Why is it more socially acceptable for women to want stereotypical men than vice versa?

mxp68 · 2021-04-23T16:29:35+00:00

I attended a large meetup group in a restaurant in 2019 and for the most part nobody knew each other. Very polite group but probably an hour into it someday brought up the dating world amongst a group of women and the women were absolutely brutal about the men they’ve seen online, especially short men. There were men in the group and they just kept quiet, but eventually they changed the subject.

I remember thinking: these women are bonding over making fun of the physical features of men they don’t know right in front of other men! This would not happen if the roles were reversed and men started bashing fat women in front of other women, especially people they didn’t know. The conversation would get shutdown immediately and those men would get univited to further meetup events.

There is a double standard.

mechanical_elves · 2021-04-23T16:23:48+00:00

it's just woman good, man bad thinking

I don't think it happened overnight, the reason is probably a snowball effect that started decades ago with cultural shifts. One could probably argue that men were just as bad for centuries, the pendulum has just swung the other way and if women are no better in this regard why should we be surprised?

pussandra · 2021-04-23T17:55:58+00:00

Just don't be so outward with it, it's distasteful regardless of gender. That's something to share with close friends not dating profiles or around strangers

Johnnycage456 · 2021-04-23T16:54:28+00:00

One thing I will say is that women collectively stand up for their gender more than men, when it comes to dating. That isn't to say that they don't compete....but at the very least, they make a lot of noise to enforce the limitations on men's physical preferences.

Men are too busy competing, and will sadly throw other men under the bus. If we want this to change, men have to band together and stand up for short/fat/ugly men, etc etc. There's no other way. As it stands, they're happy to make fun of a short man if it means a slightly better chance for themselves.

_lemazaki · 2021-04-23T17:13:52+00:00

There are just trying to leverage themselves.
They date who they want and don´t care about other men complaining.
Why do you care?

4everrekt · 2021-04-23T19:01:02+00:00

The Overton window is determined by a what is acceptable to a representative group of women, at least in western countries. There’s a lot of money to be made by pandering to women.

Dreams_Thespian · 2021-04-23T19:19:21+00:00

The real question is why care? Just date someone who isn’t like this and hold others to impossible standards that they don’t want or can’t meet themselves... there is no shortage of people living this way.... but there are an increasing number of people who are not like this. When you love yourself unconditionally, you won’t accept any love that is less than that, so strive to love yourself first and you’ll attract the kind of lovers who are on that same path and don’t hold you to standards shaped by society and culture.

wtknight · 2021-04-23T23:23:19+00:00

It's just that women are better at organizing solidarity movements online and through the media to try to promote certain social mores than men are. But men are still free to reject the women who don't fit their standards no matter how much women try to shame their preferences. Fat acceptance movements still don't make most men want to date obese women. If men also want to reject women who can't cook or have high N counts or whatever, nobody is stopping them.

My wife tells me all the time that my appearance preferences are shallow. Yet she's still going to like me as long as I continue to be attracted to her appearance, which I am.

aerial_coitus · 2021-04-23T23:55:18+00:00

Correct. Western culture hates men and makes no attempt to even try to hide it anymore. It has become so ridiculously lopsided that it is not even worth trying to engage anymore. At the same time, even in spite of all this, most women continue to prattle on about their oppression and victimhood status. It is nauseating.

Pickled_Tink_Tea · 2021-04-23T16:22:46+00:00

[deleted]

matt675 · 2021-04-23T22:14:19+00:00

Because women just want to be the judge, jury, and executioner of what is allowed in society nowadays

SylvestorTalone · 2021-04-23T16:49:05+00:00

Everything women do is more socially acceptable. The Overton window is just female sensibilities.

Aubrey_D_Graham · 2021-04-23T16:24:38+00:00

Start setting and enforcing your own preferences. If you get shamed for your preferences by women, call them out on womansplaining because that's toxic femininity.

statsfodder · 2021-04-23T21:33:19+00:00

Fragile femininity ;)

buntyisbest · 2021-04-23T18:08:35+00:00

I've never truly understood this double standard either. I mean, like you said, with online dating, it's perfectly fine for a woman to want to know a guy's height before going out on a first date. But, for some reason, you're fat-shaming if you ask a girl's weight.

initilize · 2021-04-23T20:06:11+00:00

[removed]

XtoDoubt · 2021-04-23T16:20:59+00:00

We live in a gynocentric social order where women are prioritized above men. What is beneficial to men at the expense of women is to be condemned, and what is beneficial to women at the expense of men is to be praised. There isn't logic to it beyond that. It's simply "What do I have so say to get what I want."

Good-Strong · 2021-04-23T16:21:54+00:00

Men can have their own specific preferences too.

The problem comes when they insist all men have the same preferences as them regarding women, that all women have the same preferences regarding men, or that they want to force all men or all women to behave according to their own preferences.

reluctantly_red · 2021-04-23T16:17:34+00:00

I'm perfectly fine with making my own dinner. Also, she damn well better work. I'm not about to support an able bodied grown ass person.

Pilling_it · 2021-04-23T16:20:43+00:00

Because there are companies that made money in promoting different body types since it's a wider market. Of course, it's not the only things, gender roles are still very much enforced by a good amount of women to matter.

Throw in shaming of men since they don't give as much of a shit about others than women do (when it comes to cooperating as a gender that is), and you get the balance. Doesn't help that much of the top tier men have the least of incentives to promote change since society is pretty much LVM<LVW<HVW<HVM.

That being said, if men saying the above things are pretty much silenced by shaming, they can still enforce it through actions, so not sure how it actually goes at the individual level for most.

Think I'm missing a few things, but that's that from the top of my head.

BlackPorcelainDoll · 2021-04-23T17:05:35+00:00

Because men don't criticize it and don't care; crippled and insecure women are feminine and hot.

I know some men that find social shyness in women cute and endearing; but the women demonstrably has an anxiety disorder and probably needs to be medicated and get therapy to overcome it.

grand_tiremaster · 2021-04-23T18:26:48+00:00

Thank feminism. I think it's OK for men to have preferences. Don't like fat women? Ok. Don't like skinny women? Ok. Don't like blacks, don't like whites, don't like big hands, don't like pterodactyl feet? Ok. Who cares honestly what someone's preferences are? That is their business and up to them.

But thanks to the LOUD, feminists of the world, it's become taboo for men to share their likes/dislikes. For some reason these people take it personally and to heart if they read that some random, anonymous person doesn't like xyz body feature, but prefers abc feature. Like they get extremely offended that they (an anonymous stranger to the other anonymous stranger) aren't seen as fuckable to a random person. That's just life. Not everyone will be attracted to you. But someone out there wants to fuck you, so be happy with that.

I'm not attracted to men shorter than me, and that's OK. My partner isn't attracted to heavier women, and strictly prefers women that are on the leaner side, but have child bearing hips. He prefers lean with curves, he also prefers brunettes, and seems to like brown eyes more than other colors of eyes. None of his preferences are mean, rude, taboo, or offensive.

If you have a problem with someone's preferences, it sounds like a YOU problem.

throwawaygang21 · 2021-04-23T19:25:33+00:00

Because feminism turned from equal rights for all to “God is a woman, kill all men” I know most feminists don’t literally mean KAM, but regardless the ideology now is that men need to do better, but women can do no wrong.

Wetcat9 · 2021-04-23T17:06:07+00:00

[removed]

funlightmandarin · 2021-04-23T17:10:44+00:00

Why do you care what's socially acceptable? I don't think Leonardo DiCaprio cares what people think about him switching out models after age 25, he just does it.

Date who you want to date; don't date who you don't want to date.

redditthrowaway1478 · 2021-04-23T16:41:03+00:00

Because women don't like being held accountable. Being healthy is your responsibility just like being self-sufficient as an adult. Fat women should be shamed for not working out and eating too much.

HowardClassic · 2021-04-23T18:37:08+00:00

I don't understand the question. It's completely socially acceptable to want whoever you want.

EclipticSilverFox · 2021-04-23T18:42:43+00:00

Well, I think the reason why it doesn’t matter what men prefer, is because we are the ones that decide what genes gets passed along. This is not very purple pill. This is straight out p red pill. Am i wrong?

Brainless-Wonder · 2021-04-23T18:57:06+00:00

Generally off the internet, it’s women throwing a fit about social standards. Men either don’t give a shit or don’t vocalize it publicly.

On the internet, well, different story. The discussion here will be skewed by anonymity and echo chambers.

But in general, this stuff is usually more socially acceptable to be spoken by women in real life so that’s who’s putting out these narratives.

lingualistic · 2021-04-23T19:41:42+00:00

I just don't think this is the case, mostly. Except the "wanting a woman who earns less" that's just some pathetic shit, and the woman who has the solid career is lucky that such a fragile triggered man child won't be interested...

But yeah in my experience nobody expects hot guys to date fat women. Nobody blinks if a man values a woman who cooks. I've cooked for all my partners, I usually take it on as a primary chore, because I like it and many men aren't fantastic at it. It doesn't bother me, and I do ask for help chopping/prepping and cleaning up. My boyfriend now actually loves cooking and wants to be an equal participant and take the lead often, which is kind of mindblowing and very nice, but not something I expected.

Anyone who really thinks someone who is attractive and fit is wrong for not dating someone unattractive is just stupid and not in reality. And, decent men aren't going around raging about how they don't like fat women... they're just silently only pursuing and dating fit women, and nobody blinks as I said.

4D-Alien · 2021-04-23T20:07:03+00:00

due to PC culture/batshit feminism, lots of guys just keep that talk to their inner circle of guy friends.

SonicBackScratcher · 2021-04-23T21:52:52+00:00

Get off social media.

Problem solved.

Naus1987 · 2021-04-24T00:06:58+00:00

I’m happy with my height of 5,7”. It’s literally never bothered me, lol.

Personally, I’m more of an intellectual (not trying to brag, I promise), so I’m not really into the valley girl, judgemental type.

I fully support people’s ability to have preferences. They can chase their dreams, and I’ll chase mine. Everyone wins! :D

timetovisitgandy · 2021-04-24T15:31:11+00:00

Cause men are disposable and women aren't

BigFatBigPotato · 2021-04-27T05:20:21+00:00

I remember my female friend who would always says she didn’t like a guy because he was too short. Then one time I say I didn’t like a girl because she was too fat and she called me shallow and got all mad at me.🙄 Women are such hypocrites. Besides, Being short says absolutely nothing about a person and can’t be helped, while being fat says loads about a persons self-control and care for their own health and is 100% based on their food choices and can be helped. So who is truly shallow?

Snacksbreak · 2021-04-23T16:29:27+00:00

Men don't need to date fat girls... but what's the motivation behind loudly proclaiming this on social media?

I won't date fat men, but you don't see me seeking out fat men on tik tok to tell them they're hideous/undateable and should go to the gym to meet my aesthetic preferences.

It's almost as if the point of those videos is misogyny... 🤔

Kemence97 · 2021-04-23T18:55:34+00:00

A new day, a new silly, martyr question on this sub....

Everybody can have, and everybody has physical preferences , please don't act like a moron. Just because certain people have crazy ideas about body positivity, fat shamening doesn't mean that the majority of people(regardless from gender) would say that it's unacceptable if someone doesn't want to date, or have sex with fat people. Not wanting to have sex with unattractive people is kinda a casual, normal thing. DOn't you hear yourself? How silly you sound?People here everyday post these silly silly rants, where they generalize 50% of the world population, pick some radical examples and acts like every men or every women acts like this.Seriously... get a life dude

Flintblood · 2021-04-23T19:05:01+00:00

Prepare to be gaslit

GridReXX · 2021-04-23T22:29:15+00:00

It’s about reciprocity to me.

If we are going to be a “gender roles” couple where I am making meals and cleaning and tending to children (and birthed them) majorly more than him on a daily basis, what is he doing on a daily basis that increases my daily QOL?

He would have to be making substantially more than me or we would have to live in a very dangerous environment where he showcases his protective prowess quite regularly for it to feel like a fair trade off, yes or no?

Murphysmongoose · 2021-04-23T16:44:15+00:00

B/c pussy power rules the world. We live in a gynocentric society, and you just need to accept that. Man up, and get over it.

CrossroadsinCtown · 2021-04-23T17:53:17+00:00

because women, much like liberals, make no sense even to themselves.

FantasticChipmunk · 2021-04-23T16:28:54+00:00

Men saying they won’t date fat girls is not unacceptable. You’re making it sound like fat girls are out here forcing men to sleep with them. It sucks to be judged for your body, but it’s not illegal or immoral. It’s immoral to think a fat person is beneath you simply for being fat. But if you don’t want to sleep with them, no one is filing a police complaint.

You’re just mad fat girls can get hot guys but fat men can’t get hot girls (unless they buy their attention). Bring that up with your own gender instead of trying to tear women down.

Gilmoregirlin · 2021-04-23T19:11:26+00:00

I am female and I think all of these things are fine, wanting any of them does not make you a bad person. My question back to you is why do you care what society thinks? Society is not in your bedroom, in your marriage or in your relationship, and no matter what choices you make in life someone is always going to have something to say so ignore it. There are men and women who think that traditional relationships are best. That a man should always earn more, and I have personally been shamed for earning a high salary as a female and for daring (when I was single) ever consider dating a man that earned less. That's not how it's supposed to be allegedly. I also cannot cook to save my life. My best friend always wanted a man who made more and she wanted to be a stay at home Mom, her husband also wanted that, there is nothing wrong with that. My brother is attracted to women that are heavier than average and his wife is. I have countless female friends that are handier than their male partners. If you meet someone and she is offended by what you want in a relationship, then she's not for you. I will say that it is getting harder and harder for men to find women that are willing to just stay at home and not work, BUT it is also harder and harder to find men that want to be the sole breadwinner. But wanting that is not wrong.

Lateralanouncer · 2021-04-23T20:33:50+00:00

Absolutely, woman are only protecting there own sexual strategy (which is not traditional) at the same time constantly shame men into there own objective. Be traditional when I’m ready while not being traditional themselves.

You always have to go back to men being to gatekeepers if commitment resources etc for our families. while woman are responsible for sex/matting/children.

Ladyofblades · 2021-04-23T21:15:33+00:00

Women don’t usually thrust their preferences into your face unless actively asked. Men will often discuss it crassly in the wrong company. It’s all about tact and context

gumnut__ · 2021-04-23T21:18:52+00:00

Because you're listening to women and "male feminists", not men.

2021-04-23T18:43:52+00:00

Because women want men with lives, men want women with no lives. One of those things is predatory.

Sid_Insidious · 2021-04-23T19:14:53+00:00

Female privilege

flamingoinghome · 2021-04-23T17:22:27+00:00

I cannot imagine the looks of utter bewilderment a woman in my real-life universe would get if she spoke openly about wanting a man who "could protect her." I think the first and obvious question most people would ask would be from what?

As for all this "handy" talk...IME, and I mentioned this elsewhere, what women really don't want is a man who is not handy, but thinks he is. The guy who can fix the sink is good, the guy who sees a leak and calls the plumber is good, but the guy who claims he can fix it and demolishes half the bathroom in the process (while the sink leaks on) is no bueno.

I must say, for all of this "no one gets upset when women want tall guys" talk, you're sure missing...the extremely vocal Greek chorus of angry men any time some girl has a "six feet" preference on her tinder. They sure ain't "accepting" it. And the diet industry would beg to differ with the idea that men who won't date fat chicks are some despised outgroup.

As for "handsome"--when men say they imagine the girl of their dreams as being beautiful, it's just....not even noticed, it's so normal. I honestly think a lot of, like, feminist self-esteem talk is missing the point in this regard. "You're beautiful! Every woman is beautiful!" I'd honestly prefer, "Even if you're not pretty, you're still valuable and can live an awesome life."

No one is lauded for wanting a partner that makes less money than them. I know guys who talk about wanting sugar mommas. They're only half kidding (if that), and get no shit for it. This is just because most people like money and think it's weird to want your partner to have less of it.

cloudsongs_ · 2021-04-23T17:21:13+00:00

So in my personal social circle, it hasn't been more or less socially acceptable to have preferences. My friends and I don't roll our eyes if a guy friend has a preference for the type of girl he wants. That's his choice. Same with my female friends. I think both men and women can have unrealistic expectations of what a perfect partner is but hey, dating is a learning experience .

FnckTheDnck · 2021-04-23T19:14:18+00:00

Who said that? Stop trying to be a victim and date whoever you want. Nobody cares!

IOportA · 2021-04-23T18:59:28+00:00

because want to have their cake and eat it too.

ShakeNBake007 · 2021-04-23T19:02:50+00:00

Simple. They're hypocrites.

2021-04-23T19:47:16+00:00

Woman privilege

Wellbidlo · 2021-04-23T22:26:47+00:00

Why is more acceptable for woman XYZ?

Women by a biological standpoint are multitudes more valuable than men, that's why.

yuckyuck13 · 2021-04-23T22:42:11+00:00

Women are much more specific in what traits that they find attractive, men aren't. Come on men it's an obvious blueprint, learn it, love it, live it.

flapperfemmefatale · 2021-04-23T17:50:17+00:00

This hasn't been my experience at all, but my social circle is dominated by women who don't want stereotypical men. In comparison, most of the men want stereotypical women.

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AntWillFortune15 · 2021-04-23T19:33:19+00:00

Because feminism. Trust me before the 70s if women were kept in the kitchen and making us sandwiches things would be a looot different. It's literally because they were louder than men. They set the standard for dating because they're constantly shouting inequality. If you had men start shouting the same thing it would even out the double standard. Guys let women take the lead for setting standards and the result is what you've listed. We got lazy and took our position for granted and now we're paying for it.

Alfredaux · 2021-04-23T21:37:03+00:00

Absolutely. In general public discourse, it’s far more acceptable to shit on those seen as having more privilege. So it’s petty much a free-for-all on White, cisgendered, heterosexual, native-born, neuro-typical, able-bodied, wealthy men. Drop some privileged identities and you’ll have more backlash fo shit talking that group.

Of course, still plenty of racism a sexism and such to go around. It’s just less explicitly publicly acceptable.

MrCrowley1000 · 2021-04-23T21:54:06+00:00

Get you a partner who understands that you are only as good as the value both bring to the relationship. High value people strive to better themselves and can identify low value in others. Ex: As someone who is fit, I need a partner who has mutual interests in the things I like to do, like fitness. The experiences together strengthen our bond. It’s nothing personal against the round girl, she just might not be able to have those journeys with me. Is that so bad?

Question tho, why does it matter if your women made more money than you? If anything it’s a compliment that she doesn’t value you for money👌🏽

nyclaurco · 2021-04-23T22:52:56+00:00

the whole height thing is dumb. i’m bi and limiting your potential pool of partners over height is just so weird to me. as far as obesity, people really can’t help if they’re not attracted to it since on a biological level we are reading it as unhealthy and unmotivated.

as for the other things, it’s the intent behind it. a woman wanting a guy with more money makes sense. money is power. money buys you nice things. money secures a better future for your kids, so she’s not even being self serving if she’s thinking about that, too. money enables you to retire more easily.

now, why on earth would someone want their partner to make less money than them? it is insecurity, and it’s a glaring red flag. this person at best needs to feel superior to you and at worst will actively abuse you.

ItWasAlwaysOver · 2021-04-24T00:07:05+00:00

just an example of gynocentrism.

pubgmisc · 2021-04-24T00:20:21+00:00

I don't think anyone should ask for something on the same caliber of they couldn't give themselves

JoeExplainsBadly · 2021-04-24T05:55:22+00:00

I've been lurking PPD for 3 months and if its one thing I've realised its that there's a double standard. lmao

jennifr_moonlight · 2021-04-24T10:17:48+00:00

I have found that as a woman, I am told to overlook physical attractiveness in a man. To “give them a chance” for personality. I know women who are with partners they’re not necessarily physically attracted to, but overlooked it for the personality. But I never see a man being encouraged by other men to overlook no physical attraction and to give a woman a chance for her personality...

Runoutofideas777 · 2021-04-25T13:13:04+00:00

I think anyone is entitled to their preference but as a guy you can't really be public with it. I mean swiping on Tinder you'll see thousands of women saying "under 6ft must not apply" and stuff like that in their bio, but I don't think any guy has ever had "over 190 pounds must swipe left" on his bio.

TodTheRod01 · 2021-04-25T19:46:12+00:00

Modern Feminism has taught society that anything masculine is bad, and men cannot have standards...

kissmetilyouredrunk · 2021-04-23T21:03:01+00:00

Because the things women stereotypically want from men—power, money, status, ambition, masculinity, strength—are also good for men to want for themselves.

And the things that men stereotypically want from women—degrading sex acts, painful sex acts, ownership of their body, ownership of their womb, career sacrifice, service, submission—are disempowering for women to want for themselves

peachycreaam · 2021-04-23T17:51:14+00:00

You do know that woke Twitter doesn’t represent what most of the global pop. thinks right? Most males are very open about wanting a slim, young woman who cooks and cleans. Especially if you look at countries and cultures that aren’t so politically correct, which is the majority of the world.

Tanalize · 2021-05-20T21:41:36+00:00

Women are called shallow for even wanting an average guy who is employed. I don't know where you're getting this information from when men are allowed to date fit young women when they're old and fat and get less push back then if a woman were to ask for the same.

Title	Why is it more socially acceptable for women to want stereotypical men than vice versa?
Author	ShortPromotion2
Upvotes	264
Comments	384
Date	April 23, 2021 4:14 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/mwytyf/why_is_it_more_socially_acceptable_for_women_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-is-it-more-socially-acceptable-for-women-to.761611 https://theredarchive.com/post/761611