Why do men act like women wanting serious relationships in their 20s are crazy and too young to want marriage but shame women in their 30s for being old and “ran through”?

Mrs_Drgree · 2021-11-09T22:29:47+00:00

Discussion posts must be neutral

_Woodrow_ · 2021-11-09T20:50:07+00:00

Because they want to eat their cake and have it too

metropolisapocalypse · 2021-11-09T20:27:18+00:00

Idk I mean, it depends if you're talking about this sub or real life, and your culture of course.

I'm almost 30 as an American in a big city and I have no trouble dating, no one is calling me "old" or "ran through". It's pretty usual for where I live, none of my friends are married or have kids yet.

Now my foreign aunties/uncles...I look young for my age and when I remind them how old I am they treat me like I'm practically a spinster lmfao. But the guys I've met abroad who are in my age range usually have a similar mentality to me. Then again, they're men.

throwawaylessons103 · 2021-11-09T20:25:46+00:00

Statistically, the best ages to get married for both men and women are 25-32: somewhere within that range.

Men who think all women should get married in their early 20s are just thinking with their dicks/wanting women in their "prime" physically. They're not thinking about the actual consequences of marrying too young. Women's frontal lobe doesn't even fully develop before 25.

I don't hear a lot of men actually saying wanting a relationship in your 20s is too early. More just that most men don't want to settle down that early so women need to vet accordingly.

But I don't honestly think that's age-specific either.

Scores_Man_Mund · 2021-11-09T20:43:19+00:00

Like most issues on this sub, I think you're confusing two different groups of people:

- Romantically oriented guys who wanted girlfriends when they were young but couldn't get them (due either to not being attractive enough or girls not wanting to settle down). They then criticize women in their 30s for being "ran through" because they see it as hypocrisy that women want relationships now when they didn't want them before

- High sociosexual guys who want to sleep around and don't like when the women who sleep with them push for commitment. They might say that early 20s is too early for commitment as a way of keeping their freedom and pushing girls towards a lifestyle that benefits them. Although tbh this is probably a pretty small group. Most of the "girls should spend their 20s dating around" talk that I've seen comes from women

TL;DR, I don't think many men are actually saying both of these things. If you combine every thing that every man says about every woman, it's gonna look hypocritical. But I think most people have relatively consistent views, even if you think they're wrong

AquaChip · 2021-11-09T20:33:39+00:00

They want a set of women for fucking when they’re young and a set of women for wifing when they’re ready. They don’t want these two different types of women to bleed into each other’s categories because they have severe Madonna/Whore complexes and think women who enjoy causal sex aren’t for marrying and women who are wife material aren’t for sexually degrading. They don’t see women as nuanced people, they see them as one dimensional caricatures.

That’s why you hear hookers say that some of the men who come to them don’t do the stuff they do with them to their wife because “they respect her too much”. Just your standard male “logic”.

LalaTheSecond · 2021-11-09T20:20:57+00:00

They want to use women for sex while they are young and then make fun of them for being used.

That's just the disturbed guys though. Most people think getting married a under 23 is a bit too soon but after that I don't think anyone is surprised when people get married.

sublimemongrel · 2021-11-09T21:07:53+00:00

I don't think these are generally the same group of men. However, it would be more common for the same man (at least if he's a manospherian) to make comments about how women should settle down young while at the same time promoting how men shouldn't do that (not to mention not living that lifestyle himself).

End of the day, men aren't trying to get married when they are in their young 20s either. That being said, both genders seem open to LTRs in their youth.

Taipanshimshon · 2021-11-09T20:32:18+00:00

I'm a man and I have never thought this.

John_Oakman · 2021-11-09T20:46:52+00:00

Because they could afford to think those ways: you know as well as I do that most males don't think like that, however the men that do for some unexplained reasons are also the one who women seek validation from.

So maybe try ignoring them? But I guess there's just something irresistible about them...

chubbybutt22 · 2021-11-09T21:15:46+00:00

Normal people don’t think that. Some disaffected people want a series of virgins to fuck when they’re young. And then one super special virgin to settle down with later in life.

ItWasAlwaysOver · 2021-11-09T21:29:07+00:00

I haven't seen men call women crazy for wanting serious relationships in their 20s

AidsVictim · 2021-11-09T21:29:24+00:00

I’ve heard men say a woman looking for serious relationship in her 20s is too young and should just date around and have fun

I've never heard a man say this. People pushing the "just have fun in your 20's" narrative are mostly other women. If you're hearing this consistently it's almost certainly cultural.

poppy_blu · 2021-11-09T22:09:45+00:00

I think it’s generally two different groups of men.

Men who say women should just have fun in their 20s are men who actually date, are comfortable with the western SMP and want to take advantage of said women having fun.

Men who say women should not have fun and should get married in their early 20s (or teens) are men who don’t date and/or can’t attract women and believe they would benefit personally from women having fewer or no options.

I’m from an East coast metro area and Ive never heard men complaining about “used up women in their early 30s.” They don’t care about such women. And they don’t care because they are also settling down after having fun in their 30s with women of similar age, or they don’t care because they don’t want to date those women anyway. What I’m saying is that men with options don’t spent their time complaining about what women they have no intention of dating are doing with their time.

So I’m going to assume that men who find themselves so irked by 30 something low quality former sluts are so because they can’t do any better themselves.

TheX141710 · 2021-11-09T22:30:15+00:00

Because men get bitter when women don’t declare them as alpha fuck machines. They all want to be “Chads”, but get mad when women choose “Chads” over them.

From King Lear:

“Thou rascal beadle, hold thy bloody hand! Why dost thou lash that whore? Strip thine own back; Thou hotly lust'st to use her in that kind For which thou whipp'st her.”

RaspberryJuiceBox · 2021-11-09T20:31:06+00:00

Men do this for one reason only: To abuse women. That’s their goal when they say things like that. They just want to be abusive and for women to feel like shit.

hardallthetime666 · 2021-11-09T20:30:54+00:00

No, you havent heard a man tell women in their 20s that theyre too young for relationships and to have fun and the same man tell women in their 30s theyre "ran through".

You are lying. Stop. :)

DrBoby · 2021-11-09T21:09:51+00:00

It's simple.

There are different men.

And they have different opinions.

sine120 · 2021-11-09T20:35:12+00:00

I have never heard of or seen a man tell a woman looking for a serious relationship in her 20's to just date around unless he's angling for casual sex with said woman. What culture are you talking about?

Apprehensive_Boat_70 · 2021-11-09T20:39:03+00:00

The men shaming Young women who want relationships are not the same men who shame the 30s trainwrecks, your post is fallacious.

sarkington · 2021-11-09T20:31:25+00:00

Different people have different opinions.

Also, self serving bullshit, etc

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Chaos_and_Horny · 2021-11-09T20:58:10+00:00

double standard or religiosity

parahacker · 2021-11-09T21:03:26+00:00

Simple answer, women in their 20's aren't crazy and too young to be in adult relationships.

If they are, it's not because of their age. It's because they're too crazy to be in relationships. Which can happen at 40 for chrissakes.

I find this theme as aggravating as you do.

JollyRoger66689 · 2021-11-09T21:20:36+00:00

Im sure you have heard the same guy say both of these things, but it's usually 2 different people talking. Also just because a woman is single in her 20's doesn't mean she needs to treat sex like some sort of X-rated walmart greeter (the joke is definitely exaggerated, I was trying to find a funny way of saying it and I like what I came up with)

baresquad · 2021-11-09T21:21:54+00:00

I would assume because of this concept that women hit a wall after a certain age or whatever

I personally don’t believe in that, you won’t catch me dead trying to get married in my 20s, at least not until around 29

anonymousUser1SHIFT · 2021-11-09T21:22:24+00:00

Generally women (anyone really) in their early 20s are to young to have stable life setup and are looking for an older men who is stable (aka hypergamy).

I have run into a fair share of women who are in there early 20s and have their minimum age on Old set to 5+ years older than them. In particular some of them don't even want to work with second date answer being like "I wouldn't mind working part time till I have my first born".

Straight-Claim8132 · 2021-11-09T21:30:03+00:00

Because men aren't a monolith

Cupcakelover1985 · 2021-11-09T21:39:58+00:00

It’s completely self-serving and it’s 2 different groups of men complaining. Young men want a surplus of sluts who distribute the pussy generously. Older men who want kids want a surplus of nubile, agreeable, chaste women to have and raise their kids. So that’s why you see the flack from both sides. Plus there’s bitter misandrists that just don’t like seeing women happy so they won’t be happy unless a woman/women are miserable.

BasicallyYogurt · 2021-11-09T21:47:09+00:00

I've never heard anyone say both these things. I'm sure those two things have been said by separate men though. This is the root of your confusion.

LowCreddit · 2021-11-09T22:23:14+00:00

You have it completely wrong. Young men are idealistic. It is the women who think they are going to be doctors and CEOs who push back serious relationships until they hit their late 20s and feel 30 looming in the background. The problem is that they waited too long. The ones who didn't secure a boyfriend are now stuck with settling for the redditor with a room filled with his Funko Pop collection or being the forever-girlfriend of an average man. Women are only now realizing how dependent they are on young men's idealistic pedestal.

Gabrielvrape · 2021-11-09T22:29:28+00:00

Let's be real most women in their 20s are not interested in getting married either at that age, so I don't know why this even needs to be said. Last time I remember and this one's gonna piss some women off in which I hope it does getting "ran through" is a choice. I don't know who's telling you that need to sleep with multiple men who have ONS or hookups in your 20s then decide to settle down and think your wife material? Yeah, that's the reason, you wasted your time.

PirateDocBrown · 2021-11-09T22:40:16+00:00

I certainly never said this. Early to mid 20s is the ideal age for a woman to marry, if childbearing and family formation is the goal.

If it's not the goal, then marry whenever you like.

As for men, it's best if they marry near the beginning of their most productive years. This has increased with time, as careers demanded more education and qualifications.

In 1961, my mom got her BA, worked one year at her job, and married my dad 3 weeks short of her 22nd birthday. She continued to work until I was born, 3 years later. She resumed her career when her youngest, my brother, entered high school. She would have been about 45 then. She retired when my dad did, at age 60 (he was 65). So she worked full time, about half of her years between 20 and 60.

Dad was drafted at 20, and served 2 years in the Army. He then went to university and got his BSE. He worked a year or so, before meeting and marrying, at 27. He had a long and successful career as an engineer, and retired at 65.

I would have liked to have done as my parents had done before me, but it was not to be. By 1994 I was 29 with my PhD, there were no suitable marriage-and-family candidates to be found.

Where were all the good women?

nick1812216 · 2021-11-09T23:32:17+00:00

THIS man don’t feel that way!

TheBookOfSeil · 2021-11-09T20:39:54+00:00

Because the stereotypes hold true for both groups.