet women still give chances because there are benefits

John_Oakman · 2022-10-05T06:59:33+00:00

There's the issue that in modern cultures there aren't really any meaningful ways for the non offending LVMs to police/check on the real men of the manosphere who are causing alm the fear and heartbreaks. The times that they do they get called out for being simp, white knight, secret misogynists, or worse. And while ideally that should not deter the truly virtuous from sacrificing themselves for the greater good regardless of the costs the reality is that most fall short of that ideal...

2022-10-05T15:26:22+00:00

It's not that women are flattered that men will fuck anything. (on what planet is that flattering?)

it's that men bully women off of apps and out of being interested in men in general by treating them like shit.

women average 2 weeks on OLD before deleting because men treat them so poorly and it's too disgusting to continue.

jayval90 · 2022-10-05T17:09:17+00:00

I agree with the Feminists. Everything is men's fault, everything is men's responsibility, because men are that awesome and women are incapable of solving men's problems in the same way that men are expected to solve women's problems.

Men, you have the capacity for great good if you but choose to take the mantle. Don't be scared by the hissing of the Feminists. Embrace the blame, responsibility, and power they heap upon you as they lay their problems at your feet. Rejoice that only you have been chosen by the virtue of your private parts (and history) to solve the greatest challenges given to you.

I believe Feminists. Therefore, stand back and let us men fix the world, as you have been begging us to do.

FlyV89 · 2022-10-06T03:28:28+00:00

Women need to understand what sexual liberation actually means. It means men are not anymore responsible for your sexuality, YOU and only YOU are in charge now.

This comes with some positive things and also some very negative ones.

You can now have sex whenever you want with whomever you want, but it also means that you have to own the choices you make and the outcomes of those choices, and not blaming men as a whole for the bad men you may run into down the road.

It means also that you may not count with other men to spare you from dificult and sometimes dangerous situations all the time like it used to be, and that lots of men will often make questions about the motives you had to find yourself doing some things in a given situation.

You won't always count with men to jump to defend your honor or save you from potentially harmful situations, not because we don't want to, but because of fear of being called out, being labeled weirdos or for just interrupting a discussion between a random couple.

Now, let me explain to you (mansplain to you, if you prefer) how things used to be.

Back in the old days, men held power over women's sexuality. That means men not only chosed women's partners, but also warned them of some social situations and the potential dangers of being around by their own, and women complied.

I happen to be a guy on his 30's in a western country where feminist striked a bit late (early 00's).

When I was a kid, I remember going with my grandfather to watch the football games at the bar, this was in the late 80' and early 90's mind you.

You had LOTS of ladies and GENTLEMEN there, of all ages, they danced (tango was huge in those days), drank a lot and had a very good time. My father was an absolute gentleman, and actually very good looking as far as I'm concerned, even for a man on his late 50's/early 60's. Lots of women, of all ages mind you, hit on him while I was there (I can only realize what was happening when I bring back to memory what I saw during these days, I was just too inocente to realize otherwise haha).

But all the men there knew there was a line, a very small line, between flirting and disrespecting a woman, and they stick to the social forms because, well, "women weren't LIKE THAT".

I can recall my grandfather AT LEAST twice calling out some other young lads for trespassing the social forms, and he actually told one of them "tone your voice down, that's not how you talk to a lady".

And mind you, he was 60, but also 6.5', 250 lbs of solid lumberjack body and a very strong, deep voice.

I can say, 100% sure, if a man had walked in that bar and started GRINDING his dick against a woman's ass, he would have been jumped over by my grandfather and his crew of blue collar working, a la mafia hat wearers friends in less than what it takes you to say "cock".

On the other hand, if my grandfather was alive today, and walked into a modern night club, he would have in less than 2 minutes all the security wards over him after fighting every dude in the club to save "a random woman's honor".

Actually, I would have a harder time explaining to him that 90% of the culture revolving around dating and sex, it's actually considered "appropiate" in modern western standars.

He died, luckily for him, in 2005 at the age of 75. He would sometimes say, while trying to wrap his head, how could girls in these days POSSIBLY accept to be treated this way by young men.

He never thought he would live to see underage girls posting naked pictures. He never thought it would be possible for women to wander around in clothes such revealing. He never thought women could indulge in "hook ups". He had a hard time, actually, understanding that there was a cultural abyss between the late 80's and the 00's, the 90's when sexual revolution, feminism and "female empowerment" striked really hard in my country, and that women changed all of a sudden and become something he didn't knew women were capable off.

For me, all that is NORMAL.

I have sex on a regular basis with lots of women who are also seing other men. Some of them are even in "monogamous", long term relationships with other men who don't know their gfs are seing me too. Some of them are married and have families, and if it wasn't for me they would have unnprotected sex with me even.

I know women who engage in the most "masculine" behaviours around. They snort cocaine and do heavy on alcohol and partying. They crash at another male crackass methead place only to wake up naked and smoke crack again.

I've seen women hitting on men who all the people around know are ex-convicts and criminals. What am I supposed to do if that guy touches the girl's ass or pussy in public? Jump and help her? What if she likes that? I'm going to be called a weirdo if I bump into them asking "uh it's all right"? Who are you? Fuck off. Like, that's the reaction you get.

I cannot tell if the guy arguing with the girl is harassing her or they are just a couple having a discussion.

If we were in my grandpa's society I could run into them and tell the guy "hey, cool down or you are out", and the woman would be like "hey, thanks". Today? Who are you weirdo? He's my bf! Fuck off.

Women need to understand this very well.

You are free, that's right, and that's something good. But also you need to understand you are ALONE. By your own. It's up to YOU, and only YOU, to watch after yourself. No one else.

So watch who you hang out with, watch out how you behave, watch out how you DRESS, yesss, how YOU DRESS, watch out what you drink, eat or breathe, and most important...

Watch out your reputation, and the implicit signals you send to others about how you carry yourself around.

Enjoy your freedom, but be careful. Be safe. Always remember you are an adult, and you are alone.

SoleMatesC4S · 2022-10-06T06:32:04+00:00

Here's a thought a experiment...

Here's a thought experiment:

Replace "men" with the minority of your choice and see how long before this post is flagged for racism.

kingpinkatya · 2022-11-08T17:34:32+00:00

Btw, we walk away thinking "men are jerks/useless/not worth the time" because while only 1/10 men in the room harassed us:

2 looked away and acted like they were deaf/mute/blind
3 just watched and looked embarrassed for their sex
2 looked like they would harass us in a different setting if given the chance
1 thinks that post-attack is the right time to try to cop our #
MAYBE 1 spoke up to try to help diffuse the situation

So it is not just the men who are actively being oppressive, entitled, and sexually aggressive that is the problem. It is all men who had the social capital and physical strength to intervene and neutralize the situation who decided that protecting women and valuing her comfort in a space was less vital than protecting the ego of some creep.

All too often the 9/10 "non jerks" are complict enough that they actually serve to empower the jerk gender dynamic wise.

Title	When it comes to men's fortunes in dating.....the few, CONSTANTLY ruin it for the many......
Author	Urbantexasguy
Upvotes	136
Comments	411
Date	October 4, 2022 9:50 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/xvrto6/when_it_comes_to_mens_fortunes_in_datingthe_few/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/when-it-comes-to-mens-fortunes-in-datingthe-few.1135080 https://theredarchive.com/post/1135080