Would you prefer the old fashioned/victorian dating market, where porn doesn't exist and everyone is a virgin until marriage?

SmurfESmurferson · 2021-01-09T15:26:46+00:00

Porn existed then - there are coffee table books of porn photos of the time, featuring prostitutes

Speaking of prostitutes, it was way more common and acceptable for men to see them. And much easier for men to find them - there were published books rating hookers and brothels in any given city

Child hookers were much more common. And not illegal

The only sexuality really constrained at the time was that of ‘ladies.’ The underclass women still got it on, had kids out of wedlock, etc

Atlas__B__Shruggin · 2021-01-09T15:28:24+00:00

men were never expected to be "virgins", they had mistresses and used prostitutes. none of you know what you're talking about

NarniaFox · 2021-01-09T15:19:22+00:00

You overromanticize dating of Victorian times. Prostitutes and cheating always existed and men were seeing other women naked and having sex outside of their marriages. Plus, I'd expect sex to be pretty dull for women back then. If you are taught that sex is dirty and exists just for the sake of getting pregnant, there are really slim chances that you'll get any sexual satisfaction as a woman. Men will get their fair anyway though.

I think most people who have enjoyed at least some part of modern dating and society in general wouldn't like having to date as it was accepted in Victorian era. No sex before marriage (presumably), no cohabitating, no divorce, no proper contraception. And what about LGBTQ+ couples?

I prefer to be able to have sex when I want and not when society thinks is an acceptable time for conceiving a child and with a person who I am mutually attracted to and not just with the best spouse/provider out there even if he's in his 50s and I'm in my 20s. I also prefer people to have a variant of getting divorce or just leaving their partner, if things don't work for them, and not to be afraid of being shamed and judged for it. Or to stay single or have a child on their own if they want to.

So no, I don't prefer dating of Victorian era.

mydikishomofobik · 2021-01-09T16:37:18+00:00

Victorian England was conservative on the surface, but it had porn, sex out of wedlock, single mothers, and lots of prostitution.

"Indecent" material was illegal, but there was an underground industry of people publishing and selling erotic literature or images.

Prostitution was probably a lot more common in Britain back then than it is now.

Poor young women often got pregnant out of wedlock. The virginity-til-marriage thing was mainly enforced for middle and upper-class girls whose families could afford to keep them locked down at home or constantly chaperoned. Poor girls had to go out and work, so they had more chances to either have sex voluntarily before marriage or to get molested/raped.

The middle/upper-class men who couldn't have sex before marriage with girls in their own class went after their lower-class housemaids or poor prostitutes. Married middle/upper-class men also went after their maids and/or prostitutes.

Some married upper-class men were homosexuals who went after other men or boys on the down low. One example was the novelist and playwright Oscar Wilde. Wilde was married to a woman and had kids. But he got into a public dispute with an aristocrat who thought Wilde was having sex with his son. Wilde sued the aristocrat for libel for saying Wilde was a sodomite. But in the court case, the aristocrat brought out evidence that Wilde really was a homosexual (which was illegal at the time). Then Wilde was put on trial and locked in prison.

Mimoxs · 2021-01-09T15:16:21+00:00

In Victorian times I imagine that wives felt much more admired and sexually confident knowing that their husband had only ever seen 1 naked woman in their entire life.

Haha. Yes I'm sure they felt more admired when prostitution was widespread and the average married man was openly fucking them and expected the wife to go along with it, and there were zero social consequences for him doing so.

nemporisso · 2021-01-09T15:30:49+00:00

Victorian women as sexually confident is certainly one of the more interesting bad takes to read here.

I wouldn't, because those marriages had very little emphasis on social compatibility (women's sexual pleasure was also a non-factor at best.)

Try to be less jealous - you and your boyfriend could both choose other people, but you've chosen each other.

Mrs_Drgree · 2021-01-09T15:40:36+00:00

No thank you.

youbigsausage · 2021-01-09T15:57:45+00:00

If you watch porn 2/3 times a week (which is a hell of a lot of porn to me), you've seen hundreds of men who are more attractive and sexually exciting that your boyfriend. Right?

_mwk · 2021-01-09T15:12:44+00:00

what weird history is this. cheating and cucking also happened in victorian times.

idk i dont really care that porn exists and that men watch porn. i don't really want to live in victorian times tbh. i don't like the amount of parental power and involvement I'd have to go through.

DynamicCrab · 2021-01-09T15:53:54+00:00

Yep. Imagine the strength of sexual arousal you'd feel looking at your partner's boobs, when that's the ONLY place you get to see boobs! It's literally nowhere else!

reluctantly_red · 2021-01-09T16:28:34+00:00

Like that market ever existed.

superlurkage · 2021-01-09T17:18:50+00:00

Oh, yes, please take us back to the days of arranged marriages, rampant stds with no treatment, shitting in a pot, no anesthesia, no bathing, and the demonization of female pleasure/sex without procreation!

OG_walrus · 2021-01-09T17:27:37+00:00

Yeah I would want to go back to a time were women were modest and chaste, when they were respected not for how big their asses was but how value they had as a wife in a marriage.

PM_ME_SPICY_DECKS · 2021-01-09T18:26:31+00:00

[deleted]

iloveyoubutyou · 2021-01-09T18:57:43+00:00

If men are that desperate to have sexually-repressed virgin women, they could just join the church.

They'll soon find there is much more to life than getting laid.

PickleLine · 2021-01-09T18:48:36+00:00

Women could easily found guys who didn't sleep around a lot. OP went out of her way to pick the guy who has a sexual history that makes her insecure from the top 5%.

But as a man, yes I think marrying young and having dating rituals/arranged marriages would save men and women 1000s hours wasted on dating and thinking about dating with better results (more and happier marriages) than what we have right now.

JohnDoe9564 · 2021-01-09T15:34:04+00:00

No, I like the current arrangement of hookup culture. Casual sex is great

thetruthishere_ · 2021-01-09T16:20:24+00:00

Sex toys and porn have been around since then... Prostitution was also very much alive.

wtknight · 2021-01-09T17:03:32+00:00

I could live without porn and casual sex, but there's always going to be some market for looking at women, whether they're wearing bikinis, short dresses with stockings, or whatever. Men are just visual creatures that want to look at a variety of women.

Alberic2092 · 2021-01-09T17:37:40+00:00

Any system where women know their place and men aren't expected to finance their lifestyle in exchange for nothing is better than this.

New-Idea-7061 · 2021-01-09T18:47:17+00:00

What about the fact that in Victorian times you would had to be in a arrange marriage? I think people romanticise a lot about the ''good old days''. However I do agree with your remarks about porn though. If there is one thing we as a society fucked is the invention of internet porn.

spacechicken1990 · 2021-01-09T19:00:50+00:00

I don’t mind men watching pornos, I’m pretty secure in my bad looks.

I don’t care if he’s seen a million pairs of tits as long as he still gets a Stify for mine.

Only insecure ppl want to control their partners porn habits/ n count. No shaming it’s ok to be insecure.

abaxeron · 2021-01-09T19:16:17+00:00

Putting aside historical accuracy of your interpretation,

Yes.

Nothing drove me towards dating more than peer pressure. If it didn't exist, I'd have all that wasted time to myself and better goals.

Barneysparky · 2021-01-09T15:12:28+00:00

I think society is much better off when family and community are connected to people's choices, so my answer would be yes.

Dating should be about getting to know each other as people and finding out if you are compatible for a long-term relationship.

Hoopy223 · 2021-01-09T15:18:26+00:00

I don’t know if that was exactly how things were but there is a part of me that would gladly “flip the switch” to change Society into something else.

SonicBackScratcher · 2021-01-09T15:53:06+00:00

Fun fact, all Victorian beaches were nude beaches.

Victorians were obsessed with sex and how its bad to have it, but that doesn't mean they weren't.

NinjaOfTheSouth · 2021-01-09T15:07:55+00:00

Yes I believe this would be beneficial for everyone, no children outisde marriage, worrying about infidelity and stuff. Tbh this just hurts fuck bois and hoes. I would gladly wait for sex till marriage if it meant we could have our morals and respect back.

John_Oakman · 2021-01-09T15:51:53+00:00

The only good thing about the good old days was that the horrific suffering of those who were not able to meet those unrealistic & hypnotical expectations were brutally casted out and thus were out of sight & out of mind.

... and that says more about the innate fucked up nature of traditional societies than anything else.

hentai-police · 2021-01-09T18:09:05+00:00

Weren’t women seen as property that you would just sell off to some guy. Doesn’t matter if you don’t like him, he owns you now. So no, I would not prefer Victorian dating

Matt_Door · 2021-01-09T18:12:34+00:00

I used to have a collection of very explicit short stories written during the Victorian period, in England. They were into anything you can think of. Do you think sex was invented in the 1970’s?

Low-Floor-9351 · 2021-01-09T19:08:00+00:00

When you’re an old granny,you only remember the wonderful memories such as that you experience in childhood when your mind was pure and innocent. I doubt you will look back fondly of the memories in your 20s if they are not any near as magical in comparison to the happiness of childhood.

“I don’t want to be horny, I want to be happy”

SaBahRub · 2021-01-09T19:46:36+00:00

Do you think Victorian men knew or cared how to fuck their wives? Yay, five minutes of fully clothed chafing; how sensual!

SlutsHaveDaddyIssues · 2021-01-09T20:10:04+00:00

The potential for spiritual connectivity is dependent on bodily purity which is determined by virginity or long term abstinence from sexual interaction. This is what is important. Being witness to the nude bodies of unknown others is insignificant and not a real hindrance to development of a loving bond. Love is not afforded to strangers no matter their perceived beauty. Nonsexual intimate relationships are a greater hindrance to achieving success in partnership commitment. Without marriage, there is no possibility to experience the optimal relationship status. Extramarital relationships are "air castles".

daproest1 · 2021-01-09T20:15:45+00:00

Just read the title. Answer: yes.

CollieJoe · 2021-01-09T20:19:00+00:00

I actually appreciate porn, even if it does give a skewed view of women's bodies. A benefit to the current dating norms is hopefully, by the time my boyfriend has gotten to me, he knows what he's doing and is ok with whatever my body looks like. I'm not sure what porn "normal" people watch but that's where I began to feel better about my body. That's where I found out that sexual bodies and proclivities run the gamut. If it wasn't for porn, I'd hate some of my more distinguishing characteristics. And I think most guys wouldn't know what to do with me, lol.

hightailed · 2021-01-09T20:32:53+00:00

I wish I could go back in time where women were more pressured to be virgins till marriage yes

Pastelitomaracucho · 2021-01-09T21:48:40+00:00

No.

I love the current dating dynamics. It gives men the upper hand as long as they are successful.

And I am successful. So why change things?

WilliamWyattD · 2021-01-09T23:49:28+00:00

It's a false choice. If I had to choose, society would be healthier with Victorian values than the current lack of values and obsession about sex that we have now. But there is clearly a middle ground. We can learn a lot from the past, but they made some mistakes too. Most importantly, the old religions that underpinned their values don't work anymore. We simply cannot believe in supernatural phenomenon without evidence.

So a lot needs updating. But I believe we could definitely find much healthier roles for sex in our lives than we have now without becoming repressive prudes. As someone older who has done wild things in the past, it really isn't that exciting to remember them all when you get older. You basically don't care. What is done is done. Best to craft a society that encourages the healthiest role for sexuality at all phases of our lives.

Shirley_Schmidthoe · 2021-01-10T02:54:48+00:00

No, because I like porn, I like sex before marriage, and I dislike marriage.

I could easily live without porn

So could I; I could also easily live without carrots but they're tasty and it's nice that they exist.

PAThrowaway59 · 2021-01-10T04:28:29+00:00

Yes. Unfortunately we can't go back so it's pointless to think about though.

luckecage · 2021-01-10T09:32:29+00:00

That Sounds like a horrible place

Dogecoin_trader · 2021-01-10T11:22:19+00:00

I just miss the times where it was normal and common to meet someone in your 20s, fall in love and stay married until death.

Bandit174 · 2021-01-09T15:18:59+00:00

I get quite jealous of the fact that my BF has seen 100's of women that are more attractive and sexually exciting than I'll ever be.

Well we're jealous that most of our gfs probably had more sexual partners than us and that most of her casual sex partners were more attractive and sexually exciting than us.

Actually having sex with hot people > masturbating to hot people

JohnDoe721 · 2021-01-09T15:22:56+00:00

Hell no. Women becoming easy has been only upside of feminism.

mensahi41 · 2021-01-09T17:04:50+00:00

[deleted]

Title	Would you prefer the old fashioned/victorian dating market, where porn doesn't exist and everyone is a virgin until marriage?
Author	ConsiderationOdd9724
Upvotes	43
Comments	152
Date	January 9, 2021 2:30 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/ktrv5m/would_you_prefer_the_old_fashionedvictorian/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/would-you-prefer-the-old-fashionedvictorian-dating.735244 https://theredarchive.com/post/735244