Why do you think women are less likely to approach?

Sacred_Moose_Knuckle · 2015-07-09T19:53:47+00:00

"We flirt with the men we want to flirt with. You're not him."

Exactly, we know. Because it's the same 10 dudes.

drok007 · 2015-07-09T19:44:43+00:00

I thought this was the RP answer. Why are you so RP?

exit_sandman · 2015-07-09T20:08:34+00:00

But I thought women have much as much of a sex drive as men do, and the notions that men are more aggressive due to testosterone is a myth and a "stupid biotroof", at least that's what BPers usually say.

Lonny_zone · 2015-07-09T20:18:41+00:00

I think every terp knows this already. Only Chad gets flirts. Chad is only 1% of men. So, speaking in generalities, "women don't approach."

[deleted] · 2015-07-09T19:49:20+00:00

I thought that was the red pill answer?

hyperrreal · 2015-07-09T19:51:48+00:00

Many RPers seem to believe that it's a conspiracy to keep the "pussy cartel" in high demand.

Really? I have never seen this explanation for why women don't take the initiative more.

This

Women don't have the desire to approach.

and this

And I promise you the few men you notice getting approached or openly hit-on by women are "hot."

together seems much more like the stock RP answer. Intense physical arousal in women is activated only by the hottest men.

I do think lack of test plays a big part, but it's more than that. Women seem to have a more flexible and responsive sexuality, there's cultural norms discouraging them from approaching, women place a lot of value in their sex appeal so sexual rejection may hurt more, fantasies of being pursued, etc.

alreadyredschool · 2015-07-09T19:55:48+00:00

Title because I rarely get approached.

Body: that's exactly the same trp preaches.

ThorLives · 2015-07-09T22:19:49+00:00

Here's a list of reasons:

(1) Approaching is hard and women risk rejection. Nobody likes rejection. However, women have the advantage that men will approach them. This means that a woman who never approaches still has dating options. A man who doesn't approach doesn't have many options, so men have to learn to approach (which in turns allows women to not approach). In an attempt to avoid rejection, most women approach weakly so that they can maintain a level of plausible deniability ("He rejected me? Oh, I wasn't making an approach. I was just asking directions or making some small-talk.") At the same time, while using a weak approach, women will complain that guys are clueless because they don't pickup on the fact that a woman is hitting on them (when, in fact, the problem was the approach in the first place). Women are trying to do two things at once: hit on a guy and avoid getting rejected at the same time, and that's the equivalent of stepping on the car's gas and the brake at the same time.

(2) Women think that men don't like when they approach. I've had female friends claim that they don't initiate conversations (in real life or on tinder) because "men don't like it". I think they're misunderstanding what's going on. Most of the time I hit on a woman, she's not interested. But if a woman hits on a man and he's not interested, she rationalizes it as "men don't like it when women approach" - which not only saves her ego (it wasn't me, I'm attractive, men just don't like it when I approach), but also justifies not putting herself in potentially ego-bruising circumstances in the future. I think the "men don't like it when women approach" explanation is crap, but I can see how it's adaptive.

(3) Women are attracted to less visible traits that aren't immediately visible across the room. I'm a guy, and I can scan a room in 20 seconds and tell you who all the attractive women are.

On top of that women are naturally selective.

That should increase how much women approach, because they're fighting over the same small pool of attractive guys (though all their approaches are towards the "top" guys, not the average guys).

We flirt with the men we want to flirt with. You're not him.

Nah. Most women are too self-conscious and afraid of rejection to approach in most cases.

I can tell you this: I occasionally get hit on by women. But, I get hit on much more directly and probably as often by gay men. My gay friends tell me that lots of their gay friends wish I was gay. I even had a random guy walk upto me in a store and ask if he could suck my dick. Nothing like that has ever happened with women. This, in spite of the fact that straight women outnumber gay men by something like a 20-1 ratio.

I'd also point out that the OKCupid stats show exactly the same thing as I'm arguing -- women do not send the first message to men. This despite the fact that you claim that women do approach men (just the "hot one's" though). Take a look at the chart yourself - note that the hottest looking guy got 1/17th the attention that the hottest girl did. http://zdnet3.cbsistatic.com/hub/i/r/2014/10/03/2f3d3638-4b1e-11e4-b6a0-d4ae52e95e57/resize/770x578/169f64898ff1d57b3f6430b317a46104/okcupidfake.jpeg

When you claim that women approach, and if you aren't getting approached, it means that you aren't attractive, you're potentially giving men an ugly complex. So go ahead and try to explain the OKCupid results where "The most contacted woman had almost 17 times more messages in a week than the most contacted man." - Source: http://www.zdnet.com/article/ten-fake-profiles-one-okcupid-experiment-okcupid-on-trial/ - while claiming that women are approaching men.

Many RPers seem to believe that it's a conspiracy to keep the "pussy cartel" in "high demand."

I think that argument is crap because cartels are notoriously difficult to keep together. Heck OPEC (the oil cartel) is made up of 12 nations. Studies have shown that members of OPEC are secretly selling more oil than they're supposed to. That's with 12 nations. You can't keep a cartel of 3.5 billion women following the rules without some level of distraction about what's going on. For example, religion is a good tool for keeping women from having sex outside marriage. It can decrease the amount of pre-marital sex going on, and women don't realize that it has the effect of producing a "pussy cartel". It's one step removed from the actual effect, so nobody notices what's going on. In that case, women don't even realize that they're involved in a "pussy cartel" even though that's effectively what's happening. It's not that women are involved in a conspiracy.

Prometheus720 · 2015-07-09T23:47:57+00:00

Women don't have the desire to approach? Well, yeah, the same way I don't want to mow my fucking lawn. But you know what I actually DO desire? A nice clean lawn.

Women don't approach the way men do because they don't have to. In general, people don't do shit when other people will do it for them. Easy peasy.

AmericanHistoryAFBB · 2015-07-10T04:57:52+00:00

Nothing new here. Women only want the top 0.1% of men, we know, we know. Unattractive men (in women's eyes) are worth less than the gum sticking under a movie theater's seats.

You sort of just admitted TRP is right about women being hypergamous, by the way.

prodigy2throw · 2015-07-09T19:33:36+00:00

Same reason insecure guys are: fear of rejection

Iramadance · 2015-07-09T20:15:52+00:00

Whenever I go to the beach in the summer I get approached by multiple women. My bod is just that good. Especially when compared to the flabsters with their FUPAs flopping.

[deleted] · 2015-07-09T22:44:21+00:00

Women don't approach because women hate rejection. Women hate rejection even worse than men hate it.

Women cannot handle rejection. Women absolutely cannot handle the utter lack of affirmation and validation that rejection carries. Women literally wilt like hothouse flowers at the mere thought of rejection.

I broke up with a woman after 4 years with her. We had the worst relationship. We literally hated each other at the end. I broke with her because I just could not stand her mistreatment anymore. About 2 months later I got a phone call from her, in tears because she was having a hard time "getting over" me.

It dawned on me a few weeks later.

She had never been rejected before. She was 25 years old, and no one had ever broken up with her before. She had never been left high and dry before, never been left to twist (relationally) in the wind before. She had never had anyone break her heart before. She had always been the breaker, not the "breakee". And she couldn't handle it. She had no idea what to do with it.

disposable_pants · 2015-07-10T00:09:02+00:00

Women don't approach because they don't have to. Go to a bar and watch the groups of women -- they'll have several men come up and talk to them throughout the night. Even if 80% of these men aren't up to a particular woman's standards they get enough approaches that it's likely at least one will be.

If I could go to a bar and be reasonably certain that a woman I was attracted to would approach me at some point in the night I wouldn't make approaches either.

belletaco · 2015-07-09T19:59:25+00:00

I never understood this "women don't approach" thing. Either I'm just so beautiful that women can't resist me or the women in my area are just aggressive as fuck.

GridReXX · 2015-07-09T21:48:32+00:00

This is an unfair question because your assuming no female has a fear of rejection.

[deleted] · 2015-07-09T23:05:37+00:00

While men are more likely to approach, plenty of women do it too. 90% of my relationships started cuz the woman made the first move pretty much. Both the ones I met online and the ones I met IRL.

Anyway I think the answer is just because it's still a widely accepted idea that the man has to court the woman and when women get approached so often they rarely see need to take that risk of rejection for themselves.

Perhaps the reason women approach me more is because I pretty much never bother approaching them so they feel they need to make the first move. Idk.

GridReXX · 2015-07-10T05:14:58+00:00

Why doesn't my dog steal food off my plate? Because she doesn't have to, I hand that shit over.

It is a general truth that women don't have to approach men. And so they (generally) don't.

GridReXX · 2015-07-09T20:18:35+00:00

However feel free to debate my hypothesis.

Women don't have the desire to approach.

First, we'll need a citation of research to back up your proclamation, and a reason to believe that you speak for all womankind.

On top of that women are naturally selective.

So even if we were to approach, only a few will inspire her lust.

Meaning most dudes won't get approached by women anyway. And I promise you the few men you notice getting approached or openly hit-on by women are "hot."

So your entire point is LITERALLY: Be attractive, Don't be unattractive.

I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure TRP already says that.

veyron3003 · 2015-07-10T09:37:13+00:00

Women are traditional when it benefits them, and then independent when it benefits them.

ExpendableOne · 2015-07-10T15:14:21+00:00

Women don't have the desire to approach.

Women don't have the desire to approach because they don't need to approach and because they believe it's a man's job to do so for them(basically gender roles). It's not some innate thing, it's just how they were raised. Most women do not take ownership or responsibility for their own sexuality, they just see it as something that guys have to do for them. That narcissistic and entitled attitude comes from how they see men and dating, as a result of the opportunities they take for granted because they are women and as a result of the examples they see around them from other women.

Most people don't like to approach but men have to face their insecurities because, if they don't, some other guy will get there before him and he will end up alone. Women just don't want to face their insecurities to approach because they can get by without it, because men are told they need to approach first. It's a self-perpetuating cycle that most women just do not want to address and fix because it's easier for them not to.

We don't have testosterone rushing through our blood making us look at any and every two-legged creature who pasts by lustfully.

Complete fallacy. It's not just a completely ignorant misappropriation of testosterone actually does but of how men actually think as well. Also, men don't just approach women because they just want to fuck every two-legged created that passes by, a man could want to fuck every single girl he sees and still be completely unable or unwilling to approach them. The drive here is survival. For men, it's either you do it or you end up alone, because women won't come to you. That's it.

We flirt with the men we want to flirt with. You're not him.

Ignoring for a second that women often end up with guys because they approached and worked their way passed her walls, are you actually proud of the passive bullshit that women do in this dating game? Like, it's easy to be passive and non-committed, and just judge from the safety of that position. That's not something women should aspire to be though. Women should try to go out there and meet men, and get to know them to find out if he possesses the qualities that she should be looking for in a good partner. That's taking ownership of your own life and sexuality.

Do you also realize how many women will just see a guy that they want to date and then passively just wait for him to come to her, instead of taking the initiative of her own, and then call him a pussy/gay later on for because he didn't come to her first? That is actually a thing, because you literally have women who feel that they should just do nothing, and wait for the guy to come to them, because that might make them look "desperate" in the process. And then they blame the man for, basically, not over-compensating for her insecurities.

In any case, you have to realize that most women benefit from this system, and would actually try to defend it whenever possible(also, because it's easier not to be accountable for anything or not having to face rejection). Women will actively reinforce these ideologies between themselves, and directly enforce it onto men as well. Even when women claim that they only want to date confident and out-going men, that is them literally projecting their inability to approach men and twisting it into some kind of personal preference. It is a direct manifestation of their unwillingness to meet men half way, or glorification of men who are part of that game.

Quintus_Pillus · 2015-07-09T19:59:38+00:00

All my relationships, except one, were started by the women approaching me, some more subtly, some others more direct. At some point, between relationships, I just didn't bother doing any approaching, knowing that women would come to me. If you can sit back, relax and let the others do the effort and judge their efforts, why bother approaching yourself?

It's some sort of rhetorical question, as I do prefer to approach now.

GaiusScaevolus · 2015-07-09T20:49:32+00:00

People seem bitchier here lately...

Many women I know won't approach a man even if they think he's attractive. They seem to like men who initiate.

But you're mostly right. Women don't have the desire to approach. But in addition to the factors you listed don't forget to add that women don't have to approach. A woman who doesn't approach may miss a possible bang or two. A man who doesn't approach will probably die a virgin.

Also, no question.

exit_sandman · 2015-07-09T21:21:08+00:00

Women don't have the desire to approach.

There it is.

We don't have testosterone rushing through our blood making us look at any and every two-legged creature who pasts by lustfully.

I'd rather say "women don't approach because they don't have to" (because men do it for them). Technically it amounts to the same as your hypothesis though.

Many RPers seem to believe that it's a conspiracy to keep the "pussy cartel" in "high demand."

The "pussy cartel"-theory refers more female disdain for slutty girls who put out without strings attached. A "good girl" can approach guys, and a slutty girl can be totally inaccessible (though sluttiness and proactiveness correlate to some degree).

[deleted] · 2015-07-09T20:03:17+00:00

Several reasons, in terms of asking a guy out:

you're liable to get attacked/condescended to for asking a guy out, and I'm not talking about getting turned down here
it's a risk, and women seem to be more risk-averse than men
even aside from risk-aversion, the emotional risks can be entirely avoided if women assume a passive approach

In terms of flirting:

I'm not sure it's really true that women are less likely to flirt first
women generally recognize that cold approaches don't work because they've seen the effects of them firsthand
none of this applies to online dating

Dietyz · 2015-07-09T22:32:10+00:00

I don't think this is the only reason for not approaching there are probably many, as I find women will stare at you until you make eye contact and than they kinda give you permission to approach through body language. This doesn't count as approaching, it is giving me permission to approach you. Although this could be just for me as I am 6'2 and fairly muscular, I noticed people approach me less as I got more muscular but I get way more attention from women

I assume that if a woman perceives you as confident or threatening based on your appearance than they assume you would approach anyone that you like so they are less likely to do it

absurdliving · 2015-07-09T22:35:06+00:00

Aside from what has already been pointed out, a lot of it is supply and demand. Since most Americans are fat, it makes the thin, attractive ones seem that much more rare. Personally, where I live, you'll often times find women outnumbered 1 to 5 at a bar. I'll often find maybe a single girl in the whole joint worth considering talking to, only to find she has a mob of men around her.

Go to a foreign country where all the people are in shape and the women aren't half as selective because there are so many other options.

throwaway209042 · 2015-07-09T22:37:35+00:00

What are you talking about? Women approach men all of the time. Oh they don't approach you? That sounds like a you problem not an everybody problem.

SaintOfPirates · 2015-07-09T23:19:07+00:00

Counterproductive and contradictory cultural and social conditioning.

GridReXX · 2015-07-10T05:50:59+00:00

We don't have testosterone rushing through our blood making us look at any and every two-legged creature who pasts by lustfully.

How is that statement different from the "TRP biotroofs" that you mocked just three paragraphs earlier?

[deleted] · 2015-07-10T14:32:36+00:00

AMALT so the smart thing to do is go for the hot ones.

leftajar · 2015-07-10T18:35:48+00:00

Because they don't have to, duh. Vagina is inherently valuable to men, but dick isn't inherently valuable to women. Simple stuff.

ifelsedowhile · 2015-07-09T20:33:35+00:00

technically TRP agrees with you, OP. the problem is the alpha fucks/beta bucks pattern that makes women look bad.

max_peenor · 2015-07-09T21:23:23+00:00

Women approach all the time. They stick their tail up. They offer gifts (usually food). They show off their feminine talents. They do all kinds of shit to entice specific males. After all this, they expect a confident, dominate male to select and "approach" them, thus confirming they are both the appropriate value for each other and mating can commence.

When RP talks about the approach, it's the moment when a man comes up to a woman to begin the mating negotiation. Now, there are a lot of ways you can fuck up this scenario and still succeed in mating, but it will harm the female exceptions which could cause issues. Of course, if you are just in it for a pump and dump, who cares, right?

Looking back at any alpha widows I may have had, invariable they all courted me to some degree (in ways described above and more), though not a single one crossed the barrier until I initiated with them.

wombatinaburrow · 2015-07-10T01:52:29+00:00

Protective behavior. I don't know some strange dude in a club/pub/train from Adam. Why would I put myself in danger by giving him an in?

[deleted] · Thu Jul 9 20:20:14 2015 UTC

[permanently deleted]

oriaxxx · 2015-07-09T21:05:24+00:00

Women don't have the desire to approach.

Or perhaps not the need, sometimes. I dunno, I've been both approacher and approachee. It just depends on the sitch.

Title	Why do you think women are less likely to approach?
Author	GridReXX
Upvotes	7
Comments	116
Date	July 9, 2015 7:31 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/3cplq9/why_do_you_think_women_are_less_likely_to_approach/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-do-you-think-women-are-less-likely-to-approach.281147 https://theredarchive.com/post/281147