Women, why is being "too nice" a thing, and why are a lot of you attracted to toxic behaviour?

Yheymos · 2021-06-21T01:53:51+00:00

Women want a strong, confident, high value man. Such a man can be a good person, he can be great, kind, wonderful. But since he is so confident he knows he doesn't need to pander. He doesn't need to dote upon her. He doesn't need to let her get away with rude or stupid behavior. He will have standards and expect her to meet them. Strong, confident men, will also generally have the confidence and desire to be assertive/dominant in bed and give her a wild time she craves. A great many women deeply enjoy taking on a submissive role in bed, even if they are very strong minded, courageous women. This is simply a matter of our evolution and DNA. Most mammals are like this and it seems to simply allow for the more success in reproduction if the female is actively enjoy the man going wild on her. Men likewise are very often attracted to such women who desire to be sexually submissive. Many women have 'consensual non-concent' fantasies because of these deep DNA driven instincts. They don't actually want anyone to rape them, but it is hot to have a man they deeply desire and are horny for go absolutely wild and show her that when they fuck he owns her pussy. This is why things like 50 Shades of Gray are so popular.

"Too nice" is usually when the guys comes across as weak, pandering, doormat, punching bag, essentially automatically putting himself in a position as her waiter, subservient, willing to lower himself to get her attention. This is weakness. It isn't strength, it isn't confidence, it is lame. Girls will see guys like this and think 'fuck this is weak' and she will know instinctively she is much stronger than him, and often this is a turn off. On an evolutionary DNA level, women like strong guys who feel like they can protect her physically, but more importnatly has the balls, the initiative, the confidence, to go forth in life, become successful and help provide for a potential family. Too nice feels auto weak. These guys are often insecure, and are notoriously boring in bed because they aren't willing to FUCK like savages. They think they are being men, or that she is a weak flower who will be scared and think he is awful. Meanwhile she wants a savage manbeast who will show her how much he desires her. Women are actually very tough in bed, but it isn't always exhibited via dominant aggression like men, but rather a kind of submissive endurance (obviously some women a very aggressive in bed, these are just averages, everything I'm discussing is). When a man isn't up to the challenge of feeding her desire to 'keep taking it' and pound the shit out of her... again it feels weak. It is like 'damn it I'm more hardcore than this weak babyman'

The problem comes from many bad men... being confident and savage in bed. Like the good men who are confident, guys make dating easy, smooth, and fun. They have no problem making the moves to get her into bed. And they will be dominant in bed, just like they often are in life. But they have serious negative behaviors and can be abusive.

Men evolved as both fighters, and protectors. They fought enemy tribes, killed enemy men, often raped enemy women. But with their own tribe they were doing the reverse, protecting, nurturing their people, their women, their children. Unfortunately the fighter traits would also be inflicted on their own tribe sometimes, such as raping their own women. Both of those behaviors are still in men today. Alphas and Betas are a pretty clear way of viewing men who have more or less of these traits.

Women are attracted to both for different reasons, and at different times in their lives often. Many women... don't know how to differentiate between the two. Many women purposefully avoid 'bad boys' because they want to be treated well. And many women will just actively choose the 'bad boys' because they want to get fucked hardcore. Others are honestly just accustomed to really abusive behavior from their upbringing and are thus attracted to that. They were neurologically wired as kids and teens to be attracted to these traits. PLUS the fact that these toxic traits are very dominant and feel masculine and HOT to these women.

Eventually some women will 'move on' from their badboy years and look for a decent guy who will treat them properly, but this will often a tradeoff at the expense of the wild sex they desire.

For women... a 'unicorn man' is often the confident, fun alpha who is also a very good, confident man, and can absolutely own her in bed the way she wants. It is like she won the lottery for her love life.

For a man if he can manage to harness a combination of being a good person, who is confident in life, doesn't put up with bullshit or pander, and also heavily works on his dominant, hardcore fucking skills, he will do very well.

andipandey · 2021-06-20T23:16:11+00:00

This is a great explanation (applies to men as well as women) https://medium.com/game-of-self/why-unpredictability-is-so-attractive-f6c22b87dd5b

Nice guys are often too predictable and don’t make us release as much dopamine. It’s stupid and somethinf a lot of people are aware of on some level, but they can’t change the chemicals their brains are releasing

goblin_champ · 2021-06-21T01:55:09+00:00

The tiktok girl was being honest. Dont listen to the politically correct answers women will give here. They will never admit this properly.

Basically the "bad guys" have attractive traits like confidence, assertiveness and dominance, which many good guys dont have. Those qualities are necessary. "Bad boys" who dont have these qualities will have a harder time getting girls than your average guy.

But for guys who have these qualities, being bad/toxic is an added sexy quality.. just being confident, assertive and dominant will already get you women's interest but being bad will take their interest up a notch.

Just look at all the major male sex symbols that women love. The guy from 50 shades of grey, the guy from 365 days. Definitely far from decent men.

Not sure why this is , but its definitely a thing.

Personally i would never try to copy being a dick, rather just work on your confidence, practice assertiveness and learn to hold a dominant frame with women. And sometimes enjoy putting yourself first and being selfish.

But you dont need to become someones fantasy. Doing so literally could actually endanger your life.

ashpr0ulx · 2021-06-20T20:20:11+00:00

unhealthy people are attracted to other unhealthy people. when i was young and toxic i was attracted to other toxic people. now that behavior is unattractive to me.

but i can say that as far as “too nice”- for me, very rarely is the problem in the actual kindness of a man. it’s not niceness i find unattractive but passiveness. i like a man who is decisive and confident and a leader. you can be kind and not passive.

BassPotato · 2021-06-20T19:43:09+00:00

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flamingoinghome · 2021-06-20T20:28:43+00:00

So, this won't be a popular opinion, I don't think, but a lot of that sort of thing isn't really about "attraction" as most people would understand it, but more like....ego? Pride?

Like, there's the "attraction" you feel when you think someone is really sexy, or when you're heart-eyes infatuated with them, but there's...another emotion. Where it's like, you want to prove something to yourself, not because you think the end goal (be it a guy who treats you bad, a seat at Regina George's lunch table, whatever) is so great, but because you have a compulsion to prove, to yourself, that you can get it. It's the competitive urge more than anything else, but turned inward in a weird way.

Women aren't really encouraged to formally compete. Even the whole #girlboss whatever thing is always about collaboration, never about being at the top alone, because you beat everyone else to it. I think all people have a competitive urge to some extent, and need to find an outlet for it. Everyone harps on sports, but it can also be academics or the arts or things like that. But when you don't have that outlet, some people turn it inward, and end up, well, playing stupid games to win stupid prizes. Not for the love of stupid prizes, but because stupid games are the only ones they know how to play.

superlurkage · 2021-06-21T00:42:28+00:00

Being nice to women in exchange for pussy is easy and transparent. Doormats get walked on

Yes, young women can be dumb, drawn to excitement, challenge, and conflict, and impulsive. Just like dudes, who famously do dumb things out of boredom, competition and restlessness, as well as for sexual display

UndeadRhodesian · 2021-06-20T20:19:49+00:00

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rosephase · 2021-06-20T20:08:33+00:00

SOME PEOPLE are attracted to toxic treatment. It's often steams from issues in childhood. It is how they expect people to treat them, or worse, how they feel loved. It's not particularly gendered. And it's more common in young people because some people manage to put in the work and set healthier expectations and boundaries given time and experience.

gimpgirl555 · 2021-06-20T19:02:49+00:00

They're just looking for attention.

Also many women find it exciting. But they're the ones who don't talk about it.

Dodechaedron · 2021-06-20T21:57:48+00:00

Attractive people are spoilt for choice and can become arrogant. In other words: they are not attractive because they are arrogant, they are arrogant because they are attractive, as simple as that.

DrugsNSlumnz · 2021-06-21T01:03:48+00:00

Parable of Mark and Lauren.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/theprivateman.wordpress.com/2013/06/17/the-parable-of-mark-and-lauren-by-laidnyc/amp/

mzzmirio · 2021-06-20T19:58:59+00:00

Because girls are taught from a young age that male validation is the end all be all. It’s why the overwhelming majority of women had pick-me phases in their youth, and some still do.

Women are human too, that learn from doing and grow from experiences. How can you expect teens/young women to automatically understand all the dynamics & nuances of dating, attraction, male behavior, etc?

Why is it that males are allowed to make mistakes & grow from experiences but women are disparaged for doing the same thing?

When I was 18 and fresh out of HS I dated a guy who, in retrospect, was an asshole but in subtle ways. I didn’t have the experience & maturity at that time to recognize this or the redflags, he was nice to me and I craved his validation so much. Most young women have low self esteems, even the gorgeous & hot ones thanks to social conditioning and feeling like our entire human worth is based on how attractive males find us.

It took time and experience for me to grow out of this mindset. Males do not define my worth. I can easily identify toxic behaviors & bad traits. I navigate males & male behavior with ease. I now understand the rules, nuances, and dynamics. As typical with all humans, women grow & learn from experience.

Some women are attracted to toxic masculine behaviors. Some men are attracted to toxic feminine behaviors. But I’d wager most can grow out of it if they want.

Barneysparky · 2021-06-20T19:41:41+00:00

Why are you looking at tweens tiktoks and thinking preteen girls know anything about what it is to be a woman?

When I was 11 or 12 (about '79) I can remember a neighbour and myself having a competition to see who could get the most catcalls walking down opposite sides of the street. Kids are idiots.

fakingandnotmakingit · 2021-06-20T22:22:34+00:00

Ah yes. The opinion of one woman on tik tok of all things is representative. Sure.

But here's a thing about "too nice"

I have met men who are "too nice" and it's honestly freaks me tf out.

Here's an example of what I mean. I knew a guy who sent me flowers like every week. He wanted to hang out 24/7. He liked everything I was into. I honestly don't think I felt like an actual person with him. Just a mythological "ideal" version of myself.

He's not necessarily doing anything "wrong" but as much as I liked flowers and stuff it felt like I was suffocated. I don't think I was dating a person. Just some zombie who did whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted and I felt very overwhelmed. So I turned him down.

When we say "too nice" what we mean is "don't be a door matt" and "treat me like an actual person and not a weird feminine ideal"

crookedsummer2019 · 2021-06-20T19:38:27+00:00

A tween. So, like, a 13 year old and this is who you think represents all women?

Jesus…. My WTF for today.

TakeThePinkPill · 2021-06-20T19:14:59+00:00

power is sexy. If he intimidates other men and protects you, you're safer
alot of young women confuse toxic men and toxic masculinity for real power. HVM are in low supply so really, high value is relative
easy way to pull machismo types and aspiring pick mes. Upvote content
ever fuck a boss? Tepid men will never compare. We can love them but this is the equivalent of tight virgin waifu who gobbles like an expert and never ages... no .. its better
Men are an acceptable proxy to our primitive side. We nurse them, they thrill us.
Pink pill: men are afforded the time to fuck up and get it right over time. Women are expected to understand the same planet as men, sooner. Or else they get disparaged like in spaces like this. How are u supposed to know he doesn't actually like u and is doing a thing? U don't. It's why I have no mercy for redpillers

Det_Steve_Sloan · 2021-06-20T19:52:27+00:00

Most women I know in real life do not date assholes. Red pill autist shit posits that the only men having sex or getting into relationships are six foot square jawed criminals.

Adadum · 2021-06-20T21:27:25+00:00

Easy, Low self esteem. They internally believe they're garbage and don't deserve decent treatment so they gravitates towards people who mistreat them. The problem with it is that it seriously leaves alot of open room for long-term abuse.

Then there's the tarded girls who tolerate shitty behavior because their guy is physically attractive, rich, etc., which in turn encourages the guy to act like a bigger piece of shit because they start to think being that way is what attracts the girl...

OR they were garbage to begin with but realize that, despite that, they can get girls and we live in a society where being a man is just about how many girls you can get.

06534956 · 2021-06-20T21:56:12+00:00

Why do people eat terrible food, even though we know it’s not good for us?

Why do people smoke when we all know it leads to cancer?

Addiction is a powerful thing, and the chemical cocktail that’s produced in abusive relationships is very addictive.

rft24 · 2021-06-20T22:26:00+00:00

i don’t know why being “too nice” is a thing. i mean maybe if the guy is a doormat, i could see it. other than that, i don’t understand. i have always found myself more attracted to men who are particularly kind to me, personally.

some people were raised with toxic love from their parents or seeing toxic relationship dynamics modeled for them, so this is what they associate true love with. it makes sense, then, that these people (or women, in this instance) would be attracted to toxic behavior they’re familiar with.

those people also tend to have toxic habits, as a result of their upbringing. it’s like people say, like attracts like. toxic people tend to like other toxic people. even people who are otherwise kind, but are always involved in shitty relationships. this is the dynamic they like, and there’s more likely than not a psychological explanation for it stemming from their childhood or first romantic experiences.

other people don’t like affectionate (“nice”) partners as a result of not being affectionate themselves.

i mean there are many reasons a person might feel a romantic interest is “too nice.” it’s usually the first one though.

rsoko2 · 2021-06-21T00:49:02+00:00

Often times, low value people are attracted to other low value people. Other times you will see good people with bad people because those bad people either hid their bad traits or disguised them as good traits. The important thing to note is that this behavioral pattern you witnessed does not apply to most women and the women who it does apply to are often not in the best mental or spiritual place.

If you’re truly worried that being “too nice” will make you appear soft or boring then just make sure you aren’t soft or boring. Work out, develop masculine or interesting hobbies.

It isn’t hard, but some men will look for anything as an excuse to treat women poorly, including seeking out women who like poor treatment then later complaining that their girlfriend is toxic/crazy. Like “yeah….no shit”. Don’t be one of those men.

realadvicenobs · 2021-06-21T01:54:42+00:00

women see assholes as men who:

fuck then ghost
only use them for a 2 am booty call
treat them like shit
abusive (physically or verbally)

majority of guys (the ones you call chads) who pull are nice dudes, but they hook up with these women and for many, want nothing more. The women get mad because they thought it could end up as a relationship so they call these guys assholes.

Then you have the dudes who verbally and physically abuse women, those aren't really a turn on to women, and they're also a minority

EGOtyst · 2021-06-21T05:17:51+00:00

You ever stick your dick in crazy? Sometimes it's hard not to. Many people crave excitement.

0seagirl · 2021-06-21T11:06:31+00:00

People who were raised by abusive parents can grow up to develop a powerful association between abuse and love, and as a result, be primarily attracted to people whose abusive behaviors mimic those of their parents.

It's extremely sad that women who were raised abusively get shamed for having "daddy issues", when all shaming should rightfully be directed toward the abusive father who caused the dysfunction in the first place.

nemma88 · 2021-06-21T12:54:18+00:00

Excitement vs boring.

Same reasons these guys talk about their crazy ex girlfriends, they all date each other for a dramatic mess.

I've never lost attraction for a genuinely nice man, though I'm not super high on the drama either. Which I debated even stating because it comes across as pickme or w/e, idgaf.

Gouda_Gouda_gumdrops · 2021-06-21T13:55:34+00:00

When you're used to high-strung emotional levels and/or abuse you then expect the world to always be that way. So you unconsciously seek out partners that fit this pattern. Nice, normal, emotionally mature people don't fight every other day and sometimes people's brains think that's a bad thing cause they are "boring". When in fact they're just modelling healthy interactions.

BlackPorcelainDoll · 2021-06-20T21:37:52+00:00

Nice guys have the worst deal and the worst pitch/offer in comparison to "toxic" men - but not because the toxic men have objectively "better quality content". Benevolent sexism without first reaffirming her agency like "toxic men" do on tendency is unattractive and indistinguishable from performative behavior, unwarranted 'protective behavior' without first established rapport with her or superficiality. Toxic men and blue-pilled 'good men' that are also successful with casual sex for different reasons, blue-pilled men successful with women constantly reaffirm her agency before performing benevolent sexist treatment unlike the genuine nice guy who is unsuccessful - to where her position in his space and offer/terms/motivations are "unclear" or inconsistent. Benevolent treatment is done before establishing her as an "equal" or affirming her as a human first with certain desires and preferences:

Benevolent sexism refers to attitudes about women that seem positive in tone (eg, women should be cherished) but nonetheless connote inferiority to men based on fragility, lack of competence, or need of help and protection (Glick & Fiske, 1996).

Toxic or "dangerous" men (in my experience) are less likely to practice benevolent sexism.

Women are acknowledged as 'equals' with agency - which also equates to acknowledging "she can be harmed, scammed, played, used..." just like he can and it is the woman as a woman to protect herself in this circumstance.

Successful genuine good men (blue-pillers) with a history of casual sex have mastered the skill of:

Performing benevolent sexism after reaffirming her agency to remove the connotations of inferiority, pedestalization, infantilizing her, or she is in some sense 'beneath' him innately instead of as her preference.

As per responses to this linked post, it's not necessarily an 'analytical, calculated' event, but an explanation of the psychological process and emotional responses that happen during communication exchange and potential mate interactions, all happen within a fraction of 30 seconds to 15 mins between meeting a man or 'being in his presence' to experience certain reactions and responses to his "pitch" which is either 1) seductive 2) communicative non-verbally or verbally or 3) "direct and clear". Similar things occur during "rejection" or "we are in the go" .

"Genuinely nice men" can improve with more direct pitches and better deals; not rewiring of their 'morality' or whatever.

Direct and concise communication (you're hot, you're fine, damn wanna take you out, etc...). Blunt or "firm" - leaves no room for uncertainty in his intent and motivation. "I want to fuck! Yes or no?" Dares her to say no - which insinuates he welcomes rejection and her decision (and will take it) if necessary, rather than genuine nice men leaving this ambiguous.
Poses the woman an "ultimatum" (look woman, either you like me or not, take it or leave it, come or go) - Strain on LPOR (last point of resistance) - reducing "think space" time or contemplation times. Forces decision-making on women in the immediate to evaluate physical/sexual attraction much faster.
Giving the woman agency - treated like an adult (to either FAIL or LOSS) by mistaking making - rather than "protected" from mistake or error under the genuine nice guy that white knights. Gives the perception that she is "his equal" to decide to fuck or take a loss; whether true or not.
Guy has firm boundaries, sets his wants/conditions upfront immediately and holds his ground without bending or compromise (ex; doing what she wants to do) - meaning the woman MUST decide whether she submits and respects to his boundaries, OR she will negotiate her terms of agreement to meet his deal so she may have her cake - which often seen as "only for Chad" but I feel this is misinterpreted and incorrect in so far as Chad's DO pose bad deals - (as exampled in OP) - or goes about her business and takes a loss.
Offering to take a woman on 20 dates that you just want to fuck makes no sense. Women sense this, thus go with the man that makes intent and motivations clear. Which is not to date or court, but to fuck - consistent and honest communication as to his only goal and exactly what he wants out of the woman.
The woman is better off making the bet on the man with clear, direct and honest terms than the 'genuinely nice man' that fails to communicate directly what he passively attempts to hint and infer.
Men that follow similar strategies: get married faster, commit faster, have sex faster, take more losses but often break-even or hit bigger jackpots with women.

PhaqThat · 2021-06-21T00:58:41+00:00

This is fake. quit letting toxic men gaslight you into thinking you have to be a prick to bang hot women.

Women are attracted to stable men. Be nice. Be stable. You'll win.

Trust me. Am a woman. can confirm.

Mrs_Drgree · 2021-06-20T19:22:25+00:00

Too nice is definitely boring. I'm something of a rebel myself, and I'd be utterly bored to death by someone who was so afraid to offend someone that they didn't tease or make off color jokes or say what they really felt.

flapperfemmefatale · 2021-06-20T20:46:10+00:00

Niceness and kindness are not the same thing. But more than that, niceness doesn't really tell you anything about a person.

IOportA · 2021-06-20T21:57:51+00:00

This is why throughout history, a woman's mate was chosen for her.

Not to oppress her, but to save her from her self.

Babykinnsxoxo · 2021-06-20T20:38:03+00:00

This is a hoax. The woman might have suffered abuse in childhood (god forbid tho) to be wanting something like that

cowfishAreReal · 2021-06-20T19:06:15+00:00

I can't answer to why other women do what they do. But I don't think being "too nice" is a thing. And I id never date or even be friends with someone that has toxic behavior

boomcheese44 · 2021-06-20T23:10:15+00:00

Being "too nice" is a female trait, is the bottom line. Its not manly or masculine to be "nice". That dosent mean women like being treated like shit though. Dont confuse hormonally unstable pre-teens that are triggered by toxic behaviour as an example of female psychology. Men don't like it when women act like men, why would women like men acting like women?

It seems to me, that showing interest and being genuinely nice to women only leads them to lose attraction and them wanting a friendship in the end. Especially the young ones.

This just means that they were not sexually attracted to you, most were probably trying to see if it would grow and determined that it wouldnt. They were giving you a chance.

PollyRiki · 2021-06-20T23:20:13+00:00

Everyone’s different, social media does glorify all these toxic and weird behaviors but it’s up to us to have good judgment. Plus let’s be honest they have no idea what they are talking bout, they are still young, their frontal lobe hasn’t even been fully developed yet. And these can also be applied on men, they always go after the girl that doesn’t like them...

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Mrs_Drgree · 2021-06-20T19:09:09+00:00

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TheDevilPutD · 2021-06-20T20:19:01+00:00

You seriously need to read No More Mr Nice Guy and the new book No More Mr Nice Guy, the Hero's Journey if you think that being a Nice Guy is some sort of a virtuous trait.

SaBahRub · 2021-06-20T20:30:10+00:00

If by “toxic” you mean “non-simping/covert contracts/low level perving”, I think the answer is self explanatory

curiousincurious · 2021-06-20T22:42:31+00:00

The problem you have here is that the women who post on here don’t have the amazing amount options you think they do and are actually much more likely to go for this “nice guy” than you realise. By nice you really mean overly shy and passive. Girls with a lot of options go for attractive guys who exhibit toxic behaviours but they are too busy having fun to be on Reddit.

honey-bundy-88 · 2021-06-20T23:42:08+00:00

What do you think “too nice” looks like? Because most women want men who are decent and upstanding. But it seems that men seem to conflate being bold, edgy and aloof with assholish tendencies. If a girl you like is attracted to true toxicity (i.e manipulation, lying, abuse, etc) then that bullet did you a favor by redirecting her path. Toxic traits attract toxic, wounded, insecure people in need of constant validation. For these people, it’s the thrill of getting somebody that everyone else “wants” coupled with a need to prove oneself that fuels this competition even if the prize is someone who doesn’t actually compliment you.

There’s no allure involved in having a partner that has already made themselves available to you. Someone coming off as disinterested makes you want to work harder to prove you’re worth their time. You think to yourself “they must be hiding something good” if they’re less forthcoming with their emotions. Its also prime fantasy fuel as your mind begins projecting desirable traits onto them that may not be there. Them being just beyond reach makes the fantasy about what it will be like when they finally get them seem that much more rewarding. Some women find it powerful to be able to flip a guy from unimpressed to obsessed, which means that guy whose eager and open may not feel like as much of a prize.

ExtraBurdensomeCount · 2021-06-21T00:21:32+00:00

I'll just leave this here: https://www.reddit.com/r/Drama/comments/o46nrf/hits_pipe/

superlurkage · 2021-06-21T00:34:19+00:00

Easy. Desperation, abusive background, low self esteem, mental illness, being young and dumb

Any of this surprising or unreasonable?

Ladyofblades · 2021-06-21T02:45:53+00:00

Childhood trauma and your “model of love” tends to shape how you perceive love should be obtained in your later years. If a woman is abused or neglected by her caregivers she will associate abuse and neglect with love

EviessVeralan · 2021-06-21T06:01:13+00:00

I can only speak for myself personally but theres a difference between a guy being nice and a guy being clingy and putting you on a pedestal.

InitialArgument1662 · 2021-06-21T07:21:27+00:00

I’m not attracted to “toxic behaviour”, and there’s no such thing as being “too nice”. There is, however, such thing as “being nice only as a means to an end”, and “nice is the only personality trait I have, so it’s how I describe myself” — the former is almost always transparent to women and the latter generally just describes a boring guy with no life or hobbies.

Authentic kindness is a rare trait. “Niceness” is the basic standard for interacting with other humans.

chubbybutt22 · 2021-06-21T13:54:07+00:00

Shitty people like shitty people. But I feel like there’s a balance between being an asshole and a doormat.

xxthegoldenonesxx · 2021-06-21T13:59:43+00:00

Because it's a sign of dominance which is attractive on men. The men who constantly compliments you or you know you can walk all over them tend to lose respect from women. They see the men as more submissive and not taking control. There's a reason the "bad boy" stereotype is so hot in movies and whatnot. It reflects real life

xxthegoldenonesxx · 2021-06-21T14:01:55+00:00

So then why are men so attracted to "crazy" women? It's the exact same thing. People in general are attracted to danger and excitement. The rollercoaster. Not sustainable but still.

YMaedchen · 2021-06-21T16:21:00+00:00

I'm not into toxic behaviour but I don't like it when he is nice to the point where he doesn't seem to be his own person anymore. Like ALWAYS agreeing with me. It's good to have things in common but you should still have your own thoughts and opinions.

RRBeachFG2 · 2021-06-21T16:46:20+00:00

Becuase they are attracted to things they dont' have; confidence, shows of strength, assertivness, remember they are just along for the ride and are bound and ruled by emotions.

chubbybutt22 · 2021-06-21T18:14:46+00:00

Being a doormat is bad. Being nice is good.

IcarusKiki · 2021-06-21T21:09:22+00:00

Because I don’t want beta pushover socially awkward genes to pass down to my sons. Why do men like big boobs over a good personality? And being too nice usually means he’s a boring pushover in woman-ese.

PM_ME_STRIPPERS · 2021-06-22T10:20:55+00:00

these are the wrong type of women to date, honestly they are pretty much in the trash category and i feel sorry for even the dumb chads that bother to date and/ or fuck them because they would be horrible to put up with

Cthescubasea · 2021-06-22T18:16:55+00:00

For myself I was usually scared of committing and the nice guys usually moved too fast. Toxic guys gave me the thrill of being pursued and having a guy notice me without having to worry about much. I knew that they wouldn’t be bothered if I was busy or didn’t have time to answer a text. Nice guys expected a ton of my time and the toxic men were usually fine with me not Snapping him back every second.

meltedjuice · 2021-06-28T09:17:21+00:00

Sometimes the ones who have the people skills to be fun and figure out what turns someone on both in bed and out are also the manipulative and toxic ones. Sometimes perfectly nice people lack that magnetism.
It takes humility and maturity to have those abilities and not take advantage of them. Some people will spend their whole lives being toxic just because they can.

I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s also an element of the man who is nice only to you (or seems to be) seeming like a better protector than someone who is nice to everyone. And maybe women think “I can turn the hard guy into a softie but I can’t turn the soft guy hard.”

houstongradengineer · 2021-06-20T19:38:45+00:00

You can't expect to be Chad. Not every woman is going to want you. I mean, unless you're a young Brad Pitt, but that isn't usually the case. My point being: some relationships don't work out and the chemistry isn't there. You can't win them all by being the good guy OR the bad guy.

Being too nice is a thing. It's called love bombing. I don't think any woman wants to be wanted because she is successful, well-groomed, and has a nice rack. That's a good start- maybe ask her out from there. However, do take your time to be sure you like who she is on the inside. Most women are expecting a man to not be shallow in long term relationships. Maintain your own social life/hobbies and don't start with grand gestures too early! Buying expensive gifts or spending every waking moment catering to her IS TOO NICE for someone you're just dating a couple of months. Source: my senior year of HS. But being too nice probably isn't what you're talking about, honestly. I think you're talking about everyday dates that don't work out. This early romantic failure happens to everyone. Even the bad boys. Source: my junior year of HS.

Those things are probably not what you're doing. You seem to be thinking in terms of healthy relationships, where you are not love bombing or pedastalizing. It sounds like you just weren't the right match for these girls. You got dates, so I'm guessing your looks and confidence aren't your barrier here. You seem to have potential. Is there something in your life that would offput women after a few dates or over a few months? Still hung up on an ex, live with a toxic roommate? Maybe a personality issue like lack of ambition, or fear of commitment when most women would think it is time? Because in those situations, you'll get the dates, but once issues become clear enough you'll get friendzoned. And sometimes women will be too nice or feel too awkward to bring issues up to your face. Your life isn't theirs to police, after all.

She even said, that this wasn't a joke and she has to work on this.

Toxic women or girls exist. You should vet against this as best as you can. You should also vet (as best you can) for women who match your personality and have chemistry with you. You don't find good relationship partners for you every day. It takes time and failures. It's okay sometimes to take a break from dating if you're tired of the rejections. Wait until someone comes along who actually seems like she's a really good fit. I only dated like 3 men up until my early 20's who even had the potential to be LTR's for me! Don't get too discouraged. You're not alone in the struggle.

midwestufohunter · 2021-06-20T20:02:10+00:00

Survival.

When most people are bigger than you, "fawning" is a response to fear, just like "fight" or "flight".

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/addiction-and-recovery/202008/understanding-fight-flight-freeze-and-the-fawn-response#:~:text=The%20fawn%20response%20involves%20immediately,authority%20figure%20is%20the%20abuser.

Because it's a survival response, most of us just think it's our personality and don't understand why conflict feels so scary.

collapsedcuttlefish · 2021-06-21T10:44:07+00:00

That person is being edge on purpose for views, they're playing a character and its getting attention.

The whole point of a 'nice guy' is that they're not actually nice, its a farce and everyone can see through it. They try to get women via implication invocation which is just another manipulative tactic and it only works on the kind but naive girls.

Most adult women prefer to have some kind of equal footing in the direction of the relationship, not being coerced by over bearing acts of 'kindness' that pressure them to make decisions they don't want.

Being genuine is a lot more important than being 'nice'.

There is nothing wrong with niceness per se but more so the fact that if you try to cover up your entitlement with 'niceness' its very obvious to the people around you.

Title	Women, why is being "too nice" a thing, and why are a lot of you attracted to toxic behaviour?
Author	01011001011000010110
Upvotes	95
Comments	312
Date	June 20, 2021 7:00 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/o4cgjd/women_why_is_being_too_nice_a_thing_and_why_are_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/women-why-is-being-too-nice-a-thing-and-why-are-a.785133 https://theredarchive.com/post/785133