Women who DON'T wait for sex with prospective partners, what's your motivation to go against the rule?

Educational-Ad6210 · 2021-11-06T18:00:22+00:00

There is a sub above this one where dudes scream about how they are not willing to wait for more than 2 weeks (those are the same men who require women to be chaste virgins). What rule are you even talking about? All I see is polar opposites of male desires thrown in my face. This game is crooked anyways so might as well do what I want

xQueen-Bx · 2021-11-06T17:18:32+00:00

what "rule"? that hasnt been a rule since the 50s. i lived my half century life in the post sexual revolution urban west, not whatever christian or muslim worlds you all seem to come from

Also, how long did you wait with your current partner?

4-5 hours. 18 yrs together now.

scmflower · 2021-11-06T16:32:48+00:00

I want sex just as much as he does. Sexual comparability is an important thing to know. Sex isn’t a reward for sticking around, it shouldn’t be seen as something the guy is only after and the woman gives in on

neetykeeno · 2021-11-06T21:52:08+00:00

I don't wait for sex. He waits for sex. I have sex when I am ready.

quiturbitchn · 2021-11-06T16:52:03+00:00

Sexual compatibility. I’m not going to date someone who can’t give me an orgasm. So I test the waters as soon as I feel comfortable and they’ve shown me a recent, clean STD test because I don’t really like condoms

tiposk · 2021-11-06T17:01:04+00:00

I don't date strangers. I go on dates with men I already find sexually attractive. I don't see the point of postponing for months something I want within a few week. I don't hand out sex as brownie points for your good behavior and investment, I have sex for pleasure.

I also value fairness, which I can't expect if I hold myself to different standards than I hold my prospective partners to. I'm pretty much aware of the men who 'respect you' more if you make them wait. These men are a prize I have no desire to fight for, because frankly speaking the idea of being in a relationship with someone with the madonna/whore complex disgusts me.

I don't remember the exact number of dates but me and my boyfriend had sex after a week of dating. I didn't look at him and said "I want his commitment", I just said to myself "that's a cute guy I enjoy spending time with and would love to fuck his brains out".

Novadina · 2021-11-06T19:51:30+00:00

What rule?

Making men wait for sex until he's invested enough seems to be one of the greatest pieces of advice that have been passed down several generations of women. There are men who are happy to go on a couple of dates just to get sex. There are also relationship-minded men who would be willing to have sex but would lose respect for a woman who doesn't vet her partners properly. How do you deal with these issues?

If a man loses respect for women because they are sexually attracted to him and like sex and so want to have sex with him, it’s much better to find that out sooner rather than later. I’m not really seeing how “making men wait” (which is making me wait also!) is “great advice” really. Waiting won’t change any of this - it seems more likely you’d end up with someone who loses respect for women for having sex, which I absolutely would never want to be with a man like that. And I’ve never actually had an issue of a man pretending to like me to go on a few dates, have sex with me only once, and then ghost me. All men I’ve had sex with after a few dates wanted to have sex again. And men have actually been honest with me if they only wanted something casual. I guess I can also tell if there is romantic chemistry or not, I’ve never been tricked that a man was into me when he really isn’t. If someone is able to trick people like that, waiting won’t help. He will probably be seeing multiple women and so getting sex anyway and have no problem waiting whatever amount of time you set if he wants to add you to his list of people he tricked. Liars lie about all kinds of things, waiting to have sex with them won’t really change much. And this is like a rare group of people, having a whole “rule” to avoid this one particular rare scenario seems odd.

I have never had anything bad happen to me that I can think of by having sex with men I went on a few dates with. Even if a relationship didn’t develop, I had sex, which is nice. Usually relationships didn’t happen because we just weren’t compatible or there wasn’t chemistry, not because I wanted it and he didn’t because I didn’t follow some rule.

Finally, do you think that not waiting for sex affects the relationship outcomes for women who’d rather wait?

No, I don’t think I’m responsible for what other people do in the bedroom. Everyone should have sex when they are comfortable to do so, on whatever timeline that is. They should do it with partners who are ok with their timeline. I’ve been with some men who wanted to wait longer to have sex, and I was fine with that. But I wouldn’t agree to wait years, or until marriage. Sex is important to me in a relationship, and want to find out about sexual compatibility and chemistry before investing years.

Also, how long did you wait with your current partner?

I was friends with my partner for a couple years before we dated. After he asked me out, I believe we had sex on our third date, which is a pretty typical timeline for me as being when I feel comfortable enough getting naked with someone. We’ve been together 15 years.

LiftSushiDallas · 2021-11-06T18:22:30+00:00

I has sex with my now boyfriend on date 2 😁.

Why?

That's not MY rule. I make the rules for me.
I don't use sex to GET commitment. Commitment is also gatekeeped by me. I like being single or in a relationship and I'm never necessitous for a relationship when single.
Having sex within 3 dates never stopped a man from committing to me. I've had two relationships in my life and for both, we had sex by date 3.
I don't see sex as me "giving" something and me "losing" something. I don't see adding a "notch" as me losing out on value as while I'm not promiscuous my "notch" has never stopped me from getting a relationship with a man I personally want a relationship with.

So in sum, waiting doesn't get me anything and I have sex when I want and we BOTH decide on commitment, not just him. I don't "lose" by having sex.

ForsakenAd7480 · 2021-11-07T00:37:20+00:00

If he thinks less of me for sleeping with him, he's not healthy in the head. I'm more than a hole and he should respect me regarding

ohdiddly · 2021-11-07T01:51:42+00:00

My motivation is dick lol. I enjoy sex, so why wait?

simeneta_two · 2021-11-06T16:52:06+00:00

The vast majority of my married friends (including myself) had our relationships start as hook up. The few people I knew who waited for commitment were either:

a) non western b) religious c) both virgins

How do you deal with these issues?

I don’t. Why the fuck would I want to be with some Madonna/whore complex weirdo who can’t take a woman seriously if he’s having sex with her. That sounds like a formula for a dead bedroom later in life

Note I don’t think there’s anything wrong with men who always wait for sex (ie a guy who’s saving it for marriage). It’s the hypocrites who fuck indiscriminately but want a pure waifu that are eyeroll inducing. The consistency argument applies for women too.

Do you use additional vetting tactics?

No

Do you think that not waiting for sex affects the relationship outcomes for women who’d rather wait?

I think women who want to wait for sex shouldn’t force themselves to have sex quickly, because then you risk getting a partner with very different views on sex. It’s generally better for people to date within their sociosexuality.

mistresswhat · 2021-11-06T19:57:17+00:00

I have a lot of casual sex when I'm single so I'm entirely unbothered if I sleep with someone who doesn't turn out to be The One. I kinda enjoy being single so the way I conduct myself is about what feels right and fun, not about strategizing how to make some guy commit. All my adult relationships have started as hookups, even though it became clear pretty quickly that we were interested in each other romantically.

I highly value a strong sexual connection and want to know we're compatible in that way before I get attached. If I haven't slept with someone by the end of the second date it means I'm not interested in a third.

If a man has sex with me and then judges me for having sex with him too soon then filtering him out is a feature, not a bug. I dislike hypocrisy and am not a good match for someone with regressive views around sex.

Slept with my boyfriend within a few hours of meeting him. Exchanged maybe 5 messages on Tinder before meeting.

Kizka · 2021-11-06T20:00:02+00:00

I am in a ltr but we didn't start out as looking for something serious. I've not been with many men but I simply never explicitly look for a relationship. It has never been a life goal for me. If we click and fall in love, as it happened with my guy, then cool, if not, just as fine. If we would break up, I also wouldn't looking for another relationship. Should it happen again I would be open to it but I have always been very comfortable being on my own and wouldn't have a problem living life as a single. So, because I don't have an end goal when dating, I don't need to strategize in regards to sex and can just have it when I feel like it (and if the date wants it as well, obviously)

CheeseMonger96 · 2021-11-06T22:14:30+00:00

No need to play games if you don't date players.

Orange_Paisley · 2021-11-06T16:57:24+00:00

Depends on the guy and how long we knew each other before dating. I met my partner in probably January 2013. I've told this story a million times here but he was a bartender at my local Mexican joint and I was in there a lot because it was the closest place in walking distance. So we got to chatting. We went on our first date in May 2013 and slept together before we even made it to the restaurant - because we'd already established chemistry and trust. We've been together ever since.

My previous long term partner, I knew for a year before we dated. He lived in my neighborhood and he worked literally next door. We took the same light rail on rainy days. So we chatted a lot. We slept together before our first official date because I already knew and trusted him before sex was on the table. We were together 9 years.

My ex-husband and I knew each other for about a month and dated for about 3 weeks. But I was also 20 and dumb.

Mrs_Drgree · 2021-11-06T18:00:44+00:00

I never had a rule about waiting for sex. It was a non-issue in the weirdo/goth/nerd circles, everyone was fucking and dating just fine.

I slept with my H on the second date, been together about 9 years now...

funlightmandarin · 2021-11-06T17:07:24+00:00

How do you deal with these issues? Do you use additional vetting tactics?

It's purely vetting for compatible personality/relationship goals, but I don't know how to put it into concrete strategies that I employ.

But it's about knowing the type of person he is. If you're good at it, you'll even know through chatting.

In short, it's about knowing what motivates this person/why is it motivating, does this person seek fast/cheap sources of dopamine or is he/she willing to delay dopamine for a "better" source that requires more work, and etc.

Finally, do you think that not waiting for sex affects the relationship outcomes for women who'd rather wait?

It sounds like this woman (who'd rather wait) is willing to deny her own boundaries for cheap, fleeting attention. She's muddling her own dating pool with prospects that most likely won't have the same relationship goals as hers. It's a waste of time.

Also, sex isn't simply just sex for everyone. Sex and the resulting hormones muddles your emotions and decisions. I fall hard for the guy I have sex with, so I don't have sex early unless I'm really sure about the guy.

Also, how long did you wait with your current partner?

Waited until second date. We spent first date making out for 4 hours. First date was on a Saturday, second date was the following Monday. I don't date guys I don't genuinely want to rip the clothes off of, first date is just to check if my head is also agreeing with my eyes.

We've been together 3 years now.

rosephase · 2021-11-06T17:33:53+00:00

I only date men who I know, respect and am already deeply attracted to. If I'm going on a date with someone? It's because I already know I want to fuck them.

I fucked two of my three partners on our first date. The other was a couple of months but that was because of long distance and the time it takes to open a relationship with care and respect as he and his wife (both close friends) were opening a mostly mono marriage.

I don't date strangers. The chance that I would be attracted to a stranger and be able to figure that out on one date are basically zero.

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CFinCanada · 2021-11-06T21:30:11+00:00

The only rule I've ever heard of is the 3-date rule, I've literally never heard of waiting for sex as a rule. I have to think this is a cultural thing for someone from a non-western culture?

In any event, if I am on a date with a guy I probably find him attractive and so had sex with the guy because I was horny and found him attractive. There was definitely a time or two though where I went through with the sex even though I lost interest because I didn't wanna scar the guy for life just walking out of the room after exposure to his dick.

If a guy lost interest because I found him attractive enough to have sex with I would have to say that he's definitely not the guy for me long-term as I'm not into regressive cavemen, and he did me a favour and stopped me from wasting weeks or more of my life just to come to the same conclusion.

Current partner and I wanted to wait, our goal was I can't remember if it was a month or two months, because we liked each other's personalities a lot and wanted to get to know each other better, I guess maybe subconsciously so we would already be attached when we did it the first time, but we fucked up and got it in after the fourth or fifth time we hung out. Oh well. 🤷🏽‍♀️

It'll be 7 years in February.

Ohyarlysmiles · 2021-11-06T22:12:58+00:00

It's awesome that the women here are echoing exactly what I was saying in the other thread.

Superfluous_Toast · 2021-11-07T19:56:34+00:00

I don't do rules. If I want to have sex with someone who is willing, it happens.

My SO and I might have started sooner had he not lived across the country from me, so it took two months.

fakingandnotmakingit · 2021-11-07T20:57:26+00:00

Okay so I'm really weird here in that I had sex with a lot of my partners early on in the actual relationship but we had actually known each other and hung around each other for a few months.

So i don't wait for commitment or anything. It's more like I had sex when I wanted to and already felt a connection. It's just that I had already known these guys and hung out with then casually and with friends for a couple months and so I was raring to go by the first couple "official" dates.

So I'm not sure where I fit in this paradigm???

theosamabahama · 2021-11-08T03:02:58+00:00

I (26M) never understood that rule.

I don't want to wait multiple dates to have sex. Because if the sex turns out to be bad, this whole thing will have been a waste of time.

I don't pump and dump. If I like the sex, I will want more of it. And I won't refrain from dating the girl if I really like her, no matter if she had sex early on. I fucked both my exes on the second date.

I also don't judge women who had lots of partners and who has sex early on, actually I prefer them. It shows they enjoy sex and aren't ashamed of it or afraid to admit it. They are usually much kinkier and better in bed anyway.

If a girl hasn't had sex with me by the third date, I will only stick around if she is really hot or if I'm currently on a dry spell with no other options.

metropolisapocalypse · 2021-11-08T05:14:17+00:00

I don't make a guy wait if I want him. Why would I? The last guy I made "wait" was because I was about to get on a flight when we met.

I'm picky but I have good intuition and know what I want. I'm not dating or looking to date at the moment, but my most recent hookups we had sex the night of, and still see each other.

Any guy who has sex with me on a first date and is "turned off" is a hypocritical idiot who I'm better off not seeing again.

The only guys I make "wait" for sex are guys I'm not going to have sex with.

thelajestic · 2021-11-08T15:53:32+00:00

Is that a rule?

My aim was never to get into a relationship. When I was tindering etc my aim was to have sex, so that's what I did. It just so happened that led to me encountering someone I was really compatible with and one thing led to another.

xcheshirecatxx · 2021-11-08T20:08:56+00:00

At worst I have bad sex and I wouldn't have wanted to wait to know that . Medium I have good sex and fun for a night Best, I have a long term relationship out of good sex

towerofcheeeeza · 2021-11-08T21:36:07+00:00

For my boyfriend, we started fooling around on the first date and then had sex after maybe two or three weeks (I wanted to get on birth control before then and it takes a week to start working). I just wanted to do it with him. I was interested and thought hey even if things don't work out at least I enjoyed it. But I also didn't go into it thinking "ah yes I need to find the person I want to marry"

Title	Women who DON'T wait for sex with prospective partners, what's your motivation to go against the rule?
Author	missing_voice
Upvotes	11
Comments	79
Date	November 6, 2021 4:30 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/qo3uim/women_who_dont_wait_for_sex_with_prospective/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/women-who-dont-wait-for-sex-with-prospective.1085589 https://theredarchive.com/post/1085589