Why is it easier to find a relationship than a fwb?

TheLongerCon · 2019-06-07T00:29:45+00:00

The difficulty of finding a fuck buddy or finding a FWB varies widely depending on your standards and attractiveness.

I find it much easier to find casual sex then to find a girlfriend. But that's mostly because my standards for a realtionship are extremely high. Partly this is due to my ability to get casual sex relatively easy with average looking chicks removes any urgency from getting a girlfriend, so my I feel my standards can be higher.

My guess with you is that you're not very sexually attractive but you build comfort well, have decent game, and are the right race for your area. Not necessarily a bad thing, especially if the girls you get into a realtionship with are attractive and treat you well.

Hit the gym and you'll see the casual sexual encounter opportunities explode.

rus9384 · 2019-06-07T00:45:20+00:00

As a straight woman the idea of pursuing another woman for a FWB, or at least a couple, is MUCH more appealing to me than another guy.

I’ve heard so many horror stories about how guys pretty much just see it as an opportunity for them to use another woman for sex and that the girl doesn’t really get much out of it. So there’s pretty little reward. With another woman or a couple you at least have someone with more incentive to get you off and to satisfy the other sexual needs that a woman has like foreplay and cuddling etc

Barneysparky · 2019-06-07T01:29:44+00:00

I had fwbs when I was young. They were friends first and after. That's kinda the point isn't it?

PennnyLame · 2019-06-07T00:47:35+00:00

FWB have always been acquaintances/friends that were fun to hook up with. If you’re starting with dates, it’s never going to be FWB.

ItWasBrokenAlready · 2019-06-07T07:48:31+00:00

It might be easier, depending on the location/social circle, but the main thing is, these are two different activities (looking for LTR/looking for FWB) and casual is not just a better outcome for the same actions that usually grant you a relationship. Don't present yourself as a possible boyfriend when meeting/dating women when you don't want to be a boyfriend. It's not an universal 'women access job interview' thing, when in the last step you can choose a fwb position. Don't do 'date' dates. Don't ask about childhood memories, don't go to a museum/coffee together, if using tinder/other apps establish a sexual and flirty vibe right from beginning. When doing nightgame, be physical/talk about sexual things fast. You'll get more rejections early on, but from women who wouldn't be interested in casual situation anyway.

A friend of mine who opened his marriage for casual sex (but no polyamory) got the same problem - he was able to get women, but they were all interested in relationships/were falling for him. Imho that's because he only had one pickup mode he used his entire life, and that's game for having someone fall in love (getting away from group at parties to have 'deep conversations', establishing emotional connection, doing fun stuff during day together), and not just feel raw, carefree desire (dancing and touching, talking about kinks, let's bang in the bathroom game). Women who would be receptive to the first type of game are going to be disappointed you just want FWB. Women who'd like casual sex would get bored&discouraged by your wine&dine&talk about ourselves approach, and leave the party with a guy who gets straight to business.

meomeowmeoww · 2019-06-07T00:31:23+00:00

Why would most woman want to be a human fleshlight with those types of men?

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2019-06-07T00:34:35+00:00

? This seems backwards to me, shouldn't it be easier to find a fwb instead of a relationship? Can any woman give there thoughts on this?

how do you not understand that most women catch feels from sexual relationships? what benefit to women does the FWB relationship offer her?

Orange_Paisley · 2019-06-07T01:31:05+00:00

My FWBs were selected from among men who were already good friends.

fuckdr11 · 2019-06-07T01:46:42+00:00

Because the movies and TV taught mildly autistic people everywhere that they’re “supposed” to get a GF/BF/spouse, and many NPC people never have it a second thought.

Reisiluu · 2019-06-07T08:31:41+00:00

Why the fuck would any smart woman waste any years between 18-30 on a man who is not looking to get married? Good relationships are hard to find even without distractions and women can't afford to wait until 45 to start considering kids like men can. If she is not married by 30 then having more than one kid before pregnancies become geriatric will be a challenge.

Five_Decades · 2019-06-07T02:47:33+00:00

FWB only apply if you're in the top 5-10% of men, or you find a woman who really, really has a thing for you. Also FWB tend to start as friendships, not dates with strangers.

[deleted] · 2019-06-07T09:38:25+00:00

Ok, answering the main question. You’re doing it wrong, OP. You’re negotiating with them instead of having sex ASAP. They believe they have leverage on you. Well, they actually do, now that you took that route.

Once you have sex, they don’t have that power anymore. That’s when you present the fwb arrangement, or you know, “let’s see how it goes“.

If you can’t persuade anyone to have sex ASAP, I think it’s called beta bucks.

GridReXX · 2019-06-07T18:38:55+00:00

Women don’t need to use Tinder to happen into a casual hookup scenario. If a woman is actively using an app, she is most likely trying to find a boyfriend.

sublimemongrel · 2019-06-07T00:32:43+00:00

Because there are more women who want a relationship than there are women who want a FWB.

cherryapp · 2019-06-07T00:28:29+00:00

In order to get a fwb, you need to be a chad . A fwb relationship involves sex without the drawbacks of commitment. This is a luxury only chads can afford. There's really no reason for women to be fwb with average guys. Average guys aren't sexually exciting enough, so women will require commitment from them to compensate.

ThisIsJustATr1bute · 2019-06-07T00:44:46+00:00

I want a relationship that I can talk freely about, not one that I have to keep private. I can't tell my parents or grandma about some guy I'm having casual sex with.

rus9384 · 2019-06-07T00:27:10+00:00

A good percent of women have emotions around sex and would feel used if all a guy wanted from them was sex with no strings.

Urfunnychad · 2019-06-07T03:49:13+00:00

Women don't choose to have a casual relationship. The man chooses that. You date, enjoy it, start kissing, start banging, but you just aren't sure she's the best you can do. I mean you know it. You know you could do better. But that girl is pretty sweet, she's kind, she's caring, she's a lovely woman. So you keep hanging out with her. You think maybe she'll want you so bad that she'll change. She'll work harder. She'll do more.

But she doesn't and after awhile she finds a real bf. Or she has a little break down and cries and says she needs more. She needs more from you. Why say anything you want to get married and marriage is no joke. If she was going to change if that was actually going to happen she would do it. You can't tell her how to act to pretend like she's changed. Or she'll do it. So you say to that lovely sweet girl. Goodbye.

She was not the one.

That's an fwb.

[deleted] · 2019-06-07T12:45:24+00:00

Because women want a relationship more, and they control the dating market. That simple.

Reed_4983 · 2019-06-07T12:45:55+00:00

Honestly, it's not that easy to find a relationship either. It looks that way because a lot of people get sick of being alone and settle for whomever comes their way.

But finding a good relationship is just as hard as finding a good FWB.

Doubly so for a man.

flamingoinghome · 2019-06-07T21:11:33+00:00

Because you aren't looking among your friends. To have a Friend With Benefits, you must first have a friend. The clue is in the title.

Ididntfeelathing · 2019-06-07T00:28:02+00:00

Maybe you just have bad luck? From what I gather young girls these days are content to fuck casually without a backward glance. Maybe you just haven’t met the right ones? Try moving to a new neighborhood?

ChadThundagaCock · 2019-06-07T06:24:58+00:00

For me it's been the opposite. Easy to find women who just want sex but hard to find someone who wants more.

NockerJoe · 2019-06-07T06:44:02+00:00

I think you have to understand the average redditor, and PPD in particular, has a fucked up psychology.

The men on PPD approach women from a place of inferiority and put that shit on a pedestal. The women on PPD have serious personal issues and find venting their problems and lording over these men appealing. The entirety of the rhetoric here is based on the concept that women will never like you. No matter how much you put into it or how often you sleep with them they'll stab you in the back unflinchingly and walk off.

The concept that women want relationships and emotional vulnerability means the men involved have to change their worldview and the women involved don't get to either torture the men involved or project their own failings onto them.

sm0089 · 2019-06-07T08:20:27+00:00

From what I've seen from a few RSD videos, if you are giving off "provider" or beta male vibes, it could be difficult to get casual sex.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eoFv41hjExE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vO3VT0EsBZg

Btw, I think a better place to ask this question would be r-seduction or r-asktrp

BaronIncognito · 2019-06-08T16:49:07+00:00

As a dude who is looking for an LTR it seems if you aren’t having success with finding a relationship you probably aren’t finding FWB opportunities either.

If you’re the kind of guy that gets casual sex easily I’d imagine in most cases you get a relationship if you wanted one.

I could be wrong though I’ve never been the latter kind of guy. Theoretically maybe a really hot but really dumb guy might run into that problem? IE girls like fucking him but don’t enjoy his company enough to commit to a relationship.

[deleted] · 2019-06-09T12:03:26+00:00

I used to have this issue. The first time i started going to the gym changed things. Things also changed when i changed my mindset regarding ONS's. Basically display traits other than provider/beta/afc traits. Become the man women want to fuck.

welcometothejl · 2019-06-07T09:42:00+00:00

Because many (but not all) women can't hack it on their own, so they don't want an even sex for sex trade, they want a sex for sex and access to all of your resources, please make my life easier, trade. I mean, I have two female friends who can't start their own lawnmower. A relationship offers them freedom, from things in their life that they are unable or unwilling to do. The better arrangement for them is the relationship. As a man, there really isn't anything I can't do on my own, and I value my autonomy. If I'm in a relationship, I lose my autonomy and my life becomes more complex, so the right arrangement for me is a FWB.

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Title	Why is it easier to find a relationship than a fwb?
Author	_Neon_Shadow_
Upvotes	8
Comments	223
Date	June 7, 2019 12:11 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	/r/PurplePillDebate
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-is-it-easier-to-find-a-relationship-than-a-fwb.255426 https://theredarchive.com/post/255426
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/bxnzwd/why_is_it_easier_to_find_a_relationship_than_a_fwb/