First post on this subreddit but I posted this on r/talesfromsecurity and someone recommended me to post it on here.

Working security at bars/clubs is always interesting.

My coworker called me over and told me the bartenders want this girl who’s like 5’ 115lbs kicked out because she was caught pouring herself a beer. This was our conversation.

Me: “Alright grab your stuff, you’re done for the night.”

Her: “No no no, I’m so sorry! Please kick out my friend he told me to do it.”

Me: “I don’t care if your friend told you to do it. You did it and you’re only sorry because you got caught.”

Her: “No I didn’t do it though! I tried but the bartenders stopped me while I was doing it!”

Me: “Let me get this straight. You did it but because you got caught doing it, you didn’t do it?”

Her: “No I didn’t do it though! My friend told me to do it and I did it but you guys are trying to kick me out.”

Me: Lifts beanie over my ears and sticks my ears out “Let me hear that again. Your friend told you to do it. You did it. You got caught but because you got caught that means you didn’t do it?”

Her: “No I didn’t do it though!”

Me: Starts looking around “I’m trying to find a fuck to give but I really can’t find one. Get your shit and get out.”

Her: “Please no I’ll give you 5 bucks!”

Me: “5$? Hahahaha, get the fuck out. Make it easy for yourself because I don’t want to escalate this.”

Her: “Fuck you. I can spit on your face and you can’t do shit because I’m a girl!”

Me: Acts shocked “Wait... you’re a girl? Fuck I thought I was talking to a guy the entire time but hey look! I still don’t give a fuck.”

After I said that she immediately left because everyone around us just started laughing their ass off.