38 married for 15 years, together 20, with two small children. 6' 1", 178 lb, 13% BF, unplugged since April of 2018, OYS on RPC for a year. Read the MRP sidebar and books as well as RPC sidebar.

On the finance side my wife and I are doing well. She's been the family bookkeeper forever. She's fiscally conservative but we seem to spend our excess on improvements and projects the last few years as opposed to regular savings. I’ve been a beta bucks provider in that respect and just green light to projects. We don't have a vision, a direction and that’s my fault. My aim in this area is to act as the CFO and have the long-look working along side her to get there.

After reading Total Money Makeover and wanted to extend OYS to finances I began getting into and overseeing our personal finances. I started by setting up Quicken and worked to determine our net worth which is very good for our age. I've set financial goals for us that align with the vision.

About two weeks ago, I laid a bunch of bullet points in front of her which included writing a check to pay off a small loan. I made a mistake here and didn't share the vision first - the why behind all this. She's been wary and testy of my intrusion into the personal finance arena. My actions culminated this morning into a massive comfort test.

She would like to make a home improvement that we can easily afford in cash. She's been talking about for over a week and I've been wary and haven't blessed the decision as I didn't know the total. The total came in last evening and I was pressed for the OK this morning. I said I wanted to think about it today and we'd go over it this evening.

Couple on top of this that I have been removing time and attention significantly for 3-4 weeks now.

Sex is on an IV drip at 1-2 times per month and is unenthusiastic starfish when it does happen. She's a darn good FO in a lot of ways. But, this is what brought me to MRP in the first place - and I know its my fault. I wasn’t attractive, high value or very much fun.

Her ...

"We don't talk about anything anymore".

"I feel like we're growing apart". With tears coming and her making a gesture of her two hands going apart.

"We don't sit and talk in the morning and we don't have coffee outside anymore."

"I don't know what's going on with anything."

Her emotions were a blend of tears and anger.

I think she feels resentment towards me for peaking into the finances. She used to work in industry and was great at what she did before coming home to be a SAHM. I’m realizing I’m not feeding her feels here of need for validation and affirmation. I actually did the opposite and withdrew.

Me: "I want to share the goals and vision I have for our finances with. I should have done that first and got us on the same page. I skipped right to the actions."

At another point: "I feel like we should connect on a lot of levels much more". Somehow, she needs to get the message that I'm not happy with our sex life. But I can't do this overtly.

We parted without much in the way of good byes. She basically stormed off when I offered comfort of a hug and I went about my day.

Two dynamics came together here. First my removal of time and attention and second my getting into the finances. The later brought resentment and hurt because I was accidentally covertly telling her that I didn't trust her and think she's fiscally irresponsible.

My plan is to add back in communication slowly. I pulled back to hard on T&A too fast. I know that now after reading various posts on MRP and I OYS on it. Time to adjust fire and continue on.

Second, I feel it’s time to share the vision and mission I have with her. Not just financially, but in other areas. Why I'm building my body and why I'm working to build men of God. Part of this discussion will be giving the green light on the project she wants but showing how it does fit into the plan.

Two other things I need to do better at is (1) encouraging/praising her and (2) be more fun, teasing and flirting. I've turned too stoic, too firm, too unemotional. Plain old no fun and all business.

I'm concerned if I go back to 100% time and attention it'll be a failure on my part. I feel like I somehow have to communicate the expectation for more sex in all of this.