Women often say that they can't be nice or polite to men because it's interpreted as romantic interest by the latter. Do you think that is true?

gunbusterxl · 2021-07-22T16:53:14+00:00

Guys go years/decades without getting complemented. Some go that amount of time without so much as a hug. So if the impossible does actually happen, guys tend make a big deal out of it.

That said, the best policy is to assume NOTHING. 99% of the time, she’s just being nice.

szclimber · 2021-07-22T16:35:31+00:00

The world is full of lonely men. They often pursue the opportunities they get in hopes of getting lucky.

death_by_1000_cats · 2021-07-22T17:03:29+00:00

In my experience, yes it is true. I try not to be rude to anyone, I smile and say hello and will make small talk. Base level politeness. But anything past that IME is interpreted as interest or at least an opening for a romantic opportunity.

At a previous job I had a guy who worked under me, basically kind of an assistant. He worked in an office in another country so we communicated over Slack and Google Hangouts. Since we worked so closely on everything we developed sort of a rapport and would chat about stuff on Slack all day. Nothing deep or heavy, just what we did over the weekend, music we were listening to, shows we were watching etc. Typical water cooler talk. He was about 20 years older than me, married, and -- again -- in a whole other country. After a few months he started messaging me on Facebook telling me he loved me, wanted to come to the US to meet me, wanted to leave his wife for me. I told him to stop and that we needed to keep our relationship professional. He persisted and I eventually had to take it to a supervisor who moved him to a different team. Even after I blocked him on Facebook he kept finding ways to contact me and just recently he sent me a message on LinkedIn (we haven't worked together in 5 years).

This was a more extreme example but it's not the first or last time that sort of thing has happened. I've learned that as a woman, unless you want to signal interest and availability, you have to keep interactions with men very surface-level and curt.

Edit: To be clear, I don't blame men for this or think it's a bad thing for the most part. In general I think it is preferable for men to be confident and bold in this way than for them to be too inhibited and worried about misreading cues. It just means that I have to adjust my behavior accordingly especially when I'm in a relationship.

plplokokplok · 2021-07-22T18:10:42+00:00

As a man I've seen this from women too. I'll be very nice and engaging or go out of my way to help them and they sometimes interpret it as interest. I think it's overall just a very human thing to be drawn to sincere kindness. Especially nowadays as more people become less and less kind.

Ihateregistering6 · 2021-07-22T18:48:17+00:00

I think it's a legit issue, for 3 big reasons:

-As someone mentioned, it's sort of a chicken and egg problem: women aren't friendly to men in this manner because the guy assumes she's interested in him, so guys rarely have women be particularly friendly to them...which causes them to think she's flirting whenever a woman actually is particularly friendly to him, because it's so rare.

-Women and men's interpretations of 'showing interest' are often very far apart. I've lost count of the number of times guys have said that they found out later that a girl was interested in him, and she claimed she made it very obvious because she did some incredibly small gesture or what-not that, to him, was not obvious at all. So guys are basically 'trained' to try and recognize small and innocuous gestures as potentially be flirting.

-What do we hear again and again and again is the most attractive quality a man can have? CONFIDENCE! So which one is more confident: the guy who assumes the girl is flirting with him because, hey, he's high quality and a catch and is confident in himself, or the guy who just assumes it wasn't really flirting because he's not all that great so of course she wouldn't be flirting with him?

Paliant · 2021-07-22T16:40:10+00:00

I think there is truth to both sides. Men do interpret nice gestures by women as romantic / sexual interest. The why is also important though. Women are not usually direct, so small things tend to stand out with men. There may be prior experience or some cases where women do compliment a man as a hint to show interest, doesn’t mean it’s always the case. Essentially, there is ambiguity on both ends. Ambiguity for the woman being, will he interpret the compliment wrongly? Ambiguity for the man being, is she trying to give me a hint?

mxp68 · 2021-07-22T17:37:49+00:00

reading thru the comments…wow

It’s a truly sad state of society when men consider friendliness from a woman to be a unique moment in their life.

Mosagun · 2021-07-22T16:42:26+00:00

I think it’s more true if the man is already attracted to the woman and eager to believe she feels the same way. Then he could get carried away thinking any positive interaction is proof of interest. And there are socially inept guys who don’t recognize platonic niceness whether they’re attracted to the woman or not.

I could see this being an issue if you have a bubbly, chatty personality or smile a lot— that’s easily misinterpreted for flirtation. I personally feel comfortable being polite to men as a default and I don’t think they have ever imagined interest where there was none. Although if a guy shows interest in me then I get less polite, don’t smile, and try to end the interaction so he doesn’t get the wrong idea.

learn2earn89 · 2021-07-22T17:06:56+00:00

It depends. I have a few friends who are really pretty and guys always get the wrong idea because they’re nice. I’m nice to everyone and no one ever gets the wrong idea since I’m blegh looking.

LetsDelveIntoIt · 2021-07-22T16:47:49+00:00

A long time ago when I was single (and even the times I was in a relationship but not married), I used to be super friendly with both men and women and treated them similarly. I had men themselves tell me to tone down my friendliness to the menfolk because it misleads them into thinking I'm interested in them romantically.

I will say this though, if a man was into me and thought I was interested in him because of my friendliness and asked me out, I'd politely decline and in my experience, he'd still stick around as a "friend." I knew he was still waiting for his chance but as long as he was civil and didn't cross any lines, I'd still be friendly with him. After a certain amount of time those guys just became authentic friends of mine. Usually it would be a function of these 2 factors: Time and getting a girlfriend.

RandomUsernameSkrrrt · 2021-07-22T17:11:50+00:00

Yeah, I think it’s true based on the intersexual dynamic of men pursuing and women selecting. The selector’s concessions carry more weight and are therefore more likely to be misconstrued.

SuperSupremeKai · 2021-07-22T16:57:06+00:00

I never got any good treatment from women, only the bare minimum of decency.

So if a woman out of nowhere decided to compliment me, you bet your ass I'm gonna get the wrong idea.

SkyOminous · 2021-07-22T16:31:41+00:00

It's like a chicken and egg problem:

Women aren't friendly to men becuase they assume she's interested in them. Men assume friendliness as interest because they aren't used to women being friendly, therefore it must mean that they're into them.

The only way to fix this is to make women complimenting men a common thing so that men don't start making assumptions.

NarniaFox · 2021-07-22T16:25:16+00:00

Totally personal and anecdotal experience here. I once helped a guy to clean his place after a birthday party and got myself into a few months of his attempts to hit on me. I just washed some dishes. Another time I helped a dude to do his test and...got myself into a few weeks of awkward flirting. There also was a case where I brought a sick guy some university assignments and...yeah, the same scenario got repeated.

I still try to be polite and nice to people whatever their gender is, but I avoid doing unnecessary favors for single men or being overly friendly/showing interest in seeing them again. It also bothers my husband, so I've become more aware of sending "double signals" even though I've never had intentions to do so.

I've seen lots of comments from men expressing that they rarely get compliments or some nice little gestures from women who aren't their friends/relatives/dates. And it isn't really common for men to be nice to each other, so I can get why they misinterpret these things.

StereoFood · 2021-07-22T17:09:24+00:00

No, being nice doesn’t mean you’re interested in me. Just means you’re nice. Going on a date would be.

BarestBranch · 2021-07-22T17:12:05+00:00

Yes, I think a woman doing anything even remotely nice or polite is liable to be misinterpreted as interest. I also think situations of misinterpreted interest can range from very uncomfortable to downright dangerous and life-threatening for women so it makes complete sense that they'd rather avoid them.

Alt_Er_Midlertidig · 2021-07-22T19:31:05+00:00

I have seen women respond that they can't afford to do that because many men interpret any sign of sympathy and friendliness as romantic interest.

This is sometimes true.

SOME men think that a woman being kind, friendly, courteous is an invitation. Most men don't.

But as a woman, if you've been burned a few times you just stick to keeping males at an arms length. The repercussions if you don't are solely on you as a woman. If you accept a ride home from him and he assaults you in the car, it's your fault. If you accept a drink from him, you lead him on. If you are alone with him anywhere it will be your fault. That's how society sees it. So it's best to just avoid strange males, make the Mike Pence rule (I personally think it's fine to always have a neutral party with me whenever)

I usually don't have a problem with males in professional settings, I used to when I was in a junior position. I am very lucky and privileged that my former CEO was my mentor and I used to go to the same school as his children. I tutored his daughter like 2 years before I got the job. Anyways, #notallmen, but some men are and society will look down on you if you are hurt in any way. Better to just stay away unless you are 100% sure the male in question is safe to be nice to.

infinitofluxo · 2021-07-22T19:36:57+00:00

Women that are nicer than usual makes me think they liked me. I don't think there is a safe way to be nice if you don't want people to try their luck.

superlurkage · 2021-07-22T19:44:24+00:00

Men have taught me how to treat them, and that’s with polite indifference

fatalcharm · 2021-07-22T21:11:46+00:00

No, we are polite to men because men are extremely sensitive and emotional. Throughout history, women have been expected to be polite to men and if you aren’t, men get their feelings very, very hurt for some reason.

I try and encourage women NOT to be polite to men, unless they are polite to you (many men can be rude as fuck and still expect a woman to be polite because it’s the “done thing”) but unfortunately the old ways are burned into many women’s brains.

asperges_me_domine · 2021-07-22T21:59:12+00:00

It's not something the majority of men do, but it's enough that I'm wary about how friendly I am with a guy if I'm alone. For example- I'm a pretty easy-going girl, I'm not exactly an extrovert but years in customer service and healthcare has taught me how to have a conversation with anyone. I hike a lot with my dog, so that naturally opens up conversations with other hikers. A few weeks ago I was out enjoying myself, and a guy approached to pet my dog. I chatted with him briefly and then headed off in the opposite direction that he had been traveling, only for him to end up following me for three fucking miles to chat, despite me making a big deal out of putting on my headphones and getting curt with my replies. Eventually I told him that I had come out there to enjoy nature in peace, and that I would appreciate a little distance. I was lucky that he just told me that I'm a fucking whore and stormed off into the bush instead of getting nasty. Even so, I was grateful for my Sig Sauer in my fannypack.

So now I hike without making eye contact with anyone, and I made my dog a "not friendly" bandana even though he is.

flapperfemmefatale · 2021-07-22T17:01:54+00:00

Yup, I've pretty much stopped being anything other than professionally cordial to men I don't know. It's not worth the hassle of ending up with another stalker,

MasterTeacher123 · 2021-07-22T17:00:59+00:00

It’s an overblown problem because The vast majority of men a woman will be “polite” too in her life will not try to sleep with her.

You remember the one dude this month you were “polite” too who ended up asking you out and not the other 35 guys who took the gesture and kept it moving

Feisty-Saturn · 2021-07-22T16:23:03+00:00

If I’m walking in public and I drop something and a random guy picks it up, I think he’s probably being nice.

If I’m on Instagram and a random man messages me he is probably looking for some sort of romantic relationship. If I’m in the gym and a guy comes up to talk to me, he’s probably looking for some sort romantic relationship.

Im sure that there are a ton of situations where guys are being nice. But if a random guy is approaching a random women when she doesn’t need assistance in anyway it’s most likely because of physical attraction and romantic interest.

misiepatysie · 2021-07-22T19:06:52+00:00

I am always nice to men. Young guys, old guys, fat, slim, shredded, funny, unfunny, short, tal... you get it. I would be a millionaire if I got a dollar for every time a guy thought I was hitting on him. The more sicially awkward the guy was, the quicker he was to think I was flirting.

Pro_CKM · 2021-07-22T18:07:17+00:00

Your point stands but there's one thing that I'll add. So long as a woman is notices this attachment and flirtiness from the guy, she may perceive it that he took her friendliness as romantic interest even when untrue.

Sometimes it's not that men think that the woman's interested. But being the recipient of female friendliness can make said person attached to the friendly woman. The love alone that he develops acts as a driving force for the man to romantically pursue the woman even if he isn't already under the impression that she likes him like that.

_pineapplylemon · 2021-07-22T18:13:33+00:00

Of course it’s true. I can’t count on 2 hands the amount of times dudes claimed to have feelings for me (straight up love a few times!) because I was decently friendly. Kinda sad; being cheerful is my natural disposition but I naturally have to dampen it around men because they think “SCORE!!”

passepar2t · 2021-07-22T18:42:32+00:00

I suppose it must be true. Fair enough, I wouldn't want to be bothered either, by men or women.

I think many men don't do it but enough do for it to be a problem. The thirst hurts all of us.

fakingandnotmakingit · 2021-07-22T18:58:21+00:00

Yep. I used to run in nerd circles a young teen (dnd, ygo, magic, Wow). I legit would have one friendly conversation and suddenly i obviously want his dick.

This is why I stopped going to tournamebts/ card game gatherings etc. Joined a few "women only" online guilds and game tables and only played with men who were their partners or were gay.

Later on i met platonic male friends through non-nerdy stuff (hiking) and through social circles which lessens the chances of this (I assume if your socail circle is at least 30% female you're better at not being this dude).

whitegoatsacrifice · 2021-07-22T17:55:23+00:00

Yep. I literally didn’t know I was “flirting” for many years. I thought I was just being kind like my grandma taught me. 🤷‍♀️

Kaisha001 · 2021-07-22T19:12:52+00:00

I remember back when I was in high school I was a geek. I had a lot of female acquaintances, few female friends (fortunately lots of male friends, we were a crazy bunch, so it was cool). Then I had a 'glow up phase' (I hate that term but whatever...) and in uni had somehow (unbeknownst to me) crossed the 80/20 line.

I had female friends everywhere. Not romantic or FwBs (there were those), but just platonic female friends (or so I thought). Women treated me like a person, listened to me, smiled around me, were nice to me. It wasn't just the usual, help me move this or do that, they actually seemed to like having me around.

Then after some years I got very sick, and as specialist appointments outpaced gym visits, I lost my chadhood. All those platonic female friends, apart from 1 or 2, vanished.

The vast majority of women don't see men as people... just tools to have around. Move this, fix that, explain this to me. But they're are wholly uninterested in them as a person.

Most women 'say' they can't be nice or polite to men, which is true. But the 'why' is just post-hoc hamsterization. As usual, watch what they do, not what they say.

AntifaSuperSwoledier · 2021-07-22T16:28:51+00:00

I think every woman has at least one experience where they were being nice and it was mistaken for attraction. Since RP is almost entirely founded on anecdotes, RP men should really be able to relate to this.

SnooSprouts1580 · 2021-07-22T16:49:18+00:00

Yes.

Henry_Blair · 2021-07-22T17:21:33+00:00

Yap. They are right. And I'm saying this as a man. This is why men and women need to start a conversation about the language of codes between them. As described in the book Lovism.

https://www.amazon.com/Lovism-Humanist-Alternative-Henry-Blair/dp/B08RRMS8KT/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=

MiddlingMe · 2021-07-22T18:52:22+00:00

It is just one of those things where the bad people of a group can ruin it for the majority of good people in a group.

I used to be super outgoing and friendly to men I didn't know all of the time, until my freshman year of college, I was taking an intro course and I exchanged a hello with the guy next to me before class started. It was quick and to the point. We just exchanged names and talked about what we majored in. I didn't think anything of the conversation.

Well, he would go on to stalk me for the entire semester and he refused to get the hint. He somehow figured out what my entire class schedule was and would wait outside of my classes for me after they ended so that he could walk me home. I told him that I didn't need anybody walking me home and that I prefer to walk home by myself so that I can listen to my music, but he wouldn't leave me alone. It was terrifying at some points, because I had an evening class that went from 4-6:30pm on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and by the time I got out of it, it was dark and the campus was mainly deserted, so if he were to do something nobody would be around to see it. I also worked nights as a security monitor, and he would wait outside my dorm for me when he knew I would be leaving for work (I never told him where I worked or what my schedule was). I would tell him that I would rather walk to work on my own, but he wouldn't leave me alone. He even somehow figured out my eating schedule and figured out which dining halls I went to, and would find me there. My entire floor knew about this guy and were all weirded out by him.

Finally, out of desperation, I changed my Facebook profile to say that I was in a relationship with my roommate so that he would leave me alone. That didn't work. So finally one night when he was waiting outside of my dorm for me to leave for work, I called out of work in order to avoid him, and one of my guy floormates went outside and yelled at him and embarrassed him in front of a lot of people, and I never saw him again. So after four months he finally left me alone.

The creepiest part of that experience (aside from him somehow knowing my entire schedule) was that no matter how many times I would tell him that I would rather be alone, he just straight up didn't care and would continue bothering me. It took a guy screaming at him and threatening him for him to suddenly listen.

I am still friendly with guys I don't know, but only in groups of people or only with men who are clearly taken. For example, if I am standing alone with a stranger in my apartment building elevator, I just look right down at the floor until I get off because I am scared that if I make eye contact with him or smile at him that he will take that as an invitation and follow me out of the elevator. It sucks for the guys who don't do this creepy shit. They kind of ruin it for the rest of the guys who did nothing wrong. But when somebody's survival instincts kick in, there is not much you can do to override that.

Pastelitomaracucho · 2021-07-22T19:03:47+00:00

It is true until beauty fades.

mindsanitizer · 2021-07-22T19:16:42+00:00

Absolutely. In freshman year I was friends with a southern girl who was friendly with EVERYONE. Dude after dude thought she was hitting on them.

shandognabokov · 2021-07-22T19:18:46+00:00

I think it’s worse with older men. Just trying to be friendly and politely chatting about completely non sexual things ends up with them trying to get in my pants.

Jambi1913 · 2021-07-22T21:19:33+00:00

Honestly, this has happened to me several times. I’m naturally a friendly person I guess - I tend to inspire strangers to open up to me and have pretty deep conversations. Several times I’ve talked to men who seemed to be a bit down or in need of a friendly face and they’ve seemed very appreciative in a platonic way at first, and then started to steer it in the romantic direction. This doesn’t happen with women I engage with on this level, of course. Now, it’s not that I think this is creepy or wrong or anything - but it does make me then feel bad for rejecting that notion in them. I’ve never had a man then get really mad at me - but it then makes any further communication awkward for us both and the previously good feeling of simple human connection is lost. Which can feel like a shame.

It doesn’t stop me being nice and sympathetic - but it complicates it.

hugshugs23 · 2021-07-22T21:32:57+00:00

Met a guy 2 weeks ago. I didn’t flirt and was only friendly saying hi in the elevator & thought it was a professional contact. A week later he invited me to hang out in his apartment then called me late at night.

Yes it is true.

Why the fuck would I hang out in a strangers apartment after we just met? I’m really careful about meeting new men and having male friends. I have none currently.

DevilishRogue · 2021-07-22T22:29:20+00:00

It isn't remotely true, but what is true is that some men take advantage of politeness to test the waters romantically.

ReditGuyToo · 2021-07-22T22:56:44+00:00

Do you think that is true?

I think it is true. As a man (sorta, kinda), women are never nice unless they want something. So, if a woman is nice, I immediately assume she wants something.

To be fair, I've gotten much better in the last few years assuming a woman is "just being nice" when she is being nice to me. I do find it interesting though that women often assume when a guy is showing sexual/romantic interest, that he's just being nice. People's assumptions can be very telling about the world they live in.

Are men so desperate that basic decency and friendliness is interpreted as romantic/sexual interest?

Well, this is where I have to disagree. I don't think it's desperation. Don't get me wrong, I'm extremely desperate. There are 13-year-olds that have had more sexual experience than me (I'm an old man). Also, most of the sex I've gotten in my life, I've had to pay for. I am quite unattractive.

I think my point is that if you are in a frozen tundra and you come by some warmth, you'd likely head toward the warmth and I wouldn't call it desperation. It's more of investigating an aberration. That's pretty much the male experience.

Gilmoregirlin · 2021-07-23T02:46:45+00:00

Yes absolutely yes. I was once naive enough to think this was not the case, until I got burned one too many times. And here’s the thing, I don’t think most women mind that men that they are not interested in are interested in them, it happens. What is troublesome and what happened to me, was when they could not and would not take no for an answer making work situations awkward, become angry, and accusing what the woman believed to be honest good faith kindness as leading them on. So I just stopped it. When I read this article (I know it’s old) it all made sense. Here is a quote from it “Men also consistently and mistakenly assumed that their women friends were harboring a secret sexual crush of their own. The best part? The men surveyed didn’t care if the woman was involved in a relationship; their feelings and assumptions didn’t change. “. This was even true in the work place. https://www.forbes.com/sites/meghancasserly/2012/07/26/every-man-you-work-with-thinks-you-want-to-sleep-with-him/?sh=6cebfe631477

TrueStorms · 2021-07-22T16:33:00+00:00

Yes this is true. Women can be nice to some gross old man they think sees them platonically and next thing you know he’s faking a coma, catfishing and online stalking her for years.

mikantriv9065 · 2021-07-22T19:24:31+00:00

It could be more easily fixed if women made a habit of approaching men they are attracted to. The problem of men rarely receiving a compliment is in of itself not the issue- rather it's a problem when this is taken together with the male expectation of approaching, compounded if the male is introverted.

It's like, "Well, this was the first gesture of genuine kindness I've received from a woman unsolicited in x amount of months/years; I should probably parlay this into an approach because if not now, when?"

This wouldn't be an issue if men could be secure in the knowledge that if she's interested, she'll just say so and he doesn't have to read into anything.

Plzdontmindm3 · 2021-07-22T16:38:45+00:00

Imagine going years without so much as a "you look nice today!", and then a eoman acknowledges your presence in a sweet/kind way. Wouldn't you be surprised? Wouldn't you think "woah, kindness? For a woman? She must be interested in me! It must be one of those tell-tale hints I hear about!"

That's why it happens, and when it doesn't, it's because the guy hangs out with girls a lot or they're gay.

2021-07-22T16:31:29+00:00

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2744967/

It’s pretty much a given that men over estimate women’s sexual interest in them. It makes sense because men are hornier, so of course the way they interpret things is somewhat sexually charged.

Women think this because it’s true. For as much as some guys think they’re onto the truth of male/female relations and women aren’t conscious of them, we know what’s what too.

Orange_Paisley · 2021-07-22T16:43:30+00:00

Yes, I find this can be true. If you’re too friendly with some men, they take it the wrong way and you’ll never get rid of them.

trippingfingers · 2021-07-22T16:29:28+00:00

This definitely happens.

AquaChip · 2021-07-22T16:45:44+00:00

Yea it’s true. I told this man in the store that I liked his shirt. He proceeded to follow be to the check out line then asked me on a date in the parking lot. And I was like, dude I just liked your shirt, that’s it.

spinsterchachkies · 2021-07-22T18:42:42+00:00

Yes. I’m only nice to men I am sexually interested in now. I used to be nice to everyone and I got stalkers. Never again. It’s sad I really liked having male friends and giving compliments but I can’t take the risk

SaBahRub · 2021-07-22T16:56:53+00:00

It’s totally true

I would like to be nicer but that is never rewarded

quiturbitchn · 2021-07-22T16:37:57+00:00

I keep my answer short and to the point. Not mean but clearly not open to unnecessary conversation because this is almost always mistaken for sexual interest. Things turn very quickly from casual conversation to “can I have your number”. I’ve had several incidents where “No” wasn’t enough, although that’s not the typical case.

Mrs_Drgree · 2021-07-22T16:22:29+00:00

Once upon a time I was riding the subway, headphones on, staring out the window minding my own business. At one of the stations, I accidentally made eye contact with a guy walking past my window. No worries, I'm a real human and not a bot. I smile and nod and continue to stare out into space.

Dude gets on the train, sits across from me, and literally just stares directly at me until I get off at my stop.

So yeah, it doesn't really pay to be polite to strange men imo.

Bigbigsby · 2021-07-22T17:40:30+00:00

As a man, yes it’s true. A lot of guys are thirsty as fuck and have no idea how to interact with women. I used to be one of these guys until I stopped being thirsty as fuck and learned game.

parabenprincess · 2021-07-22T18:33:58+00:00

Yep… with men, you give them an inch, they take a mile. This is why I’m generally standoffish to most men unless he’s someone I already know (co-worker, friend, acquaintance, neighbor, gay) & I know he is not trying to hit on me unsolicited.

Male strangers or men who express attraction to me when it’s not reciprocated can fuck right off 😂

peachycreaam · 2021-07-22T19:29:11+00:00

No. If the woman being nice or complimenting them is unattractive or overweight they will make it a point to act aloof or let her know he’s got a girlfriend/wife lol. Men will just use any excuse to proposition a pretty girl, they know deep down it’s not flirting.

TheX141710 · 2021-07-22T16:51:47+00:00

Happens in reverse too. I’ve been friendly to female coworkers and suddenly when they realize I’m not into them in that way, they become short or annoyed with me.

ThrowingKnive · 2021-07-22T17:23:16+00:00

"Are men so desperate that basic decency and friendliness is interpreted as romantic/sexual interest?"

No, but these two things are hard to come by in general.

Also I don't think that it's true; unless I have clear signs that a woman might be interested in me, I have no reasons to make a move. And lord forbid I do actually make a move, it is the woman's duty to reject me if she's not interested - I'll accept it and move on.

pubgmisc · 2021-07-22T17:52:44+00:00

Men usually get a compliment once a decade. So yeah - IMO that will happen

FulCon112 · 2021-07-22T18:05:14+00:00

I find it to bee so odd that I genuinely have a difficult time figuring out. I know there isn't anything but it feels so good compared to everyone else that it is very hard to resist it. Just to keep that moment of friendliness, kindness, for one second.

SilverBit8786 · 2021-07-22T18:45:03+00:00

It’s a numbers thing. I’m sure it’s justified. I have a lot of gay friends/acquaintances (unfortunately I’m not very into guys) and I deal with this problem all the time. I’m a very friendly/kind person and I’m not completely rigidly “straight” and I hate that desperate guys take that as a reason to throw themselves at me in the grossest of ways. I don’t blame women for approaching things this way — it feels gross when guys immediately treat you like that. OTOH, those times when women (strangers) have looked at me as if i were a rapist, just for existing, those were very painful moments that have stuck with me. It’s a desperate and cruel world.

paris_rogue · 2021-07-22T18:50:14+00:00

Yes. Not all men, but because of the one dude that starts harassing you after you’re polite, it’s not worth it.

Puzzleheaded_Bet7294 · 2021-07-22T19:04:21+00:00

I don’t think I’ve ever had a woman be nice to me out of nowhere so if one did, yeah it would be hard not to be a little surprised and/or curious if she liked me

PMmeareasontolive · 2021-07-22T19:09:07+00:00

When a strange woman smiles at me my first assumption used to be that she must be
mentally challenged in some way that makes her not realize that she
isn't supposed to do that.
As far as friendliness from female acquaintances goes, I've lamely
misinterpreted that too, partly because it is novel and partly
because I was desperate at the time and wanted that to be true. After
a few awkward experiences with that I figured it out though. Then you
overcompensate in the other direction and assume women's flirtation
(which is almost always pretty mild even when it's sincere) is just
incidental and not directed at you personally. It takes a while to
course correct those reactions.

IntrospectThyself · 2021-07-22T19:26:50+00:00

I have a somewhat “reverse” problem or take on this admittedly: the few odd times a woman does compliment me and is friendly etc., I try to interpret it as conservatively as possibly so as to make complimenting men more “safe.”

The downside is that if a woman is potentially flirting with me, I appear daft or relatively standoffish even if I were to know that she is actually flirting I might reciprocate it.. Women also tend to flirty very subtly already too for the reasons of the OP’s topic.

bleb_ploleman · 2021-07-22T19:43:15+00:00

Yes. Not all guys but enough to make you very weary when being “nice” to anyone new.

Bekiala · 2021-07-22T20:16:29+00:00

Of course not all men are so desperate that friendliness from women is interpreted as sexual interest; however many will interpret it that way. Also it is almost impossible to know which me will misinterpret what a woman means as common courtesy for sexual interest.

I have to say I love getting old as I don't have to worry about this. I pour as much kindness and attention on the men around me as I possibly can.

captaindestucto · 2021-07-22T20:24:53+00:00

When a strange woman is nice to me I always assume it's just politeness or some other motive (selling something or customer service training). Romantic interest?...What?

The aggressive responses to the idea of treating men a bit better are predictable. How would the majority of women feel if men treated them like like they treat men I wonder. Yea it's necessary for women to be cautious for obvious reasons, but from the male perspective this shit wears you down.

mojobytes · 2021-07-22T20:34:56+00:00

Why would they want to if they’re absolutely terrified of us all the time to the point we’re not considered human?

uncertainkoala · 2021-07-22T20:42:01+00:00

YES. I can’t sit at the gosh darn DMV alone without the guy next to me feeling obligated to comment on what I’m looking at ON MY PHONE. And when I give very terse responses, he takes that as encouragement to keep talking and talking, with me only being able to escape when my number was called.

MGTOWManofMystery · 2021-07-22T21:45:50+00:00

Men are rarely treated with respect or given compliments. At the same time, men have really strong sex drives (testosterone, I'm looking at you). Therefore, yes.

Alfredaux · 2021-07-23T00:27:29+00:00

Given the common idea of women not being explicit with their romantic interests, it does make it difficult to differentiate between friendliness and attempts at communicating romantic interest.

aerial_coitus · 2021-07-23T00:52:24+00:00

because many men interpret any sign of sympathy and friendliness as romantic interest

Assuming this is true. Why is this a problem?

Women and men pair bonding has been the cultural norm for pretty much all of human history up until very recently. Pair bonding is what we are fundamentally designed to do by nature. Women seem to be rejecting this idea en masse in favor of their own “strength and independence” …….(“you can’t tell me what to do, I’m a woman who can handle my own needs, and I don’t need a man!!”) …….well okay, then use that strength and independence for your own well being, and stop relying on society to come to your rescue every 10 minutes.

If you were a woman who had pair bonded successfully and thus had a boyfriend or husband, then it would be very easy to respectfully handle any such unwelcome advances from men who had perhaps misinterpreted your friendliness by simply informing the man of your “taken” status.

Conversely, if you are a woman who is single, and you are not interested in this man, then the equality argument comes in. Women have shouted from the rooftops for years now that they are strong and independent and can do anything a man can do (or even do it better). Okay, if this is true, then why does there seem to be such a problem with deftly maneuvering the dating landscape by simply respectfully informing men (who you may have otherwise been friendly to and who may have thus misinterpreted your intent) that you are unavailable?

Its rhetorical, really. We all know that these types of women want their cake and to eat it too, and the moment anyone claims they should have an ounce of agency or personal responsibility, out comes the defensive rage and the entitlement complex. Enjoy your cats.

mandoa_sky · 2021-07-23T01:56:26+00:00

Yes

The number of men who hit on / give their numbers to ladies working in the retail/service industry is atrocious.

happens on reddit a lot too.

JameisBong · 2021-07-23T02:08:52+00:00

Yes. Most men can't tell the difference. It's not a woman's fault that she might be cautious around men she's not attracted to.

techr0nin · 2021-07-23T06:48:14+00:00

This phenomenon is not really about men but actually about women. The root problem is if an ugly man dares to shoot his shot with you, in the eyes of the other women watching, your social status goes down. The only women that can afford to be nice are the ones that are unequivocally at the top of the hierarchy or the ones at the very bottom. Or when no one else is watching.

This is especially obvious in middle school and high school when status feedbacks are direct and immediate. Once you enter adult society, there is an added layer of virtue signalling to consider, and you can’t be overtly mean despite feeling disgusted or creeped out.

xFallacyx69 · 2021-07-22T16:52:40+00:00

Are men taken for granted? Yes

Are women so afraid of rejection that they use plausible deniability to flirt? Also yes

That’s it

redditthrowaway1478 · 2021-07-22T19:47:55+00:00

Nah it's just to excuse bad behavior and justify the exercise of power over an other.

Men aren't entitled to anything from women...but if those are the rules, then men equally bare no responsibility to behave in scripted ways towards women.

That includes sexual advances in any manner the man sees fit.

Have fun with that

redditradishman · 2021-07-22T17:05:48+00:00

I believe it. Having a girl show any niceness or attention to a lot of men is so rare.

JulesB954 · 2021-07-22T17:45:30+00:00

I'm friendly towards everybody. Some people have mistook my friendliness as flirtation, and that is annoying. Irregardless, I'm still going to continue being my friendly self because I refuse to change a core part of me even if my intensions are misconstrued. I also give this same courtesy to men. If a man is being friendly, I simply see him as being friendly; I don't read into it much further. Unless he asks me out or attempts physical contact, I interpret his intensions as being friendly but platonic.

Lotus_82 · 2021-07-22T19:17:23+00:00

Of course it’s true. I can’t count the number I times I saw guys get angry and abusive with girl friends of mine who rejected them.

They would accuse my girl friends of leading them on because they answered a few of their messages by being nice.

And those guys somehow interpreted girls being nice / polite as them leading them on.

There’s so many dudes who are completely nuts out there and who fly into fits of rage the second a woman says it does something that bruises their fragile egos.

Aldabruzzo · 2021-07-22T19:17:53+00:00

I think a lot of men interpret "sympathy" and friendliness as romantic interest. I think many men misinterpret those things.

The question is what should be done about it - and I don't think the answer is that women cannot or should not be polite or nice to men.

Misinterpretation of your intentions is just a cost of doing business, ladies. It's just how it is. Dealing with men you're not attracted to is just woman's burden. It's just women's cross to bear. Women just have to deal with it and deflect the attention, disabuse men of their misinterpretations, express disinterest firmly but kindly, and go on about their days. So what that some guy doesn't like it? So what that some guy gets weird about it? So what that some guy even gets a little violent about it? Women just have to accept that. Women just have to deal with that. Guy gets violent? That's what law enforcement is for. That's what guns are for. That's what white knights are for.

WizardTheodore · 2021-07-22T20:40:53+00:00

It’s true. It’s not about desperation, that’s a random arrogant conclusion to jump to. It’s just how a lot of men socialize.

If I’m cool with another dude in a platonic way, I’m just like “what’s up bro?”, and he is like “nothing much, just chilling”.

That’s what platonic friendship looks like for a lot of men. If this is what friendliness looked like for a woman, it would not get misinterpreted when she expresses it.

But they friendliness that women show often looks a lot like flirting.

Maybe two women have a fulfilling platonic relationship where they smile at each other and tell boring personal stories. But if a woman randomly starts smiling at me and telling me boring stories, I’m going to try to parlay it into sex. I’m not just going to sit here and be a sounding board for her. That’s not what friendship looks like to me.

If a woman approached me like “what’s up dude? Did you see the fight last night? Mayweather went hard”, I would see that as normal platonic friendly behavior, and not romantic interest.

heyitsjeape · 2021-07-22T19:41:58+00:00

I just want to know why a guy - to whom females are always either indifferent or rude - shouldn’t try to sleep with the rare woman who is actually friendly towards him?

Xx_SwordWords_xX · 2021-07-22T16:26:45+00:00

The bigger question is why do men feel strange women owe them anything.

TheBookOfSeil · 2021-07-22T21:04:51+00:00

Women: "We can't be nice or polite to men because they interpret it as interest."

Also women: "I said 'hello,' why didn't he ask me for my number?"

-Ivar-TheBoneless · 2021-07-22T16:57:37+00:00

I think those women are just full of themselves and making excuses to act like a total bitch. It's really not that serious to be polite.

SylvestorTalone · 2021-07-22T17:52:48+00:00

I can certainly imagine this being true. It's of their own making though, maybe if they didn't go to such pains to always have plausible deniability when they are flirting there would be a more obvious difference between friendliness and flirting for men to perceive.

TheChocolateBarsGuy · 2021-07-22T16:29:41+00:00

Nah that is a fucking lie women tell.

They love to get attention from men who they are not planning to sleep with but to get other stuff out of. In the RP we call them beta orbiters. These men are used by women around them for attention , money , emotional tampoon among other things.

They usually flirt with them from time to time so the guy think he has a chance not realising he is just a simpy chump.

Some time ago a trend went viral on tiktok about women wanting the man that they put in the friendzone after they got a girlfriend. They do not necessarily want him but they crave the attention!

Mrs_Drgree · 2021-07-22T17:19:52+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Drakane1 · 2021-07-22T18:55:41+00:00

It is literally a meme that men miss alot of clear signs and hint, when women are trying to flirt and hook up with them. Reddit is literally littered with this stories now youre going to say men view women being nice as invitation for romantic interest.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/72kihb/men_of_reddit_whats_the_biggest_sign_you_have/

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/8vi0mu/guys_what_is_the_most_obvious_hint_from_a_girl/

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/5g4t2u/guys_of_reddit_whats_the_biggest_hint_you_missed/

literally reddit post with thousands of comments of stories of men thinking women were just being nice.

I am sure some of the guys in here have the same story. I sure do.

But as usual it's men bad, women scared bad men.

manfrom-nantucket · 2021-07-22T19:22:23+00:00

So your excuse for behaving like an asshole is that the man might construe your politeness as romantic interest?

Rockbottom503 · 2021-07-22T21:19:15+00:00

Let's start by clarifying; Individual women say this, not 'women' as a gender. However; If you're nodding along with this as if it were true then you have to ask yourself why men misconstrue this 'politeness' as romantic interest....... Either women generally treat men with such fucking utter contempt and harshness that they are so used to being treated like shit that any mild show of warmth from a half decent woman knocks them for six, in which case the onus is on you to set the boundaries from the off...... OR it could just be that these particular women have a history of wanting to keep as many men as possible hankering after them, with all the advantages that brings, and have had that strategy bite them on the arse a few times now. Either way, it's a shit way to behave - if an entire gender is consistently misconstruing your actions and behaviour then the problem is probably with you and your behaviour rather than the entire male gender.

Weary-Experience-149 · 2021-07-22T20:44:45+00:00

Yes, in a lot of cases that's what we interpret, but it's the guy's job to figure out the clues and ask.

SonOfHibernia · 2021-07-22T21:53:21+00:00

No. Not at all. It’s called being a decent human being. If someone takes it the wrong way you can easily set them straight-but that would be rare. It’s the fear mongering of feminists that all men are sexual predators just waiting for the slightest interest from a woman. That’s like 2% of the male population. The rest would probably just be grateful, and think very highly of you, because of how normalized man hating has become in today’s culture.

-WolfieMcq · 2021-07-22T19:26:49+00:00

Men are so predatory that any sign of niceness is assumed to be sexual affirmation. You often can see him honing in on the right moment (to him) to press it toward sex do you just shut him down with coldness

Deal with what you are-not some fantasy gentleman ways you don’t possess.

Playful_Art_5364 · 2021-07-22T16:32:12+00:00

Decent looking dude.

Yeah cause I have to tone it down a bit also.

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Gari_305 · 2021-07-22T16:49:26+00:00

Should women continue to be non-empathetic towards men on a benign basis then it has to be reciprocated in kind.

However u/TheBestRebirth I doubt men are in need of desperation for sexual interest since us men can learn to do without.

bison5595 · 2021-07-22T17:09:55+00:00

As a guy, this is probably true. Ladies, you don't have to be nice or polite to men. Any man complaining about this are men that were already invisible to you.

Crafty-Particular998 · 2021-07-22T17:19:51+00:00

Depends on the guy.

via_cee · 2021-07-22T17:24:00+00:00

Absolutely true

Megabyte7637 · 2021-07-22T17:31:45+00:00

Snoo52682 · 2021-07-22T17:36:20+00:00

Yes.

thetruthishere_ · 2021-07-22T18:00:54+00:00

Yes.

Zpointe · 2021-07-22T18:06:20+00:00

To an extent. That doesn't mean they 'can't' be nice anyways.

NMFlamez · 2021-07-22T18:07:30+00:00

Cataclysma324 · 2021-07-22T18:08:29+00:00

This is an internet talk thing I've never actually seen this.

Honestly the difference between flirty and friendly is obvious to me and this is coming from someone who isn't that attractive so I do notice a difference. But if guys want to be stupid that's their decision lol.

In any case, why does it matter whether the girl is signaling in the end because the guy still has to make a move. And even then a girl might act kinda uninterested at first then as she gets to know you, she'll do things like follow you around the room or just try to be close to you almost to the point that it's way more than courtesy or friendliness.

KurkTheMagnificent · 2021-07-22T18:39:14+00:00

carly_rae_bopsen · 2021-07-22T18:59:26+00:00

Ooh, this reminds me of the DaSkrubKing and Demonmama debate about this where they talk about this topic, recommend watching it if you've got enough time, DaSkrubKing explains it really well I think:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oyXs42K-SI0

Debate starts at 1:38:10

alialahmad1997 · 2021-07-22T19:43:20+00:00

The way i see it is be polite and if he misunderstood you wrong tell him you are not interested if he continued its ok to be impolite

But i am a man

MOLONGU · 2021-07-22T20:08:42+00:00

I think it's true to some extent since women are rarely friendly as you get older you learn to see things differently though.

Women are nice to me on occasion smiling saying hello things like that but I think it's because they are scared and are trying to get a feel for my disposition.

I do feel I intimidate women so I try to avoid them I don't get in elevators with them or go places alone with them if they are walking at night I will walk on a diffrent side.When I'm talking to them I use a technique of looking through them basically they are completely out of focus and I will maintain that for the whole conversation.

Fun_Manufacturer4099 · 2021-07-22T21:16:57+00:00

Depends on the man I guess. I went for years while I was married and younger and got zero compliments. Then, once I got my divorce. I did get compliments from women here and there. Never thought twice about them. Now, I'm in a happy relationship and get full blown hit on many times a week. Still think nothing of it. Women say they can't be nice to all men because a random man here and there will take it the wrong way. What they are really saying is they just don't want to be nice. I have seen these type of women in real life and they typically have very few friends male or female.

tritoneharmonies · 2021-07-22T21:56:17+00:00

Yeah some are that desperate, but in my experience an equally large portion of them get plain uncomfortable or weirded out. I've learned to recognize when a guy thinks I'm attracted to them, isn't attracted back and gets all weird about it. Like trying to 'let me down kindly' or something, when literally all I did was be friendly and try to have a good conversation.

Most though are pretty neutral and ok with having a casual, upbeat social moment with a woman their age. The men who know both me and my husband, the guys we share friends with are the ones that never seem to get any strange ideas, probably because of the social context. You'd have to be a pretty conceited guy, after all, if you were witnessing me with my husband in person and STILL thinking that one (1) time I laughed at your joke means anything deeper.

So I think it could be true to an extent, that women don't dare to be polite to men in fear of being misinterpreted. Depends on the culture too I'd wager.
I just experience the milder of it, as most men I've talked to seem to only trust their five senses and operate on a more literal level. It's generally safe to be friendly to men from the same background (ethnic as well as location, like growing up in the same town or something) or social circles as you.

WeeklyAtmosphere · 2021-07-22T22:37:03+00:00

26/f here. I noticed whenever I have a one on one conversation with a man -- in my perception just friendly conversation with no romantic intentions-- if they have a girlfriend or wife they'll always let me know lol

vaporwav3r · 2021-07-22T22:39:10+00:00

To be fair, I’m a little like this. Being from NYC, I’m naturally guarded and many times in the past, being vulnerable (like paying a guy a compliment) has backfired enough for me to not want to do it much. If a man is attracted to me, the being friendly often at some point leads to being hit on.

On the other side, I have had before had thought that men who I was attracted to, when they were being nice, “is he ‘the one’?” Go through my head in a split second it happens so fast and goes away lol.. only thing is I don’t follow up with hitting on them.

bruckbruckbruck · 2021-07-22T23:19:01+00:00

As a man I sometimes do the same thing in the casual dating world. I worry about being too nice and a woman mistaking that for me wanting to be her boyfriend, even though I've been clear I want to keep things casual.

OkKaleidoscope8048 · 2021-07-22T23:34:06+00:00

I’ve had basic friendliness be misinterpreted a lot of times and it is sad because I don’t want to be a bitch to people and it’s sad so many women are not even polite because of too many bad experiences.

BlisssfulHoney111 · 2021-07-22T23:37:37+00:00

Oh God yes. If you are nice they always think you’re hitting on them.

LaurenLayla · 2021-07-22T23:53:09+00:00

Both genders get affected. I'm not perfect, I've been neutral and not as affectionate because of that lousy fear. One guy way back REALLY misinterpreted my intentions and sometimes I find myself putting his head on others.

thro_away_2021 · 2021-07-23T00:02:47+00:00

No. And women are polite all the time without romantic interest from the man.

Women have been polite to me, even flirty with the intention of maybe sparking romantic interest and I have been platonic.

Being polite and romantic interest are completely seperate from eachother

ffandyy · 2021-07-23T00:27:38+00:00

It’s definitely true for a lot of women

Extremely__Moderate · 2021-07-23T00:37:12+00:00

It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. Women are mean to men because they cant be nice to them so if one is nice to them, it must mean the are interested.

-Solitude-- · 2021-07-23T00:45:23+00:00

Are men so desperate that basic decency and friendliness is interpreted as romantic/sexual interest?

Eh, that's one way to interpret it. Realistically, though, it's more accurate to say that basic decency and friendliness being shown is so rare that it shouldn't come as a surprise that some of the men who are on the recieving end mistakenly interpret it as romantic/sexual interest.

idrinkapplejuice42 · 2021-07-23T00:55:42+00:00

I think women often lump in simple social anxiety or nervousness in with the idea that they have to be cold to men otherwise theyll be creepy. Women just never want to take responsibility for their personal shortcomings.

QimchiSauce · 2021-07-23T01:23:02+00:00

For down bad dudes yea. However if your just comfortable and have not a weak ego then yeah just genuine compliments are fine. However not a lot of guys are like that

PirateDocBrown · 2021-07-23T01:23:48+00:00

Guys often can't be nice, or it's seen as a pass or harassment.

justme4433 · 2021-07-23T01:38:05+00:00

Some are, yes, but it’s not all guys of course. Firsthand experience, you be nice to some random guy and all of a sudden he thinks he’s got a shot or that you might be interested.

D_bAg_Tr0LL · 2021-07-23T01:40:37+00:00

100% true. If a woman is nice I automatically think I have a chance at it. Fucking sux being a guy

CubicleHermit · 2021-07-23T01:40:52+00:00

Wishful thinking and outright projection is strong in both sexes.

Laytheblameonluck · 2021-07-23T02:13:43+00:00

It depends if they are Strangers?

_that_dam_baka_ · 2021-07-23T04:00:16+00:00

Yes.

The correct version is: if you initiate contact and it's not for work/other non romantic reason, it's perceived as romance.

What's worse is that other women contribute to our as well: I was exchanging anime memes with a person and one of the girls who were Possibly present asked me how to infect with guys. When I mentioned that we were just talking about a control interest, they were like, “So that's your trick!”

No. I just like anime. Not every male is into anime. I'm definitely not hunting men at r/otomeisekai. -_-

BaconDragon69 · 2021-07-23T05:40:01+00:00

Yes we are that stupid and desperate but luckily not all of us.

Im not ashamed to admit, Im ugly and disgusting and creepy, of course Im gonna assume a woman likes me if she laughs at my jokes when nobody else even wants to talk to me.

You just can’t help it, especially with the lockdown or unique situations, Im depressed and autistic in addition to not having had any real social contact for around 6 years.

Im really really really sorry but I genuinely can’t help getting interested in the next woman that gives me 20 minutes of attention online.

Also I think it works the other way too, I’ll be just trying my best not to be a creep and get a „sorry Im not interested“ or something like that.

I recommend therapy, it may not fix you completely but it helps a lot with hating yourself less.

heretoseexistence · 2021-07-23T05:45:24+00:00

So what? We guys have forgotten how to flirt. Just because a woman is showing interest and winking doesn't mean you can't play the game and create a magic moment and walk away. Everything doesn't need to lead to a relationship.

YoMamaz_azz · 2021-07-23T07:17:51+00:00

Its a feedback loop.

A large portion of guys dont get any/much attention from women, so they take the slightest bit of interest from women as a hint, which makes women give even less positive attention to men, so on and so on.

yungthrowaway97 · 2021-07-23T08:14:44+00:00

It is true and in a professional setting they shouldn't. Writing smiley faces on emails and shit like that is unprofessional and obviously is going to give wrong ideas to some people.

throwawayindisbelief · 2021-07-23T09:34:44+00:00

It's partly a lack of social/conversational skills, too. (And I say that as a prude, and an allegedly autistic one.) I attend a lot of events alone, like a concert. I'll be in the vicinity of a man, and we'll make eye contact in a socially appropriate manner:

ME: Cool band.
MAN: Yeah.
ME: I heard the singer wrote this song about his father.
MAN: Cool, do you live alone?
ME: Huh?
MAN: Or you can come to my place.
ME: Eh?

cloudsongs_ · 2021-07-23T10:56:32+00:00

Sometimes. I have had a couple instances where my kindness was misunderstood. Once it was at a place where I was volunteering when I was 19 and a 27 year old employee got upset at me for not wanting to leave my boyfriend to be with him, even though I was just trying to be nice and make friends + learn what he does for work. I don't think I've become less polite to men though

BlackmesaTBX · 2021-07-23T11:52:37+00:00

If you look like George Clooney or have a yacht, we’ll then yes she absolutely is flirting 🤣

Seriously though it’s about your frame and confidence. If she strikes a conversation, yes I will assume it’s a choosing signal because it potentially is. If she shuts down or outright says “oh I was just making small talk..” then ok - that’s cool too. Rejection is your friend, hell it’s funny.

Just converse like a normal human and have a slightly flirtatious/confident, outcome-independent frame in life every time you step out the door.

Willow-girl · 2021-07-23T12:39:56+00:00

Are men so desperate that basic decency and friendliness is interpreted as romantic/sexual interest?

Yes. Next question?

TakeTheMikki · 2021-07-23T13:31:30+00:00

Absolutely you can’t be friendly to creeps, they will think it’s a come on, and you often can’t tell which guy is going to be a creep.

Soon-to-be-Catlady · 2021-07-23T13:36:17+00:00

Yeah it sadly happens. I chat friendly with co-workers, I laugh at jokes (how dare I) and several times someone asked me out and was shocked when I declined because "I have been so nice". I also have been on about three "dates" without realising they were dates. Apparently I can't drink an instant coffee with a co-worker in the lunchroom without romantic interest.

Retrojazzer17 · 2021-07-23T13:41:38+00:00

No its just an excuse to be rude and disrespectful. Why does being nice = I want a romantic relationship with you?

CountingMagpies · 2021-07-23T16:36:39+00:00

Many many times I have been told I am flirting when I am not. Just being nice and having conversation is not flirting.

neetykeeno · 2021-07-24T16:10:29+00:00

Absolutely true. One of the best things about having gone through menopause and embracing crone status is I can actually be nice to young men like I am to young women and they are now more likely to get that look of "hey does she have an ulterior motive" in their eyes than I am to end up with a stalker. The balance has changed, I can do things like offer a bottle of water if someone looks parched and I have two bottles with me, or cover the last few dollars if they don't have enough money at the register. Old men however are alas a write off still, they are not to be treated nice.

Title	Women often say that they can't be nice or polite to men because it's interpreted as romantic interest by the latter. Do you think that is true?
Author	TheBestRebirth
Upvotes	210
Comments	491
Date	July 22, 2021 4:17 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/oph5p7/women_often_say_that_they_cant_be_nice_or_polite/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/women-often-say-that-they-cant-be-nice-or-polite.793969 https://theredarchive.com/post/793969