~ archived since 2018 ~

Being Christlike vs. Being Used

August 5, 2017

One of my best friends is single. He met a girl a year ago and found her attractive. Long story short, this girl has a rough past and the baggage that comes with it; carry on, checked, and shipped ahead.

He hid his interested initially and began to help her unpack her mess of a life. They texted back and forth constantly and spent copious time together. They shared plenty of intimate life details with one another and he felt a strong emotional connection to the girl.

After several months of this he finally expressed his interest overtly. She turned him down and said that she "just wasn't ready for a relationship yet" and pointed at all the baggage in the corner that hadn't been unpacked yet.

Frustrated but not deterred, he continued to help her unpack and sort out her mess. After all, once the bags were unpacked, she would be finally free to date him, right?

Despite several more months of unpacking her baggage with her, she never showed any overt interest in being more than unpacking buddies. He consulted his Christian bro friends (some married, some single) and they told him he needed to lay it out there and express his interest again.

I advised him that he was going to be rejected and that he should walk away. He insisted that he was going to talk with her about his feelings. I advised him that if she didn't jump on the opportunity to be with him to ghost her and move on.

He spoke with her and laid his heart out. Predictably, she turned him down again for the same reason as before.

He felt rejected, unwanted, and confused. He saw how smart she was, how different she was from the other girls, and how great they would be together. After all, he helped her unpack so much! Just think of all the unpacking they could do if they were a couple! Why didn't she feel similarly about him? He even said that I was right and would listen to me in the future.

Fast forward six months. He is still orbiting her. His attraction is obvious to anyone with eyes. Her lack of interest is just as plain. Nonetheless, he is setting himself up for another crash and burn.

He is being used as an emotional dildo. She gets someone to lean on, someone to cry to, someone to unload all her life-junk on and the validation and ego boost of having a beta-orbiter. My friend gets nothing but blue-balls. It's one sided. She gets the milk for free, so why would she buy the cow? She is going to come across a guy who she is actually attracted to and ditch my friend. She has left herself ample plausible deniability all along the way to make it an easy move.

"Him? Oh no, we were never a 'thing' just good friends!"

"Why does he keep thinking I am interested in him? I made it clear that I wasn't!"

He refuses to believe that she could be so manipulative. Sadly, by not acknowledging the rules of the game he is bound to lose it.

The mistakes made and being made are many. Too many to discuss right here, but if you are familiar with RP or game at all you should have cringed the whole way through this post.

So what's the point? The point is that this happens over and over again in the church because Christian men have intense messiah complexes. We want to be Jesus to the broken women in our life (especially the attractive ones). This is seemingly noble, but ends in heartache and being used. Outcome independence is everything.

TLDR: Don't be used as an emotional playtoy. Don't be a dog that returns to its own vomit.

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Post Information
Title Being Christlike vs. Being Used
Author OsmiumZulu
Upvotes 13
Comments 33
Date August 5, 2017 7:19 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit /r/RPChristians
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/RPChristians/being-christlike-vs-being-used.302183
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/RPChristians/comments/6rqi13/being_christlike_vs_being_used/
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