How would you handle this situation if you were her husband?

He told me to be honest with him, and say how many guys i had been with. I gave him ballpark numbers but honestly i don’t even remember or know. When i did 4 years of college, it really didn’t help. I had a rough upbringing, parent’s always bickering and dad not giving me attention. And i try to explain to him that i’m not that old person anymore, who was insecure and looking for affection in the wrong places. It’s not my fault that i felt neglected and unwanted and that’s why i behaved that way.

Biggest red flag. Only one person called her out for that (ok a few more did after reading past the first several which is good). "Not my fault" is certainly not Christian. Take responsibility for your sin and show some humility and contrition.

He got upset, and he ignored me in the house for a week. When his attitude changed and we made up, he started demanding more from me in the bedroom. I told him that i don’t do that stuff, and this is a consecrated marriage. He asked me if i did that stuff with the other guys and i told him the truth that I did. But he’s different and i love him, and i don’t want to bring that stuff into our marriage. I just want to be respected.

If anything she should want to do more with her husband than with the other men.

But we all know it doesn't work like that because she "settled" (her words).

You may judge me and think that because of my past i’m not a good person, but honestly if i told him that stuff he would ‘ve looked me differently and probably wouldn’t ended it. He is going to be the father of our family someday and i look to him as being a great potential provider for us. But his mounting disdain for me is growing and we haven’t been intimate in 2 months. I told him he needs to calm down with his demands and pushiness before we do.

How can i convince him that i’m a different person and i’m not the old person i used to be? How can i get it through to him that it wasnt’ my fault i did those things, and that it was just a period of trying to fill a void in my life that’s now filled with him. He has an adoring wife, who is willing to support him in everything he does. I just don’t want to ruin what we got because he’s being unreasonably stubborn.

She should:

1. Apologize how her past negatively affected the marriage and her lying and her non-humility and non-contribution. Although partially it's the husband's fault for not probing deeper she did lie about just with some boyfriends when it was a lot more.
2. Show some actual humility and remorse and how it has negatively affected her husband.
3. Start doing more sexual stuff with her husband. Screw respect (which isn't something husbands are supposed to do for wives in marriage anyway).

How would you handle this situation if you were her husband?

This is actually the probable situation that would annul a marriage.

Technically, it's mostly the husband's fault for not asking more, but the wife did lie by saying just a few boyfriends when asked.

Covered this here:

https://www.reddit.com/r/RPChristians/comments/rwpenm/biblical_way_to_discuss_sex_needs_with_spouse/hrfum7z/

From my understanding of the Scriptures, that is the original context of why "except for fornication/porneia" is in Matthew 19 section on divorce.

https://deepstrength.wordpress.com/2018/11/24/divorce-part-7-final/

Matthew 19:9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away (apoluō) his wife, except it be for fornication (porneia), and shall marry another, commit adultery (moichaō): and whoso marrieth her which is put away (apoluō) doth committeth adultery (moichaō).

If Jesus meant you could divorce for adultery, he would have said:

Matthew 19:9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away (apoluō) his wife, except it be for adultery (moichaō), and shall marry another, commit adultery (moichaō): and whoso marrieth her which is put away (apoluō) doth committeth adultery (moichaō).

Why use fornication? Jesus obviously knows what adultery is. He uses it several times in the next sentence. That would be the husband having sex with a woman who is not his wife. Fornication only makes sense if it was before marriage. (Yes, I've heard the argument that porniea specifically includes all kinds of illegal sex like fornication, beastiality, and yes also including adultery... but it's NEVER once used in the context of adultery in the NT except supposedly in this verse).

Instead, fornication would not talk about Deut 24 and instead refer to Deuteronomy 22 (wife lies about being a virgin and the husband put her away even though they were ceremonially married and consummated it; if he's false he may never put her away as long as he lives) and Matthew 1 (Joseph was betrothed to Mary and righteously seeks to put her away quietly - and not divorce her since both official betrothal and marriage required a divorce). John 8:41 the Pharisees seem to accuse Jesus of being illegitimate ("we are not children of porneia") since it may have been common knowledge that Joseph wasn't Jesus' father.

Mark 10, Luke 16, Romans 7, and 1 Corinthians 7 don't have the clause either. I's likely that Jesus means marriage is permanent and the only thing that can effectively cancel a marriage is if it began on lies. Covenants in the Bible obviously require all parties be truthful and in agreement with them... and it would seem marriage in included. This is what our current contract law is based on as well. Lying basically nullifies contracts and is very frowned upon by judges.

Lots more evidence textually as well covered in the post.

Generally, though, even if she lied and you can get past it it's probably best to stay married though. But I can see if people want out if the other person built the marriage on lying. You can't build a marriage on Satan (father of lies). It wouldn't be a marriage.

Annulment, possible.

More or less if you're Catholic or Orthodox. Protestant does not have a way to handle it, but such a thing I wouldn't consider a marriage.

FWIW Piper also believes the betrothal interpretation and no divorce for any valid marriages.

He includes one or two extra pieces of evidence I don't on my long blog entry on it:

https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/divorce-and-remarriage-a-position-paper