Some people just can't figure out common sense. There's literally a group of people who lack this cognitive capacity ... then there are guys new to the red pill who forget they have this ability for a time. I'm skeptical that anyone will want to admit to identifying with this post, but there's a good chance others are seeing it in you - and in hind-sight, I wish I'd been self-aware enough a few years ago to know when I needed something like this, so let's see where it goes.

Google describes autism symptoms as "difficulty with communication, difficulty with social interactions, obsessive interests, and repetitive behaviors." Psychologists I have spoken with and examined as part of my career have noted that one expression of autism is when someone compartmentalizes a particular thought process away from all the others, or fails to recognize appropriate contexts or limits/boundaries for expressing that thought process through behavior. Another noted that what we perceive as common sense, they don't comprehend intuitively - they have to learn many such concepts the same way you would have to learn carpentry: study, observation, and practice.

Let's clean that up: autists have difficulty figuring out when to apply good advice and when not to.

EXAMPLES

Consider Sepean's 10 ways to fail at MRP post.

  • You don't lift hard enough. Some guy reads this, doesn't actually research lifting or follow a program, but just puts more weights on the bar, then gets himself injured.

  • You mistake your idea of a real man for being alpha. Guy has his own idea of "alpha" having a dominant frame, forgetting the importance of the quality of his frame, so he tries to dominate his wife in every conversation and it blows up in his face.

  • You listen to your wife. Sepean already foresaw this one and addressed the guy who idiotically ignores everything his wife says, even in casual conversation.

  • You're upset your wife is angry. Someone reads this and idiotically stops paying attention to legitimate emotional cues of other problems that don't involve you.

  • You think your wife is a puzzle you have to solve. After reading this, you trivialize every differing thought and emotional issue she expresses, making you incapable of distinguishing fitness tests from comfort tests.

  • You're angry at how women are. Guy reads this and decides that instead of being angry he'd embrace the nature of women, which idiotically came with an absence of caution when interacting with them, so he gets slapped with a DV charge, divorce, unexpected child support, etc.

  • You go rambo. Guy decides not to go Rambo, taking things slow, and 5 years later is wondering why he's still not seeing results.

  • You won't play dread. Guy decides to "dread" his wife by making hear jealous as often as possible.

  • You half-a it. Someone decides he's going to be "all-in" and starts going Rambo instead, or so drastically changes his routine all at once that nobody else in his house has the ability to adjust or follow his lead.

  • You don't switch into dominance and boundary enforcement. The guy reads this, ignores the "eventually" context and starts the process too early, resulting in massive Rambo-like explosions.

Let's add a few more common ones:

  • Guy is told to STFU. He literally stops talking to his wife and won't speak during conflict.

  • Guy is told to develop a strong frame. He becomes emotionally dead, extremely cold, and completely unlovable.

  • Guy is told to AA through fitness tests. Starts cracking AA jokes during comfort tests.

You get the idea.

OBJECTION 1

But Red, most of these posts explain what they mean so people wouldn't make stupid mistakes like this.

You'd think, right? Turns out: lots of guys ...

  1. Skim rather than read

  2. Read, but read so much at once that they can't remember half of what they read

  3. Remember what they read, but don't process it

  4. Process, but don't apply

  5. Apply, but only the things they think are relevant

This entire sub is filled with gold. Yeah, there's some crap too. I've written some of the crap myself - stuff I'd go back and change, if I cared enough. I get it. But that's kind of the point. Don't be autistic and do something just because some rando on the internet wrote a post. Look for the guys who have a track record for reliable content. Read through the comments and figure out which suggestions work and which don't. It's often said reddit-wide that the best of reddit isn't the posts, but the comments. That principle certainly holds true here too.

Actually read and process what you read, then test it against your own common sense and instincts.

OBJECTION 2

But, Red - if I've been blue pill for so long, should I really trust my own 'common sense' and instincts?

No, but I'm telling you to anyway. Know why? Because that's what's going to pace you. Yes, your "common sense" is going to push against all of this stuff. But if you didn't have that, you'd apply it all way too fast in all the wrong ways, as many do, and end up blowing up your life rather than fixing it.

Instead, you read a red pill nugget and your common sense says not to do it. Rather than picking one or the other, this tension causes you to test/practice applying the concepts at safe contexts at a gradual pace. As you see it working and you become competent, your common sense adjusts to recognize that you can keep applying the concept in other contexts as well. In time, your blue pill instincts that were buffering you from going Rambo are now encouraging you to expand.

In this, you'll figure out quickly what works for you and what doesn't. And when you see that you're improving, but plateauing in the results you wanted, common sense would send you back to some of those principles you previously discarded. Maybe you weren't ready for them then, but you are now. Pick them up again and get back at it.

OBJECTION 3

But if she's disgusted by me right now, wouldn't a sudden, drastic change be better to show her I'm not the same?

No. I've heard guys say this. You don't change overnight just because you read an internet post. YOU have not changed. At best, your perspective has changed. Besides, questions like this still focus too much on her. Stop worrying about how she perceives things and you be better because YOU want to be better. All I'm saying is that if you want to do that in a way that doesn't blow up your life/marriage, apply some common sense.

The levels of dread are a great reference point here. Notice how you don't even start studying PUA until level 6, and you don't actually practice it until level 7? So what are you doing hitting on your waitress in front of your wife when you haven't even passed your first fitness test yet? It's right there in bold letter: "Move up these levels one at a time, slowly, and carefully, taking approximately 1 month for each level." Slow down. Master the basics before going on.

I still find that revisiting the basics has more value to me than trying to practice "advanced" concepts. Do I learn anything new when I do? Nope. But I certainly remember some things I forgot. And it reminds me that being a high value man, while requiring lots of effort, is ultimately nowhere near as complicated as some men try to make it. Common sense. Don't be autistic.