Women are just as upset being friend-zoned as men are. I can attest to that from personal experience. And both sexes are right. If one person is in love and attracted sexually, the other person can't ask him or her to rewrite their feelings just so he or she could have a longer list of friends.

NarniaFox · 2021-03-17T08:55:23+00:00

I think we should divide "malicious" friendzone and genuine one. It's one deal when a person knows about their "friend's" feelings and plays with them in order to get whatever they want and the other when they think that they're really just friends. The difference between men and women falling in malicious friendzone is that stereotypically women get used sexually and men financially. Because women are used for sex people rarely call it "friendzone", although it's the same malicious manipulating.

Genuine friendzone also happens and there isn't one recipe to solve it. Some people are okay with staying friends and they can overcome their feelings, others have to cut any ties and stop seeing their interest in order to get over.

Personally I've been in the second situation in both roles. When I was interested in my friend, I didn't cut ties and it played out nicely. He was honest about his disinterest, we stayed friends and no one got really hurt. When my other friend confessed to me, we tried to make things work, but it was clear that she kept trying to "win" me over, so I stopped seeing her.

RedPandaRedacted · 2021-03-17T16:30:32+00:00

Friend-zoning would require of the other person to suffer. If one person wants to be a couple, and the other one doesn't, the only option is to say goodbye.

Bingo. When "friendzoning" happens, just like no one is obligated to reciprocate romance, no one is obligated to reciprocate a platonic relationship.

geyejoe7 · 2021-03-17T15:18:58+00:00

Being friendzoned by all the women you ever try to date, and being friendzoned by a couple Chads because they're out of your leauge isn't the same.

Creation_Soul · 2021-03-17T08:32:59+00:00

I know very few examples of men friend-zoning women without having sex. What I have usually seen is friendzoning women who are interested in that man, is that the man will start a "fake relationship" with that woman in order to just have sex and move on to the next girl once that opportunity arrives.

Bandit174 · 2021-03-17T12:42:34+00:00

I don't think so. I think being friendzoned is A LOT more common among men than among women and that in the few instances where a woman does get friendzoned she's not as hurt by it as guys are. I think guys are much more likely to have all their eggs in one basket because they don't have as many options while women can more easily walk away.

SherbertBacon · 2021-03-17T20:09:00+00:00

I find women accept friend-zoning much better though. For one, women don’t profess their feelings as often, so there’s far less often that awkward conversation. For another, if it comes to that, they tend to cut off ties entirely and make lots of space. Finally, I don’t think women have that “nice guy” mentality that often comes with men who get very upset at being friendzoned. So for all these reasons, while I may agree internally it may hurt just as much, we encounter it far less

LittyKitsune · 2021-03-17T13:26:01+00:00

I don't think it's the friendzoner's place to demand that everything go back to normal or even the social circle's, but I still feel like learning to not have to cut every single person who isn't mutually attracted out of your life is a valuable skill in general. Yes it takes a very thick skin and firm boundaries, but it's surprisingly liberating once you get there.

Pilling_it · 2021-03-17T09:18:06+00:00

It's a mix. Well, men are told to stay friends because that way women can avoid a violent reaction, but if they notice they can get attention for basically free, there's the temptation to exploit that.

Usually men would avoid friendzoning so they can keep having sex (but no go for relationships), so women don't see that as worth much - which is quite true - but friendzoning while not making sex an option is a serious blow to the self esteem too.

It often come because ironically one doesn't want to hurt or talk about what's touchy, but this does far more damage in the long run.

alialahmad1997 · 2021-03-17T12:12:36+00:00

What, this is insane What is the friend zoner is supposed to do tell the other we can't be friends any more cause u liked me The person is owe to the other being sencere in their regection and thats it Its for the other to decide if they want to be friend zoned or not

Alfredaux · 2021-03-17T16:07:08+00:00

Nah. I’ve been in the situation where my romantic/sexual feelings were not reciprocated and things are just fine as friends. Similarly, I’ve been in situations where I did not reciprocate someone else’s romantic/sexual feelings and have remained friends.

This is a scenario that is quite common and it isn’t abuse or exploitation. Jealousy is an emotional to be handled like any other. It isn’t an emotional space one should occupy for a length of time.

Henry_Blair · 2021-03-17T17:28:06+00:00

Maybe I’m in the minority here but I would rather be friend zoned then dropped from their life. At that point I already have emotional attachment and they make me happy to be around and talk to so why would I want to/want them to leave?

Inf3rn0_exile · 2021-03-17T17:28:35+00:00

Yes it feels bad. But atleast women have the option of hooking up with the object of their affection. It’s not the same for men. And before you say fuckzone is worse than friendzone...just know.... a guy would gladly accept fuckzone.

Johnnycage456 · 2021-03-17T11:04:44+00:00

Genuinely friendzoning women (no sex) is always kinda fascinating. More often than not they've acted borderline pathetic. Not in the ragey way that men do, but definitely in a sad, "I can't possibly understand this" kinda way.

Ok_Razzmatazz_1751 · 2021-03-17T13:31:17+00:00

I don't think there's a difference between nice friend zone and malicious friend zone I believe that you're only friend zoned when you are not sexually appealing to somebody , and anybody that thinks any different is obtuse in thinking. No one sex is guaranteed to find love or anything in this world ,and anybody that says that they are entitled , are being ignorant.

velvetunderground111 · 2021-03-17T17:02:35+00:00

I friend zoned my first good female friend after going back to college in my mid-20's. I was very arrogant and thought I could do better. But I wanted to keep her around as a drinking buddy, because I was older and didn't have a lot of friends. I ended up with an alcoholic 21 year old after her. I sometimes watch the girl I passed on's old youtube videos: she was perfectly hot. Really busty, too. I don't know what I was thinking. Youth is wasted on the young.

It ended up being a really big deal for her, and she would make these angsty Livejournal entries about how fucked up the situation was and complaining about how I wouldn't date her. Was a mess. I can't believe I was ever that arrogant.

I was later friend zoned by a super hot Jewish girl after coming home from college and it was BRUTAL, so I got a taste of my own.

2021-03-17T18:22:42+00:00

I don't think some of the people we are talking about understand how much it hurts when a friend falls for you and you have to tell them you just don't want them like that, it really hurts that you are AWARE at that point that you can no longer be friends the same way.

AnonPinkLady · 2021-03-17T21:24:43+00:00

In the specific situation this post is referring to in which the rejecting party decides to demand the other person continue to be their friend after discovering how they feel, even when the rejected party has honestly expressed it's not something they can handle, I agree it's unfair. Expecting someone to continue to be your friend after finding out they like or maybe even love you, and to just endure the eternal disappointment is pretty cruel. I personally have never stayed just friends with anyone after being rejected, because I dont really know how to get over someone without cutting them out of my life entirely and I'm sure plenty of people feel the same.

That being said there's assumption here that this is the only definition of the friendzone. That it is always someone being manipulative, demanding the same amount of effort from their friend while knowing they're hurting them etc. Usuallg what people call friendzoning though, just means that one of you perceives the other as a friend and isnt able to see them as anything at. That's not their fault and that's why most women are disturbed by men raging about the friendzone, because it implies they cant handle rejection and wont take no for an answer.

Wanting to go your separate ways after rejection though is completely rational.

TheChocolateBarsGuy · 2021-03-17T12:51:08+00:00

There is no such thing as friendzone for women most of the time.

It's what we call the fuckzone ! That's the equivalent of the friendzone for women.

The man gets sex which is what he wants. The women doesn't get the attention and emtional support she looks for ( relationship)

For men this happens when he is in the friendzone ! The women gets the boyfriend benefits aka a man who listens to her shit and supports her emotionally. Gives her a lot of attention while not getting what he wants which is sex.

Women do this on purpose and they know it! This is why i always tell men if she has boy bestfriend or a lot of male friends never commit to her. She will not value your attention at all because she can get same level of shit from her " guy friend " who all are trying to fuck her.

This is why we men hate SIMPS. They make male attention and validation worthless by their shitty actions.

passepar2t · 2021-03-17T09:30:34+00:00

No they aren't. Women's equivalent of a friend zone is when they're fucked and told to get out by a guy they want.

Psychological_Wear_7 · 2021-03-17T08:28:26+00:00

Women have multiple male orbiter at any given moment, one dude friend zoning doesn't matter much in the grand scheme of things

Aldabruzzo · 2021-03-17T16:34:57+00:00

Women don't get friendzoned. Women get fuckzoned.

superlurkage · 2021-03-17T14:39:52+00:00

Women get upset because everyone says it’s impossible for us to get friendzoned. Just like everyone says it’s impossible for us get turned down for sex, ever.

So if it happens, something must be really, really wrong — either with the guy or, gasp, with you!

Logical, no?

Ohmylordyjesus · 2021-03-17T10:03:10+00:00

Well when women are getting friend zoned by the top 10% of men consistently, maybe they should give the other 90% a chance.

2021-03-17T16:06:50+00:00

Rejection sucks but I respect the decision of men who reject me. Im not entitled to their body.

I agree not being friends w people you have an unrequited crush on is healthy.

801735 · 2021-03-17T13:54:25+00:00

they knew this means they will have to witness how another woman takes the role of a lover which would kill them of jealousy

It's not jealousy, it's envy. Those are two completely different things.

sunnybunny12692 · 2021-03-17T18:24:26+00:00

You mean fuckzoned*

Women get fuckzoned by men, not friendzoned

Flightlessbirbz · 2021-03-17T21:24:41+00:00

Agree mostly. I’ve had this happen as a woman and it’s painful. The only difference with men is they will use you for sex before friendzoning you, which to me can be worse because it’s misleading and creates more feelings. The friends-with-benefits zone.

However, there is a difference between friendzoning someone you know likes you and just being friends with someone not knowing they feel friendzoned by you.

Shadowgirl7 · 2021-03-17T22:13:48+00:00

Hum, yeah if I like someone and I am friendzone I am surely not going to stick around listen to his love stories with other women, what am I a clown?

In that case, better cut/reduce contact and move on.

THe1NES · 2021-03-18T07:04:22+00:00

Yeah but it’s easier (not easy, just easier) to break the friend zone as a women because you can let your friend know you want something more without it sounding creepy or even like sexual harassment (unless you really mess it up) whereas guys have to constantly worry about not appearing as “rapey” or creepy- both of which could get you in trouble with the law with an unhinged woman- a women in the worst case being labeled as a slut doesn’t have as bad of ramifications

abaxeron · 2021-03-18T09:50:08+00:00

I'm yet to meet or hear of a single man who would leave a romantically interested woman on emotional leash and drip feed to make her buy him videogames.

cloudsongs_ · 2021-03-19T21:12:33+00:00

If the friend-zoning is happening from a good place (she/he is just not interested in the other and does not stake any claim to this person), I think it's fine. But the person who was friend-zoned is 100% entitled to leave the friendship completely if it uncomfortable as they don't owe the person they were interested in their friendship.

wtknight · 2021-03-17T12:50:10+00:00

Women aren't usually friend-zoned like men are. What does happen to them is that they are pumped and dumped or plated by high-value men who they want relationships with, and of course this is upsetting to them just like being friend-zoned is upsetting to a man who is really into a certain woman.

Henry_Blair · 2021-03-17T10:05:56+00:00

All, yes, women get near the friend-zone and hate it. Whatever number of guys they have that show interest in them, they too fall in love with someone who is not interested in them. Yes, he'll sometimes have sex (not always. Depends on why he's not interested in her. If it's because she's really not attractive or she's crazy, sex is rarely an interesting thought). But if he is an honest person he will tell them the same thing that any woman tells a guy she's not in love with - that this will not lead to a relationship. And no, the guy will not "sex-zone" her if he starts a relationship with someone else (that's called cheating). At that point, most guys will not attempt friend-zoning, BUT, women are still aware of that option and are terrified of it, for good and just reasons. I don't see how 100 other guys who show interest in her have anything to do with it - that guy is not one of them. The entire emotional landscape is different for him.

The reason women are friend-zoning men and the reason they try to justify something that they will never be willing to accept if done to them, is that women flatter themselves with the number of men who want them, and some have an egoistic urge to "keep a follower for the count" ignoring what it does to him (sadism). The reason men don't friend-zone is that what flatters them is being with the woman they want and dream about - they don't care about those whom they don't want, it doesn't do much for their ego, the sex is full of guilt and shame for lowering standards ("how low am I willing to go?"), and as for friendship with a woman they rejected, on the contrary… it actually insults guys (that this is what their life looks like). Plus, men are less sadistic than women, they mostly just have no interest in making someone suffer, while many women are apathetic to the pain they cause to others (though very sensitive to pain caused BY OTHERS).

michael1962-01 · 2021-03-17T12:36:32+00:00

I can't be friend with a woman. So i am only with the one my co$$ is in. The rest is invisible. I still see the ioi's. I still tell them that i am not interested when they approach. But i'd never befriend one.

CharlieGordan · 2021-03-17T14:17:36+00:00

Women only get friendzoned by Chads. If they dont go very far out of their league and they wont get friendzoned.

opistrue · 2021-03-17T17:15:08+00:00

girls are being friendzoned by guys several levels above them

average guys are being friendzoned by barely average girls

gammaJinx · 2021-03-17T09:00:23+00:00

Friendzoning could actually be a pretty useful tool assuming the other person genuinely wants to be friends. As long as you don't get to deep and develop strong feelings for said person. Friendzoning allows you to expand your social circle and give you social proof when you attempt to ask another person out. This mostly applies to guys btw

guccijor · 2021-03-17T17:04:25+00:00

There’s no such thing are “friend-zoning” I personally hate that term. Let’s be real if that person doesn’t want you then they don’t want you. For someone to “suffer” over it needs to get over themselves. Nobody owes them anything especially their time attention and love let’s be real. Find someone who wants you and stop bitching and complaining. There’s 7 billion people in this world and you want to get butt hurt over the one person who does not have mutual feelings for you? As for “friend-zoning” men to be considered in humane is Absurd and Bullshit. Men are not entitled to woman or anything of a woman her time, attention, etc.. statements like this is very dangerous to say the less. To say a men has any right to anyone is absolutely wrong. There is no such thing as “friend-zoning” it’s one person likes another, and that other person does not like them.

flapperfemmefatale · 2021-03-17T18:58:53+00:00

Good Lord, people still think the friend-zone is a thing? Did we go back to the 90s? lol

AtTheEnd777 · 2021-03-17T19:27:59+00:00

The friend zone isn't real. Sometimes people just like you and find you interesting or worth knowing as a person but don't find you romantically or sexually attractive. It's perfectly fair to let someone know that you'd still like to know them without fucking them. No one is forcing anyone to hang around if they can't handle being friends. To be honest, if you don't find someone good enough to just be friends with, you probably shouldn't be pursuing them romantically in the first place.

EusticeSymington · 2021-03-17T09:53:16+00:00

Rejection/friendzoning destroy women more than men in my experience.

2021-03-17T13:54:34+00:00

Yeah lol 80% men get friend zoned from 80% females while 20% females get friend zoned from Chad and the bottom 20% females wont consider any other guys because in their delusional heads we're beneath them or they've lowered their standards.

Come on... get real man.

Danger3214 · 2021-03-17T11:18:55+00:00

Wrong, because if what you said were true that would require women to have feelings. And we just know that would be fiction, because women simply don't have feelings.

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JulesB954 · 2021-03-17T18:07:55+00:00

In my opinion, I think "friend-zoning" depends when said individual makes their feelings known. If not much time has passed since meeting and there is a mismatch from what we want out of each other, I think parting ways is the best solution for both our sakes. If I developed a long term friendship with a man (1 year plus) and suddenly that man confesses romantic feelings, I would have a lot of trouble transitioning from friendship because at that point the man feels more like a "brother" to me; I imagine it's a similar scenario when the genders are reversed. I've only had that situation happen twice to me. One of them decided to part ways and the other decided to remain my friend. I guess my main point is that both parties need to make their feelings and intensions known to each other as soon as possible to avoid unnecessary resentment and misplaced investment. This goes for both men and women.

Legitimate-Tap-2435 · 2021-03-17T18:57:01+00:00

Woman don’t get friend-zoned they get plate-zoned

krmaml · 2021-03-17T21:11:11+00:00

Women can still have a sexual relationships with the guy who 'friend-zones' them.

Sastracha · 2021-03-17T23:17:35+00:00

If she’s homely, she’s a homie; If she’s hot, she gets a shot.

Expensive-Guitar3609 · 2021-03-17T23:24:20+00:00

I rencently friendzoned a now grown ass woman (31) that had friendzoned me when we were 16-17. We were good friends though but had to part ways after highschool, and we got in contact again four years ago because of work. During the pandemic we got closer as we were forced to work together more, she started to act really weird and suddenly she broke up with his boyfriend. A month later she invited me some drinks, and while we were at a bar she confesed me for the last three or four years she's been falling in love with me, really hard, and that's why she had to end her relationship. I told her I was really flattered but I was in a long term relationship and, actually, engaged, but she said she didn't care (yeah, she was very clear she wanted at least to be side chick).

I should have said she is not as cute as she used to be, but I told her I valued her friendship, and she cried. Haha damn I felt sad for her but tbh at the same time I was like "duuuuude is this really happening?" hahaha.

Karma is a hell of a bitch haha. Yeah no, it's not a CC Rider post wall fantasy, we are friends now, but I must confess that I'm quite pissed with her for not giving me the chance of banging her when she was pretty.

Shimiharu · 2021-03-17T23:27:13+00:00

Honestly, I think it really depends on the case. I'm not trying to brag but there was once a guy who's been asking me out for a year before I finally said I had some time. I was just legitimately busy and didn't get he liked me - so for me, it was just some sort of usual friends meeting. We talked a lot online, though, so I thought that was close enough.

Being nearly aromantic, I just didn't consider myself in any form of such relationships, so when I found out after he burst out with it how much it hurt him, I realised friendship really would never be enough, so I ended things there even though I loved having him as a friend.

Somethins similar happened again, just that it was a hard and short crush after two weeks after which I safely kept my distance because I wanted those emotions to cool down after he confessed to me. We share parts of our friends circles so I couldn't just cut him off like the other boy.

So far, everything seems perfectly fine and our common friends haven't reported anything bad. My ex, despite our 2 years of really intense relationship, is still friends with me, too, even though I know the transition was hard for him and he intially wanted more. But I just didn't want him completely out of my life, even though that may sound cruel. So I just kept leisure contact and we're back to friends, luckily. He's got a new crush, too, so I don't think it's cruel longterm.

Murdochsk · 2021-03-17T23:31:28+00:00

I lack jealousy and also lack friends (due to a busy life and moving for work) I seem to do ok with meeting women and being able to have sex. For me being friends is great news as a man. Hanging out with beautiful women actually attracts other beautiful women.

You just have to stop looking at relationships as ownership and if you love someone support them in what makes them happy.

The secret is to stop fetishising one woman and putting her on a pedestal, meet lots of women, make friends with sexy women who you can flirt with and have fun as friends, fall in love with lots of women in your life it’s an amazing feeling but don’t try to own them (or let them own and beta bucks you and withhold sex and affection in a terrible relationship ), and most of all when you meet someone who loves you back put work in but understand how women and men work and be open and communicate.

DXBrigade · 2021-03-18T00:07:37+00:00

I have been in the friendzone before and it's not the end of the world.

Kumquat_conniption · 2021-03-18T01:02:32+00:00

Friendzoning doesn't exist. If you are only being nice to a girl because you want sex that is not being a friend.

I saw some comedian talking about friendzoning and he was making fun of the guys like "hey I inserted 3 compliments, so where is my sex?" And yeah it was a comedy show but it was only funny cause it's true.

tropicsGold · 2021-03-18T02:43:54+00:00

This is absurd. It is absolutely acceptable to set the level of association you are willing to accept, and it might be lower than lovers. Such as friend. And the other person can chose to accept or decline.

charger117 · 2021-03-18T08:32:38+00:00

It’s quite easy for women to get sexual attention, not so much for men. What is harder for women is getting men to stay be committed to her.

Notsonewguy7 · 2021-03-18T12:30:16+00:00

I put women in the friends on the floor that I didn't really get that much and push back I've had a female friend which I viewed as a friend for the most part who had a car I didn't drive so I just kind of flooded with her enough that you would drive me around while in college with her. you know it's not like I was having sex with her or asking for money so for my perspective it's not really using and we were friends in a sort of sense.

But that's how I viewed a friend zone it's kind of stringing someone along a little bit emotionally to get use out of them sometimes emotional sometimes pragmatic like what I was doing.

exemptionlife · 2021-03-19T00:32:38+00:00

Most of these friendships are based on a lie: sexual attraction at one point or another by one or both parties

From the woman’s perspective: they think that because some arbitrary social harmony appears to broken by a disconnect of friendship that it’s a problem

Women are also wired for security, so perhaps they fear not having people controlled through some social convention to make them feel safe. That is super controlling and manipulative

From a guy’s perspective: they usually do this to keep sex at an arms length, either from the girl or her friends. It’s also super manipulative and controlling

ohgeorgeyboy · 2021-03-19T08:31:08+00:00

There is no such thing as the friendzone. It already had an apt name, it's called "unrequited feelings". Something that has been around forever for all genders.

An adult should be able to deal with it without getting bitter or possive. Frankly some of the comments on here read as misogynistic and stereotyping with some worrying vocab.

There are situations and people that turn unrequited feelings into manipulation, on both sides. The rejected can often victimize themselves, continue to pressure or lie about their feelings. The rejecter can use the situation to humiliate the rejected, or use them for sexual/financial/emotional needs. Both are manipulation, childish and most importantly abnormal.

Honestly, if you claim to be in love/have feelings for a friend of yours and then immediatily lose all affection and want nothing to do with them when you get rejected, it doesn't sound like you were in love. Or friends. You should probably examine how it is that you view your "friends" of the opposite sex.

Your friends do not owe you anything, and as a woman who's experienced the manipulative kind of "friendzoned" men, I can tell you that few things have felt as gross and like a betrayal than learning that your friend has only ever seen you as a sexual or romantic prospect. While you were under the impression that you were friends. As agreed.

Vulture051 · 2021-03-18T10:44:36+00:00

Friendzone-deniers act like the friendzone is an entirely deliberate thing. IE "Muahahaha I'm gonna milk this simp dry".

No, if he's giving you boyfriend-level attention and you aren't gonna date him you have to tell him or you're friendzoning his ass. It doesn't matter if the misunderstanding began with him, you're the one letting it continue.