This comes up a lot, so let me finally address it somewhat officially. Nothing here is necessarily new from what I've said in comments of other threads, but I'll spell it out in more detail anyway.

DEFINING THE TERM

I always have to quote Rollo on this one because the secular guys like to take this concept further than it has to go. In Rational Male Year One > Plate Theory II > 2nd actual paragraph:

Spinning Plates doesn't necessarily mean you're f------ all of your plates. It's more of a spreading out of your efforts across a wider pool of subjects.

That's it. For anyone who wants to know my definition of spinning plates it's just that: Exerting effort toward a relationship with a woman = spinning a plate. Exerting effort toward multiple women = spinning plateS (plural).

THE BASICS

The whole point of secular RP's sexual strategy is to fix yourself so that you're high enough quality of a man to have either a sufficient number of plates or a sufficient quality of plates to keep you sexually satisfied.

Now, for every married guy out there, your wife is a plate, whether you like to think of her that way or not. She's a woman who's in a relationship with you and you're exerting effort toward that relationship. Even in a secular context, if she's nothing more than a sparring partner to you - that's still effort. You're still testing all your RPness on her to see how well you can spin that particular plate.

Secular RP says that if she is your only plate and you're not sexually satisfied (which is where most men are when finding MRP), you can do one of three things:

  • Fix Yourself: There's a good chance you're not a high enough quality of man to warrant the type of sexual satisfaction you're looking for. Fix this, fix your problem.

  • Up the Quality: If you've already got your "RPness" in top-notch order and she's just not a high quality plate, you can train her to be higher quality (they use the phrase: "create your slut").

  • Up the Quantity: Just give up and find someone else.

THE PURPOSE

In his first post on plate theory, Rollo appropriately starts off the whole series with this:

the essence of plate theory is that a man is as confident and valuable as his options. This is the essence of the abundance mindset - confidence is derived from options.

Spinning plates is a sexual strategy of its own right, but a man without an abundance mentality won't be able to keep those plates in the air. You can put in a lot of effort, but get no return. Spinning plates only works with an abundance mentality. Incidentally, spinning plates is also how you get an abundance mentality. That's where "fake it til you make it" comes in to resolve the Catch-22.

Once you have an abundance mentality, the need to spin plates decreases proportionately to your increase of abundance mentality. With this in mind, "Fix Yourself" includes developing an abundance mentality, and spinning plates is one method of doing this. With that abundance, the quantity of plates doesn't matter as much because you already know you are the quality of man who could keep them spinning if he wanted to.

EFFORT

There are different levels of effort required to spin different plates:

  • Some plates require no effort, spinning themselves. We call these orbiters. You get IOIs that are totally unprovoked.

  • Others require litte more than natural exposure to you. Simply saying "hi" with a smile is enough to get some IOIs back.

  • Others require intentional exposure. If you're both in the same conversation she wouldn't care much, but if you were to isolate her or otherwise escalate with her while in the group dynamic, she'd start giving IOIs, having seen your intentional displays of interest toward her.

  • Others require high effort. This is usually where your wife is. She takes for granted the fact that you're supposed to be interested in her, so getting IOIs back requires more than you'd need to pick up the girl at the bar - especially since she already knows all of your moves.

Now, this scale actually only makes sense under two conditions: (1) you're not the highest value man in her relational network, and (2) you accept practical realities of interpersonal relationships.

I say the second simply to note that no matter how high value you are, some women might stop thinking about you as soon as you're out of the room. I'm sure even Channing Tatum meets women who aren't still swooning over him 3 days after he said hi to her. Sometimes they just move on.

But the first point is more relevant in that the higher value you are, the lower effort you need. A girl who would require intentional exposure from you to garner her interest might naturally orbit Channing Tatum if he was in her relational network, even if he never went out of his way to say hi to her. Why? Because he's probably higher value than you are. As your value rises from the "fix yourself" category, the amount of effort you need to exert to spin a plate goes way down.

This is why many blue pill men exhaust themselves trying to make their marriages work, only to end up in divorce. They are low-value men, so they have to put in an incredible amount of effort and at some point they simply say, "It just isn't worth it." To be fair, most secular RP men come to the exact same conclusion: "If I have to put in actual effort to get my wife to screw me, it just isn't worth it," and they go onto the "up the quantity" category.

HOW TO SPIN

This section is more of a joke. Spinning = effort. It's that simple. How do I spin? Say hi to a girl and let her orbit me = low effort. Put my hand on her back and start to flirt and suggest another meetup = moderate effort. Isolate her and follow-up with her on subsequent days = higher effort. Buying her crap, frequent compliments, and a bunch of other beta stuff that rarely works = high effort.

Remember: showing that you need to put in a lot of effort to get her spinning for you is a real obvious display of who has the higher value in the relationship. Also remember that just because you can spin doesn't mean you should spin. Ergo ...

RESPONSIBILITY & BOUNDARIES

Do I sin when I say "hi" and smile to a random girl on the street who isn't my wife? Have I intentionally led her on? Have I done anything designed to cause her to lust for me? Of course not. There's nothing wrong with saying "hi" to someone with a smile, but if you're a high value man this is going to generate interest anyway. That interest means her head is spinning with thoughts about me. I can't control what she thinks about.

Girls Do It Too

Now, girls do this constantly. Even among church girls, we constantly see them interested in different boys, and they'll spend time with each of these boys to figure out who they might want to start dating or "courting." Nobody condemns these girls for spinning plates, but that's what they're doing - and the church even encourages this. That's the whole point of the "courtship" model - be friends with lots of people in group settings so you can get an idea of who you might be interested in and what you want to look for in a man. Sometimes they're spinning multiple man-plates because they're not sure which, or if any, of them will ultimately ask her out, so she keeps building new relationships and meeting new guys until one of them finally has the guts to take her to dinner.

Of course, women often get shamed in the church for causing men to think lustful thoughts. So, we get overly prude girls who are afraid of their sexuality. But many people in the modern church are finally starting to realize that this isn't what the Bible meant when it said not to cause a brother to stumble into sin. Women are now being appropriately empowered in the church: "What men think about you is not your responsibility ... (unless you're acting in a way uniquely designed to cause them to think that)."

Responsibility

The same goes for men and "Christian plate spinning." If you say hi and smile to a girl, most will simply be put in a good mood and that's about it. Although I have abundance, I'm also conscious of reality: I'm not Channing Tatum. Even if I was, it's not my fault if a smile makes her go home to gab with her friends about the cute guy at the gym and she starts planning her wedding day. That's not your responsibility how emotionally invested she gets ... with certain limitations.

Specifically, if you are a married man with no intention of having an affair with her, yet still wink at her while cupping your junk and flashing her your tattoo ... now you're responsible for generating whatever reaction she comes up with to that.

Guidelines

If you want to have a general guideline to know what's okay and not, here's my suggestion:

  • Don't put yourself in a position where you're tempted to sin. Suppose you made a funny comment to a girl on the street and she starts walking with you to continue the conversation. She gets to her house and invites you inside. If going in will cause you to sin, don't do it. It's that simple.

  • Don't put her in a position to want to tempt you to sin. Even if you have a high threshold for temptation, if you're engaging with her in a way that makes her want to test your boundaries, that's bad news and leading her on. You're trying to "awaken love before it so desires" with her, per Song of Songs.

  • Don't do anything likely to cause her to believe you would do something sinful with her. Simple enough.

  • Be up-front about your limitations. When I get IOIs, I often make passive comments that let her know where I'll cut off a relationship - things like referencing my wife in a positive way, mentioning my faith (evangelism purposes there too), etc. From there, if she wants to make false assumptions about where the relationship might go, it's not on my head.

Female Friends

If I follow these guidelines and never hear from her again, so be it. If she doesn't care and continues to engage with me anyway, suddenly I have a female friend.

I can hear it now: Oooooh ... there goes that Christian guy who is actually friends with a girl! Shame on him! Whoop-ti-do.

Can guys and girls ever truly be "just friends"? I don't care. That's a philosophical or psychological or biological question ... and I'm not a philosopher, psychologist, or biologist (though I pretend to be all 3 at times). As long as she's aware of where she stands with me, and I'm not doing anything to cause her to think she can go further, and I'm not doing anything to cause her to tempt me to go further ... let her do what she's going to do.

If being "just friends" is possible, then I've just made a friend and my life is presumably better for it (otherwise I wouldn't keep her as a friend). If it's not possible, then we have the illusion of friendship and she's technically a romantic plate - but as long as I'm not responsible for the degree of her romantic feelings for me (acknowledging that in this worldview those feelings will always be there no matter what - whether positive or negative), I can continue in the illusion without fault ... particularly if I can keep my romantic feelings toward her in check, which goes back to the point about not putting myself in the way of temptation.

FOR SINGLES

When you're single, some of this changes. The "sniper" approach of singling out a target who you really want to be with (i.e. ONEitis) is obviously a bad idea. It doesn't work. It also carries with it the false theological implication of "soul mates," which we only see in Scripture as the exception to the rule (like Hosea and Jacob), whereas the overwhelming majority of marriages in Scripture seem to have been formed by whatever social construct prevailed at any given time throughout history.

In modern social dynamics, plate spinning makes sense. It's how a lot of people operate. It's how most women themselves actually operate! Single girls are trying to get male attention all the time. They don't pick one target and say, "I will ignore every advance from every other man except him." They keep their options open. If you're a single guy, you need to do the same.

The concept of "spinning plates" as a single guy really isn't all that much different from the stereotypical "group courtship" model - you hang out in bunches and see who piques your interest.

Once you're in an LTR, I still call you "single" for these purposes - and I would encourage you to keep your options open until you actually marry, or are at least engaged. Sure, at some point if you do decide to go through with it, there is value in changing this dynamic. But until that vow is taken, don't leave room for regret. Don't be the guy who meets the girl of his dreams the day before his wedding, ignores her, then secretly thinks about her every time he's in a fight with his wife - "If only ..."

EXAMPLE

I once said "hi" to a hot girl at the gym and smiled at her. I asked to use the weights that were behind her and made a comment about how busy it was. She smiled back and obliged with a typical response. I move on to another area of the gym.

Now, I could have just squeezed behind her and grabbed the weights while avoiding any actual communication. I decided to be friendly instead. I put the plate up and give it a couple small taps, then left it alone.

A few minutes later, she comes over to the bench I was at and starts talking to me. That plate is now spinning a lot faster than what my slight tapping would have warranted. Next time I'm at the gym, she approaches me and chats again - and this continues several times, often with "wow"s and compliments at how much I lift, hair swishes, giggles, and other IOIs.

  • Is she into me? Probably.

  • Have I given her any reason at all to think I'd be into her? Not really - I was just a high value man around her who decided to be friendly rather than cold. I knew that this was "effort" at the time, but not unnatural effort for my character. I knew that it might generate interest, but not at an inappropriate level.

  • Have I taken appropriate measures to let her know how fast/long she can keep spinning in my world? Absolutely.

  • Does she keep coming back anyway? You bet.

  • Does that help me keep abundance? At first, but not anymore because I already have abundance even without her IOIs.

  • Am I responsible for her ongoing emotional connection to me? No. I maintain boundaries (ex. not letting her touch me, passive references to affirm that I'm not interested).

  • Is her interest in me affecting her relationships with other men? Doubtful.

SUMMARY

Spinning plates = effort toward a relationship with someone.

Some plates spin on their own. This is not you spinning that plate - it just spins and that's not your fault. But she is your plate nonetheless.

Even mild and innocuous forms of interaction are effort and can start a plate spinning, but that's okay. You can't be expected to avoid all contact with anyone who might possibly lust or obsess over you.

As your value goes up, the amount of effort you put in goes a lot further in starting/keeping a plate spinning. Be ready for that by knowing your limits and establishing clear boundaries for what you will/won't do.

The more effort you put into keeping a plate spinning (like your wife), the more you are communicating low value to that plate. She assumes she's worth the effort and that, implicitly, since you're putting in effort to get her, she has no reason to put in effort to keep you spinning as one of her plates.

If you're single, keep your options open until you actually create a covenant with someone, lest you regret what could have been.