~ archived since 2018 ~

FR: Dinner w/ an Alpha

January 11, 2020

Stats: 28yo, 143#, 5'7", ~14% BF. Wife 31yo, 1yo girl, 3yo boy

Bench 2x160#, Overhead Press 3x120#, Squat 4x210#, Deadlift 5x260#

A few weeks ago, a longtime friend invited my family to join his family for dinner. On a cold winter night, I loaded up my little family and drove up to their place.

Arnold*'s eldest daughter - only about 12yo - greeted us at the door. He and a handful of his eight children met us in the entryway. He gave orders for them to help my wife, my kids, and me with our coats, shoes, and the gear we had brought. As soon as we had unpacked ourselves from our winter garments, he gave us each a big burly hug. He exuded nothing but joy. As far as I could tell, it was his greatest pleasure that we would join his family for dinner that night.

We trundled around to the kitchen. He took charge of the conversation to ask about our family. Arnold has known both my wife and me from before we had kids (and before we were married). We joked about all the life-with-little-kids learning experiences we have had. On the other side of eight children, Arnold and his wife both laughed with us. They've been down that road many times.

As his wife prepared dinner, he took responsibility for all of the people. He wrangled and managed children as they needed managing, and he sat to further chat with my wife and me. A playful toddler ended up in my lap, so he spoke mostly with my wife about all the latest news with her family.

Soon we transitioned for dinner. Arnold gathered up all the children to the table while his wife set out dinner. He prayed a blessing over our meal before we settled down to eat. He made sure my wife and I had our places and all the necessary accessories for feeding our own little ones. He did not sit down until after everyone else was seated with food on their places.

While we ate, I observed how his wife related to him. She was comfortable. Very comfortable. They were always in some kind of physical contact - sitting close enough that their shoulder, legs, arms, or whatever were always in contact. There was nothing romantic about this kind of touch. It was just - uh - close. And it was clear that she was the one getting close, leaning into his presence, it felt like.

Arnold did not take one scoop of food for himself until after everyone else was well into their first helping. When bread rolls came out of the oven, he took the two burnt ones for himself and doled out the properly cooked ones onto everyone else's plate (despite his wife's protest, "You don't have to eat the hockey pucks!").

As many people in my life have noticed, Arnold's wife asked about how I've gotten in shape. We discussed how my generation's lifestyle by default doesn't produce strong men but how important it is for a man's fulfilling his role in a household to be strong, confident, etc.. Arnold roared to life in agreement. He's always been strong. He has a job that requires a moderate amount of heavy lifting, and at home, he's always working on the family vehicles and the house. Oftentimes when other men bring up fitness, they seem to speak from a place of competition, but Arnold's spoke more to celebrate how good strong, virtuous masculinity is in general. Our wives seemed to appreciate our little exchange.

We dispatched children to play and start a fire in the fireplace while we adults retired to the living room to chat. My wife and I sat on a couch next to each other (as I noticed how close my wife didn't sit to me). Arnold's wife sat in an armchair, and Arnold knelt on the floor next to her, helping my 1yo play with toys while also leaning onto his wife's armrest to chat with us.

His focus was 100% on us. He was entirely interested in everything we had to share. His wife also sharing and joking while still enjoying the pleasure of her husband's presence. I again had kids in and out of my lap, but it wasn't lost on me how vastly different Arnold's way of being a husband and father was from my own custom.

A short while later, we said goodnight. Again, Arnold dispatched his children to assist us. He gave us big, burly hugs, while he and his children all implored us to come back again soon. Indeed, we certainly will.

My Takeaways

From this experience, there were a few key lessons I walked away with.

Be like Jesus in service. Arnold served his family before he served himself. He did not do it to seek validation or praise but to joyfully execute his responsibilities in caring for his family and his guests.

Be like Jesus in lordship. Throughout the night, Arnold gave instructions to his children and to his wife, and his orders were followed without question. He did not need to "flex" his power to get his way. He was not in any way embarrassed to be in charge. He very comfortably guided everyone in what to do next.

Let everyone enjoy your presence, mirth, and joy. All evening long, Arnold was the happiest person in the home. Despite rowdy children, burnt bread, and interrupted conversations, he took pleasure throughout the entire evening. We as his guests got to share in - to participate in - that pleasure, filling us up with joy, too.

*not his real name

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Post Information
Title FR: Dinner w/ an Alpha
Author CarelessBowler5
Upvotes 59
Comments 8
Date January 11, 2020 8:37 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit /r/RPChristians
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/RPChristians/fr-dinner-w-an-alpha.356425
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/RPChristians/comments/encvgg/fr_dinner_w_an_alpha/
Red Pill terms in post

[–]Bruh-Nanaz11 points12 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

I think this guy is a great example of how to be a leader to your family and lead with confidence. Thanks for your post!

That being said, it's important to remember that we are all individuals with our own unique personalities and manifestations of said confidence and leadership ability. Yours will not necessarily look like this. A strong leader is not always the "Alpha Male" of the group. I know of men who are quiet and reserved, but lead with an air of total competence and I would follow them into battle in a heartbeat.

[–]CarelessBowler5[S] 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I think what your referring to is different levels of extraversion in personality.

Being alpha is not about being extraverted.

Maybe it's trite, but consider the wolf: https://www.artofmanliness.com/articles/how-to-really-be-alpha-like-the-wolf/

[–]AlanNoles4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

When I think of Alpha I think more of like a Silverback gorilla. When I think of a wolf I see a really big dog fighting the other big dogs to maintain dominance.

When I think of an adult Silverback gorilla I see the Alpha male just exerting his authority by default. He may be sitting there eating his banana and he hears one of his females whining. He walks over and its a young male intruding his domain. He does not even fight, he just gives the young male a look like "really bro, you better get going" and then the young male runs away.

I guess they are both Alphas in a way, it is just where it comes from. The wolf is constantly having to assert its dominance in the group fighting to maintain his spot. An adult male silverback gorilla is just Alpha by default and other gorilla's fall into his frame because of it. He has the capability to whoop some A$$, but he never has to because he is the Alpha and just his mere presence dominates the environment he is in.

[–]CarelessBowler5[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Did you read the article I linked to?

The alpha wolf in the wild is the patriarch, caring for and raising his own.

[–]AlanNoles2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes, I read it. I was mainly referring to the differences in their demeanor in displaying their "Alphaness"

I see wolves as just big dogs as I said. They run around pissing on the edge of their territories to mark it and "fight for it to maintain it" They are too flashy with it and they get into pissing matches over who is more Alpha.

Excuse my crappy Disney reference but on the other hand, Kerchak Tarzan's "ape dad" His mere presence was Alpha and everyone knew he was the BOSS. All he had to do was show up and everyone was crapping bricks and corrected their behavior. He never had to fight to maintain that... it was just known. Nobody challenged it in his "ape tribe"

The Gorilla just communicates Alphaness using different energies.

[–]fashfront16 points17 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Just want to point out how well-written this post is. Well done

[–]Highspeed3503 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you for writing this!

[–]NoFaithInThisSubMission-Minded2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

this FR is proof being like Jesus is the most Alpha and Omega you can be. God gave me a revelation ages ago that serving must come from abundance and strength, so you can give it away without fear of loss or being tired or empty.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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