Several men have come here suggesting that they've been screw-ups most of their lives. Some come to me with mental health problems, a history of abuse, serious anger issues, addictions to alcohol, drugs, or pornography, or any number of problems. RP claims to fix the man, but there are limits to what can be done apart from Christ. This series will cross those boundaries into the realm of secular impossibility.


(1) YOUR IMAGE: YOU'RE NOT PERFECT

Accept this as a fact. Even if you think you're an awesome guy and have nothing to learn from this series, dig deeper. Romans 3:23 says all have sinned and fall short of God's glory. Romans 6:23 says that the wages of that sin is death - a spiritual death. That isn't just eternal hell later on, but starts internally in our spirits today. Even apart from hell, Ephesians 2:1 makes clear that this "death" is something we experience in the present on earth. In Romans 7 Paul affirms his ongoing sinful nature and references himself as having a "body of death."

What is it that's killing you inside? Identify the issue. Start with something bite-sized and work your way up. If you've been molested as a kid, shelf that for now and work on "I get mad when my wife denies me sexually," and get to the bigger issues when you're ready to wrap your mind and spirit around it wholly. Smaller issues at first.

For this series I'm going to use three common issues all the way through to demonstrate the application of this process in varying contexts:

  • A struggles with loneliness/depression

  • B struggles with pornography addiction

  • C struggles with fear of rejection


(2) FIRST LENS: RE-FOCUS YOUR SELF-PERCEPTION

Most people's struggles are foggy and vague. Like a pair of glasses, you need to correct your vision to see your struggle for what it is.

Whatever negative in your life you're struggling with, re-frame it as a lost positive. Focusing on negatives is dangerous and leads to a vicious cycle if we don't see the good that they are rooted in. Specifically, we know that God is good (Matthew 19:16-17) and everything he creates is good (1 Timothy 4:4) and if there is anything good, it came from God (James 1:17). In the beginning was God and nothing else (Genesis 1:1; John 1:1). We were made in God's image (Genesis 1:27). Isaiah 59:2 says that sin is what separates us from God and walking in His image alongside Him. So, anything "bad" in your life is not of substance itself - it is defined by its being an inversion or absence of the goodness we were created in and from.

That said, let's apply this to our three examples. Bear in mind that there are many possible directions this can go, so I'm just going to pick one for each and run with it. Your "positive" might be different from what I describe here.

  • A: The negative of loneliness is rooted in the positive of fellowship - specifically in the sense of the true oneness koinonia bond I referenced in 103. Similarly, depression is the negative of joy as a positive. So, rather than saying "I'm lonely and depressed," A would do better to understand, "I don't experience fellowship or joy."

  • B: Pornography addiction could come from a multitude of places, and the feelings surrounding it are often their own beast that we won't tackle here. For now, let's just assume B does it because he likes the physical sensation and that's it. The negative of his behavior is rooted in the positive desire for physical pleasure.

  • C: The fear of rejection is rooted in the desire for acceptance.


(3) FIRST FOCAL POINT: OUR EFFORT

The focal point is the conclusion you reached in the last section, but the question then becomes: How do you satisfy this positive that you now understand you're lacking? Most often we reassess through a secular reflective mirror. We take a good look at ourselves, assess strategies for solving the problem, and then take action.

  • A: A can create a plan for meeting new people and seek joy through those relationships. He decides to join a local community softball team, gets more involved in his church, makes a point to call his friends more regularly, etc.

  • B: He puts up porn blockers on his computer, puts sticky notes all over his desk with verse reminders, gets an accountability partner, tries to re-initiate with his wife, etc.

  • C: He reads self-help books, practices reciting confidence-building phrases, works out to "become the prize," etc.

All of these things are good things. They're steps in the right direction. But if we look to them as THE answer, they will fail us. A's going to meet some people who laugh him out of the group. B's going to see a hot girl on the street and jack off afterward. C may actually act on the approach and experience the rejection he feared. All of them have made positive life changes, but have not yet addressed the core of the issue plaguing them.

Proverbs 14:12 says, "There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death." In other words: if we go with secular ideas for solving all our problems, somewhere along the line we're just going to keep returning to critical failures. Ephesians 2:8-9 makes it clear that we are saved by grace through faith, "this not of yourselves, not by works." Galatians 3:3 says, "Are you so foolish? After beginning by the Spirit are you now trying to be perfect by human effort?" Putting these two together, we understand that if salvation was by the Spirit and not our works, then solving the ongoing effects of sin in our life must also be by the Spirit and not by our works.

The result is that if left to our own devices, we will always reflect on our problems, create an action plan, follow through, see things get better for a time, then return to another critical failure, and repeat the cycle. It is endless. It is vicious.


In pat 2 we will address the answer to the problem, which is found in the Gospel and how something that happened 2,000 years ago still helps us today.